Lin Chongtan did it on purpose; he intentionally watched me make a fool of myself. Why was I the only one treated this way? Lin Chongtan is so good-looking—why didn’t they bully him?
They didn’t dare?
Why didn’t they dare?
I was probably truly drunk, my mind a chaotic mess, but I kept thinking about getting revenge. Father values Lin Chongtan, Mother dotes on him, my eldest brother called me wicked because of him, and my two younger brothers are closer to him… No one loves me; they all love Lin Chongtan.
Those noble sons were the same; they toyed with me like a courtesan but respected Lin Chongtan.
Lin Chongtan, it was always him.
Because of him, I ended up in this state.
I wanted to get back at him.
When I suddenly pinned him down, Lin Chongtan’s body visibly stiffened. He immediately tried to push me away, but I used my weight to press down on him firmly, refusing to let him resist. My lips, smelling of alcohol, intentionally drifted near his cheek. Since those people didn’t dare to humiliate him, I would do it myself.
Didn’t he squeeze my waist last time? I was going to pay him back; I was going to be even more excessive.
Lin Chongtan’s face was cool, and it felt somewhat comfortable to press against.
“Xiao Di.” Lin Chongtan’s voice reached my ears. I was drunk and couldn’t understand the meaning in his words; I just found him noisy.
Don’t call me Xiao Di.
I am not close to you. You aren’t allowed to be nice to me.
He was still saying something. I frowned irritably, wanting to silence his lips, but both my hands were pinning him down and weren’t free. After thinking about it, I finally used my lips to block his.
The moment they touched, I met Lin Chongtan’s eyes.
The light from the hollowed-out flower ball lamp hanging in the carriage drifted down into his eyes. Lin Chongtan has extremely beautiful eyes, as if drawn with the finest brushstrokes. A sliver of light was hidden in his dark pupils. I couldn’t read his emotions; I only knew he was looking at me.
Because of his gaze, I wanted to shrink back for a second, but in the end, I stubbornly continued to bully him.
Lin Chongtan must be very angry in his heart, being pinned down and bullied so brazenly by someone like me. It was good if he was angry; then he could taste my pain.
How could someone like him, who has everything he wants, ever understand my misery?
Why am I so useless?
I am clearly the real son of the Lin family.
The hands pushing me away grew stronger. I frowned in pain, and as my emotions welled up, I couldn’t help but feel my eyes grow stingy. I don’t remember much of what happened next. I think I forced myself into Lin Chongtan’s arms, making him hold me the way Mother held him when he was a child.
Mother must have held him often when he was little, unlike my foster mother.
My foster mother was busy making a living; I was happy if she even occasionally touched my face.
After a while, I wanted to kiss him again, saying things like how they all bullied me, so I was going to bully people too.
Lin Chongtan didn’t seem to want to pay me any mind at first, but he couldn’t stand my drunken antics—the crying and the fussing. Finally, I got my way and sat in his lap, clutching his clothes and kissing his lips.
His lips were very soft. After kissing him for a short while, I needed to rest.
So tired.
I wanted to sleep.
Without realizing it, I actually fell asleep. When I woke up again, it was already noon the next day. I stared blankly at the bed for a while. My memories of last night hadn’t returned; I couldn’t remember how I got back until Liangji brought water for me to wash up.
“Liangji, how did I get back yesterday?” I asked while touching my lips; they hurt a little.
Liangji gave me a cautious look. “Young Master Chun, you don’t remember?”
I shook my head.
Liangji said, “Then I’ll tell you, but don’t be angry, Young Master.”
“When have I ever been angry with you? Just say it.” However, shortly after the words left my mouth, I regretted them. Liangji said Lin Chongtan carried me back on his back. When he put me on the bed, I grabbed him and wouldn’t let go, demanding he sing me a song—the most vulgar kind.
“Young Master Chun, you were drunk yesterday. You didn’t see the look on Second Young Master’s face. I was afraid he was going to hit you.” Liangji shrank his neck, looking terrified.
I couldn’t help but feel a bit scared too. “So, did he sing?”
“No, but the Second Young Master played the flute for you.”
Liangji wasn’t finished. He said that after listening to the flute for a bit, I wanted to go to the washroom. I refused to let Liangji help me and insisted on grabbing Lin Chongtan, demanding he help me “go pee-pee.”
“Pee-pee? Did… did I use that word?” That was a phrase I used back at Fan Wu’s house. Since arriving at the Lin family, I tried my best to change my old vocabulary so people wouldn’t discover I grew up in the countryside.
Liangji nodded solemnly. “You did. You said it many times. You even forced the Second Young Master to whistle for you, saying you couldn’t go unless he did…”
“Enough! Don’t say anymore!” I quickly stopped Liangji from continuing, but even without him saying it, most of it was slowly coming back to me.
Although I couldn’t remember what happened after returning to the Academy, I remembered the foolish things I did in the carriage.
I actually… I actually forcibly kissed Lin Chongtan.
I fell ill again.
This time, Lin Chongtan didn’t come to see me, and I didn’t let Liangji go look for him either. I requested a leave of absence and stayed behind closed doors in the dormitory.
Even though several days had passed since that night, I still couldn’t accept the facts. Besides the matter between me and Lin Chongtan, there was also the incident at Zuixi Pavilion.
Holidays always come to an end. Once my body had fully recovered, I had no excuse to stay on leave and had to go to class.
I used to love going to class, but now I wished I never had to go again. Feiguang Yue shared my dormitory; with his personality, I feared he had told everyone what happened that night.
Also, I had pushed him to the ground that night. He would definitely retaliate.
The more I thought about it, the slower my pace became. I finally walked into the classroom right at the last second. When I arrived, I found Feiguang Yue’s seat was empty. He didn’t show up even after the instructor came and left.
Just as I was feeling uncertain because of his absence, Wenle Nie suddenly walked up to me and forcibly dragged me out of the classroom.
He dragged me all the way to a corner of the long corridor. No one helped stop him along the way.
“What is going on between you and Prince Yue?” Wenle Nie demanded as soon as we were alone.
I thought he knew what Feiguang Yue had done to me at Zuixi Pavilion, and my face turned pale. Wenle Nie saw my expression, turned his head, and took a deep breath as if suppressing his emotions. Then he turned back and softened his tone. “I’m not trying to bully you, but Prince Yun suddenly sent the Young Prince to join the army. I didn’t even get to see him. It just so happens you were on leave those few days. Is it between you and him?”
Before he could finish, I interrupted him. “No!”
Wenle Nie stared at me. “You didn’t meet him?”
“No!” I tried to pull my wrist from his grip. “You… let go of me. I’m going back to the classroom.”
Wenle Nie looked like he wanted to ask more, but after staring at me for a moment, he slowly let go. Once free, I immediately ran away from him.
Wenle Nie’s words surprised me greatly.
As a Young Prince, why was Feiguang Yue suddenly sent to the army by Prince Yun? After all, he was Prince Yun’s only legitimate son.
The battlefield is dangerous. If he were injured or killed, wouldn’t Prince Yun be heartbroken?
I felt this matter with Feiguang Yue wasn’t simple, but I didn’t dare ask Lin Chongtan. I didn’t want to see him.
But in the blink of an eye, the Qixi Festival arrived. It was a holiday for the Academy, and Third Uncle told me, Lin Chongtan, and our cousins to go out to the streets together.
On the night of the Qixi Festival, the night market was filled with lanterns and festivities. The sky was lit up by the lights, and the stars shone like immortal jewels. The streets were crowded, and the shouts of vendors were endless.
My two female cousins were already engaged; this was their last time going out as unmarried women. According to Third Aunt, after Qixi, they wouldn’t be allowed out and would have to stay home to practice their needlework.
Therefore, the two sisters were very excited tonight and wanted to see the street performances. The market where the performances took place was the most crowded. I felt it wasn’t quite appropriate, but as they looked at me and Lin Chongtan pitifully, I lost my resolve and could only stand there blankly.
Lin Chongtan seemed to have expected them to ask this. He had actually booked a restaurant near the performance area in advance. That way, the sisters could watch from upstairs without being squeezed by the crowd.
“This is great! Thank you, Second Cousin!” The sisters were overjoyed.
As a capital official, Third Uncle didn’t allow his children to spend money extravagantly to prove his integrity. The family expenses were quite frugal, let alone an expensive gesture like booking a whole restaurant.
Watching the sisters talk happily with Lin Chongtan, I secretly thought about how useless I was. Why didn’t I think of booking a restaurant? I had money too.
The carriage couldn’t enter the market tonight. We walked forward protected by servants, maids, and nannies. Without realizing it, Lin Chongtan and I ended up walking side by side.
From the corner of my eye, I saw his clothes and couldn’t help but turn my face away.
Suddenly, my shoulder was lightly touched. I didn’t dare look back and kept looking in the other direction.
My shoulder was touched again.
Before I could react, Liangji’s voice rang out nearby. “Young Master Chun, I bought some candied hawthorns. Do you want some?”
Only then did I realize that the person beside me had somehow become Liangji. Lin Chongtan had already walked far ahead.