Fine droplets of rain drifted down from the sky, carrying the dusk with them as they fell upon the pitch black surface of the umbrella.
Only then did Lin Huai realize… that autumn had arrived.
The change of seasons was an objective concept but humanity’s perception of seasons tended to be subjective. Sometimes it was a red circle drawn on a calendar; sometimes it was a cold wind and torrential rain sweeping down from the northwest on the weather forecast; and sometimes it was the off white duffle coats with horn buttons worn by laughing girls along the roadside and the khaki plaid scarves fluttering amid falling maple leaves.
However, it was only at this moment, when Lin Huai looked at the twilight rain that never touched his skin because it was blocked by the umbrella, that he finally realized:
Autumn had arrived.
Which was to say…
A full year had already passed since the moment he became “Lin Huai.”
What he recognized at that instant was not only the coming of autumn but also the arrival of another person.
An encounter whose nature, whether deliberate or accidental, was impossible to tell.
The umbrella was held over his head. In truth, it was a rather meaningless gesture, because the rain was not heavy at all. He was not afraid of getting soaked, nor did he worry that being rained on would cause him to catch a cold or develop a fever.
And the arrival of that person was also, in itself, a meaningless thing. This person could not answer his questions. Perhaps he had some connection to Lin Huai’s past but he could not explain the existence Lin Huai now possessed.
And yet… why was it that he suddenly felt so sad?
Lin Huai had always believed himself to be someone quite happy. He was always able to discover things in life that brought him joy, or else, through his own efforts, turn things into something that made him happy (even if others might feel frightened by this).
Thus, even after uncovering a truth that could only be described as absurd, the first emotion he felt was neither shock nor panic but confusion.
Pure confusion.
It was the kind of confusion felt by an outsider, like Meursault after losing his mother, like a spacecraft drifting in space that suddenly loses the signal from mission control.
The world, once solid and real, became absurd and meaningless. He and this grand stage of life abruptly separated, no longer fitting together. The audience below the stage chatted and laughed among themselves; the actors upon the stage performed their roles as usual.
Everything unfolded with meticulous precision, exactly as dictated by the script and he stood at the very center of the stage, watching his own life, forcefully inserted into the scene, feeling detached and lost.
Perhaps it was precisely because of this emotion, one he himself could neither clearly describe nor fully understand, that he sat on those steps for an entire afternoon, without once thinking of doing anything else.
And then, at the moment that umbrella was held over his head,
He suddenly felt that he and this world were connected.
And in that instant, the clouds in the sky began to drift and gather toward the west along with the setting sun; cool raindrops started to fall from the heavens; students who had finished their studies walked out of the classrooms in twos and threes, chatting and laughing as they passed by him, animatedly discussing their plans for the evening.
And he, too, lifted his head at that moment, looking toward the person holding the umbrella and, abruptly, within that vast emptiness of confusion, he felt a very real sadness.
“Hey, hey…” The person holding the umbrella saw the look on his face and used the glass door beside them to examine himself from head to toe. “Do I really look that ugly today?”
“……”
“Why do you look like you’re about to cry because of how ugly I am…” he went on noisily. “What are you doing sitting here?”
Lin Huai raised his head to look at the sky. “I’m thinking about some very philosophical things.”
“……Like what?”
“Who am I, where am I, what am I supposed to do.”
“?”
“‘Lin Huai’ and ‘Crow’ are just names, just labels. You can be called Lin Huai, I can be called Lin Huai, these students passing by can all be called Lin Huai but once you strip away that label, who am I, really?”
“……”
“Where did I come from when I was born and where will I go when I die? Why did I appear in this world? What do I mean to this world, did the world choose me, or did I choose the world?”
“Is there a definite connection between me and the universe? Does the universe have an end? Does time have length… mmm…”
“That’s enough,” Chu Tianshu said sincerely as he placed both hands on Lin Huai’s shoulders. “I killed myself.”
“Oh.” Lin Huai laughed. “That actually works as an answer. As expected of you.”
Then, a coat was draped over his head. The owner of the coat pressed down gently on Lin Huai’s head where it was wrapped inside the fabric and said, “If you don’t feel like smiling, then don’t force yourself to smile.”
“……”
After that, Chu Tianshu turned his back to him and covered his own eyes. “Now you can cry your heart out and go ‘waaah waaah’ as loudly as you want. Don’t worry, other than my expensive waterproof trench coat, no one will remember your crying. Cover your head with the coat and bawl your eyes out like a real man… hey, hey, hey, why did you kick me?”
Chu Tianshu, who had been kicked by Lin Huai, squatted down. Lin Huai withdrew his foot and lowered his head with a blank expression.
With his head covered by the coat, he stayed silent for a long while before finally saying, “Why did you come here?”
…Was it to see me?
He was startled by the thought himself. Then he heard Chu Tianshu say,
“Well… it’s kind of a long story…”
“Basically, I used an electrical appliance in violation of regulations, so the relevant department came knocking and fined me. My place was temporarily seized as well and since I had to rent a new apartment, I don’t have any liquid cash on hand right now. My most recent manuscript will only be transferred to my card tomorrow.”
“Therefore. I came to mooch a meal from you.”
Lin Huai: ……
He forcefully swallowed back that indescribable emotion rising from the depths of his heart and instead shot Chu Tianshu a look full of disdain.
Chu Tianshu had his back turned to him and continued talking to himself: “There’s nothing I can do, pork has gotten ridiculously expensive lately, more than fifty yuan per jin and even takeout prices have gone up along with it. Considering that we’ve shared a bed for a full month if you count it properly, couldn’t you kindly take me in with your noble student meal card…”
“If not, I’ll have no choice but to wander the streets, eat in the wind and sleep in the open, steal bicycles and eventually die in some frozen alley during the cold winter… Wait, what did you just say?”
“Okay.”
“What?”
“I said Okay.”
Lin Huai stood up and brushed the dust from his clothes. Then he saw Chu Tianshu turn back with an expression of deep emotion, a phone still lit up in his hand. “That was so decisive? You’re really great. I haven’t even finished reading the speech I found online yet…”
On his phone screen was clearly a draft that had only been read halfway through.
Lin Huai: For some reason, he felt that it might actually be better if this guy just starved to death on the spot.
“Come on, come on, let’s go eat,” Chu Tianshu said as he slung an arm around Lin Huai’s shoulders, rubbing his head with the other hand. “Worthy of being my best friend. I checked on the way here, I want to eat at that newly opened ramen place…”
And just like that, half dragging and half hugging him, Chu Tianshu hauled Lin Huai down the steps, chattering nonstop about his extensive knowledge of S University’s dining halls. For some reason, Lin Huai felt very lazy. Too lazy to speak, too lazy to complain and too lazy to break free from the arm wrapped around him.
After they had only taken a few steps beyond the library’s sphere of influence, Chu Tianshu suddenly said again, “You’re not something that can be simply defined by a label.”
“…What?” Lin Huai, who had been spacing out, took a long while before responding with just those two words.
They were crossing the music plaza at the center of campus. Every evening at seven o’clock, the fountain here would rise.
It was 6:55.
“Just like you said, a name is a label and a body is a collection of proteins and sugars. A hundred years from now, I’ll turn into minerals and so will you. Neither names nor bodies can define a person. A name is the filename, the body is the operating interface, only the soul is the truly important code.”
“Maybe you’ll ask me again: if the body, the name and the memories all change, then how should one define oneself? But even if all of those have changed, the feelings experienced when people once lived together were real and in life, at that particular moment, they truly happened.”
“And also…”
At that moment, the fountain erupted upward, carrying dazzling sprays of water that surged skyward and fell like rain. Amid the deafening roar of water, Lin Huai saw Chu Tianshu’s lips move.
Then, finally, Chu Tianshu touched his own nose.
The fountain subsided. Chu Tianshu looked at Lin Huai, his gaze sincere, as though he were waiting for some kind of response.
“What did you say just now?” Lin Huai asked. “The fountain was too loud. I didn’t hear it.”
“Well…”
A rare hint of embarrassment appeared on Chu Tianshu’s face. He scratched his cheek with a finger, lowered his head and looked at Lin Huai, whose head was still covered by his coat.
“This…”
One by one, the streetlights along the road lit up. The warm yellow glow illuminated not only the sparkling fountain water but also Lin Huai’s eyes.
“Um… could you give my coat back to me?” Chu Tianshu said.
Lin Huai: “Huh?”
Chu Tianshu sneezed, rubbed his nose again and said awkwardly, “It’s a bit… a bit cold.”
Lin Huai: “……”
“Not the kind of cold where my health is bad,” Chu Tianshu explained. “Objectively speaking, it’s a bit cold. Today there’s a level three north wind, rain tonight and the lowest temperature is fifteen degrees…”
Lin Huai: “……”
“And you know,” Chu Tianshu continued, “your body is also a bit cold right now. Holding onto you for so long really is kind of cold.”
Lin Huai: “……”
“Skin evaporation, air flow carrying away heat, the third type of boundary condition in heat transfer… don’t look at me like that! It’s perfectly normal for me to feel cold…”
Lin Huai: “= =#”
“So could you maybe.. ”
With a completely expressionless face, Lin Huai stuffed the trench coat that had been draped over him straight into Chu Tianshu’s arms.
“So, you’ve actually fallen into becoming a legal liability, huh…” After they arrived at the ramen shop, Lin Huai stirred the noodles in his bowl, propping his chin on one hand as he looked at him. “But with something like this happening to you, I’m not surprised at all…”
“Rather than saying I’ve become a legal liability, it would be more accurate to say I suffered a dual blow, both psychological and physical. Along with my dignity, which was also completely trampled…”
Chu Tianshu vividly described the process by which he had been struck down by the relevant authorities. Lin Huai sat beside him listening but the more he listened, the more something felt off. He took small bites of his soft boiled egg and asked, “…Why were there only two female law enforcers from the relevant authorities?”
“Oh,” Chu Tianshu said, “because they were my mom and my older sister.”
Lin Huai: …
“In short, seeing me not looking for a job, not going out, staying at home indulging in two dimensional culture and horror movies, the relevant authorities launched their final manhunt against me, forcibly entered my home and confiscated all of my research results. I originally planned to flee overnight back to Nanjing with my cat but in the end I realized that in the vast sea of cold indifference that is S City, I still had one last comrade I could mooch meals from.” Chu Tianshu said. “So without any hesitation, I drove straight to S University to seek refuge with you.”
Lin Huai: …
✦ ✧ ✦
Cresvynia
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
One coffee for the translator. One less excuse for them to disappear. 😌
☕ BUY THEM A COFFEE →
✧ (づ｡•ㅅ•｡)づ ☕ ✧
✦ thank you for reading ✦
← PreviousNext →
ChaptersChapter 111 · Although the author really didn’t want to writeChapter 112 · An explanation of the main storylineChapter 113 · Lin Huai’s QuestionChapter 114 · Hello classmateChapter 115 · Let me introduce the protagonist’s family backgroundChapter 116 · The innocent and naive Lin XiaohuaiChapter 117 · The Trisolarans ArriveChapter 118 · He Isn’t Fighting AloneChapter 119 · Why Here?Chapter 120 · A World Where Everyone Is Sculpted in ClayChapter 121 · How Could It Be YouChapter 122 · I want to sell my carChapter 123 · The Mysterious Transfer StudentsChapter 124 · Gu BeichenChapter 125 · The Male Lead of This StoryChapter 126 · A Voice Never Heard BeforeChapter 127 · You’re Tomie, aren’t you?Chapter 128 · I’ll give youChapter 129 · I just want to be with youChapter 130 · The Principal’s OfficeChapter 131 · Chu: I Disbanded Your Hate GroupsChapter 132 · Speak ProperlyChapter 133 · A Trisolaran Enters the Grand View GardenChapter 134 · Ji FengjianChapter 135 · About Me and YouChapter 136 · Kayako Likes ItChapter 137 · YouChapter 138 · I’ll Beat MyselfChapter 139 · I Want to See MyselfChapter 140 · The Trisolarans’ First Experience of Love and SexChapter 141 · The Trisolarans Try Romance Once MoreChapter 142 · The Trisolarans Try Romance for the Third TimeChapter 143 · It’s All This Buff’s FaultChapter 144 · The Way You Straight Men TalkChapter 145 · Why are you taking it so seriously?Chapter 146 · Chu Tianshu Shows Off His MusclesChapter 147 · Enter the DreamChapter 148 · Leave a little secretChapter 149 · Shadow StreamerChapter 150 · Don’t Look at MeChapter 151 · The Trisolarans betrayed StalinChapter 152 · Then I WillChapter 153 · The Trisolarans rewrite the Book of Life and DeathChapter 154 · What Career Could Be More Important Than Your Wife?Chapter 155 · Aren’t We Already Together?Chapter 156 · MVP of the Entire FieldChapter 157 · Meeting the FamilyChapter 158 · A Phone Call Across Time and SpaceChapter 159 · Lu Jin, You’re So MiserableChapter 160 · The Lands Of DaughtersChapter 161 · The So Called Pregnancy StreamChapter 162 · The Street Where Only the Two of Us ExistChapter 163 · No bare faceChapter 164 · Question 1: Do you have hair loss?Chapter 165 · LaxativesChapter 166 · Where Exactly Do You Exist?Chapter 167 · Seven ZeroChapter 168 · The issue of 0 and 1Chapter 169 · Wind ChimeChapter 170 · Visa and Wind ChimesChapter 171 · Continue to persecute Lu JinChapter 172 · Examiner: I’ve fallen in love with himChapter 173 · Lin Huai intimidates scalpersChapter 174 · Night of EvilChapter 175 · Congratulations to the Male Guests on Successfully Finding Their PartnersChapter 176 · Before ThisChapter 177 · The gong says he is terrifiedChapter 178 · The Tasker CampChapter 179 · I’m So ScaredChapter 180 · The Final Transitional ChapterChapter 181 · Four Beauties Among the FlowersChapter 182 · Plum FragranceChapter 183 · Dry Weather and Flammable ThingsChapter 184 · The Heartless Sword ManualChapter 185 · Only MeChapter 186 · The North PoleChapter 187 · Let Brother Lin Learn to Meow Like a CatChapter 188 · Good Night