“Then just tell me their names. Okay? I’ll only keep them in mind, that’s all.”
It was a lie. He would curse them, then curse them again. He intended to personally demonstrate what happened when one person cursed another with genuine malice. But the actual victim merely smiled, as though he had no intention of telling him anything.
“Will you put medicine on it for me?”
“Why are you asking something so obvious….”
“It’s cold, Jeri.”
Only then did Jedrier realize that he had left the injured and wounded Henry standing outside. He hurriedly told him they should go inside and started to carefully place a hand around his waist, only to stop and instead take off the coat he was wearing and drape it over Henry’s shoulders. Just as he had expected, it fit him perfectly, as though it had belonged to Henry from the very beginning, but rather than feeling pleased, Jedrier’s heart hurt so much he could hardly bear it.
“There’s a stone sticking out in front of you, so be careful.”
Keeping his eyes lowered, he cleared away every obstacle from the places Henry might step.
“Steps ahead!”
He was even more careful on the old staircase. It creaked with every step, and there was no telling when it might collapse.
“Okay, sit right here and don’t move.”
At last reaching the room, Jedrier sat Henry down on one side of the bed. He did not forget to cover his knees with some clothes in case he was cold.
“Just a moment.”
He went into the bathroom and wet one of the few pieces of cloth that was still in decent condition. With his hands submerged in water as cold as ice, he pressed his lips tightly together.
‘What a fantastic combination.’
A hated manservant, framed and cast aside.
And a concubine abandoned by both his family and the Emperor.
But none of that was his fault, nor was it Henry’s. His eyes began to sting again from the unfairness of it all, and Jedrier pressed a hand over them while biting hard into the inside of his cheek.
‘I want to leave.’
He wanted to leave this horrible place. He did not want to remain here for even one more moment. But Henry kept weighing on his mind. At some point, he had stopped constantly thinking about running away. It was not because he liked staying in the palace. It was because spending time with Henry was fun. They had not spent very long together, but now he could not even imagine time without him.
‘Do I really have to run away alone?’
At first, he had thought leaving Henry behind in the palace was the right thing to do. He had believed that was only natural.
But as things kept turning out like this, cracks gradually began to form in that once-firm conviction. Could he really bring himself to walk away and leave kind, good-natured Henry in this vicious place, where innocent people were beaten, persecuted, tormented, and framed…? Someone innocent had already been beaten for no reason other than having a concubine with no backing as his superior.
‘What if we ran away together….’
Jedrier gently bit his lip. His thoughts were too tangled for him to make a decision.
‘For now….’
Don’t think about it. Right now, he was far, far too emotional. Decisions made at times like this were bound to become regrets.
“Henry….”
Jedrier came back out carrying the wet cloth and sat beside Henry. He carefully wiped over the wounds. They looked so painful that just seeing them made him shudder.
“It hurts, doesn’t it?”
“It doesn’t hurt. I’m used to injuries like these.”
Jedrier’s lips slowly parted wider in shock. At the implication that Henry had been beaten often enough to become accustomed to it, the sobs he had forced down began to rise again.
‘There’s nowhere on our boy that deserves to be hit!’
So the imperial palace really was this vicious! No, he had already known it was a vicious place. But knowing something in your head and seeing it with your own eyes were completely different things.
“So I’m fine. You put medicine on it for me, Jeri. By tomorrow, it’ll be completely healed.”
Jedrier realized that Henry’s smile was overflowing with something that could only be called ‘resignation.’ Imagining how hard things must have been for him before he could wear an expression like that so naturally made his chest ache.
“The truth is….”
“…Yeah.”
“When I was being hit, I felt miserable….”
Of course you did! You were beaten when you hadn’t even done anything wrong. No, even if Henry truly had done something wrong, this still wasn’t right. And even if Henry did make a mistake, how serious could it possibly have been? They really were petty, despicable people.
“But when I thought about coming back here, I could endure it.”
Jedrier should have told him that of course he could always come back. But he could not get a single word out. It felt as though something had closed tightly around his throat.
“Because Jeri is always here, and you’ll always take my side.”
The wet cloth slipped from his hand and landed on the floor with a soft thud, but he could not bring himself to pick it up.
“So please keep staying by my side.”
Jedrier could not push Henry away when he buried his face against his shoulder.
No, he did not want to push him away.
* * *
“Haa….”
Jedrier could not fall asleep no matter what he did. His heart was unsettled. Every time he closed his eyes, the image of the wounded Henry resurfaced, leaving his thoughts in turmoil.
‘There’s barely anything to that little kid. How could anyone hit him?’
He was only big on the outside. Inside, he was kind and delicate. How much worse must things have been when Jedrier had not been there? It was not difficult for him to imagine Henry curled up and sitting alone miserably in some corner. His eyes reddened on their own.
‘When I was being hit, I felt miserable….’
Jedrier clenched his fist. For the first time, he wanted to recklessly wield his status as the Emperor’s concubine.
You hit our boy for no reason, didn’t you? Then I’m going to hit you for no reason too!
Should he shout something like that?
‘But when I thought about coming back here, I could endure it.’
He should have told Henry that this place would soon disappear from his life. After all, Jedrier was planning to flee the imperial palace soon. He should have told Henry about it right now.
But Jedrier could not.
He did not have the courage.
And the fact that he could not predict how Henry would react made it even harder.
‘Because Jeri is always here, and you’ll always take my side.’
That voice, so certain that Jedrier would continue standing on his side, would not leave his ears. He could not tell him that was not true.
No, he had to say it, but….
He could not force the words out.
To think he had been such a selfish person. Jedrier let out the sigh that had risen all the way to his chin.
‘So please keep staying by my side.’
His eyes stung. It felt as though tears might spill at any moment, so he bit his lip.
Henry really was far too kind. Jedrier worried about every little thing he did, as though he were watching a child left alone by the water’s edge. He wanted to hold him close, wanted to take care of everything for him from beginning to end.
‘Then what? Are you going to ask him to run away with you?’
That could not happen.
It was obviously going to be a difficult road, and he could not drag Henry into it just because he worried about him and could not get him out of his mind. Besides, working at the imperial palace meant Henry would have a livelihood for the rest of his life. There was no way Henry would abandon such an honorable position to choose the life of a fugitive who never knew when he might be caught.
And….
‘What if I ask for no reason and he rejects me?’
Kind-hearted Henry would never report him, but Jedrier did not think he could bear being rejected. Even facing each other afterward would become awkward. And if Henry rejected him, Jedrier felt like he might cling to him relentlessly. He would probably try to take advantage of Henry’s kind nature. Wouldn’t he guilt him into leaving together in the end?
‘No. No, that’s not it.’
There was no way Henry would actually say no. Even if he disliked the idea, he would be unable to show it and would simply nod along. The Henry Jedrier had seen was that kind of person.
So….
‘Don’t pressure him.’
Don’t even say it out loud.
Never.
Repeating that resolution to himself over and over, Jedrier closed his eyes. He tried to fall asleep while listening to Henry’s steady breathing from close by.
“Jeri.”
Jedrier, who had only just drifted into a light sleep, opened his eyes. Henry was looking at him with an intensely tense expression. He pressed his index finger to his lips. It seemed to mean that Jedrier should stay quiet.
His drowsiness vanished instantly.
“Someone came in.”
Jedrier strained his ears, but he could not hear anything. Henry’s expression, however, was far too rigid.
Jedrier reached out and grabbed Henry’s sleeve. His heart pounded wildly as though he had been running.
“Y-you stay right here.”
“…Jeri?”
“I’ll go check.”
If someone had come in during the middle of the night rather than in the morning or during the day, their intentions were obviously suspicious.
Had they come to steal something?
But if they had eyes, they would not have chosen this palace that looked ready to collapse at any moment.
Then had they come to hurt someone?
Yes, that had to be it. Otherwise, there was no reason anyone would come to this remote, abandoned palace.
‘Could it be those two bastards who hit our boy during the day?’
Without even realizing it, Jedrier clenched his fist.
Good.
If it was those two bastards from earlier, he would pretend it was an accident and hit them as hard as he could.
‘…Could Count Olson have sent someone?’
To dispose of his unwanted son and gain something for the family?
No matter what the cause of death was, if someone died inside the imperial palace, responsibility could be demanded from the Emperor. If the person really had been sent by Count Olson….
Jedrier’s gaze shifted toward Henry.
Then this was the worst possible situation.
‘I can’t let him get dragged into this.’
Jedrier tugged on the sleeve he was holding. He did not know which of the two possibilities it was, but he wanted Henry somewhere safe.
“Henry.”
“Yes.”
“You have to stay quiet, okay?”
After making sure Henry was sitting obediently on the bed, Jedrier slowly rose to his feet.
At once, a distinctly sulky voice came from behind him.