After that, Huangfu Yi would come looking for Zi Sang Zhen every three days. Zi Sang Zhen would either take her digging for worms in the mud or climbing trees to fetch eggs, though it was always Zi Sang Zhen doing all the climbing and rummaging, while Huangfu Yi simply watched from the side.
Though she longed to join in, her elegant attire made it difficult to get dirty. Zi Sang Zhen was more than willing to do all the work, as Huangfu Yi was her first little companion, and she gladly gave her the best.
Whenever Zi Sang Zhen got her hands covered in mud, she would wipe them clean with the handkerchief she carried, afraid that the mud might stain Huangfu Yi’s clothes and get her scolded by her mother.
Though Zi Sang Zhen had no idea what Huangfu Yi’s mother looked like, based on her own experience, she had endured plenty of scoldings from Zi Sang Mu—even if they were more bark than bite—and she didn’t want her little companion to suffer any grievances.
In this way, Zi Sang Zhen practically took Huangfu Yi through every “mischief” she had never done before. Though, as always, it was Zi Sang Zhen doing all the work while Huangfu Yi watched from the sidelines.
What child would willingly stick to the rules? Under Zi Sang Zhen’s guidance, Huangfu Yi had reached the point of “never having eaten pork but having seen a pig run.”
After catching insects, Zi Sang Zhen would find a clean spot, lie on the ground with Huangfu Yi, and have cricket fights, deliberately giving her the strongest, most stubborn cricket just so she could win. She would also pick fruit, squat down, wipe it clean or peel it for Huangfu Yi to eat. Though the fruit was often sour and astringent, the gestures themselves were sweet.
Huangfu Yi could see through it, but this was the affection her “imperial brother” showed her—why refuse what was freely given?
“After today, I might not be free for another four days. I’ll be going into seclusion soon,” Zi Sang Zhen said with an air of mystery.
Calculating the days, her monthly cycle was about to arrive. According to her mother and Qian Yu, she would soon experience the so-called “Tui-Shi (Receding State),” which was said to be quite painful. If she couldn’t make it in three days, that would be unfortunate.
Huangfu Yi was clearly displeased but held back her dissatisfaction. She pulled out a sachet from her robe—a piece of embroidery her mother had taught her. Ever since returning on the first day, she had felt she couldn’t just take Zi Sang Zhen’s gifts without giving something in return, so she prepared this present. Today, it happened to be finished, serving as a token of their promise.
“If I give you this, can it still be three days?”
This was both a bribe and a coquettish plea.
Faced with her little sister’s acting cute, Zi Sang Zhen felt that, as an elder brother, she couldn’t let her sister down. Patting her chest, she vowed solemnly:
“In that case, I’ll definitely come on time!”
It was just “Tui-Shi (Receding State)”—surely it wouldn’t be that bad.
“Then it’s settled! Pinky promise.” Huangfu Yi extended her little finger, holding it up toward Zi Sang Zhen.
But Zi Sang Zhen had never played this game and didn’t quite understand. Scratching her head, she asked, “What does that mean?”
Huangfu Yi giggled, took her little finger, and said, “It’s a promise!” She hooked their pinkies together and made the vow herself: “Pinky promise, a hundred years no changing. Break the promise, swallow a thousand needles!”
“Wow, that’s vicious!” Zi Sang Zhen laughed but didn’t object, naturally confident she wouldn’t break her word. She repeated the words: “Pinky promise, a hundred years no changing. Break the promise, I’ll swallow a thousand needles!”
“It’s settled!”
“Yes, it’s settled!”
Qian Yu had been waiting on the other side for a long time, but she did not ruin the beautiful moment, merely lowering her head and smiling quietly. She even playfully recounted Zi Sang Zhen’s “romantic encounter” to Zi Sang Mu and Jin Yu.
Jin Yu and Zi Sang Mu both laughed heartily.
However, after the laughter subsided, Jin Yu grew concerned. “I’m afraid the young princess will have to break her promise this time. The first ‘Tui-Shi’ is extremely painful. Back then, Her Highness even fainted from it. The young princess will likely experience something similar.”
Jin Yu wondered if she should go easier on the first session, allowing the two of them to enjoy themselves a little longer, but Zi Sang Mu refused. “Do not hold back. If she lacks determination, it’s better for her to give up sooner rather than later.”
Jin Yu couldn’t understand. Since Zi Sang Zhen had already agreed, why did Zi Sang Mu seem unwilling to trust her?
“I once wanted to give up too,” Zi Sang Mu said, “but I had a powerful desire. If I couldn’t become exceptional, I would die without a proper burial alongside my mother. It was only by clinging to that belief that I barely made it through.”
Zi Sang Mu set down her teacup and gazed outside the door at Zi Sang Zhen, who was happily receiving a gift. Her heart softened with a sigh.
“But she faces no such pressure. Matters of life, death, and vengeance are our burden, not Zhen’er’s. She may not possess my resolve. If she cannot endure it, then let her abandon it. Qian Yu, take Zhen’er south. If I do not return safely, let her forget about me.”
Qian Yu stopped Jin Yu from voicing her objection, shaking her head slightly.
Zi Sang Mu’s words held reason. After all, they had initially placed Zi Sang Zhen on the scales as a wager. Yet, after more than a decade of earnest teaching, Zi Sang Mu had let go of her own obsession.
Whether she succeeded or not, Zi Sang Mu had already charted all her own paths.
Now, she merely wished to see if her wager would pay off. Whatever the outcome, they would accept it.
In Zi Sang Zhen’s chamber, Jin Yu prepared silver needles over a flame. Zi Sang Mu sat to the side, while Qian Yu set down her sword and stood nearby.
The bright room carried a faint, almost imperceptible sense of pressure. None of the three spoke, and Zi Sang Zhen instinctively felt the mood was not good, suppressing her own doubts.
Jin Yu placed the sterilized and cooled silver needles aside, then gave Qian Yu a look. The latter stepped forward immediately and pinned down Zi Sang Zhen’s hands.
Before Zi Sang Zhen could utter a word, Jin Yu picked up a silver needle and said without any emotion, “This will hurt. Endure it.”
“Ah!” It hurt! Zi Sang Zhen had never experienced such intense pain before.
Even when she had climbed a tree for the first time years ago and fallen, breaking a bone, the pain had not been this severe. Jin Yu accurately located all the acupoints associated with excruciating pain, inserting needle after needle.
She showed no hesitation, not even a hint of emotion, as if she had done this countless times. Zi Sang Zhen’s tears streamed down from the agony. With great effort, she lifted her head to look toward her mother, only to see her avoiding her gaze, quietly sipping tea by herself.
It hurt!
It hurt!
It hurt!
Now, the pain in her lower abdomen had faded, but her arms, thighs, waist, and even her mind were flooded with agony—so intense she couldn’t make a sound, unable even to cry out, only gasping for breath with her mouth open.
Even Qian Yu, who was restraining her struggles, couldn’t help but turn her face away. In that moment of distraction, Zi Sang Zhen broke free from Qian Yu’s hold. The silver needles still embedded in her body amplified the pain even further.
Zi Sang Zhen was drenched in sweat. Though the suppression had ceased, the agony in her body showed no sign of abating. She felt as if her entire being was being tormented to the brink of death.
Gasping for breath, she looked toward Jin Yu and forced out a plea, “I beg you…” Let me go.
Unfortunately, she couldn’t utter the rest of the sentence. She knew that if she gave up, her mother would be disappointed. She didn’t want to see that look of sorrow and futility on her mother’s face again.
But the pain was truly unbearable. She could endure it no longer.
Tears streamed uncontrollably, mingling with the blood flowing beneath her.
She felt she was about to die.
Had her mother experienced this same ordeal before?
The agony pierced deep into her mind. No one offered words of comfort; they all waited for her to endure it alone.
In a daze, her hand clutched the sachet.
At least Ah Yi didn’t have to suffer such pain. At least, at least… But in the end, she couldn’t hold on much longer and fell unconscious.
“Your Highness, the young princess has fainted. Should we continue?” Zi Sang Mu collected the teacup in her hand and waved dismissively. “No need. Tui-Shi must be performed while conscious. Since she has fainted, let her rest for a few days.”
The Tui-Shi, which had begun preparations early in the morning, concluded before noon. The early spring morning was already bitterly cold, but today felt even more severe.
Jin Yu and Qian Yu dared not utter another word. They could only lower their heads and exit, leaving only Zi Sang Mu and Zi Sang Zhen inside the room.
Zi Sang Mu remained seated in place, head bowed, her gaze fixed intently on the teacup beside her hand. Her fingers idly stirred the tea leaves at the rim of the cup. No one could discern what thoughts lay in her heart at that moment; only a trace of reluctance could be glimpsed in her eyes.
Tui-Shi was inherently painful.
Put in gentler terms, its purpose was to use pain to desensitize her physiological responses. Once her pain perception diminished, any future suffering would be minimized. This was agony. Back then, Zi Sang Mu had endured it too. Clenching her teeth, relying on the pride in her bones and her unwillingness to lose, she had weathered wave after wave of pain.
What had her mother been thinking at that time? To let her give up or to urge her to continue?
She didn’t know. She only remembered being awakened by a splash of cold water, followed by another wave of heart-wrenching pain.
But now, facing her own child, she seemed incapable of being as resolute as her mother had been.
Zi Sang Mu rose and sat by Zi Sang Zhen’s bedside. Her fingers brushed away the tears and sweat left on her daughter’s face, her heart feeling as if it were being tightly clenched.
Yet, in the end, she still couldn’t make a decision. She stood up and left the room.
Outside the door, Jin Yu was bringing medicinal water and happened to run into Zi Sang Mu.
“Your Highness.”
“Is that the medicine?” Zi Sang Mu examined the liquid in her hands, only then recalling it was the medicine that could harm the body.
Jin Yu visibly stiffened, shaking her head nervously. “No, it’s a tonic.”
Zi Sang Mu was clearly taken aback. Jin Yu, fearing reprimand, felt uneasy, but Zi Sang Mu merely smiled without further comment, as if she had already anticipated this outcome.
“Feed it to her when she wakes up.”
As Jin Yu was about to enter, Zi Sang Mu stopped her with a gesture. “I won’t be coming for the next two days. You and Qian Yu proceed as usual.”
Jin Yu paused for a moment, then nodded in agreement.
For the next two days, Zi Sang Zhen woke in pain and fell unconscious in pain.
Only, she never saw her mother again, left to lie paralyzed in bed.
Zi Sang Zhen could no longer tell what time it was. She could only faintly hear a spring thunderclap, and the first spring rain quietly began to fall. Yet all she could feel was her own blurred vision. Her barely raised hands were covered in blue and purple wounds, and her palms were a bloody mess—all the result of her enduring agony.
Her lips were also bitten and injured. In the end, they had to tie a cloth strip around her mouth and tongue to prevent her from biting her tongue in despair.
By the third day, the light had faded from Zi Sang Zhen’s eyes. The first time, Jin Yu had still been reluctant to be too harsh, but in just three days, Zi Sang Zhen had already begun to feel like giving up. The moment the cloth strip was removed, the first words she spoke were, “I want to give up.”
It was too painful. The torment to her body had stripped away any will to persevere. Her heart and mind were filled only with thoughts of surrender.
Jin Yu turned her head away, unable to say yes. Qian Yu couldn’t bring herself to do it either.
She was their hope, but Zi Sang Mu had instructed that if she wanted to give up, they must agree to it.
Even though they simply couldn’t bring themselves to do so.
Zi Sang Zhen’s hands fell limply beside Jin Yu, pleading desperately, “Please, I don’t think I can hold on any longer. It hurts so much. Did Mother suffer this much pain back then?”
She shook her head with difficulty, and that single shake of her head felt like salvation, like a survivor in the desert finding water. Yet the one who could have saved her offered no relief, instead uttering even more cruel words.
“She took medicine back then, and even bled herself.”
Zi Sang Zhen didn’t know what kind of medicine it was, nor did she understand what bleeding herself meant. All she knew was that such pain must be far worse than the destruction of her joints or the sting of silver needles.
It was almost a desperate plea, but no one gave her an answer!
Outside, a torrential downpour had begun at some point. Amid the sound of raindrops falling, Zi Sang Zhen faintly heard someone calling her name. But her voice was muffled, even drowned out by the sound of rain hitting the ground.
This spring rain had arrived at the most inopportune time.
As if realizing something, Zi Sang Zhen rolled out of bed, ignoring the pain in her body and not even bothering to put on her outer robe.
“Boom!!”
A clap of thunder struck.