Li Wan found her daughter’s out-of-the-blue question quite strange.
As the family’s only child yet a daughter it made General Xie feel inferior to others despite his high rank and accomplishments. This, in turn, made Li Wan unable to hold her head up high, leaving her with a bitterness she could confide to no one but her daughter. Usually, Li Wan would ramble on endlessly about this and that while Xie Ning listened quietly. Li Wan had long grown accustomed to her daughter acting as an obedient listener. Today, however, was peculiar: Xie Ning had rarely taken the initiative to ask a question, and the expression on her face as she asked it somehow made Li Wan feel inexplicably uneasy.
Li Wan was deeply displeased and scolded harshly, “What are you prying about blindly? You’re already so old, yet you don’t understand things at all. What kind of place is this? Is this a venue where you can blabber nonsense? Your father and I have provided you with fine food and drink, never letting you go without. Why is it that after all our efforts to teach you, you’re still so ignorant of propriety?!”
She naturally avoided answering Xie Ning’s question, and just as naturally delivered her reprimand.
The moment Xie Ning heard the opening words, her scalp tightened, and a habitual wave of guilt instantly surged into her heart. Once again, she experienced that feeling of helplessness the sense that no matter what she did, she could never satisfy her parents, and that whatever she did was always wrong.
This guilt and helplessness had entangled her for a lifetime, leaving her unable to say the word “no” to her parents and spending her whole life searching for ways to please them.
For a moment, Xie Ning’s palms habitually broke out in a cold sweat. She subconsciously lowered her head, listening to her mother’s scolding. Even though a voice in her heart was already shouting: No, it’s not like that! It’s not my fault! Her seventeen-year-old body was still accustomed to bowing her head to her mother.
Xie Ning entwined her hands, pressing her thumbs firmly together until red marks appeared, desperate to break free from this subconscious reaction. But her body seemed unable to obey her commands completely; the courage brought by her rebirth had not yet fully broken through the physical habits ingrained since childhood.
Just a little bit more, only a little bit was missing.
Listening to her mother’s lecture, Xie Ning told herself in her heart: Just a little more courage. Raise your head and tell Mother that this was merely an ordinary question, not some damned treasonous statement, and it shouldn’t be scolded like this.
Having made up her mind, she had just raised her head when an announcement echoed from outside: “The Eldest Princess arrives—”
Li Wan’s endless scolding came to an abrupt halt at this announcement. She hurriedly stood up to greet the Eldest Princess.
Xie Ning froze as well, abruptly turning her gaze toward the outside of the hall.
The eighteen-year-old Eldest Princess, Xiao Rong, possessed bright, striking features and a graceful stature. Her every movement radiated a high-spirited confidence rarely seen in ordinary young women, as if there were nothing in the world that could pose a difficulty to her.
In fact, that seemed to be true. The Eldest Princess Xiao Rong bore the title of Eldest Princess Changyi. Her birth mother, Noble Consort Lan, was a favored imperial concubine deeply cherished by Emperor Xiao Shen since his youth, even dominating the inner palace’s favor for a time after he ascended the throne. Xiao Rong was the Emperor and Consort Lan’s first and only child. Rarely had princesses of the present dynasty been granted the title of “Eldest,” but out of fondness for this mother and daughter, the Emperor specially conferred upon her the title of Eldest Princess Changyi, making her the sole Eldest Princess of the current court. Rumor had it that had Consort Lan not been frail after childbirth and passed away early, the Emperor might have eagerly made her Empress. It was only because Consort Lan came from a humble background and suffered a short life that she succumbed to illness shortly after being titled Noble Consort.
Various rumors concerning the Eldest Princess had long circulated among the common folk. Xie Ning, however, cared nothing for them right now. She was shocked: why had Xiao Rong appeared at this precise moment?
In her past life, her first meeting with Xiao Rong had clearly been later, during the Shangsi Festival.
Ah, yes, the Shangsi Festival the day when lovers in Grand Sheng Kingdom could express their true feelings to one another. After this New Year’s Eve palace banquet, Xie Ning would be left behind in the capital alone and sent to the Academy of Etiquette to learn rules. Because she was taciturn and disliked interacting with others, she had sought a quiet spot on the day of the Shangsi Festival to steal some peace, where she happened upon the Eldest Princess disguised in men’s attire. For a long time, Xie Ning had believed that the dashing and elegant “Eldest Princess” back then was the Crown Prince, deliberately seeking him out multiple times simply because she wanted him to reject this marriage arrangement.
Looking back now, it was naively laughable.
She stared intently at Xiao Rong without blinking. The person before her still carried that free-spirited and joyful demeanor, and the handsome, elegant charm revealed in her gestures still drew Xie Ning’s quiet admiration.
There was also that familiar orchid fragrance.
Xie Ning’s heart skipped a beat. She always remembered that she had repeatedly expressed her fondness for the orchid scent on Xiao Rong light, laced with a crisp chill, perfectly balanced incense that left an indelible impression upon smelling it. But Xiao Rong had merely smiled, extending her sleeve toward Xie Ning’s nose, saying that if she liked it, she could smell it more. Only much later did Xie Ning learn that Xiao Rong didn’t like orchid fragrance at all; she might even be said to detest it. Carrying this scent on her body year-round was simply because this unique orchid incense was inherited from her birth mother, Noble Consort Lan, and her Imperial Father particularly adored it.
When Xie Ning found out back then, besides feeling heartbroken, an indescribable chill had taken hold of her. If Xiao Rong hated the orchid fragrance so much yet could act as though she loved it, then wasn’t her statement that “feelings are all just an act” a direct reflection of her own behavior? These princes and princesses were likely most adept at disguising themselves.
Re-encountering this unique orchid fragrance now, the crisp chill within the scent seemed to turn into a spear of ice, piercing deeply into Xie Ning’s heart and shattering all romantic illusions. Xie Ning returned to her senses, lowering her eyes as she stood. She thought: This orchid fragrance will forever serve as my reminder that in facing Xiao Rong, the best identity to hold is that of ruler and subject.
Behind Xiao Rong stood her personal head attendant, Su Hexiang, who always waited behind Xiao Rong with hands lowered. Knowing the person before them was Xie Ning, Su Hexiang couldn’t resist raising her head to look. She was immensely curious: what was so special about this Xie Ning that could make Her Highness the Eldest Princess dream of her deeply before they had even met? Yet the moment she raised her head, Su Hexiang was thoroughly disappointed. This Xie Ning was indeed as frail as rumored sallow, emaciated, and withered-looking, like a thin bamboo stalk stubbornly sticking out of a snowdrift in winter. Except the season had passed, and the thin bamboo possessed no vitality, appearing merely brittle and yellow. Her figure was so thin that her chest clung to her back, and even the hair a woman takes pride in seemed fine, weak, and limp. If one didn’t know she was General Xie’s only daughter, a casual glance would make one think she was a refugee fleeing from some disaster!
Su Hexiang curled her lip inwardly, thinking to herself: No wonder everyone says Bianyang Pass is a bitter, cold land; it truly fails to nourish people. I wonder what Her Highness the Eldest Princess thinks upon seeing Xie Ning in such a state? She stole a quick glance to observe her master’s reaction.
With that glance, she discovered that the Eldest Princess appeared to be completely stunned!
Su Hexiang thought to herself: It seems I wasn’t the only one disappointed.
Just as she was thinking this, she saw the Eldest Princess take large strides toward Xie Ning. With one hand, Xiao Rong helped up Madame Xie, who was bowing in salutation. “Madame Xie, please rise quickly! There is no need for such formality!” Only then did she stand still in front of Xie Ning. “This must be your daughter, Xie Ning, correct?”
She reached out her hand to help Xie Ning up as well.
However, Xie Ning withdrew her hands a step ahead, stepping backward without making a scene, and stood properly behind her mother.
Xiao Rong’s hand remained suspended in mid-air for a moment, prompting her to measure Xie Ning with another glance. But Xie Ning kept her head lowered, making it impossible to see her expression. Xiao Rong didn’t mind; for a moment, she found herself rather amusing—to be so captivated by a nightmare that she had specially rushed all this way just to see Xie Ning. Yet, why did this withered, taciturn, and almost imperceptible young girl before her seem… a bit repulsed by her?
How interesting. Xiao Rong didn’t speak her mind, saying only, “Why are you the only ones here? As the hostess of the female banquet, has Noble Consort Yan not arrived yet?” As the host of the female section of the palace banquet, Noble Consort Yan would reasonably make a grand entrance at the very end, and shouldn’t appear here right now at all. But Xiao Rong had always disliked her, and finding fault whenever the opportunity arose was a common occurrence. “General Xie guards the border and has achieved great merits; how can Madame Xie and Miss Xie be left here to pass the time alone”
Before her words could land, Noble Consort Yan’s voice resounded, “I was wondering who it was; turns out it’s Her Highness the Eldest Princess gracing us with her presence.” Noble Consort Yan was barely in her early thirties and had enjoyed immense favor in recent years, exuding elegance and nobility, though her tone held a hint of sarcasm. “How could I mistreat General Xie’s family? There is no need to trouble Her Highness to critique behind my back.”
Xiao Rong did not turn around. Without looking, she knew Noble Consort Yan must have heard of her arrival and rushed over as fast as possible, terrified of being caught with a handle against her. Xiao Rong gave a faint smile, curtseying minimally to offer a token greeting. Being so arrogant and disrespectful, she instantly angered Noble Consort Yan into a dark scowl. Yet in front of Li Wan and Xie Ning, Noble Consort Yan had to maintain a magnanimous posture, stepping forward to take Li Wan’s hand and speaking warmly, “Madame Xie, the palace banquet is busy today, and I was delayed for a moment. I hope Madame will not take offense!”
Li Wan hurriedly curtsied again, “What are you saying, Noble Consort? That you came in person to grant an audience is already an honor for our Xie family.”
Noble Consort Yan then took hold of Xie Ning’s hand, her words equally warm and affectionate, “This must be Xie Ning? I have heard your name for a long time. Seeing you today, you are indeed different from ordinary women. Worthy of being a daughter of a military house, you look quite nimble.”
Xiao Rong watched coldly. Seeing that Xie Ning didn’t pull away from Noble Consort Yan’s hand the way she had dodged her own just now, a flash of discontent arose in her heart. She didn’t hide her dissatisfaction in the slightest, remarking sarcastically, “Those words are quite mistaken—no matter how clever she is, she cannot match Noble Consort’s eloquent mouth.” She was mocking Noble Consort Yan for lying with her eyes wide open.
Noble Consort Yan’s face completely darkened. “Presumptuous!”
Xiao Rong offered another casual bow. “Why is Noble Consort angry? I was clearly flattering you.”
“You—”
As the atmosphere grew increasingly awkward, Xie Ning sighed softly in her heart. She had no choice but to suddenly cough loudly several times to cover the rumbling of her empty stomach.
The moment she coughed, Noble Consort Yan could no longer bother bickering with Xiao Rong, saying hurriedly, “Oh dear, look at me, I was so busy I lost my mind. The Emperor instructed earlier that Miss Xie has suffered a long, exhausting journey. If her physical strength truly cannot hold out, she may head back early to rest.”
Li Wan originally wanted to decline, but after a second thought, she bowed in gratitude, “Thank you for your consideration, Noble Consort. My daughter’s health is indeed poor. If she stays reluctantly, I fear she might offend His Majesty, which would be improper instead.”
It had been the same in her past life. Xie Ning had already left before the palace banquet even began; thus, Xiao Rong, who had set off in a hurry only at a quarter past the Hour of the Monkey (3:15 PM), had not met Xie Ning at all.
This time, however, seemed slightly different.
Xie Ning was about to bow out when she caught a glimpse of the annoyance between Xiao Rong’s brows. She suddenly spoke up, “I have just arrived and am unfamiliar with the palace. May I ask Her Highness the Eldest Princess to see me off for a short distance?”
Although she had made up her mind to avoid further entanglements with Xiao Rong, upon reuniting at this moment, she couldn’t help but feel a subtle lingering attachment toward her. Especially since she hadn’t been able to see Xiao Rong one last time before her death, leaving her wondering what expression Xiao Rong had worn back then.
Xie Ning thought to herself: Letting her accompany me out of this imperial palace will serve as my own solitary farewell.
She actually understood that Xiao Rong faced the exact same predicament as herself; Xie Ning simply did not wish to walk the path Xiao Rong had chosen.
In her past life, she had been bound and deprived of freedom her entire existence. If there was truly anyone under the heavens who could grant her freedom, it would only be the Emperor. Yet clearly, the Emperor would only join hands with her parents to trap her in a cage.
She was a caged bird, and so was Xiao Rong. They were both people with nowhere to run. Rather than relying on humble pleasing to beg for a tiny scrap of pity, it was better to burn her bridges and carve out a path of survival on her own. Even if she ended up battered and bleeding, it would not be a wasted second life.
Xie Ning finally raised her head, looking toward Xiao Rong with a steadfast gaze.