“Her Highness has that sort of taste? How scandalous!”
“Two brides!? What in the merciful grace of God is this!?”
“That’s all you people can focus on!? Her Highness is marrying a foreigner from the north! We don’t even have that barbarian place mapped out!”
Before the ceremony could even finish, unrest rapidly spread within the capital, not a single soul could understand the Princess’s reasoning. For starters, her bride was of lowly birth and a foreigner.
The frozen land far across the northern ocean wasn’t known for anything spectacular; most wouldn’t consider it a civilisation because a hierarchy doesn’t exist. A land of axe-wielding barbarians who arrive to steal the jobs of hard-working citizens. That was the overwhelming opinion.
If that wasn’t bad enough, the concept of same sex marriage doesn’t exist! How could the royal bloodline continue with two people unable to bear children together…
‘Blah blah blah. All I hear is the blithering scowls of idiots.’
As I walk down the aisle with disappointed eyes glaring all around, do I regret this decision on such a special day? No chance.
My bride is the priceless jewel of the kingdom, and I don’t scrub up so bad myself. Should I feel something like shame or embarrassment, considering I still have the mind of a dude? Nah, they’re only clothes, and I do look damn fine in them.
Even with this getup I have on, the crowd’s irritation and the aggressive look on the priest’s face who doesn’t want to be here, you’d have to think someone in my position is completely insane. Money is a huge factor, but there’s more to it than just that.
In the original novel… this Princess is doomed.
Before we even get halfway through the story, she dies under mysterious circumstances. I want— no, need to know why. If I have to involve myself in the original plot to find out, then so be it.
Besides, who’s to even say this story was on the correct path to begin with? I’m a foreigner to this world, so there could easily be more people here. The original plotline may have broken long before I arrived.
But alas, it’s now my time to shine and hopefully become the right-hand wo(man) of the Princess! Having already made my way down to the church’s altar, there appears to be more problems though. The Princess and the priest are stuck on something.
“Your Highness, you must understand why this situation is peculiar. His lord has no mercy for those who waste time on shams like this.”
“Sham? You dare to call my exquisite taste for priceless artefacts a sham? Have you no shame, Priest!?”
‘Did she just call me a priceless artefact? Being objectified is conflicting… but I like it. Best use this brief chance to investigate…’
While my future wife fights for our marriage, it’s time to introduce something I’m yet to show. This novel is guilty of many things that are unoriginal, but this part is original.
As long as you can get an uninterrupted look at someone’s face, they can be scanned. What does scanning mean? I’ll show you…
[MIND'S EYE][First Name: Ashia][Family Name: Koenig][Affection: 20/100][Traits] [»][Gender: Female][Class: Royalty][Age: 25][Trait Rarity] [»][Swordsman] [†][Cursed] [Þ][Pyromaniac] [ℑ]
Spoiler
[TIER][Legendary] [5*][Excellent] [4*][Great] [3*] [Good] [2*] [Average] [1*] [TYPE][Combat: †][Magical: ℑ][Passive: Þ] [collapse]
‘Hold up! What kind of throwaway side character gets traits like that!?’
Introducing the sweet but simple trait system, a system that highlights a character’s traits. Only accessible to the novel’s readers and now myself, it doesn’t completely define what a person can do, but it works as a good indicator.
And what does it say about the Princess? She’s insanely broken. With those traits, she might as well be a cheat character.
Perfectly efficient at using a sword and capable of wielding tier three fire magic, it’s clear she’d be an elite spell-sword build. I haven’t a clue what the curse might be; hopefully someday I’ll find out. For now, I should hide this ability. Best to keep any cards I have close to my chest.
[MIND'S EYE][First Name: Julian][Family Name: Marabecker][Affection: -25/100][Traits] [»][Gender: Male][Class: Religious][Age: 37][Trait Rarity] [»][Vain] [Þ][Devout] [Þ][Stubborn] [Þ]
Spoiler
[TIER][Legendary] [5*][Excellent] [4*][Great] [3*] [Good] [2*] [Average] [1*] [TYPE][Combat: †][Magical: ℑ][Passive: Þ] [collapse]
‘Okay, at least my own traits don’t suck half as much as this guy.’
As for the priest, I thought all traits were supposed to be positive, but if there’s nothing good to show, this is what you get. If there were a mirror nearby, I could compare. But alas, a church isn’t a place for such vanity… at least it shouldn’t be.
“I’m sorry, Your Highness, but can we skip this game? You already know same sex marriages are illegal, so why are we doing this?”
Not even needing to speak, the Princess pulls out something from a hidden pocket inside her own wedding dress.
Presenting a scroll of all things, me thinks this could be good.
“HIS MAJESTY SIGNED OFF ON THIS INSANITY!?!”
Literally tossing the scroll on the floor, the priest looks to the crowd as if they’ll intervene or riot. And to be honest, a small portion of them do look like they’re about to do something they’ll regret.
“Ahem… dear holy one, please show these sinners the error of their ways! Only with true repentance shall they be spared from eternal damnation!”
“Yeah, this is preposterous! Think about what God may think!”
“God hates those who love another of the same sex? I don’t recall the church’s teachings telling us this.”
“Quiet you! This is our chance to talk Her Highness down from marrying a foreigner!”
But of course, his attempt to grab a bunch of followers fails immediately. This entire time, the Princess remains expressionless to his outburst, even as she jolts forward to grab the priest by the collar.
“Pray for us all you want, Priest, I’ll give you a simple choice. Act upon His Majesty’s will, or face the consequences. A sacrifice will easily test how strong your faith is.”
Sounds of metal clanking against the wood flood from behind, a squadron of knights easily stopping any hint of rebellion just with their mere presence.
“Which limb do you value the least? You priests have to take a vow of celibacy, right? You want me to make that easier for you?”
‘She’s even threatening to turn him into a eunuch!? I should’ve brought some popcorn.’
“A-Ahem… where are my m-manners? Everyone is welcome here in his holy temple! Even those with peculiar and sinful tastes!”
And with that, the priest understands his role, so the Princess cleans her hands of his filth. I’m curious about how things would’ve played out if his Stubborn trait were higher levelled. However, a fountain of blood seems like a bad omen to start a married life.
“May I at least be allowed to skip over the part that will churn my stomach?”
“Really? But both of us want to show our affection in front of everyone! You have no idea how devastating this is to me!”
For just the briefest of moments during the Princess’s act of madness, she looks to me with life in her eyes and a grin on those lips. For that split second, I’m mesmerised.
‘I think my heart is fluttering. It’s either an arrhythmia, or I’m in love…’
I jest, but damn girl! This woman stands out in any crowd, holds extreme power, she’s even sarcastic! Who cares if she’s a bit unhinged, does that have to be a bad thing?
“Heaven’s almighty, give me strength. Let’s just do this…”
“By the exchanging of these rings, you two pledge yourselves together forever in sin under his Lord’s holy banner.”
One of the intruding knights brings over a satin pillow with two rings after the priest’s little outburst. Both may appear unassuming at first, but these bands are entirely made of melted-down diamonds. Don’t ask how it works, just novel logic involving higher-tier blacksmiths.
The Princess takes the first ring and intends to place it on me… I can't help but hesitate. It has nothing to do with tradition like the groom placing the ring first, I couldn’t care less about something like that.
I just don’t like rings, that’s it. Other jewellery is alright; I just have weird dislike of my finger being shackled. I’m not sure why.
Thankfully, Her Highness picks up on my reluctance. Closing any distance between us, a whisper finds its way into my ear.
“All this is an accessory. Nothing more, nothing less. Feel free to take it off, or even throw it away the second we step outside.”
‘That’s a little extreme, no?’
In the end, I reluctantly allow my finger to be shackled and quickly return the favour. All that’s left is the mortified priest to finish this sham, and we can relax.
“Accursed sinners. By the power invested in me by the Lord’s fleeting will, I now lock you together as wife… and wife. You two may kiss, but I won’t be around to see it…”
Grabbing a written document from the altar, the priest signs his name on it, then forces it upon the Princess. A moment later, he’s disappearing down the aisle, presumably to puke.
And so, today, the first same-sex marriage happens in the Kingdom of Koenig! To be part of history is somewhat exciting… even if a good portion of the crowd looks at us like madwomen.
“So then, my beloved. Shall we get a move on before things escalate?”
‘Agreed. Let’s turn the tides of fate and see if there’s a way to save this woman.’
And with that, the shameless Princess broke hundreds of years' worth of tradition. In the process, another journey was started, not one of love, but insanity. The mad hatter of the kingdom would surely cause its downfall…
[A Red Wedding]
Spoiler
“By the way, you’re slightly red.”
“Am I? I don’t feel sick or anything like that.”
“If it’s because of the crowd, don’t burden yourselves with the opinion of idiots.”
‘It might be that. It’s awfully hot in here with all this stuff on though…’
[collapse]