Shen Nanxing truly realized that there was no place for her in the family on an ordinary weekend.
That day, Gu Cheng'an was rarely off work. His mother-in-law went to the market early to buy fish and ribs, saying she wanted to nourish her son. Shen Nanxing took the two children to put away their toys, do the laundry, and mop the floor. By noon, she was exhausted, and the kitchen was already filled with the rich fragrance of soup.
At mealtime, mother-in-law picked the most tender part of the fish belly and placed it in Gu Cheng'an's bowl.
“You've lost weight lately. Eat more.”
She then put a piece of rib in Dabao's bowl. “Yiming is growing, so eat more too.”
Xiaobao sat in his high chair while mother-in-law served him steamed egg custard, coaxing him with a smile. “Our Yichen should eat too. Eat up and grow big quickly.”
Shen Nanxing sat at the table and had just picked up her chopsticks when she heard mother-in-law say, “Nanxing, blow on Yichen's food first so he doesn't burn himself.”
She put down her chopsticks, picked up the small bowl, blew on it, and tested the temperature before feeding him a few bites. Xiaobao refused to eat properly, squirming around and rubbing the custard onto his clothes. She pulled out a tissue to wipe him, while Gu Yiming called out that the soup had spilled.
By the time she could finally sit down to eat, only the fish tail remained, and the soup had cooled beneath a layer of oil.
Gu Cheng'an noticed and casually asked, “There's still some in the pot, right?”
Mother-in-law replied, “There is, but Nanxing isn't picky. She can eat anything.”
Shen Nanxing looked at the cold rice in her bowl and suddenly felt a lump in her throat.
She truly wasn't picky. Not because she had been born that way, but because life had trained her for so many years that she could no longer afford to be selective. Leftovers from the children, what remained at the bottom of the pot, scraps others did not like—she could silently finish them all. Over time, even her family had forgotten that she had foods she liked too.
After the meal, Gu Cheng'an accompanied Dabao in building with blocks, while mother-in-law held Xiaobao on the sofa and watched television. Shen Nanxing washed dishes alone in the kitchen. The sink was piled high with bowls and chopsticks, and the greasy plates were so slippery she could barely hold them. She heard laughter coming from the living room. Gu Cheng'an praised Dabao for being clever, while mother-in-law said both grandsons looked like their father.
No one called for her.
She lowered her head and continued washing the dishes, suddenly remembering her childhood at her maternal family's home. Although her mother had been busy too, whenever the family stewed a fish, she would save the fish cheeks—the part Shen Nanxing liked—for her. Back then, Shen Nanxing had thought being remembered was an ordinary thing. Only after growing up did she understand how precious it really was.
In the afternoon, Gu Cheng'an said he wanted to take the children downstairs for a walk. Shen Nanxing had just wanted to say that she would go too when mother-in-law came out of the room with a coat and handed it to Gu Cheng'an. “Take Yiming downstairs. I'll coax Yichen to sleep. Nanxing, stay home and put away the clothes. The balcony is piled high with them.”
Gu Cheng'an did not think anything was wrong. “Then I'll take Yiming.”
Dabao happily followed his father out. Xiaobao grew sleepy in mother-in-law's arms. After the door closed, the house suddenly fell silent.
Shen Nanxing stood on the balcony, gathering the clothes one piece at a time. Tiny socks, the children's school uniforms, Gu Cheng'an's shirts, and mother-in-law's autumn clothes. Only at the end came her own two nurse's uniforms, already washed until they looked worn, with a little fraying at the cuffs.
She folded the clothes and placed them in the wardrobe according to each person's section. Gu Cheng'an's clothes occupied an entire row, the children's things filled two storage boxes, and mother-in-law's clothes were kept in the secondary bedroom. She had the fewest clothes of all, squeezed into a corner of the master bedroom wardrobe.
At that moment, she suddenly felt that traces of her labor were everywhere in this home, yet there was hardly any place that truly belonged to her.
That evening, Gu Cheng'an came out after his shower and saw her sitting blankly on the edge of the bed. He asked, “What's wrong?”
Shen Nanxing said, “Have you ever felt that I'm like a servant who does odd jobs around this house?”
Gu Cheng'an was stunned, then smiled. “You're overthinking it. Why make such a big deal out of it? Isn't everyone busy in the same way?”
Shen Nanxing looked at him.
It wasn't the same.
Only then did she suddenly realize that getting someone who had never stood in your place to admit that things were different was simply too difficult.