"Sorry. I killed you by mistake. As an apology, I'll let you reincarn—"
The old man didn't finish.
A right hook exploded across his face.
"Gah—!?"
"What do you mean 'by mistake,' you old fraud!? Don't reincarnate me—just bring me back to life!"
Blood streamed from the old man's nose as the young man yelled.
Modern youth, it seemed, had no patience for divine nonsense.
"Even knowing I'm a god, you'd hit me!? No reincarnation bonus for you!"
"Fine. I'll take another swing instead."
"Stop that!"
The god flailed, half-pleading, half-panicking.
The young man threw lazy jabs into the air like a boxer warming up.
He was a boxer, apparently.
The god's life expectancy was dropping fast.
"H-Hold on! You want to get stronger, right? Then how about this—a reincarnation bonus that rewards effort! Train hard, grow stronger! That sort of thing!"
"...Hmm."
The young man paused, thinking. The god smirked. So gullible.
He was about to get punched again for that face.
"Wait a minute! Reincarnation is hereby suspended!"
"Huh?"
A new voice echoed through the blank white space.
"People always assume my name means thunder god—and they're right. I am Takemikazuchi-no-Kami."
"Who the hell—!?"
A man in white robes appeared out of nowhere.
The self-proclaimed god blinked at him. Takemikazuchi ignored him completely.
"Young man," he said gravely, "you must not accept an easy reincarnation. When souls leave this world, our population in Yomi (the underworld in Shinto) drops. Izanami-sama gets furious, and our divine stress skyrockets!"
"...You're really Takemikazuchi?"
The young man stared. The god of thunder sounded like a burnt-out salaryman.
Takamagahara (celestial realm of JPN god)'s adoption of the internet might've gone too far.
"So if you're Takemikazuchi," the young man said, pointing, "then who's that guy?"
"—!"
The fake god froze.
Guilt oozed from every pore.
"That thing? Probably a minor spirit pretending to be divine. Barely a god."
"Wait, so this guy can even reincarnate people?"
"Well, sending souls across the boundary is easier than summoning bodies. Even small fry can manage it."
"And you learned the word 'summoning' from where exactly?"
Takamikazuchi ignored that.
The young man sighed. Apparently, his "god" wasn't even real.
"Be careful when someone claims to be divine," Takemikazuchi advised. "Those types fake miracles to gather faith. If their reincarnated followers grow stronger, their belief strengthens the impostor."
"I'd never worship something like that."
"Which is probably why it failed."
The fake god trembled in the corner, overwhelmed by Takemikazuchi's divine aura.
Neither of the others moved to help.
"Still, I pity you," Takemikazuchi said at last. "I'll give you my divine blessing in your next life. It won't send you to another world, but it's something."
"Fine, I wasn't planning on going anyway. What kind of blessing?"
The two ignored the old man entirely and kept talking.
If only he'd appeared as a cute little girl instead of a wrinkled grandpa—he might've stood a chance.
"Well," Takemikazuchi said. "When you receive my blessing—"
"When I receive it?"
"—you'll become stronger at sumo!"
"...What?"
The young man blinked.
Sumo. Of all things.
"Don't you know? I founded sumo! When I wrestled Takeminakata (God of the wind, water, hunting and warfare), I got carried away and tore off his right arm."
"That's horrifying."
*Scholars still debated whether he'd frozen or sliced it off, but either way, it wasn't comforting.
"No good? Hmm. Then maybe a divine blessing that lets your body generate electricity?"
"And what am I supposed to do with that? Fry my appliances?"
The voltage control alone sounded like a nightmare.
"Don't you have something simpler—like a blessing for good luck?"
"Oh. Yeah, that's easy."
"There's one!? You could've led with that!"
Despite his reputation as a thunder god, Takemikazuchi was also a war god.
Luck in battle was his specialty.
"...Alright, I'll take that one."
"Understood. Then farewell, young man. You'll lose your memories, but I won't forget you."
(Please forget me immediately.)
Watching his nation's gods act like this, the young man's only wish was amnesia.
・ ・ ・
"Amaterasu-sama, the otherworld reincarnation has been successfully stopped—wait, what are you doing?"
When Takemikazuchi returned to Takamagahara, he found Amaterasu rolling back and forth across the tatami.
"...Omoikane banned me from the internet. I'm bored."
"That villain! Such cruelty!"
(T/n: Omoikane is the Shinto god of wisdom and intelligence. Apparently, even divine wisdom has limits when it comes to dealing with Amaterasu online.)
His outrage was sincere, though the punishment was justified.
Amaterasu had leaked classified information across multiple message boards.
An internet literacy course, supervised by Omoikane-sama, was now mandatory for all deities.
"...Also," Amaterasu muttered, "Omoikane banned you too."
"WHAT!?"
Takamikazuchi's roar echoed through the heavens.
And so, another peaceful day passed in Takamagahara.