Living alone proved far more difficult than he had imagined.
It took Lin Yansheng an extremely long time to grow accustomed to solitude, as though he were learning how to live all over again.
During the first two months, he cried almost every night, crying out of boredom, out of emptiness, without even knowing why. Only then did he realize that his body seemed to contain an endless reservoir of tears, as if no matter how much he cried, they would never truly run dry.
He dreamed of Qin Shun.
In his dreams, Qin Shun was always the younger A’Shun at first, still a child, with that obedient and dependent gaze but in the next instant, he would transform into the grown up A’Shun. The same face yet without a smile. Those large, pitch black eyes stared at him without blinking, so dark that they almost hurt to look at.
Five years had passed.
And yet whenever Lin Yansheng closed his eyes, he could still see the blood clinging to the tips of A’Shun’s eyelashes, swaying faintly before him.
Back when Qin Shun had first left, Luo Yaoshan came to see him, worried that he might do something foolish.
“No. Only a twenty year old is qualified to lose his head like that. When you’re young, even if you accomplish nothing in life, dying early still earns you the words ‘a life cut short in its prime.’ But for me, if I go looking for death now, it’s already too late.” He laughed at himself. “Look, I still have a sense of humor. There’s hope for me yet.”
“But Yansheng, I’m worried about you.”
“Do you remember when we were in high school, when my grandfather passed away? The next day there was still a major exam. I covered my head, slept for a while and still showed up on time to take the test, didn’t I?”
He rambled on aimlessly for a while.
Finally Luo Yaoshan could not help himself.
“Since Qin Shun isn’t coming back, why don’t you move into my place? I can protect you.”
Lin Yansheng paused for a moment.
“No,” he said.
“Why not?” Luo Yaoshan grabbed his hand without hesitation.
Lin Yansheng rarely revealed his friendship with Luo Yaoshan to others. Anyone hearing about it for the first time would react with astonishment, as though they had just heard the most absurd joke imaginable.
In the end, this friendship could no longer continue.
He forced a faint smile.
“Do you also think that I can’t survive without someone taking care of me? It’s not that serious. I’m a grown man. I have my own job. The income is meager but it’s enough for me to support myself. I live quietly, without disturbing anyone.”
His voice was calm and steady, without the slightest trace of agitation.
The meeting ended on an unpleasant note.
Every corner of the house contained traces of Qin Shun. No matter what he saw, it stirred up memories. In the end, he could no longer bear to live there and moved out to rent a small apartment instead yet he couldn’t bear the thought of others damaging the old house, so he simply left it standing empty.
The following spring arrived.
It was once again the anniversary of Shizhen’s death.
From nine in the morning until four thirty in the afternoon, the columbarium opened its doors to visitors so that people could come and pay their respects.
Lin Yansheng arrived at four o’clock.
But he found nothing.
He clearly remembered the niche where the ashes had been placed, there was no way he could be mistaken.
After asking, the administrator informed him that the deceased’s son had already taken the ashes away. It had happened half a year earlier.
Well, that made sense.
When there was no money, one could only make do but once someone had a bit of money, it was only proper to purchase a decent burial site with good feng shui. That was what true filial piety meant.
“Where is the new location?” Lin Yansheng remained silent for a long time before asking.
“Huh?” The administrator looked puzzled. “How would I know?”
“Oh, right,” he said. “Thank you. Thank you very much.”
Then next year… there would be no need to come again, would there?
He thought.
Along the horizon lined with trees rose the distant steel forest of the city, close and far at the same time, its web of neon lights beginning to spread open.
Lin Yansheng held a small cluster of delicate hydrangea blossoms in his hand. Instead of taking a ride, he walked slowly along the road, silent and alone, moving from the fading glow of sunset into the depths of night.
The rain had stopped.
There was no wind. The air gleamed faintly, like scattered glass beads.
Lin Yansheng awoke with the cheap heaviness of a hangover.
Recently, every night before going to sleep he had been drinking. It probably wasn’t serious enough to be called alcoholism, his tolerance was low. One single drink was enough to send him drifting into drunkenness.
First, he took a shower.
Let the water pour over him and awaken his soul.
After that, he went downstairs to a small food stall to buy a bit of cooked food, then walked over to the bookstand.
On the very top of the stack of newspapers, the headline on the front page bore a handsome face. Handsome to the point that it startled people. Even with the blurry pixels of the print, the sharpness of the gaze could still be clearly seen.
It was Qin Shun.
He seemed to have completely shed the youthful softness of his earlier years, revealing a striking edge.
About three years ago, he had begun appearing in the media more and more frequently. Soon, everyone knew about the battle over the Qin family inheritance and how, halfway through it all, a formidable illegitimate son had suddenly emerged.
Cash, stocks, gold, jewelry, real estate, shops, factories, plantations… No matter how much money someone had, no one would ever complain about having more. If someone tried to carve out an extra share from it all, who would possibly be pleased about that?
Outsiders had no way of knowing exactly what had happened within the Qin family.
In any case, everything had long since settled.
During that period, Qin Shun had founded a company while still in university. Soon afterward he suspended his studies and devoted himself entirely to running it.
The rapid growth of his personal wealth was as eye catching as the strangeness of his temperament.
The Qin Shun who had once been a boy seemed to no longer exist.
Some people cursed him, saying he was cold hearted and ruthless, that he treated people like tools and showed no sentiment whatsoever, discarding them the moment they were no longer useful. Others praised him, saying that at least he paid his workers properly and valued only talent, that his most trusted aides were all children from poor families.
But the newspaper in Lin Yansheng’s hands was not carrying any serious news.
It was gossip about Qin Shun.
Every month there were rumors and each time the leading character in the story was someone different.
Lin Yansheng did not read it carefully.
Just a single glance made his chest burn.
Over the past few years he had not deliberately remained single. He had gone on two or three arranged meetings but none had worked out. Even in his younger years he had never been particularly favored by women and as he grew older he was noticed even less.
Although he knew there were many men in this world far more outstanding than himself, that was one thing.
But for the child he had personally raised, the one who had once depended on him for survival, to become someone so far beyond his reach, that was something entirely different.
“Teacher Lin, buying a newspaper?” the stall owner asked.
“No.” Lin Yansheng came back to himself and pretended it had been unintentional, turning the paper face down before placing it back.
He went to the publishing house to deliver his manuscript.
Last month the old editor had sighed repeatedly while speaking with him, saying that their business was declining with every passing day. The boss was planning to sell off the entire operation along with the building itself. This month’s issue would be the last.
The sky was gray and gloomy.
Just like his future.
He was walking along in low spirits.
Then a flash of red leapt into the corner of his vision. Lin Yansheng glanced casually and saw a little girl, perhaps three or four years old, dart out from the sidewalk. She crouched behind the rear of a car, in the driver’s blind spot, picking up a ball.
The driver hadn’t noticed anything and continued backing up.
In that instant, every hair on Lin Yansheng’s body stood on end. He didn’t know where the courage came from but he rushed forward and threw himself toward the car.
“Stop!!!”
The little girl burst into loud, frightened cries.
Lin Yansheng himself had fallen into a puddle of muddy water yet the first thing he did was check whether the child had been hurt.
Fortunately, fortunately, nothing had happened.
The young man driving the car apologized with sweat pouring down his face. The child’s mother, still shaken with lingering fear, thanked him again and again. Passersby gathered around, watching the scene. Someone asked whether they should call the police and various voices merged into a noisy commotion.
“It’s fine,” Lin Yansheng said. “No, no, I only did what anyone should do. I still have work to attend to. I’ll be late if I don’t hurry.”
Only then did he realize that the document folder he had been holding had disappeared.
Looking around, he discovered it beneath the car’s wheel.
Lin Yansheng: “…”
The dull yellow folder had been crushed and the manuscript pages were scattered across the ground.
It had begun raining again.
Wave after wave of exhaust fumes, the smell of mud and the sour scent of dampness surrounded him.
He thought that he should have brought an umbrella.
Someone stopped nearby. That person quickly gathered up the remaining scattered manuscript pages and handed them to him.
“Thank you,” Lin Yansheng said automatically without even looking first.
He wiped his hand on the one clean patch of his trousers before reaching out to take them.
Then suddenly he realized that the hand in front of him looked familiar.
A broad palm. Long, sturdy finger bones. Beside the knuckle of the ring finger was a scar exactly like the one Qin Shun had received when he was younger, injured while working at a pastry factory.
One.
Two.
Three.
Lin Yansheng froze.
Even the number of stitches was the same.
He was still crouching on the ground. His neck had become stiff as stone as he slowly lifted his head to look.
He saw clearly.
His face flushed bright red.
“Uncle, you twisted your ankle. You should go to the hospital and have it checked.”
Qin Shun reached out to help him up as he spoke, his voice gentle.
✦ ✧ ✦
Fleurveil
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
(づ｡•́‿•̀｡)づ ☕ — coffee for the hardworking translator
☕ BUY THEM A COFFEE →
✧ (づ｡•ㅅ•｡)づ ☕ ✧
✦ thank you for reading ✦
← PreviousNext →
ChaptersChapter 1 · UncleChapter 2 · Ran AwayChapter 3 · TimidChapter 4 · DeceasedChapter 5 · Grow upChapter 6 · CharmChapter 7 · EndureChapter 8 · Biological FatherChapter 9 · ContestChapter 10 · MisunderstoodChapter 11 · BreakChapter 12 · ReunionChapter 13 · MeetChapter 14 · To clearChapter 15 · InstructionsChapter 16 · RegretChapter 17 · SecretChapter 18 · Subtle SophistryChapter 19 · GuestChapter 20 · KissingChapter 21 · Extra 1Chapter 22 · Extra 2Chapter 23 · Extra 3Chapter 24 · Extra 4Chapter 25 · Extra 5Chapter 26 · Extra 6Chapter 27 · Extra 7Chapter 28 · Extra 8