“What did you say? You’re going to the countryside?” Cheng Suya looked at her niece in shock, as if she had misheard.
“Yes.” On Cheng Ning’s pale face, there was no ripple of emotion. She answered softly, then turned her gaze to the perpetual calendar standing on the table.
January 31, 1975. The ninth day of the lunar new year. The Spring Festival had just passed, yet it had already been nearly half a year since Han Dongyuan had gone to the countryside in her place. She had missed the time when he substituted for her. But it didn’t matter. There were still six months before the accident, when he would lose his life rescuing flood victims in the village.
She turned back to her aunt, her voice calm yet resolute: “Yes, Auntie. I’ve thought a lot these past two months. According to policy, I should have been the one sent down. Third Brother gave me his job and went in my place. That allowed me to stay in the city, but it left you indebted to their family. I don’t want…”
“You don’t need to worry about that,” Cheng Suya interrupted, frowning. “This matter isn’t as simple as you think. Even if you weren’t living with the Han family, I would have found a way to keep you in the city. Besides, he’s already gone down. If you go now, it will only ease your conscience while making you suffer. What’s the point?”
Her eldest brother had died a martyr before her niece was even born. Her sister-in-law remarried in the South after two years of widowhood, and later her mother passed away. With no other family left, Cheng Suya had raised her niece single-handedly. When she married into the Han family, she brought the child with her. She worked in the factory’s office while her husband, Han Qishan, was the factory director.
At this time, every household with children was expected to send at least one child to the countryside. As director, her husband was supposed to set an example. But he had no children with her, and the three children from his previous marriage were already employed; none of them was sent down. So when Cheng Ning graduated from high school, even though she wasn’t his biological daughter, having grown up in the Han household, she was forced to go.
But Cheng Ning was far too striking. She had inherited her mother’s beauty—wherever she stood, she drew eyes, the kind of face that made people look again and again. For ordinary girls, life in the countryside was already hard. For someone with her looks, it would be even more dangerous.
Cheng Suya could never feel at ease letting her go alone. So when Han Dongyuan stepped forward, offering his job to Cheng Ning and volunteering to go in her place, Cheng Suya had breathed a great sigh of relief. Of course, her husband’s other children had always been cold toward her and her niece. It was unlikely Han Dongyuan had volunteered on his own; she suspected it was Han Qishan’s decision.
Because of this, the eldest son, Han Dongzhi, and second daughter, Han Yimei—especially Han Yimei—often showed her and her niece disdain. But compared to sending her niece down to the countryside, enduring a few cold looks was nothing.
Thinking of this, Cheng Suya paused, then said, “If your elder brother or second sister gives you attitude, just ignore them. If you feel wronged, come straight to me.”
Cheng Ning shook her head. She stepped forward and took Cheng Suya’s arm. “Auntie, before, you couldn’t bear to let me go to the countryside because you were afraid I’d be bullied, that it wouldn’t be safe. But now Third Brother has already gone ahead, and that’s still Uncle’s hometown. You know how Third Brother is—even if he doesn’t like me, he’ll still protect his own. If I go, he won’t let outsiders bully me.”
When Cheng Suya heard Cheng Ning mention Han Dongyuan, her frown deepened. That youngest stepson had the worst temper. Just because he had gone to the countryside in her niece’s place didn’t mean he treated her well. He was three years older than her, and at home, he always looked down his nose, never sparing her a glance. As a child, he often bullied her.
Cheng Ning leaned her head against her aunt’s shoulder. “Auntie, please let me go. Before, you couldn’t bear to let me go for safety reasons. But now with Third Brother there, there won’t be any danger. This way, we won’t owe the Han family anything, you won’t have to endure Eldest Brother and Second Sister’s faces, and life in the Han household won’t be so hard… Isn’t that the best of both worlds?”
She was determined to go.
When Han Dongyuan later lost an arm rescuing flood victims, and afterward was imprisoned for ten years due to an accident, her aunt’s days in the Han household could hardly be described as merely “hard.” And then there was her uncle and Grandma Han, who had always treated her kindly.
In her previous life, when Han Dongyuan first had his accident, Cheng Ning suffered greatly. When he was imprisoned, she believed she had ruined him completely, and the guilt crushed her. Later, she died in an accident.
But after her death, she didn’t lose consciousness or reincarnate. She became a wisp of awareness, trapped in the Han family’s small building. Most of the time, she was in a daze, occasionally waking, able only to wander inside the house, never able to step beyond the gate. More than ten years later, when Han Dongyuan moved out, she followed him, only to be trapped again in his new home. She didn’t know if it was because she owed him, that she was bound to him and unable to move on. What else could explain it? Thinking of all this, her chest tightened, making it hard to breathe.
She took a deep breath. Seeing her aunt still hesitating, she pressed on:
“Auntie, please let me go. Honestly, I don’t even like the job at the construction company. I’m not happy at home either. I’d rather go to the countryside. You know my real dream is to go to university. If you let me spend a few years in the countryside, the family atmosphere will improve, and I’ll be happier too. There’s even a chance of being recommended for university. Since that’s Uncle’s hometown, if I perform well, maybe I’ll get that chance.”
In truth, the college entrance exams would be restored in just over two years. She wouldn’t need a recommendation—she could simply take the exam.
Cheng Suya finally began to waver. But she glanced at her niece’s delicate skin and tender hands. “Ning Ning, it’s not just about safety. Going to the countryside means farm work. It’s not just an experience—it’s working from dawn to dusk. The food and living conditions will be harsher than you can imagine…”
“It’s fine,” Cheng Ning said with a smile. “Auntie, just give me a little more money and ration tickets. I promise I won’t let myself suffer too much. I don’t rely on work points for food anyway, so earning fewer points doesn’t matter. Besides, I know many things, and since it’s Uncle’s hometown, I’ll surely find ways to make it easier. And even if Third Brother doesn’t like me, if I go to him, he won’t ignore me.”
Hearing her niece mention Han Dongyuan again, Cheng Suya thought of his harshness. Her heart not only failed to ease, but it also twisted tighter.
After a pause, she said, “And what about Cheng Yun? You suddenly decided to go to the countryside—have you told him?”
Ji Chengyun? Cheng Ning was taken aback.
To be honest, if her aunt hadn’t mentioned him, she would have long forgotten this person after decades. Yes—at this time, he was still part of her life.
The Ji family and the Cheng family had been old neighbors. Ji Chengyun’s mother, Aunt Liu, was close with her aunt, and the two families often visited each other. She remembered that when the idea of going to the countryside was first raised, Aunt Liu had even suggested that she marry Ji Chengyun. Her aunt had hesitated for a moment, but she herself hadn’t wanted to marry so early. In the end, when Han Dongyuan volunteered to go in her place, the matter was dropped.
In her previous life, since she hadn’t gone to the countryside, she and Ji Chengyun never had any further connection. She recalled that not long after—probably this summer—Ji Chengyun was recommended for university.
After Han Dongyuan’s accident, her mental state collapsed. Rumors spread that she was a jinx, bringing misfortune to anyone close to her: her father had died because of her, Han Dongyuan had been ruined because of her, and even her aunt’s inability to bear children was blamed on her.
Because of this, Grandmother Ji forbade Aunt Liu and Ji Chengyun from associating with them. Later, Ji Chengyun married his university classmate, the daughter of the deputy director of the Northern City Industrial Bureau.
When her uncle retired from his position as factory director, the one who succeeded him was Ji Chengyun’s father, Ji Rong.
But all of that was far away. It had nothing to do with her.
She shook her head. “Auntie, I have nothing to do with Ji Chengyun. Whether I go to the countryside or not has nothing to do with him.”
Cheng Suya was startled. She opened her mouth to speak, but Cheng Ning tugged at her arm and said, “Auntie, I’m determined to go to the countryside. I don’t want to owe the Han family. Don’t worry—it’s only a few years. If there’s no opportunity there, you can help me find a job through recruitment later. That way, I can live openly and honestly. Auntie, you always tell me the most important thing in life is not to have a guilty conscience. Otherwise, one can never live in peace.”
Cheng Suya reached out and stroked her niece’s head. Thinking of her late elder brother, grief welled up in her heart.
The next day, after lunch, when the children had gone out to play, Cheng Suya brought up Cheng Ning’s decision to go to the countryside in front of the rest of the family. Just as she herself had been surprised the day before, everyone else was equally shocked.
Han Qishan’s face darkened, but he didn’t speak first.
Han Yimei was the first to react. With a sharp “pa,” she threw her chopsticks onto the table, glaring at Cheng Ning. Her tone was harsh: “Go to the countryside? What nonsense is this? Dongyuan has already gone. Why bring this up now? Back then, when Dongyuan said he’d go in your place, why didn’t you speak up? And now you put on this act?”
Of all the family, Han Yimei had been the most dissatisfied with Dongyuan giving his job to Cheng Ning and going in her place. Now Cheng Ning had brought it up again, touching the sore spot—how could Han Yimei respond kindly?
“Yimei!” Two voices rang out at once—one was Grandma Han, the other was Han Qishan.
Grandma Han scolded her granddaughter: “What nonsense are you saying? Why claim Ning Ning never spoke up? She always insisted on going herself. It was Dongyuan who signed up directly, and that’s why the matter ended. You may be unhappy about it, but don’t twist the truth.”
Han Yimei turned her head away with a cold snort.
Grandma Han silenced her, then looked kindly at Cheng Ning, who had remained quiet. “Ning Ning, your Third Brother went to the countryside of his own accord, partly because of your uncle’s position. Don’t take it to heart.”
Cheng Ning lifted her head to look at Grandma Han, her eyes slightly moist. Unlike the cold indifference of the Han siblings, from the moment she entered the Han household, Grandma Han had always cherished her deeply, teaching her many things.
But later, when Han Dongyuan had his accident, the once-healthy Grandma Han’s body suddenly declined. After Han Dongyuan was imprisoned, she fell gravely ill and soon passed away.
Not only for Han Dongyuan, not only for her aunt and uncle, but also for Grandma Han—who had loved her more than her own granddaughters since childhood—she was determined to go.
She drew in a breath and said softly, “Grandma, I truly want to go to the countryside. Before, you all worried it wouldn’t be safe for me, that I couldn’t endure the hardship, but now Third Brother is already there. If I go too, with him looking out for me, there’s nothing to be afraid of.” Her voice was gentle, but her tone was firm.
Han Yimei let out a mocking laugh.
“Yimei.” Grandma Han glared at her granddaughter, then pulled Cheng Ning close, holding her hand. “Good child, it’s enough that you have this heart. But since your Third Brother has already gone, you should stay at home peacefully. Otherwise, wouldn’t that waste the opportunity he gave you?”
Cheng Ning shook her head. “Grandma, please let me go. Otherwise, my heart won’t be at ease. Staying at home, I won’t feel peace.”
“Not at ease?” Han Yimei couldn’t hold back any longer. “Grandma, even if you don’t want me to speak, I have to. Not at ease? And that means you have to go to the countryside? And saying Dongyuan will look after you, so you have nothing to fear—have you even thought about how close you and Dongyuan are? He barely speaks to you, doesn’t even spare you a glance. Are you sure that if you go, he’ll care for you?”
Cheng Ning: “…” I only said that to comfort Grandma, didn’t I?
But Han Yimei kept rattling on: “Even if he does care for you, why go at all? With those delicate hands, unable to lift or carry, what farm work can you do? Are you going just to burden Dongyuan? Life in the countryside is already hard enough. If he looks after you, you’ll be a burden. If he doesn’t, Father will scold you later. What kind of mess is that?”
“I won’t be a burden to Third Brother,” Cheng Ning replied seriously, looking at her. “There are many kinds of farm work. I know many things and can handle my own tasks. As for Third Brother, he has a bad temper and often stirs up trouble. If I’m there, at least he’ll have someone to keep an eye on him.”
Han Yimei: “……???” She always said he looked down on you, never even glanced your way. Yes, he had a bad temper, quick to cause trouble—but you? You think you can manage him? Keep an eye on him? Keep an eye on what?!