It seemed as though the entire world had stopped, but not completely.
Xiang Xi could clearly see a phantom separating from Madam Lü’s body and swinging the shoulder pole in her hands toward her.
She had no time to think and instinctively dodged to the side.
Whoosh—
The next second, the world returned to normal.
The shoulder pole cut through the air with a whooshing sound, grazing Xiang Xi’s arm before crashing onto the ground with a bang.
Xiang Xi was stunned. What the hell was that?
What was that phantom just now?
After missing Xiang Xi yet again, Madam Lü became even more furious. Like a crazed old hen, she sprang up from the spot.
“You crazy hag, you actually dare to dodge?”
“If I don’t break your damn legs today, I’ll stop being a Lü!”
As she spoke, Madam Lü swung the shoulder pole horizontally again, its momentum fierce like a raging storm.
Xiang Xi stared intently at her movements, and then the world froze again.
This made her extremely happy.
It seemed that as long as she concentrated, she could easily enter this state.
So this old woman was fierce, huh?
She wanted to beat people, huh?
Then she’d let her suffer a little.
Following the movement path of Madam Lü’s phantom, Xiang Xi decisively dodged the shoulder pole and then stuck her foot in front of the leg Madam Lü was stepping forward with.
Madam Lü’s foot caught on it, and she fell flat on her face with a smack, her old face plunging directly into a puddle of mud and getting covered from head to toe.
Clap clap clap—
Second Fool Liu, sitting on top of the wall, happily applauded when he saw this.
“Hahaha… My mom ate stinky mud! My mom ate stinky mud! Hahaha…”
Dizzy from the fall and covered in mud, Madam Lü now had murder in her heart.
In Nan Zhu Village, Madam Lü relied on this shoulder pole to beat her way from the big cypress tree at the village entrance all the way to the Earth God Temple in the back mountain!
She was invincible and had never met an opponent!
Yet today, she had been unlucky enough to stumble in front of this little crazy woman and ruin her lifelong reputation in a puddle of mud.
Ahhh!
Little crazy woman, today I must beat you to death!
Madam Lü scrambled to her feet. Without even bothering to wipe the mud from her face, she unleashed her ultimate techniques on Xiang Xi—Wild Shoulder-Pole Strikes and Soul-Seizing Claws!
Seeing her disheveled hair, disordered clothes, face covered in stinking mud, and crazed eyes, Xiang Xi couldn’t even tell which one of them was actually the crazy person.
What was the best way to deal with a madwoman?
Madam Lü had already given her the answer long ago:
Beat her!
Beat her to death!
Crazy hag, huh?
Then this lady would show you primitive people what a real crazy hag looked like!
She grabbed Madam Lü by the hair and slammed her onto the ground. Her little fists, as heavy as sandbags, rained down on her face…
No, she couldn’t hit her face.
Mainly because it was too dirty.
Then she’d hit her stomach.
Bang bang bang—
Madam Lü’s belly was pounded like a drum with its skin torn apart. As Xiang Xi beat her, she cheerfully shouted, “Beat the drum! Beat the drum! A broken drum gets beaten by everyone!”
Madam Lü: “…”
“You… you all are dead or something…? Hurry… hurry and pull her away… Ah…”
Only then did the eldest son of the Liu family come back to his senses. He hurriedly ran over to pull Xiang Xi away.
Xiang Xi stepped on Madam Lü, planted her left hand on her waist, and picked up the shoulder pole with her right hand. Looking at the eldest son who had come to rescue his mother, she said, “Come over here! If you come over, I’ll beat her to death!”
The eldest son of the Liu family didn’t dare move.
This was a crazy woman!
Who the hell knew whether she’d really kill someone once she went completely berserk?
“Don’t do anything reckless. Listen to me and put down the shoulder pole,” the eldest son said. “I’ll have Mom boil eggs for lunch. Two of them. I’ll give them both to you!”
Xiang Xi: “…”
Did this bastard really think two eggs could buy her off?
Did he think she was a three-year-old child?
“Really?” Xiang Xi blinked.
“Really.” Seeing that his persuasion was working, the eldest son continued, “From now on, you can eat eggs every day!”
“Yay, yay!” Xiang Xi happily waved at him. “Then come here. Come a little closer!”
Seeing that she had stopped going crazy, the eldest son mustered his courage and took a few steps forward.
“Come here for what? Are you going to give me the shoulder pole?”
Give you the shoulder pole?
As if!
Xiang Xi spat straight in his face.
I’ll give you a slap instead!
“You think you can trick me? I’ll beat you to death!”
Xiang Xi raised the shoulder pole and swung it down. The eldest son was caught completely off guard, and his forehead nearly got flattened. Clutching his head, he turned around and ran.
Xiang Xi wasn’t about to let him off. She chased after him and beat him relentlessly. In an instant, the entire courtyard descended into chaos, with chickens flying and feathers scattering everywhere.
Every single one of these people deserved a beating!
In less than a year, they had bullied the original owner until she was barely even human anymore.
Especially this eldest son of the Liu family. Every day, he had lecherously stared at the original owner’s chest.
It was disgusting.
Now that she had taken over this body, she had to seek justice for the original owner!
“You little thief, where do you think you’re running? Yaahhh… Give me your life!”
The eldest son was beaten until his head was covered in lumps, tears and snot streaming down his face. In his panic, he ran headfirst into the outhouse.
Xiang Xi took the opportunity to kick him squarely in the butt.
With a loud splash, the eldest son of the Liu family plunged headfirst into the deep, pitch-black cesspit.
You piece of shit. Enjoy eating shit!
“Second brother, what are you standing there for?” The eldest daughter-in-law of the Liu family cried out in panic when she saw what happened. “Mom is about to be beaten to death! Aren’t you going to help?”
“Oh, help!” Second Brother Liu jumped down from the wall and asked stupidly, “How do I help?”
“Your wife is beating Mom and your eldest brother. So you beat her!”
“Okay, I’ll beat my wife!”
Although Second Brother Liu was stupid, he was built like a calf. The muscle on his arms was so thick that if you cut it off, three people probably couldn’t finish eating it in two meals.
Spurred on by his sister-in-law, he charged toward Xiang Xi with the foolish ferocity of a bull.
Xiang Xi frowned.
He really was an idiot. He was actually going to beat his own wife?
As the saying went, the stupid feared the reckless, the reckless feared the fearless.
To deal with someone like this, she still had to use Madam Lü’s method:
Beat him!
If one beating wasn’t enough, then give him another!
Bang!
Xiang Xi punched him right in his stupid face, and Second Brother Liu’s nose immediately started bleeding.
But just as she had expected, Second Brother Liu didn’t care about such a minor injury. He merely stumbled back two steps before charging at her again, blood pouring from his nose as he howled.
Xiang Xi didn’t hold back against this idiot either.
Black-Hearted Fist, Whirlwind Kick, Groin Kick…
Every technique she could think of came out one after another.
Second Brother Liu was like a sandbag made of cowhide. Apart from passively taking hits, all he could do was actively seek out more beatings.
After a short while, stars were flashing before his eyes, and he couldn’t even tell east from west.
He vigorously shook his head, locked onto Xiang Xi’s direction, and stubbornly charged toward her again.
“Second Fool!” Xiang Xi shouted fiercely. “If you dare come at me again, I’m not playing hide-and-seek with you anymore!”
Second Brother Liu finally stopped.
He looked at Xiang Xi, then turned around awkwardly to look at his sister-in-law, completely unsure of what to do.
“Second brother, hurry up and hit her!” Wu-shi continued fanning the flames. “If you don’t beat her to death, she’ll beat Mom to death, and then she’ll beat your eldest brother to death too!”
Second Brother Liu looked pained. He twisted his head back and forth, struggling intensely inside.
“My wife… she… she wouldn’t…”
Seeing that the idiot refused to move, Xiang Xi shouted, “Second Fool! Come here!”
“Second brother, don’t go!”
Second Fool Liu looked at the two women, his expression becoming even more tortured.
Should he go over or not?
For an idiot, this was such a difficult question!
“Listen to me!” Xiang Xi said. “If you don’t, you’ll get beaten!”
With that, she raised the shoulder pole and continued chasing after Second Brother Liu, beating him relentlessly.
This time, Second Brother Liu knew it hurt, and he didn’t dare fight back. He crouched on the ground with his head covered.
“Wife, don’t hit me! Don’t hit me! I’ll listen to you! I’ll listen to you!”
See?
For someone this stupid, two beatings really were necessary.
“Stand up!”
Second Brother Liu hesitated, not daring to move.
“Hurry up! I’ll count to three!”
Second Brother Liu sprang to his feet, though both hands were still protecting his head, afraid he’d get hit a few more times.
“Are you convinced?” Xiang Xi asked loudly.
“Convinced…”
“Louder!”
“Convinced!”
“Louder!”
Second Brother Liu used all his strength and shouted, “CONVINCED!!!”
“Very good.” Xiang Xi nodded. “Whose orders will you listen to from now on?”
“My wife’s!!!”
“Will you listen to your mother?”
“Yes!”
“Hmm?”
One look from Xiang Xi made Second Brother Liu tremble all over.
“No!!!”
Heh.
This idiot still had a little bit of cleverness in him.
“Will you listen to your eldest brother and sister-in-law?”
“No!!!”
“Will you listen to government officials?”
“No!!!”
“Will you listen to the emperor?”
“No!!!”
Xiang Xi nodded.
Not bad.
The boy could be taught. Even an idiot could be taught!
Who the hell said a hopeless person couldn’t be taught? She was going to train this idiot until he understood everything.
Looking at her pale-faced sister-in-law, Xiang Xi turned to Second Brother Liu and said, “Your sister-in-law’s clothes are pretty. Go take them off and bring them to me.”
“Okay!”
Second Brother Liu didn’t hesitate for even a moment. He turned around and charged straight toward Wu-shi.
Wu-shi let out a terrified scream, grabbed the two children, and fled into the house, slamming the door shut.
Bang bang bang—
Second Brother Liu was like a starving wild beast, ramming the door so hard it was about to collapse. Inside the room, Wu-shi was so frightened she nearly wet herself.
“Help! The idiot is going to kill someone!”
“Where the hell are you, Liu eldest brother?! Hurry and come out!”
“Help!”
Seeing that the rickety wooden door was truly about to fall apart, Xiang Xi finally called out to Second Fool Liu.
“Second Fool!”
“Yes!”
“From now on, whenever I call you, you have to loudly answer, ‘Present.’ When I tell you to do something, you answer, ‘Yes.’ When I tell you to come over, you must immediately come to me. Do you understand?”
“I… I understand!”
Xiang Xi said, “Let’s try it once. Second Fool!”
“Present!”
“Come here.”
“Yes!”
Second Brother Liu happily trotted over, but he didn’t know how far away he should stand.
“Wife, where should I stand?”
Where should you stand?
Xiang Xi raised her arm.
“Stand somewhere I can reach you with one slap.”
“Yes!”