That day, though Dan Qing had lain down early, she hadn’t actually fallen asleep, but stayed awake, waiting, deep into the night.
It wasn’t until after midnight, once she was certain Noble Lady Guo hadn’t sent any birthday gift her way at all, that Dan Qing finally closed her eyes.
The other soul inside her, which had struggled all day long, finally fell completely silent, as if a balloon had been pricked, all at once, without a sound, as though it had simply dissolved into the air.
A bitter ache rose in Dan Qing’s chest, and tears fell before she could stop them.
In fact, she hadn’t cared so much about Noble Lady Guo herself, at most it was a sense of responsibility, having taken over this daughter’s body, that made her feel she ought to be a little kinder to her. What was truly causing her such pain, all along, was that other soul within her.
She had actually sensed its presence before, weak, lonely, a tiny huddled thing, never daring to contend for anything, only occasionally surfacing with the faintest flicker of influence whenever Noble Lady Guo was involved.
Today had been that soul’s most intense outburst yet, it was precisely because of its resistance, its influence on her, that she had refused to go to Yikun Palace, refused to see Noble Lady Guo.
But she also knew that some small, stubborn hope had still lingered in it, which was why it had kept her awake all this time, waiting for that affection from her birth mother that might, just might, still come.
And yet, in the end, it had been disappointed after all.
At this very moment, Dan Qing could no longer sense its presence at all, as though it had completely dissolved along with that disappointment, and so her tears were shed for it.
In this vast Forbidden City, no one had ever truly loved it, and so, it had truly left.
Dan Qing felt no relief at having fully taken possession of the body, only a shared, empathetic sorrow.
In fact, she had been willing to coexist with it, but she simply hadn’t had the strength to keep it, to keep that little girl, born into such noble station and yet so pitiful all the same.
For a moment, resentment toward Noble Lady Guo surged in her heart, resentment for her selfishness and heartlessness, resentment that she hadn’t even been willing to keep up appearances, simply abandoning her own birth daughter so completely.
“My mistress, don’t cry anymore, or your eyes will be swollen tomorrow.”
He Miao, who had been keeping watch by the bed the whole time, could no longer hold back, leaning in to gently pat the trembling little girl beneath the blankets. “The Grand Empress Dowager has already issued the decree, from now on, all your provisions will go directly to Cining Palace, with nothing more to do with Yikun Palace. You’re the little princess of Cining Palace now, and with the Grand Empress Dowager protecting you, things can only get better.”
The reasoning was sound enough, and she could understand it, but that real little girl inside couldn’t.
She was still so young, she wouldn’t know how to weigh gains against losses, all she had ever wanted was her mother’s love.
But now, thinking about it any further was probably useless anyway.
“There’s no need to bring up Yikun Palace specifically anymore.”
Dan Qing gave her instructions through a choked voice. “You’re right. From now on, I’ll only follow the old ancestress.”
She would go on living well in its place. Perhaps one day, it would come back, and when it did, she would let it see that she had lived a good life.
…
From that day on, no one at Cining Palace, from top to bottom, ever mentioned Noble Lady Guo again, and neither did Dan Qing.
She began soaking up knowledge like a little sponge, learning Mongolian from Sumalagu, learning Chinese characters from Yinreng, and now and then listening in on Kangxi and the Grand Empress Dowager discussing matters of state, trying to understand this era she now found herself in.
More often, she simply stayed alone in her side chamber, holding the dip pen Kangxi had given her, drawing and sketching away.
She still couldn’t quite control it, and even with the help of a ruler, she couldn’t manage even, steady lines.
But she wasn’t in any hurry, treating it simply as a way to pass idle time, practicing for an hour every day, and gradually she grew more skilled with it.
The Forbidden City settled once more into calm. Whenever people spoke of Dan Qing now, they simply called her the little princess of Cining Palace, no longer mentioning that she was Noble Lady Guo’s daughter.
One day in June, Yinreng came as usual to give Dan Qing her lesson. Dan Qing had been tracing characters from the copybook with her dip pen for a while, and when she looked up again, she found Yinreng staring blankly at her clay dolls.
They were a pair of adorable clay Fortune Babies, given to her as a “thank-you gift” from Yinzhen, though everyone knew Imperial Noble Consort Tongiya had actually ordered them sent.
Dan Qing wasn’t particularly interested in this kind of toy, but she still displayed it prominently on her curio shelf, really, it was meant for Kangxi to see.
“Second brother, what’s wrong?”
Dan Qing reached over and nudged Yinreng, the bracelet on her wrist chiming with the movement.
Yinreng snapped back to attention, and looking at the bracelet, couldn’t help smiling.
He knew Dan Qing’s jewelry box held many similar bracelets, all made for her because the Grand Empress Dowager noticed she liked this style, but every time he visited, the pair she always wore was still the one he’d given her.
It felt good, the gift he’d chosen so carefully, and his sister really did love it.
“Second brother, frowning too much as a child will make you old before your time,”
Dan Qing tilted her head, speaking to Yinreng. “The old ancestress said you have to be happy every day to stay young forever.”
The logic of this was more than a little muddled, and it made Yinreng’s brow relax, laughing until he giggled.
“The old ancestress was talking about herself, not children, you’ve mixed up who she meant,”
Yinreng said with a smile, reaching over to pinch the silk flower on Dan Qing’s head. “I see you’re getting rather good at this tracing now, why don’t I mention it to Han Ama, and have you start using a real brush a little sooner?”
Dan Qing shook her head hard at once. “I don’t want to!”
Just looking at a writing brush made her dizzy, there was no way she’d manage it well.
She was still a child, after all, and already exhausted from learning so many things every day. Any more, and she was sure she’d never grow tall!
“You’re just being lazy. Once the Imperial Noble Consort’s little princess is born, you won’t be the youngest princess anymore, let’s see how anxious you get then.”
Yinreng continued teasing his sister with a smile.
But his words made Dan Qing freeze, and she hurriedly reached up to cover his mouth, whispering, “Second brother, you mustn’t say that!”
Yinreng pulled her hand away, saying as if it were nothing, “Why not? I’m not wrong, am I?”
Dan Qing waved for the palace maids in the room to withdraw, then said seriously, “Second brother, Han Ama can say the Imperial Noble Consort is going to have a little princess. You shouldn’t.”
Yinreng said nothing, quietly clenching his hand.
“Second brother, is it because Han Ama’s been spending so much time with the Imperial Noble Consort lately that you’re unhappy?”
Dan Qing leaned in close to him, patting him in comfort like a little grown-up. “That’s just because you’re older now, and Han Ama feels reassured about you, so he doesn’t have to keep an eye on you all the time, while the Imperial Noble Consort isn’t in good health, so Han Ama has to spend more time with her.”
Yinreng gave a faint smile. “I know that. The Imperial Noble Consort’s pregnancy is unstable, and Han Ama is worried about her, so of course he should spend more time with her. That’s not why.”
Dan Qing understood at once, so it really was about the child in Imperial Noble Consort Tongiya’s belly.
That made sense, rumors had long circulated through the palace that Imperial Noble Consort Tongiya would be made Empress. If she truly gave birth to a little prince and became Empress on top of it, then that child would be a legitimate son born of the primary wife, rightfully and unquestionably so, and for Yinreng, that could well be seen as a threat.
After all, his position as Crown Prince had come precisely because he was a legitimate son. If a new legitimate son were born, it would inevitably threaten his standing.
Although Dan Qing didn’t understand the workings of the court, from all the chatter she’d overheard around the harem these past days, she could grasp something of the stakes involved.
“Second brother, do you know why latecomers sometimes overtake those ahead of them?”
Dan Qing suddenly asked a rather strange question.
Yinreng shook his head, puzzled.
Dan Qing said mysteriously, “It’s because the one ahead gave up their position, of course! If the one who arrived first stands firm and doesn’t move, how could anyone coming after possibly overtake them for no reason?”
Yinreng seemed to catch a little of what Dan Qing was getting at, and shook his head. “It’s not quite the same, the one ahead might not even get to decide their own position.”
“All I know is, my fate is mine to command, not heaven’s to decide,”
Dan Qing borrowed a line from a certain character with twin buns for hair, “rather than constantly worrying about someone catching up from behind, better to just run a little faster yourself, and make sure they never can.”
“My fate is mine to command?”
Yinreng repeated the line, then suddenly grabbed the fuzzy persimmon-shaped silk flower on top of Dan Qing’s head. “Did someone secretly tell you some street tale again? Han Ama said you’re not old enough to be hearing that kind of thing, and you still dared to?”
Realizing this looked bad, Dan Qing quickly reached up to swat his hand away, protesting angrily, “Let go, let go of my persimmon right now!”
Yinreng refused to let go, deliberately pinching it just to tease her further. Dan Qing, furious, grabbed at his wrist, and after several tries finally managed to catch hold of it, Yinreng, feeling the pinch, finally let go and backed away.
“What are you two doing, not studying properly?”
Kangxi suddenly appeared in the doorway, looking left and right.
Dan Qing gave a huff at Yinreng, then charged headfirst into Kangxi’s leg, protesting, “Han Ama, second brother squashed my persimmon! Look, look, isn’t it completely flattened now?”
Kangxi looked down, and sure enough, the persimmon-shaped silk flower on his daughter’s head had indeed been squashed into something more resembling a dried persimmon cake.
“It’s just a silk flower, if it’s ruined, I’ll get you a new one,”
Yinreng stepped forward to lodge his own complaint. “And you scratched me too, look, it’s all red!”
Kangxi looked over as well, and sure enough, there was a red mark on the back of his son’s hand, though not a serious one.
“All right, all right, you’re old enough now, and still bullying your little sister,”
Kangxi bent down and picked up his sniffling daughter. “As punishment, you owe your sister ten silk flowers, the silver comes out of your own allowance!”
Then he bounced Dan Qing a little, saying, “And as for you, such fierce little claws you’ve got now? No more grabbing at people carelessly from now on, understand?”
Dan Qing protested, unconvinced. “He bullied me first! If he hadn’t squashed my persimmon, why would I have scratched him?”
Yinreng protested just as much. “You weren’t writing properly, that’s why I squashed your silk flower!”
Kangxi: …so noisy.
His head aching from the squabbling of his son and daughter, Kangxi could only separate them, sending someone to take Yinreng to the Imperial Household Department to request a silk flower for Dan Qing, while he carried Dan Qing off to the Grand Empress Dowager and set her down in her lap.
“This girl’s getting fiercer by the day, she just scratched Yinreng’s hand red!”
Kangxi complained with exaggerated flair.
The Grand Empress Dowager, sharp-eyed as ever, could hardly fail to guess the cause of such a commotion. She reached out, plucked the squashed persimmon silk flower from atop Dan Qing’s head, then glared at Kangxi. “They’re just children having a bit of fun. As their father, instead of soothing things over, you’re here stirring the pot even more?”
Kangxi grinned. “The servants told me Baocheng’s been in low spirits these past couple of days, so I thought I’d come check on him, and just so happened to walk in on these two little ones fighting. And I always said it wasn’t wise leaving Baocheng in charge of teaching Dan Qing, see, it’s only been a few days, and they’re already coming to blows.”
But the Grand Empress Dowager didn’t seem concerned. “Baocheng knows what he’s doing, there’s no way he’d ever hurt Garu. Stop fussing over it.”
After that, Kangxi went on to discuss with the Grand Empress Dowager the matter of Imperial Noble Consort Tongiya’s upcoming delivery.
Dan Qing, meanwhile, picked at the fruit on the table and popped pieces into her mouth, all the while secretly listening in on their conversation, sighing inwardly.
She realized now that Yinreng had only noticed Kangxi’s arrival and deliberately picked a fight with her to change the subject.
For someone so young, Yinreng already had this much guile in him, children in this Forbidden City truly had it hard, and truly, none of them were simple.