Xiang Xi blinked and said, “I want to eat some.”
Zhang Laosan was overjoyed. “Then come with Uncle over there. Uncle will give you a few more pieces.”
“Okay, okay. Thank you, Uncle.”
“Come on, follow Uncle.”
Zhang Laosan walked ahead, turning his head every few steps. When he saw that Xiang Xi was really following obediently, his throat began to go dry.
Heavens were finally smiling on him! Zhang Laosan had actually stumbled upon such a huge bargain!
No, it wasn’t just for tonight.
Xiang Xi was crazy, after all. Being crazy meant being stupid, and being stupid meant she could be manipulated for a long time!
Most importantly, whenever he went to see Widow Li, he had to put up with her moods and give her quite a bit of money.
But this crazy woman?
A few pieces of osmanthus cake would be enough to win her over!
He had struck it rich!
He had hit the jackpot!
The more he thought about it, the drier his mouth became, and his head began to feel dizzy with excitement.
He led Xiang Xi into a pitch-black bamboo grove.
“Come inside quickly. The osmanthus cakes are in there.”
They had only walked a dozen or so steps when he could no longer wait. He suddenly turned around and lunged at her.
Xiang Xi sidestepped him.
“What are you doing?”
“Madam Xiang,” Zhang Laosan panted heavily, his eyes red with desire. “Be good. Uncle wants to play a fun game with you!”
“I know. You want to play eel-catching with me, right?”
“That’s right, that’s right!” Zhang Laosan’s eyes lit up. “Eel-catching! You can catch my big eel!”
Xiang Xi tilted her head and thought for a moment.
“But you have to take off your trousers before playing that game. Why haven’t you taken yours off?”
“Take them off! I’ll take them off right now!”
Zhang Laosan quickly stripped off his clothes and trousers until he was completely naked.
“Uncle’s taken everything off. Now it’s your turn.”
Xiang Xi gave him a cold smile.
Take off my clothes? In your dreams!
She kicked him hard between the legs, and Zhang Laosan let out a howl before doubling over like a shrimp.
“Madam Xiang, what are you—”
“What am I doing?”
Xiang Xi grinned viciously as she pulled out the eel-catching tongs.
“Didn’t you want to play eel-catching with me? Then stand still. I’m going to start catching!”
Seeing the serrated eel tongs in her hand, Zhang Laosan was so terrified that his soul nearly left his body.
If those things clamped down on him, wouldn’t they cut everything off at the root?
“Don’t come any closer!”
Zhang Laosan didn’t even have time to worry about the pain. He hurriedly reached for his trousers, but Xiang Xi obviously wasn’t going to give him the chance. She kicked his clothes and trousers aside.
“Catch the eels! Catch the eels!”
Seeing her start to go crazy, Zhang Laosan gritted his teeth and decided to fight back.
She was just a crazy woman. How could a grown man like him possibly be unable to subdue her?
So he crouched down and suddenly lunged forward, intending to pin Xiang Xi to the ground.
But this pitiful excuse for an attack wasn’t even worth taking seriously in Xiang Xi’s eyes.
She had already placed the torch in front of herself.
Zhang Laosan crashed straight into it—and Xiang Xi deliberately aimed it at his groin.
Sizzle—
The sound was like cold water being poured into a red-hot iron pan, and a foul smell of burning flesh immediately filled the air.
“AH—!”
The intense pain made Zhang Laosan scream loudly, cold sweat pouring down his entire body.
But what made him truly despair was that Xiang Xi raised the tongs in her hand again.
“Catch the eels! Catch the eels!”
Clack! Clack!
Zhang Laosan was so terrified that he felt as though his soul had left his body.
Crazy woman, do you have any sense of reason? Any sense of reason at all?
It’s already burned! And you still want to clamp it?!
“Hehehe… Don’t move! I’m going to catch the eel!”
“AH—!”
Zhang Laosan was practically going insane. He turned around and ran out of the bamboo grove.
Xiang Xi chased after him with the tongs raised, shouting as she ran.
“Weren’t you the one who said you wanted to play eel-catching? Why are you running?”
Zhang Laosan wanted to die.
Even if someone had cracked his head open, he still couldn’t understand how tonight’s supposed good fortune had suddenly turned into this.
It hurt so much!
It was pitch-black outside, and he stumbled and crawled along the ground, not even knowing how many times he had fallen into the rice paddies.
But that crazy woman was like a vengeful ghost. She had already chased him through half the village and still refused to let him go.
Of course, Xiang Xi couldn’t let him off.
It wasn’t that she couldn’t catch him. She was deliberately running slowly, even intentionally blocking his path so he couldn’t escape the village.
When they passed the rice paddy where Liu Ersha was resting earlier, Xiang Xi called out to him.
“Ersha, go get the brass basin! Uncle Zhang is going to catch eels with us!”
“Yes!”
Liu Ersha immediately sprinted home, grabbed his brass basin, and began banging on it.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
“Uncle Zhang is going to catch eels!”
“Uncle Zhang is running around naked!”
“Uncle Zhang is being chased by my wife!”
…
The villagers who had already fallen asleep were quickly awakened by the noise.
They all complained that Liu Ersha was making a racket in the middle of the night and ruining everyone’s sleep.
But after listening carefully, something seemed very wrong.
Uncle Zhang was catching eels?
And he was catching eels while completely naked?
And he was being chased by Liu Ersha’s wife?
Get up!
Something huge was definitely happening!
Everyone immediately jumped out of bed, grabbed torches, and rushed outside.
Then they saw a completely naked Zhang Laosan running for his life along the village paths while Xiang Xi chased after him.
Ohhhhhh~~~!
This was absolutely the biggest spectacle of the century!
Even the old village chief came trembling out of his house.
He hadn’t been feeling well lately, all because Xiang Xi had stressed him out so much.
The moment he saw that these two had created yet another huge commotion, he nearly stopped breathing.
“Zhang Laosan! Madam Xiang! What are you doing?!”
When Zhang Laosan saw that everyone in the village had come out, it was like seeing a lifeline.
He didn’t care about his dignity anymore and ran desperately toward the crowd.
“Village Chief, save me!”
“This crazy woman burned me with fire!”
“She even wants to hit me…”
Before Zhang Laosan could reach the crowd, Xiang Xi caught up with him in a few quick steps.
She kicked him hard, sending him sprawling face-first into the dirt.
Then she sat on top of him and pressed the tongs against his eyeball.
When Hu-shi saw this, she panicked.
Without even bothering to wonder why her husband had returned or why he wasn’t wearing any clothes, she immediately screamed at the top of her lungs.
“Crazy woman! Let go of him!”
Xiang Xi looked up and smiled.
“Come over here! Come closer, and I’ll crush his eyes!”
Hu-shi immediately froze.
She knew better than anyone that this crazy woman really would do it.
The others naturally didn’t dare move either.
This was such a spectacular scene—the kind of entertainment that only happened once in a hundred years!
At this point, the old village chief naturally had an unavoidable responsibility to step forward.
Trembling, he said, “Madam Xiang, let him go first, then we’ll talk!”
“I won’t!”
“Y-You… why won’t you let him go?”
“He lied to me!”
“How did he lie to you?”
“He was the one who said he wanted to play eel-catching with me!” Xiang Xi shouted. “But then he took off all his trousers and refused to play anymore! Isn’t that lying to me?”
The villagers:
Ohhhhhhhh~~~!!!
Anyone with half a brain understood immediately.
Zhang Laosan had probably returned in the middle of the night, seen Madam Xiang catching eels, and developed some filthy thoughts about her.
He must have wanted to take advantage of her!
The old village chief understood as well.
He knew exactly what kind of man Zhang Laosan was.
But following the principle of turning big matters into small ones and small matters into nothing, he still tried to persuade her.
“Madam Xiang, let him go first. I’ll have him catch some eels for you.”
“No! I want to catch them now!”
“Then… then you should go to the rice paddy to catch them…”
“But there’s one right here! I want to catch it now!”
As she spoke, Xiang Xi grabbed Zhang Laosan and flipped him over.
Then, right before the eyes of the entire village, she decisively brought the bamboo tongs down.
“Hehehe, I’ll let you experience what it’s like to be caught by the Heir-Cutting Tongs!”
Crunch—
These tongs had serrated edges!
With one clamp, nothing could survive intact.
“AAAH—!”