“I want to see her again.” He said it once more, his voice even lower this time.
Liu Yunshuang looked at him and fell silent for a long time.
Outside the window, the afternoon sunlight had already shifted westward, slanting in through the room. The light landed just three inches in front of Shen Jinghong’s toes, as if reminding him that some things were always just a little out of reach so close, yet unattainable.
“I’m afraid it’s going to be difficult,” Liu Yunshuang finally said. “This matter… I’m afraid it’s really over. You should stop thinking about it.”
Shen Jinghong’s back stiffened.
“How is it over?” His voice rose slightly in urgency. “The betrothal gift hasn’t even been returned yet…”
“It hasn’t been returned because the young lady hasn’t had time to send someone to deal with it yet,” Liu Yunshuang interrupted him, looking straight at him. “What you just said in the room ‘not worthy,’ ‘a burden,’ ‘better to break it off’ do you think people can’t understand what you meant?
Miss Fu is the daughter of the Grand Tutor. She is well-educated and clear-minded. She won’t cling to someone who doesn’t want her. You say break it off, and she agrees. You say you’re not worthy, and she says she’s overreaching. What more do you want from her?”
Shen Jinghong opened his mouth, but no words came out.
“You sealed your own words shut,” Liu Yunshuang continued. Her voice wasn’t loud, but every word pressed into Shen Jinghong’s mind. “In front of her, in front of the Fu family maid you made it all perfectly clear. And they agreed. The betrothal gifts will be sent back shortly. Now you say you regret it? What do you have to take it back with? What right do you have to regret it?”
Shen Jinghong was completely speechless, his face flushing red. His lips trembled several times before he finally forced out, “I… I didn’t know then…”
“What didn’t you know?” Liu Yunshuang pressed.
Shen Jinghong opened his mouth, then closed it again. What could he say? That he didn’t know Fu Yunyang was the girl from Peach Blossom Cottage? That before seeing her face, he truly intended to break off the engagement but after seeing her, he no longer wanted to?
Even he felt ashamed to say such words.
Shen Dingjiang, standing to the side, hadn’t interrupted from beginning to end. The anger from earlier had already faded from his face, replaced by something more complicated.
He looked at his son’s dejected figure and suddenly spoke, his voice no longer as thunderous as before. “Do you know how many families were watching this marriage when we went to the Fu family to propose?”
Shen Jinghong looked up, startled.
Shen Dingjiang didn’t look at him, his gaze resting on the bamboo outside the window.
“You were at the frontier then, so you didn’t know what was happening in the capital. Miss Fu may not have gone out much due to poor health, but the Grand Tutor’s reputation was well established. Madam Fu came from a refined scholarly family. The Fu family’s standing in the capital was among the highest.
The Grand Tutor loved his daughter and was reluctant to marry her far away, only wanting a well-matched family within the capital. After the news spread…” He gave a faint, almost amused smile, as if recalling something ridiculous. “Their doorstep was nearly worn down.”
Shen Jinghong’s eyes widened slightly.
“At that time, Madam Fu received endless visiting cards, invitations, and letters from various families in the capital. Some direct, some subtle, all probing the same thing ‘Has your daughter been betrothed yet? We have a son of similar age, shall we arrange a meeting?’
Liu Yunshuang nodded slightly beside him but did not speak.
Shen Dingjiang turned back to look at Shen Jinghong. “Among those families, do you know who the most prominent one was?”
Shen Jinghong shook his head.
“The Crown Prince.”
Shen Jinghong’s expression changed. “The Crown Prince?”
“Yes.” Shen Dingjiang nodded. “The Crown Princess position was already decided, but there were still vacant positions for consorts. The Crown Prince intended to win over the Grand Tutor. The Grand Tutor had disciples all over the court his influence was not something you, who never study, would understand.
People from the Crown Prince’s side even sent word: as long as the Grand Tutor agreed, Miss Fu’s frail health was not an issue. The Eastern Palace had the best doctors and medicine.”
Shen Jinghong stood frozen in place, his mind buzzing.
The Crown Prince. The Eastern Palace. A Crown Prince consort.
Those words swirled in his mind, each one striking his chest like a blow.
“Then…” his voice was dry, “why would the Fu family choose us?”
He paused, then lowered his voice further. “Our family… isn’t a scholarly family. I… I’m not good at studying. If the Crown Prince wanted to win them over, wouldn’t that be better? A perfect match, even tied to the imperial family… why would the Fu family refuse?”
Shen Dingjiang didn’t answer. He only looked at his son. Liu Yunshuang let out a soft sigh.
“You think the Fu family really chose you, a wastrel?” she said calmly. “Do you think the Grand Tutor chose the Shen family’s status, or your talent?”
Shen Jinghong was left speechless.
Liu Yunshuang walked to the window and pushed it open halfway, letting more sunlight in. She stood in the light, her back to Shen Jinghong.
“When your father was young, he wasn’t yet the Northern Frontier General,” she said softly. “He had only just enlisted, a reckless young officer stationed at the border.
One winter, the northern tribes invaded and the situation turned critical. The court sent a group of civil officials to the frontier to deliver supplies. The Grand Tutor at that time he wasn’t yet Grand Tutor, only a sixth-rank Hanlin compiler was sent to escort grain supplies to the border.”
Shen Jinghong listened quietly, barely daring to breathe.
“On the road, they encountered scattered enemy soldiers. The escorting troops were few, and a fierce battle broke out. There were heavy casualties. The Grand Tutor had no martial skills. Everyone around him fell. He was trapped inside a carriage with a blade already at his neck.”
Liu Yunshuang turned back to look at Shen Jinghong.
“It was your father who led a few soldiers and charged into the enemy ranks to carry him out.”
Shen Jinghong froze.
He had never heard this story before.
His father had never told him.
Shen Dingjiang had fought on the frontier for twenty years. The wounds he bore, the people he saved, the merits he earned he never mentioned them at home. Shen Jinghong only knew his father was a general who had fought many battles and killed many enemies, but he never knew his father had once saved the Grand Tutor’s life.
“The longest scar on your father’s back,” Liu Yunshuang’s voice trembled slightly, “was left from that time. A blade from the northern tribes cut from his left shoulder all the way down to his right waist. He carried the Grand Tutor for two miles straight until reinforcements arrived. Once they reached safety, he fell from the horse, his back soaked in blood. The Grand Tutor knelt on the ground, frantically trying to stop the bleeding.”
Shen Jinghong’s gaze involuntarily shifted to his father’s back. Shen Dingjiang wore dark casual robes, hiding the scar beneath, but Shen Jinghong knew it was there.
Once, when he was young, he had seen it during martial training. His father had removed his shirt, and from a distance he had seen the scar like a centipede stretching from shoulder to waist, almost splitting the body in two.
He had cried from fear back then. His father had turned and laughed, saying, “Why are you crying? A man should not cry over a scar like this,” then put his clothes back on and never exposed his back in front of him again.
“Then what happened?” Shen Jinghong’s voice was hoarse.
“After that?” Liu Yunshuang gave a faint smile, filled with emotion. “Your father rose through the ranks at the frontier from officer to deputy general, and then to general. The Grand Tutor also rose from compiler to lecturer, and eventually to Grand Tutor.
One in the borderlands, one in the capital. They barely saw each other for twenty years, but the yearly gifts never stopped. Every letter from the Grand Tutor ended the same way: ‘Brother Dingjiang, I will never forget this life-saving grace.’”
“So you see,” she continued softly, “why did the Fu family agree to this marriage? Because your father asked.
Your father spent twenty years at the frontier and never once begged anyone for anything. But for your useless self, he swallowed his pride and personally went to the Fu family and said ‘Brother Fu, my son is a good-for-nothing, but he has a kind heart. If Miss Fu marries into our family, we will treat her like our own daughter. I, Shen Dingjiang, will stake my life on it.’”
Shen Jinghong’s eyes turned red. He looked at his father.
Shen Dingjiang stood by the window with his back to him, shoulders slightly slumped.
“The Grand Tutor did not hesitate,” Shen Dingjiang’s voice came from the front, low and steady. “He said, ‘Brother Shen, I trust your son.’”
Shen Jinghong stood frozen as tears silently fell from his eyes. He wiped them away, again and again.
“So you see,” Liu Yunshuang said softly, “this marriage was never because you were worthy, nor because the Shen family had high status. It was because of a debt of gratitude your father earned twenty years ago with his life. The Fu family agreed to give you their daughter not because they are beneath you, but because they are repaying a favor.”
“You yourself have ruined that favor.”
Shen Jinghong’s knees gave way. He collapsed to the ground with a thud.
“I didn’t know…” his voice broke, incoherent. “I really didn’t know…”
Shen Dingjiang turned around and looked at his kneeling son. His eyes were red too, his mustache trembling slightly, but he did not scold him. He did not strike him.
Not anger. Not disappointment.
It was heartbreak.
“Get up,” Shen Dingjiang said hoarsely. “What’s the use of kneeling?”