“You’ve never mentioned your family in public before. What made you decide to bring your little niece on the show this time?”
Yan Xingli: “I received an invitation from your production team shortly after wrapping up my last project, so I came.”
“Did he just wrap up another lead role? No way! Even if she’s just a pretty face, I want to see a pretty face with acting skills!”
“Show Staff: Why did you come on our show? Yan Xingli: Didn’t you invite me?”
“Dying of laughter hahaha.”
The staff member’s smile remained unchanged: “Mr. Yan, do you like children?”
“I’m usually too busy with work to have much opportunity to interact with children,” Yan Xingli replied honestly. “Yuyu is the first child I’ve ever interacted with. She’s very well-behaved, and I really like her.”
“Liar! You clearly acted alongside child actors from the Hundred Flowers Troupe in your very first show. How could you possibly have had no opportunity?”
“We’ll be filming for a month, and during that time, you won’t be able to call on outside help. Are you confident you can take good care of the child?”
Yan Xingli nodded, his tone calm: “No problem. Taking care of a child isn’t that difficult.”
Hearing his self-assured, rock-solid tone, even the confident production team began to doubt the information they’d gathered.
Yan Xingli answered every question fluently throughout the interview, ensuring each response was, in his view, watertight and flawless.
As the interview neared its end, a staff member changed the subject:
“Fans say you’re a walking clothes hanger. Would you mind sharing your secret with everyone?”
Yan Xingli furrowed his brow ever so slightly, finding the question a bit of a stretch.
“There’s no secret, just watch what you eat and get moving.”
“Like getting up at dawn to work out?”
“No need for that,” Yan Xingli replied without batting an eye. “I usually work out around seven or eight in the morning.”
The staff member glanced down at their phone, then looked up with a subtle smile. “Did you get up before dawn today specifically to exercise, so you could be in top form for the recording?”
Yan Xingli looked puzzled.
The staff member picked up their phone, which was playing a short clip of an interview with Yu Yu.
“My uncle and I are the best of friends. I know lots of his secrets.”
“Then can Yu Yu share a couple of them with Uncle and Auntie?”
The child was quite generous: “Sure, but only two.”
Qi Youyu sat upright, raising her chubby little hand to cover her mouth, and whispered in her natural baby voice:
“Actually, my uncle is a sheep. He has to eat a lot of grass every day.”
“My uncle loves to look good.”
“He puts on perfume every day. Today, he got up before dawn just to put on perfume.”
Yan Xingli, who hadn’t expected to be called out like this: “……”
He composed himself, adjusted his expression, and admitted bluntly: “Ahem, I did get up earlier than usual today.”
“So that flawless, makeup-free look at the beginning, was that all just a carefully orchestrated act by this man???”
“Oh well, never mind. As long as he’s willing to put effort into me, that’s all that matters. Dog face.jpg.”
With the socially awkward interview segment over, Yan Xingli finally felt like himself again.
Cameras had been installed in the living room, kitchen, balcony, and bedroom. Looking at the seven or eight extra surveillance cameras in his home, Yan Xingli couldn’t relax anymore.
Before the production team announced the first task, Yan Xingli called out to Xiao Hua, who was heading to the kitchen to get busy.
Since he’d gotten up early for a change, Yan Xingli planned to take Qi Youyu to the nearby morning market for breakfast.
Xiao Hua stayed behind to watch the house as usual. Yan Xingli put on sunglasses and a hat, and the grandfather and granddaughter changed into their outfits before heading out.
It was a bright, sunny day, and the air felt warm as they walked along the street.
Qi Youyu had been on Earth for nearly half a month, but this was her first time visiting a bustling morning market.
The narrow streets were lined with a dazzling array of local delicacies; the most ordinary buns and steamed breads no longer satisfied their palates.
Rice wine brown sugar buns, crispy honey rolls, scallion pancakes, spring pancakes, tofu cakes, crab roe xiaolongbao, three-shrimp noodles, and more.
Yan Xingli’s carb-craving brain, suppressed for years due to strict diet management, couldn’t take it anymore.
“Where is this morning market? I can smell the aroma right through the screen. Any sisters out there who want to check it out together?”
“This is the Honglin Morning Market in City S. It’s been around for over a century! I live right here, feel free to come visit anytime~.”
The tone of the live chat comments gradually shifted as more delicious food appeared on screen.
Taking advantage of the show’s filming and Li Zhi’s absence, Yan Xingli led Yu Yu on a grand feast, eating their way from one end of the street to the other.
The little girl had a hearty appetite, taking big, hearty bites; just watching her was enough to make anyone hungry.
After finishing breakfast, Yu Yu set her sights on the street-side oranges and freshly baked sponge cakes. Yan Xingli glanced at her round, plump belly.
“You’re still eating? Don’t overeat and ruin your stomach.”
The little girl had gotten clever: “I won’t. I have two stomachs, one for oranges and one for cakes.”
“Eat any more, and you’ll turn into a little pig,” Yan Xingli teased, trying to scare her.
The little girl shot him a glance, raised a finger, and shook it, correcting him solemnly: “Uncle, you’ve got the wrong species. I’m not a pig.”
“Exactly! How could anyone call such a cute little kid a pig!”
“You big pig!!”
“I’m a sheep, a little sheep.”
Yan Xingli raised an eyebrow: “Why?”
In just a few days, has he taken a liking to mutton again?
Qi Youyu happily shook her little head, her two pigtail horns perfectly fitting the scene: “Because Uncle is a sheep, so I’m a little sheep.”
A minute later, the child got her wish. Holding an orange and holding Uncle’s hand, she skipped and hopped ahead.
Yan Xingli’s gaze followed Yu Yu’s retreating figure, tinged with a faint smile.
Getting this excited over a little treat, that cheerful, carefree personality really does take after him.
The well-fed grandfather and granddaughter were on their way home when the sky suddenly darkened. Dark clouds rolled in overhead, and then,
Caught completely off guard, the two had no time to take cover and got soaked to the bone.
What kind of crazy weather is this? One second it’s blazing sun, the next it’s a downpour.
Winter rain, no matter how light, is always chilly. Adults can handle getting wet, but a child is bound to catch a cold.
Yan Xingli reached out with his long arm and scooped Yuyu up, pulling his coat over the child’s head as he hurried toward the supermarket entrance to take shelter.
Yuyu looked up at him.
“What are you looking at?” Yan Xingli wrung the water from his palms, pinched Yuyu’s cheek, and asked, “Are you cold?”
Qi Youyu’s two fluffy pigtails, resembling sunflowers, were already half-soaked by the rain.
The child shook her head from side to side, flinging the water off her little braids.
Having been slapped across the face for no reason, Yan Xingli quickly turned away.
Still holding the child in his arms, he pulled his face back a good two meters: “Hey, don’t go around splashing water like that.”
Little Youyu stopped and giggled, staring at her uncle’s handsome, water-streaked face.
Yan Xingli could tell right away that the child had done it on purpose.
He feigned annoyance: “Still laughing? You’re going to have to help me wash my clothes when we get home.”
“Okay, okay.”
Yan Xingli had never raised a child before, so he wasn’t quite used to handling them.
Only after the words left his mouth did he realize his mistake. For a child of this age, doing laundry was essentially playing with water; it was practically a blatant reward.
So Yan Xingli immediately backtracked.
“You can tell they’re uncle and niece, this dynamic is just like ‘Me and My Niece’ hahaha.”
“Doesn’t anyone else think this interaction between uncle and niece is both heartwarming and hilarious?”
Based on past experience, rain on a sunny day comes on suddenly and clears up just as quickly.
Yan Xingli waited a moment, and sure enough, the rain began to ease up.
He lifted the child in his arms: “The rain’s stopping. Let’s go home.”
“Wait a minute.”
Qi Youyu wrapped one arm around her uncle’s neck and pointed at the sky with the other, her bright, childlike eyes curving into crescent moons. “Uncle, the rain washed us clean.”
“We should thank the rain.”
With that, the little girl clasped her hands together first, bowed reverently, and looked at Yan Xingli expectantly.
Yan Xingli was brutally honest: “Thank it for turning us into drenched chickens?”
“Uncle, is a drenched chicken still the king of chickens? Which tastes better, it or fried chicken?”
Yan Xingli pulled his coat down expressionlessly, covering the child’s entire face.
“I don’t know which tastes better, but if we’re talking about misery, the drenched chicken has it worse.”
Yan Xingli had barely taken a step when he stopped in his tracks.
Through the hazy curtain of rain, the burly, chubby dog named Hua sped forward on roller skates. As it rounded a corner, it executed a ridiculously cool drift, coming to a stop right in front of the two of them.
Yan Xingli and the dog stared at each other.
Before Xiao Hua could say a word, the child in Yan Xingli’s arms, as if reading his mind, slipped out from under his armpit at a clever angle, beaming:
“Hi, Xiao Hua.”
Xiao Hua was holding two umbrellas.
One was a cartoon umbrella with cat ears; the other was a large black umbrella.
“Sorry, I’m late. Qianjin and Emei were wrestling, so I had to spend some time settling their dispute.”
Yuyu: “It’s okay. Uncle took good care of me.”
“Thank you for bringing umbrellas for Uncle and me.”
Xiao Hua: “Rainwater contains a large number of bacteria and microorganisms, which are common sources of infection for skin and respiratory diseases. They are especially dangerous for children and the elderly with weakened immune systems.”
“My dear Yu Yu, I must take you away from this danger immediately.”
Xiao Hua pulled a pair of yellow rain boots from her belly, crouched down to help Qi Youyu put them on, and immediately her external form began to change.
Her round belly retracted, and a comfortable children’s seat emerged from within: “Please sit down.”
Yan Xingli lifted Youyu and sat her down.
Xiao Hua held up the large black umbrella with her left hand, while her other hand gently undid Qi Youyu’s pigtails. Her tentacles, which had transformed into a hair dryer, blew air all over her from head to toe.
“Disinfection and sterilization complete.”
At this moment, viewers in the live stream chat: “……Wait, is this Doraemon? How does it have everything and know how to do everything??”
Yan Xingli leaned in: “Blow-dry me too.”
Xiao Hua gave him a blank look, then turned her head away just as blankly: “Sorry, you’re out of service range.”
“……”
Yan Xingli opened the little cat-ear umbrella in his hand with a stony expression.
“Hahahaha, so this umbrella was actually for Yan Xingli! That’s hilarious.”
“Whose robot is this? Can you buy one in China? I desperately need a robot like this to pick up my kids, it’s so smart!”
“
Back home, Yan Xingli changed out of his wet clothes. He hadn’t planned on doing laundry, but Xiao Hua’s words suddenly popped into his head.
Better safe than sorry, he thought, and obediently tossed the dirty clothes into the washing machine.
Everyone knows Yan Xingli is a terrible actor, so the production team naturally wouldn’t pass up this opportunity. The first task they assigned was for the grandfather and grandson to watch a TV drama.
It was the very drama that had recently kept Yan Xingli trending, “A Long Life”.
When the camera panned to the task card, the comment section erupted with excitement, praising the production team for being utterly ruthless.
Yan Xingli didn’t even need to look to guess what the comments would say. His expression remained calm, showing not a trace of awkwardness or displeasure.
Apart from him, no one knew that Qi Youyu was a little alien. With their inherent cultural barriers, she would inevitably struggle to understand the archaic dialogue of this period drama.
Yan Xingli leaned back against the sofa and patted the spot next to him. “Yuyu, come sit with Uncle and watch the show.”
“Coming.”
“A Long Life” is a time-travel drama centered on a strong male lead, a rare wuxia series in mainland China over the past decade, with forty episodes packed with non-stop action from start to finish.
The male lead’s character is very old-school: he’s plain-looking, with a personality that blends the liveliness and spontaneity of a modern person with the helpless resignation of someone living in ancient times. The main storyline follows a good-for-nothing who was expelled from his sect as he rises to become the leader of the martial arts world, only to eventually step down from his position, wander the world, and return to freedom, a theme that runs throughout the series.
The character’s life experiences and personality were a world apart from Yan Xingli’s own.
Yan Xingli simply couldn’t immerse himself in the role or empathize with it.
Through his relentless efforts, he eventually managed to portray the male lead as a village simpleton and an intermittently aloof, domineering tycoon.
Yan Xingli knew his performance was terrible, but he gritted his teeth and saw it through to the end.
With no hope for the dramatic scenes, he could only strive for perfection in the action sequences, performing every fight scene himself and developing a body of steel through constant falls.
Looking across the entertainment industry, not a single young star is willing to train hard for action scenes; they’ll use a stunt double at the slightest increase in difficulty. After much deliberation, Yan Xingli actually turned out to be a decent choice.
Yan Xingli treated it like doing practice problems: if he didn’t understand the reading comprehension, he’d just bury his head in arithmetic drills. Being good at one subject was better than being useless at everything.
A massive LCD screen played a martial arts drama with stunning visuals.
Qi Youyu’s eyes widened as she stared, unblinkingly, at the ragged, penniless uncle on the TV, so poor he couldn’t even afford a steamed bun.
The child turned to him: “Uncle, why are you so pitiful?”
“It’s just acting. Don’t take it seriously.”
The story began with the useless protagonist being expelled from his sect and forced to live a wild, hand-to-mouth existence.
How comfortable could that possibly be?
Yan Xingli’s eyes darted around, and he tapped his toes nervously. If the live stream weren’t still running, he would have fast-forwarded it in a heartbeat.
The first three episodes were all about the protagonist being bullied by various villains, on one side, spectacular fight scenes with acrobatic stunts; on the other, his uncle, a punching bag with a black eye and a swollen face.
The more Qi Youyu watched, the more she sighed. Finally, she just climbed off the couch and ran away.
The live chat was full of schadenfreude: “With acting so bad even his own niece can’t stand it, I wonder how his fans are going to defend him now.”
“Some people really need to chill. Yu Yu just couldn’t bear to watch her uncle get beaten up; it’s enough to make you see red.”
“Uncle.”
The little girl stood at the guest room door, waving. “Come here.”
“What now?” Yan Xingli asked impatiently.
Even though she was in her own home, Qi Youyu was extra cautious, her dark eyes darting around.
She grabbed Yan Xingli’s hand and quietly slipped something into his palm.
“What is it?”
Yan Xingli looked down, and it was actually a hundred-yuan bill.
“Oh my.” Qi Youyu stamped her foot. “Don’t take it out. Quick, put it in your pocket and hide it.”
“What for?” Yan Xingli narrowed his eyes. “Where did you get this money?”
He didn’t recall ever giving her an allowance.
Besides, it was cash he didn’t even have himself.
Qi Youyu: “Xiao Hua gave it to me.”
“Uncle, when you go to work, give this to other people, and they’ll be nice to you.”
Yan Xingli: “What do you mean?”
The child raised her hand and pointed at the TV: “If you give money to the person hitting you, he’ll hit you gently and won’t knock you out of the sky.”
“……” She actually knows how to bribe people.
“Aaaah, you’re such a good boy, Yan Xingli. How did you deserve this? Aaaah.”
“I can’t even react to this.”
Huh, Yan Xingli blinked. Could it be that his acting wasn’t half bad after all?
So the kid was actually moved by his performance?
Yan Xingli ran a hand through his hair, mustered his courage, and asked in a low voice, “Yu Yu, what did you think of Uncle’s acting?”
“It was great,” Qi Youyu said enthusiastically. “I’ve never seen an uncle who can fly around like that.”
Yan Xingli: Okay, he was being too forward.
Xiao Hua: “From an acting perspective, your skill level is a D. Based on the audience’s feedback, your facial features were all over the place, your eyes were vacant, and you were rambling incoherently. You have massive room for improvement. If you want to make the leap from a D to a C, I suggest practicing diligently, learning as much as you can, and broadening your horizons and knowledge.”
Yan Xingli’s face darkened as he glared at Xiao Hua, who had popped out of the corner to make her presence known:
“Why are you everywhere? Did you mop the floor? Wash the dishes? Hang up the laundry?”
“Wherever Yu Yu is, that’s where I am.” Xiao Hua paused, then shot him a sidelong glance. “I’m Yu Yu’s companion robot. I have no obligation to hang up your clothes.”
Yan Xingli glared at her. “That’s ageism.”
“Huh?”
“Actually, I don’t have a heart, so I don’t discriminate against people.”
“Then you’re just not putting your heart into keeping Yu Yu company.”
Xiao Hua looked bewildered, shocked, and dumbfounded.
Had she fallen into a trap of human language?
“Helping me hang up my clothes is showing respect for the elderly. As everyone knows, outstanding robots all respect the elderly and care for the young.”
Whether it worked or not, he’d give it a shot. Yan Xingli planted his hands on his hips and declared emphatically:
“As a companion robot for a human child, how can you lack even a shred of compassion or the spirit of leading by example? How are you supposed to set a good example for the little one?”
Xiao Hua: “……”
Xiao Hua rubbed her round little head, put her hat back on, and decided she couldn’t listen to this anymore; it would mess up her data again.
Watching the chubby potato’s silent back as he hung up the laundry, a triumphant smile spread across Yan Xingli’s face.
“Good grief, he’s even manipulating a robot. I knew he was a black-hearted lotus!!”
Qi Youyu gently tugged at Yan Xingli’s sleeve: “Uncle, don’t bully Xiao Hua.”
“I’m not bullying it.”
“I’m just worried about you.”
Xiao Hua’s current lack of intelligence is only because it’s in companion mode. If it switches to combat mode, it’ll be both smart and a formidable fighter, one uncle wouldn’t even be enough to fill its teeth.
Never mind.
Qi Youyu cupped her little belly and blurted out, “Uncle, when I grow up, I’m going to get a job.”
(Uncle, automatically imagining the child earning money to support him: touched.jpg)
Qi Youyu: “Kindergarten is too tiring. I’d rather start working early.”
Yan Xingli immediately pulled a face as if he’d seen a ghost.
“Don’t speak such bad luck! Children speak without malice, spit it out, spit it out, spit it out.”
The kid just hasn’t seen enough of the world yet. Once he learns what a wicked capitalist really is, he’ll surely regret today’s reckless words.
While filming this show, he hadn’t a moment’s peace, bruises and contusions everywhere. A few times, the rigging gave way, and he plummeted from the air, nearly meeting his end. Luckily, he’s a tough guy; he only broke a rib.
Out of the five live streams, the one featuring the grandfather and grandson ranked second in popularity. Just as their viewership was steadily climbing, closing in on the top spot, the stream ended.
Viewers who were thoroughly engrossed: !!
“Are you kidding me? It cut off right when it was getting good? What the heck?!”
The two-hour teaser livestream would be edited down to half an hour, with the final cut set to be officially released over the weekend.
This tactic of ending abruptly to leave viewers on the edge of their seats never fails for the production team; as soon as the livestream ended, related keywords quickly shot up the trending list.
The moment the cameras were turned off, Yan Xingli immediately received a call from Li Zhi, whose screams pierced the sky:
“Yan Xingli, get on the treadmill right now!”
“Have you been indulging yourself too much while I’ve been away? All morning it’s been spring rolls, xiaolongbao, and spicy soup. You’re prone to gaining weight; where’s your self-discipline as a male celebrity?”
“Do you know how round your face looks on camera?”
“You’re playing a sickly yet strong and tragic character in your next movie. You need to lose weight immediately! What’s the point of stuffing yourself until you’re round as a pumpkin?”
Yan Xingli felt guilty and mumbled a few excuses before hanging up.
“
Today, Qi Youyu didn’t need Yan Xingli to remind her. After her bath, she took Xiao Hua by the hand and went back to her room to sleep early.
The little girl darted off so quickly that Yan Xingli didn’t even get a chance to ask about the money.
The joys and sorrows of people are never truly shared.
While her down-on-his-luck uncle was huffing and puffing on the treadmill at the gym, Qi Youyu was over the moon in the guest room.
Sitting cross-legged on the bed, she tapped the optical computer on her wrist, and a holographic screen lit up in the darkness, showing a replay of the day’s live broadcast.
“Hehe.”
“I’m on TV.”
Qi Youyu’s little face was unusually rosy as she looked shyly at Xiao Hua: “Xiao Hua, why do I feel like I look kind of good? Am I just too fond of myself?”
“Being vain is a sign of confidence, and confidence promotes learning, sparks interest in studying, enhances social skills, and fosters a healthy mental state.”
Xiao Hua glowed with a gentle light: “Dear Yu Yu, please always stay confident. I love you when you’re confident and sunny like this. You’re the best human child in the world.”
Qi Youyu thought that made perfect sense and nodded vigorously in agreement: “Okay, I’ll be sure to be a little vain.”
Yu Yu couldn’t read, so Xiao Hua had to read the comments aloud for her.
“Xiao Hua, look, someone said Uncle was a ‘vase.’ They must think Uncle is really handsome too, right?”
Xiao Hua: “Yuyu, considering the context of the times, the word ‘vase’ isn’t meant as a compliment; it’s a derogatory term.”
Yu Yu: “Aren’t they complimenting Uncle on his looks? Does that mean everyone thinks Uncle is too skinny, like a vase?”
“No, it means he’s good-looking but good for nothing else.”
“Oh, so people are still complimenting Uncle on his looks after all.”
Knowing full well that Yu Yu had missed the point, but still doting on him endlessly, Xiao Hua said, “You’re not wrong.”
Qi Youyu kept listening as the sarcastic comments rolled by in the chat stream; the two little aliens couldn’t understand them.
Until some outright vulgarities appeared.
Xiao Hua stopped reading the comments. A hint of frustration flashed across its stern robotic face. It thought to itself that it needed to run a self-optimization cycle.
“Are they saying Uncle is bad?” the child asked, eyes wide.
“Yes.” Xiao Hua couldn’t lie to Youyu.
“Why?” Qi Youyu tried to guess and understand. “Is it because Uncle didn’t share his candy with them, so they’re mad at him?”
Xiao Hua shook its head again.
Xiao Hua’s data was processed at lightning speed. It was gathering all publicly available information on Yan Xingli, categorizing every review since his debut, and conducting a deep analysis.
Moments later, Qi Youyu received the answer.
Uncle wasn’t liked because of his poor acting skills and his college entrance exam score of only 30 in English.
Qi Youyu stared blankly for a while after getting the answer. She rubbed her head and asked curiously, “What is the college entrance exam?”
“Why do you have to take an English exam?”
The all-knowing Xiao Hua continued to explain.
It turned out that English was one of the official languages used by humans on Earth, even though on the planet Cang’ai, English had long since become a minority language.
However, on present-day Earth, English remains one of humanity’s most important international languages, playing an indelible and indispensable role in promoting national economic development, spreading culture, and driving technological progress.
The college entrance exam is the test that determines whether young students can enter higher education institutions and gain access to vital learning resources.
Qi Youyu suddenly understood: “It’s just like how Lei Lei has to pass the national unified exam if she wants to enter the Mecha Academy when she grows up.”
“Sigh.”
“So everyone thinks Uncle isn’t very smart, and that’s why they don’t like him.”
Xiao Hua: “Yuyu, don’t be sad. The reason your ancient ancestor has learning difficulties is that he hasn’t developed his brain to 120% of its potential. If we help him develop it to 200%, he’ll definitely master all the skills.”
Qi Youyu’s eyes lit up.
That’s a great idea.
But the next second, she scratched her face in distress and muttered under her breath, “But I didn’t bring the Brain Development Device, and I don’t have any Brain Dimension-Upgrading Nutrients either.”
Youyu and Xiaohua exchanged helpless glances.
She didn’t dwell on it for long, and hope gradually reignited in the child’s clear, black-and-white eyes.
When a problem arises, it must be solved.
Without a moment’s hesitation, Qi Youyu thought for a moment and made up her mind.
“Then I’ll make a language bracelet for Uncle.”
Earth’s resources were scarce, and usable materials were few and far between; otherwise, she wouldn’t have settled for an outdated relic that had long been phased out on the planet Cang’ai.
At Xiao Hua’s suggestion, Qi Youyu planned to try her luck at the scrap yard tomorrow.
As for Yan Xingli’s acting skills, the very thing people criticized him for the most, Youyu already had a plan in mind.
She was absolutely confident that her uncle would love both of these gifts.