After bringing the two little tyrants home, Yan Xingli knew his life as a nanny had officially begun.
Qianjin was a cat Yan Shanyi had rescued; she was spoiled rotten and had become incredibly fussy—a fastidious little cat who couldn’t even lick her own bottom.
Coincidentally, Yan Shanyi was also a neat freak. She didn’t trust the nannies in the household, so she dumped the job of wiping Qianjin’s bottom on Yan Xingli.
The long-suffering house-born servant, too afraid to speak up, counted his pay while meekly tending to the cat.
Yan Xingli had been the young miss’s full-time servant since high school; all the dirty and tedious work fell to him, and the young miss had long come to rely on him as her servant.
As a result, even in this new environment, the young miss remained completely at ease.
Yan Xingli stowed the suitcase in the storage room, brushed the dust off his clothes, and put his coat back on. “Yuyu, I’m going out for a bit. You and Xiaohua stay home and watch the house.”
The little girl, who usually stuck to him like glue, didn’t even turn her head. “Bye.”
Yan Xingli wasn’t giving up: “Aren’t you even curious about what I’m going to do?”
“Uncle’s going to work.”
“Bullshit,” Yan Xingli said, enunciating each word: “I’m going to the supermarket—the big one.”
“Okay, I know,” Qi Youyu waved. “Bye, Uncle.”
Yan Xingli: “…Bye.”
Feeling like he’d made a fool of himself, Yan Xingli headed out, fully geared up.
At the supermarket, he bought a pile of fresh fish, meat, shrimp, and vegetables. Then he went to the pet store and, following the list Yan Shanyi had given him, bought supplements and pet toys.
Yan Xingli didn’t know how to cook for humans, but years of experience as a nanny had made him a pro at preparing cat and dog food.
Since the pet store offered home delivery, Yan Xingli first carried the bags of groceries back home.
As soon as he got home, he sent the receipt to Yan Shanyi, who reimbursed him without hesitation, generously transferring a hefty sum for food expenses with a wave of his hand.
Yan Xingli was instantly energized and rushed into the kitchen to get to work.
“It’s looking at me. Wow, its eyes are so beautiful.”
“Ah.”
“It feels so soft to the touch.”
Qi Youyu had never seen such a plump and round kitten before. For a moment, she was skeptical. “Xiao Hua, is it a pig or a cat?”
Xiao Hua analyzed the situation with the utmost seriousness: “A cat. With a history on ancient Earth spanning over 25 million years, it is a small mammal. Their fur is dense and soft, their collarbones are small, their muzzles are short, their eyes are round, their necks are sturdy, and their limbs are relatively short.”①
“There are several spherical pads under their claws, and the surface of their tongues is covered with filamentous papillae coated in keratin.”②
A holographic screen appeared before Xiao Hua, filled with images and videos of cats reconstructed by scientists using advanced technology.
After a thorough and rigorous comparison, Xiao Hua concluded, “So this silver-white furry creature in front of us is 99.9% likely to be a cat.”
Qi Youyu’s little mind was filled with thoughts.
“It’s so much stronger than those scrawny cat specimens in the museum.”
Xiao Hua: “Maybe it’s a big cat-pig.”
Yan Xingli, who was crouched on the ground sorting ingredients, twitched her ears and smiled.
The Young Lady was most sensitive to the three words “fat,” “eat,” and “play”; all her cleverness was focused on these things, so she was probably furious right now.
Sure enough, the Young Lady’s whiskers twitched, her eyes widened in anger, and she turned her back on them.
The sturdy silhouette made Qi Youyu’s eyes light up. She exclaimed happily, “Xiao Hua, you were right—it really is a super piggy cat!”
Qianjin: …
The plump little cat stormed off in a huff.
Qi Youyu scampered after it on her stubby legs. She saw Qianjin run behind E-Mei, lie down, stretch out her long legs, and elegantly groom herself.
Huo Le Mo, engrossed in gnawing on a bone, didn’t notice a thing.
Qi Youyu said with a smile, “So it came here to play with its good friend.”
No sooner had she spoken than the grooming Piggy Cat suddenly leaped up, raised its paws, and landed two swift punches, making the dog’s head ring with a thud.
The dog, having been struck, sprang up as if pulled from the ground.
“Woof woof woof! Waaah!”
Qianjin: “Click!”
Xiaohua and Qi Youyu were dumbfounded.
Qi Youyu panicked, turning around to shout for help: “Uncle, it’s bad! They’re fighting!”
Yan Xingli glanced over briefly before calmly looking away: “They’re not fighting. Hungry Mo is just getting beaten up one-sidedly.”
“???”
Qianjin chased after the fleeing Hungry Mo, making clicking sounds.
Qi Youyu was as frantic as an ant on a hot pan: “Uncle, is the kitty sick? It’s been making strange noises.”
“It’s fine. It’s just spitting at E-le-mo.”
The two little tyrants bickered countless times a day, so Yan Xingli had long since grown accustomed to it.
Qianjin was the eldest in the family, and E-le-mo was the puppy she’d dragged Yan Shanyi to the pet store to pick out.
Yan Shanyi, who had no plans for a second child, let Qianjin keep Eleme by her side just to keep the child happy.
Eleme seemed to understand that without Qianjin, it wouldn’t have its life of luxury, so it was exceptionally fawning toward her, meek and submissive—so good-natured that even Yan Shanyi sometimes felt a pang of pity for it.
Xiao Hua scribbled furiously: “Cats spit, dogs play hide-and-seek.”
“Why does the cat spit at the puppy?” Qi Youyu furrowed her little brow. “Will the puppy catch a cold?”
Why else? Because you two called it a ‘big cat-pig.’
Big Cat-Pig respects the elderly and loves the young; he wouldn’t hit a child, so he can only take it out on an innocent little lapdog by spitting on him.
Yan Xingli lowered his head to peel a carrot. “Hungry is pretty tough; at worst, he’ll just get a little dirty.”
Qi Youyu: “Then shouldn’t we give them a bath?”
“In a couple of days.”
Qianjin doesn’t like going to the pet shop for baths, and Ema gets rowdy when he bathes. Bathing them is a major undertaking; Yan Xingli needs to think it through carefully.
Meanwhile, the two little ones, having had their fill of play, stopped. E-le-mo carefully picked up a bone to gnaw on, while Qianjin buried her head in her fur, tidying up her messy coat.
Qi Youyu let out a sigh of relief, and a smile returned to her face.
“Xiao Hua, do you want to pet the little kitty?”
A rare trace of nervousness flashed across Xiaohua’s stiff, anime-style face. Hesitantly and stammering, it said, “B-but I’ve never touched such a small and cute creature before.”
“You can give it a try,” the child encouraged. “This is a real live kitten, you know.”
As a cat specifically tasked with caring for kittens, Xiaohua couldn’t help but feel a softness in its heart toward all young creatures.
Her little round paws opened and closed, but in the end, she gave up.
Yan Xingli felt a strange, indescribable sense of unease.
Only after asking did he learn that there were actually no cats or dogs on Cang’ai Planet.
He couldn’t imagine how boring a planet without kittens and puppies would be.
Yan Xingli gave the child a pitying look, then turned his gaze toward Xiao Hua.
“Xiao Hua.”
“I’m making cat food and dog food,” he said with a warm smile. “Would you like to learn how?”
Xiao Hua paused for a moment.
This was a whole new realm of knowledge, and a thirst for learning filled its mind.
“I’d love to,” Xiao Hua said, its two-wheeled feet darting forward.
“Esteemed Ancient One, are you truly willing to impart such vital knowledge to me?”
Yan Xingli: “Call me Xingge.”
“Okay, Xingge.”
Yan Xingli ceded the head chef’s spot to Xiao Hua: “From now on, follow my instructions.”
Xiao Hua tied on an apron, put on gloves, and solemnly picked up a head of broccoli to wash it under the faucet before chopping it into tiny pieces.
Yan Xingli successfully offloaded the daily grind of cooking cat and dog meals from dawn till dusk.
The pet store delivered the supplies, and the technician installed a super-luxury cat tree and cat villa in the living room, while Yan Xingli buried himself in portioning out freeze-dried treats and cat and dog food.
The three little ones were shooed off to the bedroom to play. Yan Xingli grabbed a handful of freeze-dried treats for Qi Youyu and told her to feed Qianjin and Eleme.
Not long after, a panicked child’s voice rang out from the bedroom.
“Uncle, something terrible has happened!”
“Hurry over here!”
Thinking of his cabinet full of figurines, Yan Xingli’s long legs moved so fast they left afterimages, his expression frantic:
“What’s wrong? What’s wrong?”
By the large floor-to-ceiling window in the bedroom, Qi Youyu was crouched next to the cat bed, her little hands tucked helplessly under her belly:
“Uncle, your little treasure is making a noise.”
“It’s been making that noise the whole time. Is its little speaker feeling unwell?”
Qi Youyu, who had never interacted with cats before, was absolutely frantic. How could such a soft, adorable little kitten make a sound like boiling water?
Having finished eating the freeze-dried food, Qianjin lay sprawled on the floor basking in the sun, her fluffy tail swaying gently.
Seeing that her precious little one was safe and sound, Yan Xingli’s heart finally settled.
“She’s fine. That’s a sign she’s happy.”
“Just think of it as her singing.”
Qi Youyu nodded, not quite understanding.
The little girl climbed up from the ground, and Qianjin followed suit. She rubbed against her leg for a couple of steps before flopping down and rolling onto her back.
Qi Youyu let out a soft “Oh my,” pointing at the sprawled-out piggy cat: “Uncle, the kitty’s itchy. She wants a bath.”
Qianjin: o.o
I hate that you’re such a blockhead.
Yan Xingli smiled, bent down, and patted the kitten on the head: “You’ve finally had your day, Qianjin—flirting with a dummy, ha ha.”
Qianjin swatted Yan Xingli’s hand away with a paw, leaving a clear imprint from her thick paw pad on his pale wrist.
“You ungrateful wretch. Don’t you know you’re living under someone else’s roof right now?”
“Besides, I’m your uncle. Show me some respect. Do you understand the importance of respecting elders and caring for the young?”
Qianjin shot him a disdainful look, held her tail high, and ran off.
Yan Xingli: …
The cat Yan Shanyi raised was indeed just like her.
The simple, spacious living room had undergone a complete transformation. With the addition of a cat treadmill, a cat villa, and a luxurious climbing frame, it no longer felt cold and empty but had gained a much livelier atmosphere.
These were all things Qi Youyu had never seen before.
Yuyu tapped her wrist-mounted smart device, snapped a few photos, and sent them off.
“Yaya, look! This is my uncle’s daughter. She’s a really chubby cat.”
“These are all the young lady’s toys. My uncle bought them.”
“When I get home, I’ll definitely bring you a toy she’s played with.”
The little girl chattered away into her lightbrain. Yan Xingli, passing by behind her, raised an eyebrow and cupped her head with his large hand. “Who are you talking to?”
“My best friend.” Qi Youyu held up a finger, her little face beaming with pride. “Uncle, Yaya is a super-awesome little scientist.”
This was the first time Yan Xingli had heard her mention another child; surprised, he found himself intrigued.
“Are you the one who’s amazing, or is she?”
Qi Youyu thought about it seriously, her expression turning solemn. “We’re both amazing, but I think Yaya is just a tiny bit more amazing than I am.”
The child stared at Yan Xingli’s leg. “Uncle, if your leg runs away from home, Yaya can help you find it again.”
Yan Xingli froze. He thought for a moment, then asked slowly,
“By ‘find a leg,’ do you mean… a transplant? Or fitting a prosthetic?”
Qi Youyu stared at him for a moment, then tugged at his pants, pulling them down a bit.
Yan Xingli crouched down, and the child’s chubby little hands immediately patted and tapped his head.
“It didn’t get fixed last time.”
“I’ll fix it again.”
Yan Xingli: “……”
He grabbed Yuyu’s hand and dodged away with a scowl: “I’m not broken. I’m perfectly fine.”
Interrupted like that, Yan Xingli felt too embarrassed to press the issue—it would make him look stupid.
He changed the subject: “Didn’t you say you couldn’t get in touch with anyone from Cang’ai Planet?”
Yan Xingli had hit the nail on the head.
Qi Youyu turned her back to him, staring at the ceiling as she stammered, “Yaya knows I’m on Earth. She’s working hard to build a time-space spaceship.”
“Yaya can do anything. She’s really amazing.”
Yan Xingli shuddered. “Do all the kids on your planet have PhDs?”
“No, Uncle,” Qi Youyu said. “I’m still in kindergarten.”
Building a spaceship with a kindergarten education…
Then the value of that kindergarten diploma must be on par with a PhD or master’s degree from a top-tier 985 or 211 university.
After a moment of silence, Yan Xingli realized something didn’t quite add up.
“If you can build a spaceship, how come you’re still in kindergarten? Don’t your universities have special programs for gifted children?”
It was a long story.
The child didn’t have the heart to admit she was a bit of a humanities illiterate, relying entirely on audio-reading to solve problems and still barely knowing a single character.
Prideful Qi Youyu didn’t want to lose face, so she mumbled a couple of half-hearted replies to her uncle and ran off.
Xiao Hua transformed into a chronicler dedicated to recording daily life, trailing behind the cat and dog to document their every move.
Then she discovered that the two little ones also had moments of warmth and harmony together. For example, when the young miss grew tired from playing, she would lean against the hungry one, using him as a body pillow or a headrest.
The fluffy cat bed was stretched to its limits, filled to the brim, with snores rising and falling in waves.
Xiao Hua didn’t come equipped with an encyclopedia skill pack, so it had to figure out many things on its own, bit by bit.
When it heard that thunderous snoring, Xiao Hua’s database nearly went haywire.
It couldn’t understand why their tiny bodies could produce snores that sounded like a cow bellowing—it was truly baffling.
The more Xiao Hua observed Qianjin and Elem, the more chaotic its mechanical brain became—especially since the little dog actually farted.
The sound of Elem letting out a series of farts in his sleep jolted Qianjin awake. Good heavens! Is this something a dog would do?
Qianjin cursed under her breath and unleashed a flurry of cat-style slaps on its doggy brain before storming off in a huff.
Sleepy-eyed pup: Innocent as a lamb.jpg
Yan Xingli, passing by with his hands in his pockets, glanced at it with a smirk: “Hey, heading out on your motorcycle this late? Where are you off to have some fun?”
Dog: o.o
Shyly covering its face jpg.
Xiao Hua took careful notes: “Dogs fart, cats purr.”
Yan Xingli leaned closer to Xiao Hua and gave her a sidelong glance: “Do you want to raise them yourself and build a closer bond with them?”
“I do.”
Xiao Hua’s deep green eyes lit up like two big light bulbs: “Respected Brother Xing, I’d be more than happy to help you out. Would you be willing to let me take care of them?”
“Of course, I trust you completely.” Yan Xingli smiled, then changed the subject, “But you have to agree to one condition: you’re not allowed to come bother me in the morning anymore, but you can give me a massage.”
Having successfully stepped down from his role as cat-sitter and nanny, Yan Xingli was smiling in his sleep.
He’d get paid, and he could get Xiao Hua’s massage services for free—it was the best!
That night, Yu Yu and Xiao Hua huddled under the covers, whispering to each other. Xiao Hua gestured wildly as she praised sincerely, “Lord Yu Yu, your ancient ancestor was truly a virtuous and good person.”
Qi Youyu, acting out of character, clenched her little fists: “No, Uncle is a big bad guy.”
Xiao Hua was puzzled.
Yu Yu: “Uncle lied to me, saying a puppy’s paw tastes like strawberry milk.”
Xiao Hua: “Isn’t that true?”
“No!”
“It’s sour and stinky. There’s no such thing as sour, stinky milk—I know that!”
A sweaty foot left unwashed for a day—even if you’re starving—stinks so bad it could make you vomit last night’s dinner. Yan Xingli, being mischievous, tricked Yu Yu into sniffing it, nearly making the poor kid cry from the stench.
Xiao Hua, who had no sense of smell, was half-convinced, half-skeptical.
“Practice makes perfect,” she thought. Xiao Hua decided to go smell them for herself tomorrow.