Inside the storeroom, the air seemed to freeze.
Nanny Li was still kneeling on the floor wailing, her mouth filled with phrases like “utterly loyal,” crying so loud it could split heaven and earth.
Lu Ci paid no attention to her, merely turning his head slightly, his gaze falling upon Su Tang with a hint of playful intrigue: “Did the Princess Consort say just now that you wanted to put on a show with me?”
Su Tang froze for a moment, but quickly realized what was happening, her inner drama queen instantly taking over. She pinched her handkerchief, looking at Nanny Li with a face full of innocence: “Nanny, please stop crying. His Highness is most fair and upright; if your son is truly innocent, His Highness will surely reward him. It’s just…”
She shifted the conversation, her tone becoming somewhat hesitant: “This concubine heard that eggs in the market cost only three coins apiece. If the eggs your son procured truly cost ten taels of silver each, then surely… they must have been laid by divine hens raised on gold?”
Nanny Li’s face stiffened, her eyes darting around frantically: “The Princess Consort has long resided in the inner quarters, so how could you know market prices? Those were… those were ‘Snow Mountain Flying Hens’ presented as tribute from the Western Regions! On ordinary days, they drink snowmelt from the Tianshan Mountains and eat thousand-year ginseng—of course they’re more expensive!”
*Pfft!*
Su Tang burst out laughing in her mind.
【What the heck, Snow Mountain Flying Hens?! It looks more like ‘Widow Zhao’s free-range chickens’! The system just told me that your silly son, in order to flatter Widow Zhao in the east of the city, spent all the Manor’s procurement money buying face powder and rouge for her! All those eggs were pulled right out of Widow Zhao’s chicken coop, still covered in chicken poop!】
【Ten taels of silver apiece? That’s not eating eggs—that’s eating Lu Ci’s flesh! Seeing him get ripped off like this, even my heart aches for him.】
Lu Ci had been sneering initially, but hearing the words “ripped off,” the veins on his temples throbbed violently twice.
Good.
Very good.
Even a servant dared to slaughter him like a pig?
“Guards.” Lu Ci’s voice plunged into icy coldness, like ice chips in the depth of winter. “Bring the procurement manager here.”
A moment later, a fat man with a greasy face and large ears was dragged in by the secret guards like a dead dog. It was none other than Nanny Li’s son, Li Ergou.
“Your Highness, spare my life! Your Highness, spare my life!” The moment Li Ergou saw the scene, he wet his pants in terror.
Lu Ci didn’t bother with nonsense. He flicked an account book out from his sleeve, slamming it directly onto his face: “Manager Li, I heard the eggs you buy cost ten taels of silver apiece?”
Li Ergou trembled all over, subconsciously glancing toward Nanny Li.
Nanny Li frantically gave him desperate winks.
Lu Ci sneered coldly: “Since these eggs are so precious and serve as a grand tonic, An-One, go to the storeroom and bring all the remaining baskets of eggs here. Today, this Prince bestows upon Manager Li the privilege to—eat—them—all.”
“Raw.”
Those last words were laced with deep, bone-chilling coldness.
Su Tang’s eyes lit up: 【Whoa! A raw egg feast? Swallowed whole? This scene… is a bit fishy, but oh so satisfying! Lu Ci’s tactic of ‘fighting poison with poison’ is executed so smoothly! As expected of the villain BOSS, a man of few words but ruthless action!】
The scene that followed could be called a massive Mukbang trainwreck.
Pinned down by two secret guards, raw eggs were forced into Li Ergou’s mouth one after another. Yolk streamed everywhere accompanied by a foul stench; Li Ergou rolled his eyes back, vomiting and eating, eating and vomiting.
Off to the side, Nanny Li cried until she fainted outright.
“Drag them all down.” Lu Ci waved his hand in disgust. “Fifty strokes of the staff, confiscate all family assets, and sell the whole family to the northern coal mines. Tell the slave brokers that if anyone has dirty hands like this, I don’t want to see them in the capital ever again.”
“Yes!”
Amidst a flurry of ghostly wails and howling, the world finally turned quiet.
Looking at the two being dragged away, Su Tang silently gave Lu Ci a mental peace sign.
【Nicely done! Now authority over the Manor’s finances is completely back in my hands! Confiscating family assets… heh heh, Nanny Li has embezzled quite a lot over the years, so I’m going to make a fortune again!】
Lu Ci turned around, his gaze colliding directly with Su Tang’s pair of eyes, which were sparkling with “money symbols.”
He let out a cold snort in his heart, deliberately stepping forward to close in on Su Tang: “The Princess Consort achieved a great deed today. The assets confiscated from the Li family—this Prince will split half with you.”
Su Tang’s breathing hitched, her heart skipping a beat.
【Half?! That’s at least several tens of thousands of taels!】
【Lu Ci! You are my god! Even though you can’t perform down there, when it comes to giving money, you’re more ‘stiff’ than any hunk! Since you’re so generous, I’ll definitely buy you the best tiger penis wine later! I must get you cured!】
Lu Ci: “…”
He took a deep breath, barely holding back the urge to strangle this woman to death, gritting his teeth: “Get back and rest! Don’t embarrass this Prince during tomorrow’s tea-serving ceremony!”
With that, he strode off like a gust of wind, his back carrying a trace of flustered humiliation as he fled.
If he stayed any longer, he feared he would be angered to death by those words “tiger penis”!
Su Tang slept exceptionally sweet while hugging her silver banknotes, only being awakened by the system the next day when the sun was high in the sky.
【System: Host, wake up! Today’s main quest: Serve tea and establish authority. The green-tea cousin is sharpening her knives in the main hall, getting ready to give you a lesson!】
Su Tang rubbed her eyes, pulled a silver banknote out from under her pillow to kiss it, instantly revitalized to full health: 【Let’s go! Time to meet that money-distributing child… oh no, green-tea cousin.】
Inside the main hall.
Lu Ci was already seated in the main throne. Today, he wore a simple dark robe, his expression cold and distant, holding a teacup in hand as if lost in thought.
Seated below him was a woman dressed in white, swaying gently like a weak willow in the wind.
It was none other than the cousin who had failed her bun delivery yesterday, Lin Wan’er.
Today she had learned her lesson. She no longer wore flashy, colorful attire, instead opting for the “pure white flower” route, her eye rims red as if she had suffered immense grievance. Nanny Li was her wet nurse and confidante; having her sold off yesterday was like severing one of her arms.
She pinned this entire debt on Su Tang!
“Sister Princess Consort has arrived.” Seeing Su Tang enter, Lin Wan’er hastily stood up, offering a soft, fragile bow. “Yesterday, Wan’er was ignorant and angered Sister. Today, I have specifically prepared tea to offer Sister an apology.”
Saying that, she took the tea tray from the maid servant’s hands, attempting to hand it to Su Tang.
Looking at her hypocritical face, the radar in Su Tang’s mind went off instantly.
【Ding! Gossip Warning!】
【Gossip target: Lin Wan’er.】
【Gossip Report: This green tea harbored ill intentions! Beneath her skirt lies a giant toad! It’s the ‘Toad King’ she bought from a beggar at a high price! She plans to release the toad while you take the tea to scare you, making you lose your composure in public. Ideally, she wants you to spill hot tea all over Lu Ci, framing you for disrespecting His Highness!】
【Holy crap! A toad? Such heavy taste?】
Su Tang felt her scalp go numb. What she feared most in this life were these soft, slimy things!
【This cousin looks so delicate, yet her taste in tricks is quite twisted! Since you want to play, your sister will play a big one with you!】
Su Tang kept her expression calm, walking over with a smile: “Cousin is too polite, we are all one family.”
She reached out her hand, pretending to take the teacup.
Just at the instant her fingertips were about to touch the teacup, Su Tang’s foot suddenly “slipped,” and her whole body crashed straight into Lin Wan’er.
“Aiya!”
Su Tang let out a cry of surprise, her body tilting as she cleverly avoided the teacup, yet colliding squarely into Lin Wan’er.
“Ah!”
Lin Wan’er hadn’t expected Su Tang to suddenly crash into her. Losing her balance, her entire body fell backward. She subconsciously tried to grab onto something to keep her balance, resulting in the tea tray in her hand flying right out.
Hot tea spilled all over the floor.
Immediately following, an even more brilliant scene took place.
Because of this collision, the lid of the bamboo cage hidden under Lin Wan’er’s skirt was knocked open.
“Ribbit!”
A thick, loud croak resonated throughout the main hall.
A toad the size of a fist, its body covered in bumpy warts, crawled out from under Lin Wan’er’s pale white skirt. Puffing out its cheeks, its dead-fish eyes stared straight at Lu Ci on the main throne.
Dead silence fell over the hall.
The air seemed to freeze for three seconds.
The tea lid in Lu Ci’s hand struck the rim of the cup with a crisp “clink.”
Looking at the toad crouching beside Lin Wan’er’s foot—and even attempting to crawl back up into her skirt—that eternal ice-mountain face finally cracked open.
Lin Wan’er was stunned too.
Her original scheme was to make the toad jump onto Su Tang, so how now…
“Ribbit!” The toad seemed to be repelled by the smell of rouge and powder on Lin Wan’er; with a sudden leap, it jumped straight onto Lin Wan’er’s chest!
“AAAAAAHHH—!!!”
Lin Wan’er let out a pig-slaughtering shriek, rolling her eyes back as she frantically slapped at her chest, rolling around on the floor completely devoid of decorum, “Get it off! Quickly get it off me! Help, Cousin!”
Standing to the side, Su Tang covered her mouth, looking terrified on the surface, but inside she was laughing so hard she snorted like a pig:
【Hahahaha! This toad sure knows how to pick a spot! Does it want to eat swan meat? No wait, this is a toad wanting to eat green-tea meat!】
【Lu Ci, look quickly! This is your delicate cousin who supposedly can’t take care of herself! Hiding a toad beneath her skirt—this quirk is absolute gold! What heavy taste!】
Lu Ci: “…”
He took a deep breath, feeling the veins on his temples throbbing frantically.
He had originally thought Nanny Li was stupid enough, but he hadn’t expected this cousin to be so uniquely and refreshingly foolish!
“Enough!”
Lu Ci slammed his hand onto the table, shaking the teacups wildly.
“Guards! Get this… thing out of here!” Lu Ci pointed at Lin Wan’er (and the toad) on the floor, his face full of disgust. “As a young lady of the Manor, hiding vile things under your skirt in broad daylight—what kind of decorum is this!”
Suppressing their laughter, the secret guards stepped forward, kicking the toad away with one foot, then hauling up the still-screaming Lin Wan’er like dragging away trash.
“Cousin! It wasn’t me! Su Tang framed me…” Her hair disheveled, Lin Wan’er still tried to quibble.
“Shut up.” Lu Ci looked at her coldly. “Do you think this Prince is blind? That toad crawled out from under your skirt!”
“Starting today, Lin Wan’er is confined to the Tingyu Pavilion. Without this Prince’s explicit order, she shall not step out half a pace! Whoever dares to plead for her shall be punished with the same offense!”
Her face as pale as death, Lin Wan’er was dragged away.
A tea-serving turmoil thus concluded with the farce of “A Toad Wreaking Havoc in the Main Hall.”
Su Tang patted her chest, looking at Lu Ci with a face full of “surviving a narrow escape”: “Your Highness, does Cousin… have some special hobby? This servant heard before that some people like keeping cats or dogs, but keeping toads…”
She hesitated, her eyes filled with concern for a “pervert.”
Looking at her act of playing innocent after taking full advantage, Lu Ci was so angry he laughed instead.
A special hobby?
She was clearly laughing hysterically inside!
“Princess Consort.” Lu Ci stood up, stepping toward Su Tang step by step until his tall shadow enveloped her. “Have you seen enough of the show?”
Su Tang blinked: “What is Your Highness saying? This concubine was merely startled.”
【Seen enough? How could I ever see enough! As long as there’s still gossip in this Manor, I can watch until the end of time! But Lu Ci performed pretty well today—a full score on his green-tea detecting ability! To reward him, I’ve decided to increase the budget for that tiger penis wine… by another hundred taels!】
Lu Ci stumbled in his steps.
He glared fixedly at Su Tang, squeezing out a sentence from between his teeth: “This Prince’s body is in peak condition! I don’t need tiger penis!”
Su Tang froze, her heart skipping a beat.
【Holy crap? How did he know I was thinking about tiger penis? Did I accidentally slip up just now?】
【No, wait, I didn’t speak… Could this be the legendary… telepathic connection? Oh no, oh no, he won’t think I’m hinting at something to him, right?】
Looking at her rapidly changing expressions, Lu Ci only felt mentally exhausted.
He shouldn’t have taken this woman seriously in the first place!
“An’yi!” Lu Ci strode outside with a dark face. “Prepare the carriage! We’re entering the palace!”
He was going to hide!
If he stayed near this woman any longer, he feared he truly would be angered into developing a hidden affliction!