After Qi An’s seventeenth birthday, Shang Ziliu became even more attentive to her.
Regarding the matter of fate, Qi An did not fully believe it, but even with the slightest possibility, she was unwilling to gamble with Shang Ziliu’s life. Therefore, she could not calmly accept the kindness Shang Ziliu showed her. All she could do was escape the warmth he provided, gradually reducing their interactions, hoping they would both eventually get used to a life without each other; separating later would surely be easier.
However, she hadn’t expected that deliberately distancing herself from Shang Ziliu would cause her such mental anguish that it would eventually take a toll on her physical health.
On the afternoon she fell ill, Qi An was resting in bed, while Shang Ziliu was cooking porridge in the kitchen. Just as Qi An was dozing off, Auntie Li from next door suddenly shouted in her piercing voice at her doorway: “Little An! Master Zhao is being taken away by people from the capital!”
Qi An was startled awake. She didn’t even bother to put on her shoes, rushing out barefoot in a panic, urgently asking: “Auntie Li, what do you mean by Master Zhao being taken away?”
Auntie Li stuttered, taking a long time to explain the sequence of events. It turned out that Master Zhao had not failed the examinations because of incompetence, but because he had written criticism of the corrupt Prime Minister on his answer sheet. The examiner, afraid of offending the Prime Minister, had cut off Master Zhao’s future. With no hope for an official career, Master Zhao had returned to this remote town to become a village teacher.
However, the people of the small town didn’t know that, in addition to teaching, Master Zhao had compiled several volumes of strategies for governing the country, listing the crimes of the Prime Minister’s faction and methods for dealing with them. These volumes had circulated among patriots and finally reached the hands of the Emperor. The Emperor, who had long been deceived by the Prime Minister, experienced an awakening after reading Master Zhao’s articles; he made up his mind to change the current situation and specifically sent people to invite Master Zhao to the capital.
Auntie Li’s previous gasp for air had made Qi An think Master Zhao had committed a crime and been arrested. As it turned out, being “taken away” meant he had been summoned to the capital by the Emperor.
Qi An was genuinely happy for Master Zhao. “In that case, Master Zhao is about to realize his ambitions; I should go and properly congratulate him.”
Auntie Li said: “Yes, his family has looked after you for so many years; you should go and congratulate them. They should still be packing their things now. Hurry up; if you go too late, you might miss seeing them.”
Qi An nodded, a sense of loneliness flitting through her heart. It was true that she was happy for Master Zhao, but she was truly reluctant to see them go. Suppressing the bitterness in her heart, she intended to go out with Auntie Li to congratulate the Zhao family. Before she could lift her foot, she heard Shang Ziliu call her: “Qi An!”
Over the past few days, although she had intentionally kept her distance, Shang Ziliu’s attitude toward her had never changed; if anything, he became more attentive every day. For example, now, even though she stood silently in place and didn’t respond to him, he walked to her side and crouched down.
“You’re not feeling well why are you running around barefoot?” He muttered with concern while using a handkerchief to wipe the dust off Qi An’s feet before putting her shoes and socks on her.
Qi An had never been served like this before, especially not in front of Auntie Li. She felt a bit flustered. Seeing this, Auntie Li, feeling she couldn’t watch any longer, found a random excuse and slipped away with a sour toothache.
After Auntie Li left, Shang Ziliu said to Qi An: “I heard you talking just now. Are you going to Master Zhao’s? I’ll take you.”
Qi An subconsciously refused: “No need, I can go myself.”
“The Zhao family has treated me quite well, too; I should go and say my goodbyes.” Shang Ziliu paused slightly before adding, “Besides, you’re not feeling well and can’t walk that far alone. I’ll carry you; we’ll be there in a moment.”
Qi An thought for a moment; it was indeed not the time to be stubborn. If she collapsed or lost her strength on the way, it would only be more troublesome. After consideration, she decided to accept Shang Ziliu’s proposal, silently telling herself that this would be the last time she accepted his kindness.
Having received her consent, Shang Ziliu half-bent his waist and naturally extended his arms to lift her up. Qi An was startled; she hadn’t expected him to carry her this way. However, before she could voice an opinion, Shang Ziliu had already tapped his toes on the ground, carrying her lightly toward the center of town.
Before long, they reached the alley next to Master Zhao’s house. Qi An thought secretly: Having martial arts is indeed convenient. If I could have this light-body skill in the future, I could go wherever I want.
After Shang Ziliu set her down gently, they walked together toward Master Zhao’s house. The front door was wide open, guarded by a few soldiers, and crowded with many neighbors watching the commotion. Qi An and Shang Ziliu struggled to squeeze inside. Just as they were about to enter, they were stopped by the soldiers at the door.
Qi An said politely: “Officer, I am a student of Master Zhao and wish to bid him farewell. Could you please make it convenient for me to go inside?”
The soldier said with a cold face: “Master Zhao is an honored scholar of the Emperor; how can anyone just get close to him? Go away, stay further back.” With that, he reached out impatiently to push Qi An away. But before his hand could touch Qi An, Shang Ziliu gripped his wrist.
“Are you worthy of touching her?” Shang Ziliu’s tone was plain, but his eyes were ferociously intense. The soldier frowned, trying hard to shake off his grip, yet despite his martial training, he could not break free from the grasp of this seemingly frail youth.
The other soldiers nearby, seeing this, swarmed around and raised their weapons at Qi An and Shang Ziliu. Qi An thought: This is bad. Luckily, Zhao Yue heard the commotion and hurried over. After explaining the misunderstanding to the soldiers, he allowed them into the Zhao house.
The Emperor feared that prolonged delays would incite the Prime Minister’s wariness and wanted Master Zhao to reach the capital as soon as possible. They had already packed their luggage and were nearly at the time of departure. Seeing Qi An, Master Zhao’s face showed undisguised joy, though there was also some concern: “Little An, what will you do after we leave?”
“Yes, you’re so lonely all by yourself,” Zhao Yue said, his face still flushed red, but his eyes were incredibly firm. “Why don’t you come with us? We will always look after you.”
Qi An hadn’t expected them to be considering her even at a time like this; she felt a wave of emotion and was just about to open her mouth when she heard Shang Ziliu answer for her: “She is not alone; she still has me.”
As soon as these words were out, everyone was stunned, Qi An included. But Qi An did not deny it. Zhao Yue realized instantly that he no longer had a chance. Afterward, they exchanged a few more pleasantries before the soldiers entered the room to announce it was time to depart.
At the moment of farewell, Master Zhao asked Qi An: “Little An, do you remember that question I once asked you to ponder deeply?”
Qi An knew what he was talking about. If one knows their fate, but fate is beyond one’s control, should one go against their heart to follow natural fortune, or engage in a futile struggle for the sake of peace of mind?
“When I failed the examination, everyone decided I was destined to have no connection with an official career. My wife went to the temple to draw a lot, and it said I would live a life of obscurity. But I never believed in fate. From start to finish, I have been fighting against destiny, solely for the sake of peace of mind. Now it seems my persistence was not in vain.”
He paused, looking at Qi An with profound meaning. “Qi An, your biggest problem is that you are too quick to drift with the tide. But in a person’s life, you cannot always be without desire. You must fight for yourself; otherwise, what is the difference between you and a puppet of heaven and earth? Regardless of success or failure, ignore the result don’t live to regret not having tried in the future.”
Master Zhao had discovered the cowardice deep within her heart and recognized the weakness in her character. At this very moment, Qi An felt she had been seen through completely.
Master Zhao’s words echoed in Qi An’s mind. Until she was carried home by Shang Ziliu in the same manner as they arrived, she kept pondering those words. She curled up in a small corner of her inner heart, struggling on her own.
When Shang Ziliu reheated the porridge and carefully fed it to her spoonful by spoonful, she abandoned the struggle. After finishing the porridge, she grabbed Shang Ziliu, who was about to get up to wash the dishes. “Shang Ziliu, if being with me will threaten your life, are you still willing to be with me?”
Shang Ziliu’s movements paused. He looked at Qi An, not understanding why she would ask such a question, but answered from the heart: “Of course.”
“What if fate doesn’t allow us to be together?”
“I don’t believe in fate.”
Qi An smiled; the sense of distance in her eyes dissipated instantly. To hell with fate! Since Master Zhao could change his fate, why couldn’t she? In her weakest physical state, Qi An’s heart was firmer than ever. She took the initiative to hold Shang Ziliu’s hand to express her feelings.
Shang Ziliu was startled for a moment, but soon recovered, looking pleasantly surprised. “You are…”
Qi An looked straight at him, suppressing her shyness as she asked: “Shang Ziliu, you will treat me well in the future, won’t you?”
Hearing her rare, spoiled tone, Shang Ziliu’s heart seemed filled with honey; the joy seemed to overflow from his eyes. He couldn’t help but hug her tight, resting his head on her shoulder as he said solemnly into her ear: “I will treat you well, treat you very, very well—better than even what you want.”
Qi An was amused by his tongue-twister-like words and reached out to hug him as well. “Then smile more often in the future, okay? You look great when you smile, but you never like to smile.”
“Alright, as long as you like it, I will smile every day.”
Shang Ziliu felt the warmth in his arms and had never felt so satisfied. Although he thought that smiling all the time would make him look like a fool, what did it matter?
Living beings in the six realms all shared a common flaw: the moment they were happy, they wanted to express it, and the moment they expressed it, they began to make grand promises. He held Qi An, eager to prove that he would treat her very, very well, so he took the initiative to ask: “Is there anything else you want? I will make it happen for you.”
Qi An thought for a moment before saying: “I heard that when other children sleep, their parents hum songs to soothe them to sleep. I’m not feeling well and can’t sleep; why don’t you sing something and coax me to sleep?”
Shang Ziliu hesitated for a moment. “But I’ve never sung before.”
“You must have heard it, right? Auntie Li also hums while she works. Just hum like she did.” Qi An, emboldened by her illness, acted spoiled toward Shang Ziliu for the first time. “Or are you saying your promise just now was a lie?”
Shang Ziliu looked at Qi An, who was pouting and acting aggrieved, his breath momentarily hitching. This adorable creature before me is truly Qi An! Facing such a Qi An, he couldn’t say “no” regardless.
Thus, he began to hum a tune, doing his best to follow the melody from his memories of the neighbor’s aunt. While singing, he noticed Qi An’s body seemed to be trembling slightly, so he stopped immediately and asked with concern: “Are you still not feeling well?”
Qi An, nestled in his arms, shook her head. Thus, Shang Ziliu continued to hum. After finishing one song, he asked Qi An with some lack of confidence: “Did it sound bad?”
Qi An lifted her head, desperately suppressing her laughter, and put on a sincere expression: “No, it sounded wonderful. But you must never sing for anyone else only for me.” If others heard it, they would surely make fun of him, and she didn’t want him to be laughed at.
Shang Ziliu didn’t understand the deep meaning behind Qi An’s words, taking it only as a display of her possessiveness, which only made her seem even cuter. He hugged her tighter, laughing: “Alright, from now on, I will only sing for you.”
Thus, for the entire night, Qi An enjoyed her exclusive privilege, listening to one tormenting song after another it was both hilarious and moving. More than that, she felt a sense of ease. Accompanied by Shang Ziliu’s unique musicality, Qi An fell asleep, and in her dreams, they lived very happily.