The sea.
Mother of life. Home. The origin of all things.
Seawater holds salt, and salt is vital for human existence—apparently, in lands without ocean, it's traded for silver, ounce for ounce.
'Anything you want to say to me?'
"I created things without thinking... Please help me..."
Andre and I said the exact same lines as yesterday.
We were in a brand-new kitchen I'd built right after waking up today.
In the sink, tiny little fish were flopping around. And in Paimon's hands—fish, shrimp, crab, squid, octopus, and some kind of unidentified creature—a whole chaotic menagerie of seafood.
To explain how we got here, I need to rewind just a little.
Morning. It was morning.
It was my first morning ever. Thinking about it, I felt pretty moved.
I crawled out of the fur I'd borrowed from Paimon and looked around the room.
By the way—fur really smells, huh.
There was nothing. The plain white room was barren to a fault.
I could easily create inorganic objects: glass tables, ceramic dishes, silver spoons and forks. But I couldn't do anything about the bed.
If, like the school uniform, it had been pre-installed in the Smartphone, I could've managed—but it wasn't. And when I tried to prepare synthetic fibers, I realized I had zero knowledge of chemical textiles.
Sigh... I don't need a full bed, but at least give me a futon—the stone floor is hard.
I stretched my aching body, sore from the stone floor, and greeted Andre, who was lying on my folded uniform.
"Morning, Andre."
'Good morning, Master. I was very bored while you were asleep. Starting tomorrow, may I sing songs to pass the time when I'm bored?'
"You? Sing?"
'Bwoeee.'
"Why the Giant-style?!"
'VOOOOOOOEEEEE!'
"Hard rock!!"
For some reason, I was already exhausted this early in the morning. Is it age? I'm literally zero years old though...
Anyway, I checked the results of what I'd done before bed yesterday.
"Oh! It recovered properly!"
I smirked, seeing my magic power fully restored.
The Spring of Magic Power increased my magic pool and stored it, just as God had said—I'd stored my magic last night.
The issue was recovery, but thanks to the Spring's effect boosting recovery speed, a night's sleep was enough to fully recover.
So now I had double the magic reserves.
Since the blessings from God were mostly magic-related, I wanted to keep my reserves topped off at all times.
"Alright. Let me store about a fifth again."
I slipped my arms into my folded school uniform, silently praying that I'd never have to use it.
"Good morning, Kiasu-sama, Andre."
Paimon was as innocent as ever today. That was reassuring.
"Morning, Paimon."
'Good morning, Paimon.'
I left the bedroom and ran into Paimon in the living room.
The school uniform jacket I'd given her yesterday suited her perfectly.
With her short hair and sharp, handsome features, she had the air of a beautiful woman in men's clothing.
Unlike the poncho-like mantle she used to wear, her figure was clearly feminine, especially her bust.
B? C?
I wasn't exactly well-versed, but it wasn't overly assertive—nor so modest you'd call it unremarkable.
That was... well...
'Old man.'
"I have no idea what you're talking about. I deny it. False accusation. I firmly protest."
Honestly, Andre was such a handful.
Paimon was holding dried meat and black bread.
Like yesterday, she seemed ready to prepare the meal. But that dried meat and bread was rock hard. It was the kind of item you'd want to soak in hot water or toss in soup before eating.
"Sorry, breakfast isn't ready yet. I'll get it started now."
She bowed apologetically and headed for the door.
"Ah, hold on. Andre, has the water already reached here?"
I checked the status of our lifeline—the water supply—with Andre.
'Yes. It passed through the area above ground this morning.'
"Oh! Nice! This means we can use water normally starting today!"
Yesterday, we'd had to use water generated by the Smartphone for the toilet and bath. Doing that every time would've been a pain, so this was great news.
It should have been great news.
'I hope so...'
Andre's tone carried a strangely dark chuckle.
I immediately set to work building the kitchen.
I threw every bit of knowledge I had into crafting the most functional system kitchen I could manage.
A refrigerator with Water attribute enchantment.
A stove with Fire attribute enchantment.
An exhaust fan with Wind attribute enchantment.
And, as a special treat, a Magic Range. Not electric.
Using Spacetime Magic, it didn't just heat food—it returned it to a warm state. It was more advanced than a microwave, actually.
Incidentally, Spacetime Magic couldn't reverse time for living things. Only non-living objects could be reverted—so no resurrection or rejuvenation.
In my enthusiasm, I'd built so much that my Danger level hit 5.
Across the entire dungeon, this kitchen had the highest Danger level. Andre chewed me out again.
I couldn't entirely deny that I'd gone overboard.
"Alright, first things first—the water."
I muttered to myself and walked to the faucet. It was properly connected, so no worries.
Kyu.
I turned the silver faucet, and water gushed out with force.
Success.
I'd never been this successful with Creation magic in my entire life—or so I thought, as the water poured out in a torrent.
The flowing water drained into the underground sewers and pooled in a reservoir. The organic matter in that reservoir would eventually be absorbed by the dungeon over time.
But soap and detergent would remain, so I'd set it so anything created with the Smartphone would automatically vanish once it hit the reservoir.
"Hmph. What do you think of that, Andre? See, I don't always mess up."
'Is that so. I look forward to hearing what you'll say in five minutes.'
"It's amazing!! Water is coming out!!"
Why couldn't this damn Smartphone learn a little innocence from Paimon? The way she'd lit up with sparkling eyes—she was really adorable.
"Then let's have some."
I casually picked up a glass. To be honest, I was thirsty.
The water Paimon had given me yesterday was murky—not the kind I wanted to chug down by the gallon.
I filled the glass to the brim.
I raised it to my lips.
At that exact moment—
From inside the faucet—
Pyon.
I caught a tiny fish leaping out of the faucet in my peripheral vision.
For a split second, my brain went blank.
But there was no stopping now. My lips were already against the rim of the glass.
Why was Paimon's water murky? Because she hadn't properly filtered it.
She'd boiled it, by her own account—but without distillation, impurities remained in the water.
And why had a fish jumped out of the faucet?
Simple.
"BWOOH——!!"
It was still just seawater.
'Anything you want to say to me?'
"I created things without thinking... Please help me..."
I could cry at my own stupidity.
Summary:
The protagonist wakes to his first morning in the dungeon, sore from the stone floor, and discovers his magic reserves fully restored by the Spring of Magic Power. Excited about having running water, he builds an elaborate kitchen with enchanted appliances, but Andre's cryptic warning foreshadows disaster. When he finally drinks from the tap, a fish leaps out—revealing the water is still untreated seawater, triggering his comedic meltdown.
Trivia:
The protagonist is literally zero years old, making his "age" jokes a running gag.
Andre is the Smartphone AI itself, not a separate character—the phone is named Andre.
The Spring of Magic Power stores excess magic and also boosts recovery speed, giving the protagonist double reserves.
Paimon's water was murky because she boiled but didn't distill it—foreshadowing the tap water issue.
The "Giant-style" reference is to Doraemon's bully, known for terrible singing.
The kitchen's Danger level hit 5, making it the most dangerous room in the dungeon.
Spacetime Magic cannot affect living things—only non-living objects can be reverted to previous states.
The reservoir system automatically dissolves anything created by the Smartphone to prevent soap and detergent buildup.
Notes:
• Andre - A demon of the sixty-fifth rank in Solomon's seventy-two demons, appearing in the form of a peacock. Acts as a conductor of sophistry and a support interface for the dungeon master. Bestows knowledge of surveying, astronomy, and geometry. Displays a formal, refined demeanor with hidden warmth and genuine concern for her master's safety, though she expresses frustration through sharp lecturing. Colleague of the narrator. Speaks to the Demon Lord without fear. Blunt and sarcastic. Uses insults casually but reveals underlying care through actions. Functions as the straight-man tsukkomi character. The protagonist's smartphone companion who serves as both advisor and voice of reason. Speaks with polite, respectful deference while occasionally expressing exasperation at the master's priorities. Questions the safety of dungeon designs and serves as a grounding presence to the protagonist's whims.
• Paimon - An orphaned, shy ogre companion serving Amduskias with deep deference. Appearing as a 190cm tall, handsome female with an ash-gray body, a single jet-black horn, golden eyes, and a voluptuous yet muscular build, she mimics the protagonist's posture. Knowledgeable and polite, she acts as a guide on local threats and monsters, often stammering nervously while providing essential supplies and information.
• Master - The dungeon master and protagonist of the story. A self-aware individual who acknowledges his own laziness and tendency to prioritize comfort over dungeon management. Possesses absurdly high stats and a vast array of skills despite being Level 1. Maintains a casual, modern internal monologue with self-deprecating humor.
• God - An ancient, divine benefactor and guide to the protagonist, this deity oversees departed souls with a paternalistic yet playfully childish personality. Speaking with casual, modern exasperation, they act as a protector who grants power while maintaining a rational, persuasive demeanor. Though appearing only as a voice, they frequently apologize for their intimidating presence while seeking favors in return.
• Kiasu - Job: Dungeon Master; Relationship: Master to Paimon; Item/Magic: Smartphone with Creation ability; Note: Zero years old, self-deprecating, clings to civilized lifestyle.