[MIND'S EYE][Mind’s Eye version 1.0 successfully loaded.][»][Scanning through previous playback logs…][Search complete.][»][Selecting log 107, Princess Core File 1.][»][Accessing file…][413 ERROR.][»][File size too large.][»][Compressing memory instead…][Solution complete.][»][Memory will begin shortly…] [PROCESSING…][PROCESSING…][PROCESSING…]Heh, to think you’re capable of delving into the deeper parts of my subconscious, one that possesses Frost. No matter, this is how my first life passed. Or in your case, how the Princess written in that novel died.
...
Back then, I was a weak child. In some ways, I’m thankful for what happened. If it hadn’t been for Morri, I never would’ve grown to be the person I am. One tends to fight their weaknesses when they embrace the sweet release of death, six times already.
But that burning desire for revenge still lingers to this day…
“Have my dear and beautiful friends heard the news!? Sir Rhoderick is thinking of proposing to me!”
“How wonderful! He'd better get you a diamond the size of a fist!”
“You know you can do far better, Penny.”
‘A life of duty, laughs and friendship. What more can one ask for? I’m so tired of this…’
Once a week, the person with the highest status in our group is expected to host our gatherings. Naturally, this always falls to me. We share stories, drink far too much tea, and consume our body weight in cake. It sounds fun of the surface.
Meeting these three isn’t so bad, I can make time once a week. However, when you receive a dozen invites from women all around the capital, all of which you’re expected to drink tea with, I don’t have the time.
Days are spent putting on a happy face in front of crowds, and the nights are spent completing the duties expected of the Crown Princess. I can’t remember the last time I had more than three hours' sleep!
If it isn’t obvious yet, every person around this table, myself included, is fake.
“Hmph! Nobody asked you! Who even dyes their hair purple these days?”
“Hehe, she has a point. No one frugal walks around with purple hair!”
“You think I’d waste money on hair dye? This is all-natural, girly! Not like that pink of yours!”
All three women hide behind wicked smiles and giggles; again, all sense of friendship is fake. Trends come and go in high society; this year, it involves dressing modestly in front of those with higher status. Dying one’s hair is not considered modest.
But I digress. The pink-haired woman, Penelope, has an opium addiction. So much so, she even brings her own leaves to our tea parties. She says it’s meant for “medicinal” purposes.
The purple-haired woman, Lucinda, comes from a family of assassins who sell themselves to the highest bidder. They’ll target a starving child, a renowned merchant, or even the King if the contract is acceptable.
The brunette among the three is Mariette; she is a world-renowned slut. Her type is married men… and horses apparently. Don’t ask, it’s a rumour with a hint of truth to it.
“You seem quiet today, Princess Garnet. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, Garnet. Are you alright?”
“You’ve barely touched your tea. It’ll go cold at this rate.”
Even in my weaker days, I wanted to punch the wicked smiles on their faces. Years prior, on an insignificant birthday, my Father procured me a garnet the size of a fist.
I… accidentally dropped it and it shattered. For years, that nickname stuck with these bitches.
“I think I’m j-just tired today. I’ve got four more parties to attend after this… and seventy-two pages to get through before morning.”
“You want some of my medicine? It won’t help your tiredness, but it’ll make you feel so much better!”
“If you can make time, come spend it inside my stables. Intimate time with my stallions really does wonders for the soul!”
“I-I… please e-excuse me for a m-moment! I-I feel s-sick…”
I didn’t know why at the time, but immense disgust appeared on Lucinda’s face as she rushed off to be sick. Thinking back, she must’ve heard the rumours involving the other two as well.
In a perfect world, I’d have been born a boy in a family with a lower status. I could roam the city, eat as much street food as I want. I’d ride through the forest shirtless, swing swords and shoot arrows. I could even go to war if I wanted!
No more etiquette. No more tea parties. No two-faced nobles. No royal duties. No more corsets.
But alas, this kingdom’s future sits on my shoulders. Father isn’t getting any younger, my younger brother is always sick. I'm really the only option. There's just so much I need to learn...
“Your Highness. It’s time for etiquette training.”
“Again? This is the third time this week. I’ve got to get all these invitations sorted by tomorrow.”
I’ve got invitations to events and weddings that I must attend. There are royal policies that need to be signed off on, even tax reports that need to be checked in case any nobles are thinking of committing fraud.
My hands ache, my eyes are strained, and I’m even beginning to see peculiar visions...
Was that goblin always there, or is he part of the new renovations? Wait... goblin? What?
“Kukukukuku…”
'Will I ever get a break!? Why can’t I just throw all this stuff away? No, that would be far too rude.'
“You really are a complete pushover.”
“What?”
“…”
This is how it started, Morri calling me a pushover. She was correct; most of my problems could be solved just by saying no. But that doesn’t make her a good person.
She hadn't been serving me long, maybe a few years at best. My own personal maid, a disgusting waste of space that pollutes everything she touches. They say time is a healer. But in this case, it isn't...
…
Time passes, and before I know it, I'm facing the clock, knowing I've just reached midnight. But I haven't completed half of what I need to.
‘I’ve missed dinner again. I hope she isn’t too busy…’
As if she can read my mind, Morri walks into the study holding a plate of food! She really does care behind that cold and scary face!
She places the food down, and I immediately tuck in. But… something isn’t right. This bread is rock hard; the salad is bitter and unwashed. The cutlery looks dirty, there’s even a strand of hair inside my mouth now.
Pulling it out, it’s clearly long and black. This doesn't appear to be the only one..
“Erm… M-Morri? There a-appears to be hair in this.”
“So?”
“H-Hehe… I’ll just e-eat around it.”
I really shouldn’t complain. Morri worked to bring me food up here. Even if the bread is stale, she’s probably too busy to notice, just like how I am. Morri is the best cleaner in the entire palace after all!
Even now, as I think back to this, I want to smash her head against the table until her skull cracks like an egg. Not just Morri, but myself included. Why was I such a fool to put up with this?
From here, these acts of disobedience rapidly got worse…
…
Getting my hair brushed in the morning.
“To think I’m wasting my life on someone like you.”
After visiting my parents and my brother.
“It’s a shame. You really are the ugly duckling of the family.”
Laughing at a party with my friends.
“They weren’t laughing with you, Your Highness. They were laughing at you.”
Being asked to help clean the part of my back I can’t reach.
“I’m supposed to touch someone as disgusting as you?”
Getting served cold and bitter tea.
“You wanted sugar instead of salt? Your Highness, you’re far too fat for sugar.”
Inside a carriage passing through the red-light district.
“You’d fit in around here.”
…
For years, I was standing on incredibly thin ice, slowly cracking by the day as my sanity kept chipping away at the floor. I tried to escape from the water; yet Morri stood there with a chisel to crack that ice herself…
“-hia… Ashia! Are you listening?”
Like everything with sleep deprivation, it affects all areas of your life. The occasional meeting with my Father was no different.
I’d blank out and stare into space for minutes while he’d spend the entire meeting worrying about me. He knew something was wrong, yet both of us are far too stubborn when it comes to personal issues.
“Huh? Sorry Father, I spaced out for a moment.”
“Is everything okay, Ashia? You haven’t been sleeping or eating much recently.”
No, nothing is okay. My mind is a constant mess, and that evil maid keeps adding to my problems! I just don’t get it. What is her problem? There has to be a way I can make her less resentful. I have to help her as much as I can.
You should’ve just killed her…
“I-I’m fine, Father. It’s just that there’s a lot of work to get through. I’ve got to prepare myself, otherwise, this kingdom will fall when you’re gone.”
Father’s face is full of sadness. Deep down, he knows there is something wrong, but I don’t want him to worry. It will only weaken my resolve.
“None of that will matter if you end up going insane. I can always hire some advisors if you need—"
“N-No! If I stop, then this k-kingdom’s future is in jeopardy! I have to keep busy! It’s the only way it can survive…”
Morri wasn’t the only reason for my death; there are still huge parts of this life I despise.
There were other options as well; I could’ve tried to run away, told Father, of even disciplined her. But I cared far too much about not wanting to hurt anyone, even my enemies.
I was the cause of my death in this life. Just a weak and naïve girl that doesn’t understand how the world really works.
Before I know it, we’re already saying goodbye, and I’m thinking about work again. This time, however, I have far more motivation.
Several days ago, I learnt of something huge. The kingdom may suffer for a bit, but I will finally get that rest I deserve. To think Father was keeping such a huge secret all these years....
“Your Highness? Princess Ashia? May I give you my opinion?”
But before I could leave, an intruding maid stood in my way. Yet, she is far kinder than my current one.
‘Must everyone give me their opinions? Leave me be!’
In some ways, this maid, Anna, is the closest thing to an older sister I have. Like all royal maids, she was brought in from a young age in an attempt to garner loyalty…
“Loyalty”. It’s ironic, Anna is an exception, considering how the rest of them turned out.
Four years older than me, I basically grew up attached to her side. If I weren’t so busy, I’d have requested Father to send her over to my palace years ago. She might be the perfect maid.
“There’s a growing darkness within you, Your Highness. If you ever want a shoulder to rest upon, I’m always here. No one can help you, unless you allow yourself to be helped.”
“Thanks, Anna, but I’m f-fine! I’m only doing what i-is expected of me.”
Anna… sigh. She was always a breath of fresh air.
“I understand, Your Highness, it’s just that those overworked tend to miss simple things. Please, do not allow your mind to be poisoned like this…”
“Morri… what is it you dislike about me? Is there anything I can change that would make you happier? Please be honest.”
Back in my study, I can't help but ask this to her again.
I don’t like to upset others, but if there’s one thing I have to know, it’s this. I know she’s right about a lot of things, but not once have I ever lifted a hand or punished her for failing to do her duties correctly. I just can’t understand it!
“You really don’t get it, Your Highness. The problem isn’t me; it’s you. Useless, incompetent, spoilt. Is there anything you’re capable of?”
“B-B-But…”
“There isn’t a single soul inside this place that would miss you if you disappeared. You wanted honesty, I’m being honest.”
Nothing changed if I questioned her about it, and believe me, we had that conversation plenty of times.
Things continued this way for months; the maid would constantly belittle me, and I would believe it. I never desired, nor felt I was good enough to be the heir of this kingdom. Even to this day, there is a part of me willing to let this kingdom deservedly burn to the ground...
I don’t recall there being an exact moment, even after I learnt of the existence of the Bastard. That just presented an opportunity, a way to keep this kingdom safe with me not in it.
...
When my palace sat alone with only me inside, the opportunity came. The maids have rotating schedules, and it just so happened that after an “error” on my part, it would be empty for the next two days…
‘I’m finally alone! My parents are attending the ball, and I’m far too “busy” to attend. I only hope Anna doesn’t show up for a visit…'
'She deserves better than to witness this.’
All my work is up to date; I’ve got what I need. I’m even dressed for the part. I can’t remember the last day off I had! I’d usually spend it reading romance novels… that must’ve been over seven years ago. How time flies!
But today, none of that interests me. I’m finally going to get some rest, to think all these years Father had a bastard son who's even older than me! It’s his duty to lead this kingdom now. I’ve left everything as best I can; I'm sure he can get someone else to do all this nonsense.
I’m finally finished! Today, I present my final notice and step down as the Crown Princess. I don’t want this kingdom to suffer, but I cannot keep this charade going any longer.
‘For the first time in a long time… I feel refreshed. Clear of heart, clear of mind. The alcohol is good… the smoking not so much.’
I sit inside the grand hall of my palace, having drunk a glass of flavoured liquor, and choked on a disgusting cigar. It just seemed fitting to try some of Father’s favourite things, one final act of defiance before it’s time to go. Who'd think something this simple would be so invigorating!?
Once a room used for entertainment, I now use for my own devices, as only a handful of movable items sit inside this room. Myself, this padded chair, and a length of rope I’ve already prepared.
One end of the rope is tied to the rafters. The other end, a coil that tightens under pressure. Now, all that’s left is to resign. My heels are already off, so I’ll hop on up and fly free like a bird!
“T-To think I’m able to m-make a j-joke in the situation!”
It doesn’t take long before I’m hobbling up onto the chair and staring at what hangs from the ceiling. This… is really happening.
I stand as high as I can using my tiptoes, place my chin through the loop, then tighten up the knot so it sits tight.
I... I'm only a kick away now.
…
“I c-can’t believe p-people get their k-kicks from s-something like this. It’s t-terrifying!”
A small smile grows on my face from this stupid joke, yet tears begin to flow like a river. This is too much; how can you desire something so badly, yet shake with fear when presented with it? I know I want this!
All I have to do is kick the chair aside, and I’ll finally be free from everything. No more work. No more tiredness. No more pain. No more suffering. No more stupid Morri. It’s so easy to get rid of everything…
…
…
…
And yet… I can’t do it. I’m terrified to take that next step. How do I know what’s next is better? Is there really a thing as eternal rest? Or is it eternal damnation? There’s no way a coward like me would ever go to a place like heaven.
I still remember that exact feeling of relief when I rubbed the tears and the makeup off my face. And that sense of dread a moment later…
“M-Morri!? What a-are you doing h-here!?”
Across the hall, a lonesome maid stands, glaring with her narrowed eyes. The door was only opened a moment ago, yet it feels like she’s been watching in here forever.
“I had a feeling you’d try something like this. Well then… are you going through with it or not?”
Even as I stood here looking into the eyes of the grim reaper, this fucking bitch still shows me contempt!
“I-I’m not… but erm. H-Hehe… I’m a little s-stuck.”
You stupid girl! Out of everything you could’ve said, why did you say that!?
The noose, I think I’ve messed it up. The knot is supposed to tighten under load, but it should be able to loosen if I pull the back of it away.
But it’s stuck. Tugging it up as hard as I can, it just won’t pull back!
I’ve experienced a great deal of hardship, but this was the first time I saw the true face of evil. That naïve and stupid girl didn’t have a clue how wicked Morri really is.
Any hint of acting or holding back was forgotten in a moment. Morri’s entire demeanour changed in the blink of an eye. What appeared was a grin below eyes that bleed crimson, just like my hair.
“You can’t even pluck up the courage to do something everyone wants you to do.”
“Y-You’re wrong!”
Again, I try to break free, only for the maid to walk over here and start rocking the chair! What the heck, Morri!? Does she hate me that much!?
“Am I? There’s an easy way to find out. If you’d like, I’ll count how many people attend your funeral.”
“P-P-Please, d-don’t! S-Stop!”
She continues rocking and pushing the chair side to side, which makes it impossible to fully stand and only tightens the noose further. I can’t get this stupid thing off my neck!
“What d-did I ever do to y-you!?”
“You really are an idiot, Your Highness. All you royals are the same; we common folk are nothing but cockroaches to you.”
The chair continues to rock, and I still struggle to find a breath. I’m terrified!
I’ve never seen Morri this happy about something. Why does it have to be my suffering that causes this!?
“Somehow, the naïve and stupid Princess is the future of this kingdom!? Please! Anyone deserving of a title would’ve kicked me out months ago! You. Are. Useless.”
“D-D-Don’t…”
All along, that’s what this is about!? She despises royals? Or is it just incompetent royals? I don’t know, and I don’t care! I just want to hurt her now!
“Now that the power is on the other foot, you dare to stand there yapping? Face your fate with some conviction… Princess Ashia. Give it some thought, it'll make what's coming next so much easier…”
With that last statement, Morri swipes the chair across the room, then slowly walks away to leave me all by my lonesome. One never forgets the tender embrace of death, or the intense feeling of anger when you struggle to find a final breath.
When I say Morri cracked the ice, it wasn’t about my death. Rather, she lit a never-ending fire…
‘Just you wait, Morri. When you get to hell, I’ll be waiting to cut out your tongue…’
[Warning] - Up to you if you want to see this or not. Tried to make it less visible, more like a silhouette. This Ai wasn't having it.
Spoiler
[collapse]
[Brushing it Off]
Spoiler
"You really are a waste of space."
“…”
After countless lives, the cycle of torment remains unchanged. Even getting her hair brushed leads to spiteful comments. The only difference? The Princess is far from the weak-minded girl she once was.
But why? Why does she continue to put up with the disrespect? Because this Princess is truly insane…
‘Maybe this time I will cut out her tongue… she’d choke too quickly though. Would boiling her alive be more satisfying? Impalement? Crucifixion?’
…
‘Nothing seems to stand out. Too many ideas, not enough time. It's a shame I can only do it once per life…’
[collapse]