Only then did Bai Huan finally feel reassured. He pursed his lips. Deep down, he didn't really believe Bai Chen could win Bai Mingzhen's affection anyway.
Bai Mingzhen didn't like anyone in the world except himself. The reason he could love Bai Huan was simply that they had the bond of growing up together.
It was just like Bai Huan's feelings toward Xiao He. If Xiao He were placed among a group of other dogs, was there really anything special about him? Not necessarily. He liked Xiao He only because he had chosen Xiao He. When all was said and done, the person he liked was himself.
Bai Mingzhen's clothes were a little too big on Bai Huan, but not to the point that he looked like a child who had secretly put on an adult's clothes. After rolling up the cuffs and trouser legs a little, he actually looked rather dependable.
With the matter cleared up, the boy felt refreshed and carefree. He took a great leap and threw himself into the middle of the enormous sofa on the first floor.
Bai Mingzhen busied himself around the house. There was no housekeeper, so he had various small chores to attend to.
What was worse, Bai Huan's school uniform had bird droppings on it. Bai Mingzhen was thoroughly disgusted. Wearing gloves, he tossed the uniform into the washing machine in the laundry room and decided that, from now on, this washing machine that had washed bird droppings would be reserved exclusively for Bai Huan.
By the time noon approached, Bai Mingzhen had taken several ingredients from the refrigerator to thaw.
He prepared a glass of mint water and carried it upstairs.
Bai Huan was already on the verge of falling asleep. It was time for his afternoon nap.
The enormous sofa on the first floor was like two large mattresses pushed together.
Bai Mingzhen dragged the nearly sleeping Bai Huan over to his side.
Bai Huan opened his eyes irritably.
"I'm going to sleep."
Bai Mingzhen played with his bangs and asked, "Do you want to move in with me?"
"No."
Bai Huan answered without even thinking.
He slapped Bai Mingzhen's hand away, rolled over, and turned his back to him.
"You wouldn't let me come here before. Now, even if you beg me, I won't come."
Bai Mingzhen said nothing.
Bai Huan rolled back over and added, "If I move in with you, Dad and Mom will be sad. They've been pretty good to me too."
Receiving this answer, Bai Mingzhen began, for once, to wonder whether allowing Bai Huan to return to the Chen family had really been the right decision.
He had only wanted Bai Huan to have a pair of normal parents.
But in truth, he had never wanted those parents to surpass him in Bai Huan's heart.
Bai Huan, however, didn't see things that way.
The Chen family was the Chen family, and his brother was his brother. They played different roles and had different relationships with him. There was no need to compare them.
Put it this way: if one day he had to sacrifice his life to save one of them, he wouldn't save either.
He thought that anyone who truly loved him wouldn't want him to sacrifice himself to save them. And anyone who genuinely wanted him to sacrifice himself wasn't worth saving.
All sorts of muddled thoughts drifted through his mind.
His eyelids grew unbearably heavy.
The individual beams of sunlight gradually merged into a vast golden ocean. Even after he fell asleep, the things he vaguely saw were still tinged with gold.
After Bai Huan fell asleep, something happened that he knew nothing about.
Bai Mingzhen lay down beside him and slept for a while too.
Such a scene had not occurred since Bai Mingzhen was twenty and Bai Huan was ten.
By the time Bai Mingzhen turned twenty, he had already begun working. His relationship with the family had also deteriorated to a freezing point because of his career choice.
After Bai Mingzhen moved out, the brothers saw each other increasingly rarely, much less shared a bed as they had when they were children.
When he was little, Bai Huan hadn't treasured those moments at all.
On the contrary, he had been terribly afraid of them.
He wanted to sleep with Bai Xing and listen to the young nanny tell stories about brave warriors raising their swords to rescue princes.
Sleeping with Bai Mingzhen was an entirely different matter.
Before the age of three, he had to listen to Three Hundred Tang Poems.
After turning three, the difficulty increased.
There was The Memorial on Dispatching the Troops in Chinese, equations in mathematics, English listening exercises, and endless Russian chatter he couldn't understand.
He even had to get up early for morning reading.
There was nothing fun about it at all.
Those days, which he hadn't particularly enjoyed but which had nevertheless been wonderful, were destined never to return.
In fact, they had become impossible to recover long ago, after Bai Mingzhen fell out with Bai Mushan and Cheng Yueqing.
Day after day, Cheng Yueqing poured out her grievances to the two twins, who were still very young, complaining about how rebellious and disappointing Bai Mingzhen had become.
Bai Xing was successfully stirred up.
He used colored markers to draw crosses on his older brother's bedroom door and even spat at it.
On two occasions, Bai Mingzhen happened to open the door just as Bai Xing was spitting, and the saliva landed directly on the young man.
Bai Huan never did anything like that.
He merely stood to one side and timidly explained that Bai Xing had done it and that it had nothing to do with him.
But he was implicated anyway.
Whoever had the misfortune of being Bai Xing's twin was bound to suffer!
Bai Huan thought indignantly.
Back then, Bai Mingzhen had stopped welcoming either of them.
He rolled up Bai Huan's little blanket and carried it out of his bedroom.
That night, weighed down by the dreadful prospect of listening to his older brother recite classical Chinese full of archaic expressions, Bai Huan went and knocked on Bai Mingzhen's bedroom door.
Bai Mingzhen opened it.
He lowered his head and looked at Bai Huan for a while before stepping aside to let him in.
It was from that moment onward that Bai Huan began to cherish the time he spent sleeping beside his brother.
And so did Bai Mingzhen.
Being born brothers did not necessarily make two people brothers.
What made them brothers was the affection they developed for one another.
Bai Mingzhen had never expected that this exceptionally sincere brotherly affection would begin to change into something else this year.
At this point, that affection had only just begun to deteriorate.
A considerable part of it was still something that could be brought into the light.
Only one small corner was twisted, perverse, sickening, and utterly unfit to be seen.
At this stage, Bai Mingzhen still retained his reason and self-awareness.
He had no intention of doing anything to this innocent, unsuspecting boy.
For the time being, he could even bear the thought of standing on the sidelines and watching him find happiness.
And so they merely lay on the sofa and took an afternoon nap.
Nothing happened.
Logically speaking, Bai Mingzhen believed he ought to feel satisfied.
Yet he was convinced that anyone in the world, placed in his position at that very moment, would feel nothing but regret.
Bai Mingzhen prepared lunch. The dishes were all light and mild, the kind both of them enjoyed.
Bai Huan had worn himself out all morning and wolfed down three large bowls of rice.
When the meal was over, he wanted to take some food with him when he left.
"..."
Bai Mingzhen thought for a moment before saying, "If there's anything you want to eat, just tell Qin Xian. He can buy it and have it delivered to your home."
"I can buy that kind of food myself. What I mean is..."
Bai Huan insisted on taking the food from the table home with him.
"Give me a reason."
Resting his chin in his hands, Bai Huan put on a cheeky expression.
"Brother, it's so hard for me to get a chance to eat your cooking."
"Don't give me that."
Bai Mingzhen still threw away the leftovers.
However, he turned on the stove again and cooked Bai Huan a dish of eel in fermented rice lees and some scallion-braised pork ribs. He also prepared a mixed platter of eight ingredients.
Bai Huan didn't help.
Instead, he stood nearby making trouble.
"Is your law firm not busy lately? You even have time to cook."
"From this year until next year, before your summer vacation, things should be relatively quiet."
Bai Mingzhen pushed him out of the way.
"Why specifically before my summer vacation?"
"Aren't you taking the college entrance examination?"
Bai Huan froze for a moment before mumbling, "I'm the one taking the exam, not you."
"It's a crucial period. I'm clearing my schedule in advance so that if anything comes up with you, I'll be able to handle it."
Bai Mingzhen said this as though it were the most natural thing in the world.
Bai Huan leaned over the kitchen counter and sucked mint water from a glass through a long straw.
This was what he did whenever he felt uncomfortable or awkward. One little fidgeting movement followed another.
Finally, he said, "Brother, when you're old and start shitting your pants, I'll take care of you too."