Paimon.
Ninth of Solomon's seventy-two demons. A man with a feminine face who bestows all knowledge.
That was the name I gave the ogre who'd joined us. A giver of knowledge, and surprisingly pretty boyish—it fit him perfectly. Since my own name was what it was, I'd borrowed his from the demons of Solomon too.
'Paimon... My name is Paimon...'
Paimon mumbled something under her breath, occasionally flashing a goofy grin.
At first, her sobbing had been a real headache—but somehow, that innocent expression was actually pretty soothing. It made sense, since she was only twelve. Not that I had any room to talk, being zero years old myself, but she was still just a kid. All alone in the world at that age. It was tragic, but from now on, she was my companion. Together, we'd have all kinds of fun.
Right. Now that Paimon was part of the team, next up was...
A bath. Obviously.
No water, you say? Actually, water was easy enough—my phone could make it. In fact, I could conjure most inorganic things.
The problem? It was spectacularly unsuited for daily use.
See, anything I made was part of the dungeon. It wouldn't disappear unless I willed it away. A thousand degrees Celsius? Wouldn't evaporate. Absolute zero? Wouldn't freeze. So laundry never dried. Dishes stayed wet forever. Drinking water? You want to drink that?
Plus, the energy drain was no joke. Water was a basic necessity of life. If I had to conjure every drop with my phone, the power I'd gotten from God would run dry faster than you could say "bath."
That's why I hadn't been making my own water until now.
But you know what? Forget all that. I'm making water. I'm taking a bath.
What was I supposed to do? I was a civilized person. Life without a bath was simply impossible. And it'd be such a waste—I'd gone through the trouble of making soap, shampoo, and conditioner.
Incidentally, soap, shampoo, and conditioner had been available through "Craft" from the start. Probably God being thoughtful. You'd think my knowledge would cover useful things—but no, I knew tons of useless trivia while being clueless about how to make anything. So yeah, huge help.
With that decided, time to prep the bath. Oh, and I should warn Paimon not to drink the water. Actually, had she even taken a bath before? Judging by the state of her hair, it'd been a while at the very least.
"Huh?"
I stopped as a thought hit me.
Wait a second. Water alone didn't make a bath, did it? This was a cold bath.
Come to think of it, I'd built the bathroom, but no boiler. Wait—how was I supposed to build a boiler anyway? No way I could whip up something that complex with a few taps on my phone.
'Master. Don't you have something you'd like to say to me?'
"I might have built something without thinking it through... help..."
Paimon's eyes went wide at my phone suddenly speaking, but I ignored her and pleaded with the device. At this point, pride was out the window. I had no intention of giving up a civilized lifestyle even in another world. For that, I'd sell my soul to a demon.
'Who's a demon, exactly?'
"Sorry. I'm really sorry."
Waaaaah! My phone was way too scary!
"Amduskias-sama, what is that box? Some kind of magical item?"
Paimon peered curiously at the phone in my hand.
'Pleased to meet you. I am Andrealphus, your master's support system. A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Paimon.'
Wait. When exactly did you get a name?
"Whoa! It really talks! Oh, I'm Paimon. Amduskias-sama's new servant."
"Okay, first off, you're not a servant. Second, you don't have to call me 'sama.' And my name's too long—just call me Kiasu for short."
I cut in, exasperated. Come on, it was a mouthful.
"I couldn't possibly address the Demon Lord so casually! B-but, a nickname... I like that."
Paimon said, a shy smile spreading across her face.
She looked so happy.
Damn it. I'd messed up.
Now I couldn't give her a nickname. Pai? Mon? Mon-chan? They all sucked. Especially Mon—sounded like a Pokémon.
'Since this careless, inconsiderate man won't do it, I'll be calling you Paimon. And you can call me Andre.'
"Okay, Andre-san!"
She looked delighted.
Somehow, Paimon's joy was healing me. Maybe I'd been spending too much time with this grumpy phone of mine.
'Master?'
"I'm sorry."
Full prostration. Pride? Before this thing's terror, it was worth less than a used tissue.
'I know this is late, but Master, you're a dungeon master who knows far too little about your own dungeon. Ah, please sit up straight. I'm lecturing you right now.'
"Yes..."
I reluctantly folded my legs and sat up straight. Beside me, for some reason, Paimon was copying me.
'Now listen. As things stand, this dungeon is just a wall. Indestructible or not, a dungeon needs to be a unified whole. That means you can't design it so that no one can ever reach you. To protect yourself, you need to strengthen the dungeon. First, understand the 'Custom' function better. And second, think before you act.'
...I'll reflect on that.
Summary:
Kiasu names his ogre companion Paimon and bonds with her, then obsesses over building a bath only to realize he lacks a boiler. His smartphone mocks him, introduces itself as Andrealphus, and lectures him on dungeon management. Kiasu ends up humiliated and apologizing, with Paimon copying his posture as he reflects on his failures.
Trivia:
Kiasu is zero years old but behaves like a modern adult.
Paimon is named after the ninth demon of Solomon's seventy-two.
The smartphone can create inorganic objects but they become permanent dungeon fixtures.
Created water won't evaporate or freeze under extreme temperatures.
Kiasu can craft soap, shampoo, and conditioner through the system.
The smartphone named itself Andrealphus without Kiasu's permission.
Kiasu wants to be called by the shortened name "Kiasu."
Paimon is twelve years old and an orphan.
The smartphone lectures Kiasu on dungeon design and the "Custom" function.
Paimon mirrors Kiasu's seated posture when he's being scolded.
Notes:
• Paimon - Job: Ogre companion; Relationship: Servant to Amduskias-sama, the protagonist; Appearance: Twelve years old, feminine face, ash-gray body, single jet-black horn, short ash-gray hair, golden eyes, lean frame with solid chest; Note: Orphaned, shy, mimics Kiasu's posture.
• God - An ancient, divine benefactor and guide to the protagonist, this deity oversees departed souls with a paternalistic yet playfully childish personality. Speaking with casual, modern exasperation, they act as a protector who grants power while maintaining a rational, persuasive demeanor. Though appearing only as a voice, they frequently apologize for their intimidating presence while seeking favors in return.
• Amduskias - A frail-looking Demon Lord and Dungeon Master appearing in a pure white room. He wears a gakuran and sneakers, wielding the Mana Spring, Divine Protection, and summoning abilities. Pragmatic, self-aware, and easily distracted, this modern isekai figure values sincerity over tradition. Formerly guided by God, he is now newly reborn, seeking allies and warmly welcoming the protagonist.
• Kiasu - Job: Dungeon Master; Relationship: Master to Paimon; Item/Magic: Smartphone with Creation ability; Note: Zero years old, self-deprecating, clings to civilized lifestyle.