The day after I dropped Hiyori off at home, Hiyori called me early in the morning.
Right off the bat,
“I am truly so sorry.”
She apologized in a serious, proper voice, completely different from her slurred and sweet voice of yesterday.
Because her softly melted voice from yesterday is still lingering in my head, it feels a little lacking in touch with reality.
“I was the one who said I would walk you back, so it is totally fine.”
I put the phone on speaker and tell Hiyori that in a gentle voice while rummaging through clothes in the closet. The feeling of Hiyori’s voice spreading inside my room tickles me somehow.
Every time I slide a hanger, the sound of fabric rubbing together sounds unusually loud.
Hiyori is letting out a sigh so loud that even I can hear it through the phone.
“Even so… Koto-senpai’s house and my house are in completely opposite directions, aren’t they? I am truly sorry… I will give you the taxi fare next time.”
“Seriously, it is totally fine.”
Walking her back is no big deal at all.
If you get in a taxi, it takes you there automatically. The detour, the time—none of it is a big deal.
More than that, what Hiyori had said was not fine at all.
“Because Koto-senpai is my special person.”
Deep inside my chest, those words echo over and over.
It is like a small bell being struck from the inside.
Special.
I keep tracing the outline of that word, searching for what it actually means.
Is the “special” that Hiyori talks about the same special as mine?
While I am trying to tell myself that I am overthinking it, silence falls.
“…Koto-senpai?”
Hearing that voice calling out from the phone, I snap back to reality.
“Sorry, sorry. Come to think of it, why were you drinking so much yesterday? That is unusual for you.”
I make my voice a little brighter and say that.
Yesterday, I asked for the reason, but she was drunk. I wanted to hear the reason from Hiyori while she was sober.
Because there is no way she drank a lot just because I was there.
At the same time, I wanted to check if she remembered yesterday.
“Ah… about that… I have no memory and I do not remember at all…. I really wonder why I drank that much…”
Hearing that apologetic voice, I felt a little relieved while at the same time feeling terribly disappointed.
She does not remember.
In other words—it never happened.
Was it really just a joke after all, or words spoken in the heat of being drunk?
The more I try to think that, the more a sharp pain stabs deep inside my chest.
“I see… Well, it is fine if you do not remember.”
As I say that, my gaze drops to the floor.
“Yes… I am really sorry. Did I say anything weird?”
Weird things. At those words, my throat tightens up.
You did.
Things that are unimaginably precious to me.
But I cannot say that.
In the first place, does “special” count as a weird thing?
“Nope, not at all. Hiyori fell asleep right away, anyway.”
Even though Hiyori cannot see me, I shake my head.
As I answer like that, I feel just a little bit of guilt for lying.
However, the self-reproach for not being able to tell the truth is much heavier.
“Then I am glad.”
A voice that sounds relieved.
Hearing that voice makes my heart churn again.
Truthfully, I wanted her to remember.
I wanted to know the special meaning behind Hiyori’s words.
I wanted to know the reason why she said she drank a lot because I was there.
Even if it was a joke, even if it was just the heat of the moment, I wanted to hear it again.
Even though Hiyori cannot see me, I force a smile.
“Get some good rest today. Are you okay with no hangover?”
“Yes! I am drinking lots of water. Koto-senpai, you are going out today too, right?”
“Yeah. Shopping with Seina.”
“…Have a great time!”
For just a split second, her voice sounded a little smaller.
Maybe it was my imagination. But I did not let that slight change slip past me.
“Well then, see you later.”
“Yes… Thank you so much for yesterday.”
The call disconnects, and quietness returns to the room.
My hands stayed frozen while preparing, and I kept staring at my smartphone.
She does not remember.
Therefore, it never happened.
However…
The face Hiyori made when she looked up at me and smiled to tease me. That distance, that warmth, that voice.
All of it remains clear inside me.
“…You are unfair.”
Not even knowing who those words were meant for, I muttered them quietly.
The time for my promise with Seina is drawing near.
Even so, the word “special” left deep inside my chest refused to go away no matter what.
♢
“Sorry, sorry, kept you waiting.”
I do not know if it is because I was talking on the phone with Hiyori, but I was a little late for my meeting with Seina.
Seina was waiting at a cafe near the meeting place, drinking a caramel macchiato.
“Jeez, you’re lateー.”
“Yeah… I’m really sorry. I’ll pay for this.”
I sit in the seat across from Seina at a four-person table and order a cafe latte.
What is wrong? It is unusual for Mikoto to be late. A hangover?”
“That is fine. I did not drink that much… It got late because I was on the phone with Hiyori.”
When I explain the reason like that, Seina’s face instantly brightens up.
She covers her mouth with her hand and smirks.
“I see. Well then, it can’t be helped.”
I drink my cafe latte and look at Seina’s expression.
“What did you talk about?”
“Hmm, Hiyori got super drunk yesterday. That’s thanks for walking her home.”
I answer while adding coffee syrup to my cafe latte.
When I stir it, the ice cubes make a clinking sound. When I take a sip, it turns out sweeter than expected, and I make a slight grimace.
“Huh. It is rare for Hiyori-chan to get that drunk.”
“Yeah. The thing is…”
I spin my straw around and speak flatly without making eye contact with Seina.
“Somehow, she said she drank a lot because she felt at ease since I was there…”
At that, Seina’s movements stop, and her mouth hangs wide open.
“And that because I am Hiyori’s special person…”
“Wait, let’s calm down for a second? Mikoto, are you still drunk? Are you okay? Should we cancel the shopping?”
“I am not making up delusions!! Everything I’m saying happened last night!!”
I lean forward out of my chair and look Seina straight in the face.
My voice came out louder than I expected, and people around us are sneaking glances at us.
Apologizing in my heart with a “sorry,” I sit back down deeply in my chair.
“No way…”
Seina covers her mouth with both hands, her eyes wide with shock.
I bite my straw to brush it off.
“What is that supposed to mean…?”
“That is what I want to ask… Hiyori lost her memory and does not remember at all.”
“I see…”
Seina mutters,
“Special, special huh…”
as she drinks her caramel macchiato.
To calm my own mind, I drink my cafe latte through the straw. There is a slurping sound, and no more comes out.
“Conversely, what do you think it means?”
Seina traces the rim of her mug and pauses for a moment.
“Well… normally thinking about it, doesn’t ‘special’ mean she likes you?”
“No no no no no.”
I reflexively counter like that.
I thought Seina would help me tone down these flustered feelings of mine, but instead, she is pushing me forward.
“Isn’t it normally something like ‘a senior I trust’, or something…”
“Would you say that, Mikoto? To just a senior you trust—words like ‘special’, I mean.”
“…I wouldn’t say it, but……”
“Right? Besides, words that slip out when you are drunk are often your true feelings.”
It feels like she is seeing right through all my anxiety, which is kind of annoying, but I keep my mouth shut because I cannot argue back.
“Why don’t you just ask her directly? Like, ‘Hiyori, do you like me?'”
“Huh!? What are you saying!? There is no way I can ask something like that!”
Having raised my voice again, I hurriedly press a hand over my mouth.
Seina raises her eyebrows looking amused and laughs out loud.
“If you are curious, I think you should just askー? Personally.”
“If you were in my shoes, could you ask?”
“Hmm, I probably couldn’t〜”
“So you can’t!!”
“But if you’re curious, I think you should ask…”
Seina says that evasively, looking off in a random direction.
“It would be embarrassing if it was just a misunderstanding…”
I look down and lower my voice as I say it.
If I hope and think this much, and it turns out it is not about me after all, or if the meaning of “special” is different, it will be embarrassing.
“If she says she actually likes Takuto, I won’t be able to recover… We were together yesterday, too…”
My chest churns just saying it myself.
Blowing things up on my own even when I did not see them makes me want to sigh.
“Then all the more reason to ask. Here, lend me your smartphone.”
“Ah, wait…!”
Before I can give permission, Seina grabs the smartphone left on the table.
Thinking she does not know the password so she won’t be able to make a call anyway, I watch Seina, but then she says,
“Hey Siri, call Hiyori.”
and starts making a call.
That feature, which I always thought was convenient, feels like a cursed feature today.
Before I can snatch my smartphone back, the call goes through, and I reluctantly hold the smartphone up to my ear.