The sleep was rough. I woke so often throughout the night that eventually I gave up on finding it altogether. Instead, I sat beneath the dim light of a candle, carving carefully into a piece of pigskin with as much precision as my tired hands could manage. When I finished for the moment, I held the skin to the flame and studied my work.
Admittedly, almost shamefully, I had underestimated Odessa. Equally regrettable, I had underestimated my own grief as well.
The same question kept circling through my mind. What had led me to think the way I did? What gave me the right to condemn not just a man, but a friend? The shame of it sat heavily inside me. I would have to live with what I had done. Nothing could change that now.
But perhaps I could still do something about Odessa.
I glanced toward Jenny. She was packed and ready to leave. I had made up my mind. At dawn's first light, we would be gone. The wolves were desperate this time of year, and I had no intention of giving them another night to find us.
Behind me, Broc began to stir.
I quickly tucked the pigskin away beneath my coat and turned as his eyes slowly opened. His face was swollen badly from the fight, but he still managed to focus on me.
“West?” Broc blinked a few times before attempting to sit upright.
“Commander.” I gave him a polite nod.
His brow tightened. “Commander? I won?”
Bad timing.
“No.”
His gaze dropped to his hands. “How? How am I...?”
“I stopped the duel. My apologies.” I lowered my head.
Broc's fingers rose to his hair. As he felt the uneven length, realization slowly found him. He leaned against the wall and looked at me.
“Why?”
“Because he was going to kill you.”
The words fell flat. His eyes told me he still did not understand.
“I understood the consequences of the duel. You had no right, West!” His hands continued searching through his shortened hair as though he might somehow find what had been taken from him.
“I didn't want that to happen. Perhaps…I was being selfish.”
Broc lowered his gaze. “What does it matter to you anyway? You're leaving.”
“You're my friend.”
“So was he.”
The words struck deeper than I expected. I looked down at my hands, unable to find anywhere else to put their weight.
“Broc… I made a mistake. Maybe it was out of anger, or grief… Maybe even out of pride. I don't know. But I should have never abandoned Tyrus. Not now. Not here.”
Silence settled over the barn. Broc hit his head against the wall without a word.
“I can only continue to apologize for disrespecting your honor and the integrity of the duel, but I will not apologize for keeping you from death.” I crossed the room and stopped beside him.
Broc continued hitting his head against the wall. “It's really over, isn't it?”
“With every ending comes another beginning.” I extended a hand toward him. “I hope there is no resentment between us.”
He stopped hitting his head as his eyes settled on my hand. “What do you want me to say? Thank you?”
Slowly, I lowered it. Perhaps I had expected too much from him.
“I have lost everything,” Broc muttered. Then his voice began to rise. “My position! My woman! Even my damn hair! And now I'm cursed to continue living like this! Every day!”
I had nothing to offer him. No words could make his losses feel smaller.
“All of this for the man who should have been dead by now?” Broc turned toward me, confusion and anger written across his battered face.
“But he's not. And now he's under Odessa's spell. You know better than anyone what that will lead to.” I drew in a breath. “Just like you, Broc, he's more than a weapon. But that's all anyone ever sees when they look at him. Master Omni. Dresdi. Odessa. Even me.”
The admission tasted bitter.
“I may be the most foolish of them all because I have seen what he can be. I've seen the soul behind the blade, yet I convinced myself that I knew better. That somehow he deserved what happened because I was angry.” I paused, letting the truth settle between us. “But that's my regret to bear.”
Broc only shook his head, his face draped in disapproval. I could not blame him for it. At that moment, being alive was the one thing he could not forgive me for.
Still, I had already accepted that perhaps one day he would understand. I could only hope that when that day came, he would see that saving his life had not been my mistake.
Letting him die would have been.
“You've seen where this ends, Broc. Just the same as Delios.”
I reached for his shoulder, but he shrugged my hand away.
“I’m leaving. So this is my goodbye.” Broc nodded firmly before turning toward the barn door, limping with each step.
“It’s dark. Perhaps you should wait until the sun rises.”
He stopped at the threshold and stared into the blackness beyond it. “Don’t tell me what to do.” Then he stepped into the night.
“Broc, come on! I’ll leave if that's what you want. You can stay here until morning. Just come back! Please…!”
He raised a hand without looking over his shoulder and kept walking. Before long, the darkness swallowed him completely.
“Leave me alone, West!” His voice carried back through the night.
“BROC!”
Damn it.
I stood there for a moment, wondering if I should go after him. He was just as stubborn as Tyrus. The longer I hesitated, the more I knew there was no point. If Broc was determined to disappear, I would never find him.
Jenny let out a low neigh, as if she were calling after him too.
“What a terrible web we weave for ourselves.”
I slid down the wall and huddled near the small candle. I had hoped the conversation with Broc would go better, though perhaps it had not been as terrible as I had prepared myself for. Even so, the rush of emotions returned, and with it came that familiar hollowness.
What had led me to think this way? To condemn my friend?
For a moment, I almost let myself ask another question.
I couldn't.
“I can't let this bring me down.” I looked over at Jenny and forced myself to sit a little straighter. “We have a plan.”
My hand rested against my coat, feeling the pigskin hidden beneath it.
I had planned to leave at dawn. Maybe I should leave now, as Broc had.
I turned toward Jenny.
“If it were just me, I'd leave right now. But I'm worried about you.” I gave her a tired look. “There are these things out here called wolves. Big, hungry dogs with far worse manners, and this time of year they get rather desperate. And you would make a perfect dinner!”
I waited for her response.
She was not amused.
Jenny's expression made that painfully clear. I nodded to myself. She was right. Now was not the time for jokes. I had made a mess of things, and as much as I wanted to place the blame entirely on Odessa, I knew I was not without guilt.
“I suppose now is as good a time as any.”
I reached into my coat and pulled out Pearl's letter. It was filled with the usual things people wrote when they had nothing urgent to say. How are you? It will be nice to see you. Tell me about this. Tell me about that.
For a moment, I stared at it.
Then I reached back into my coat and pulled out the piece of pigskin I had been working on throughout the night. I held it beneath the candlelight, studying the marks I had carved to make sure they were exactly as I remembered them. Every totem, marker, and label from the map spread across Odessa's table had stayed with me. I had memorized every piece I could.
“See? I've got a plan.”
I held the skin up for Jenny to see.
Odessa might have turned Tyrus against me, and I understood if he never wished to speak to me again. But there was still one person who might be able to reach him.
Terrah.
I knew Odessa was deceiving him and using him. Whether she had ever intended to keep her promise of finding Terrah or not, I had also made that promise to Tyrus.
I pointed to the map. “This is where we're going. We're going to find Terrah before the Blue Hearts do.”
Odessa might have gotten the better of me, but it wasn't over.
The Blue Hearts would be slowed by the war they were beginning. Jenny and I could reach Terrah long before them. Maybe, if we were fast enough, we could find her before the war grew into something neither side could control.
Without a second thought, I began to carve the other side.
To Pearl,
This will be the final letter I send you, but it will not be the last you hear of me.
You deceived me into believing we were friends, but it was all to serve Odessa.
I underestimated you both.
Real Voltas, but you also underestimated me.
I have no doubt this will reach the hands of Odessa.
I pray you honor your promise to Tyrus, because I still intend to.
When we meet again, and I'm smiling over you, I hope we can still shake hands.
I leaned back and looked over the letter.
“Should I end it with 'Love, West,' or 'From West'?”
Jenny slowly turned her head toward me, giving me the same judgmental look she had worn all night.
“From West, then.”
I folded the pigskin carefully. Her stare lingered on me as though she had something more to say.
“If Odessa is really going to reunite Tyrus with Terrah, then this will make them move faster in that direction.”
I explained it to Jenny anyway, though there was little point. She did not seem concerned with the details of my plan. If anything, she was still judging me for getting us into this mess in the first place.
I placed the letter inside the small box Pearl had given me and locked it away. Tomorrow, it would travel with the rest of the cargo.
“Get ready, Jenn.”
I nodded toward her.
For the first time in a long time, I caught a twinkle of approval in her eye. The judgment and resentment were gone, replaced by something I hadn't seen from her in a while.
She believed in the plan.
And somehow, that was enough to make me believe in it too.