Mo Luo’an froze.
The air suddenly solidified, and the atmosphere plunged into instant awkwardness. Bai Mo had a mouth full of bitterness he couldn’t express. Desperate to maintain a polite and face-saving smile, he squeezed out his words one by one:
“Uh… I… can’t… hold… it… in… anymore.”
Snapping out of his daze, Mo Luo’an reached down and scooped Bai Mo up into his arms.
“Eh?”
“Do you honestly think you can walk there yourself?”
Bai Mo’s heart was a tangled mess of five different emotions. To think that he, a proud seven-foot-tall man, was actually being carried in a princess carry! His dignity had completely shattered and scattered across the floor. However, he kept his face completely blank, as long as he didn’t feel embarrassed, the embarrassment belonged to someone else.
Mo Luo’an stared down at Bai Mo, who was stiffly twisting his neck to look far off to the side.
“Isn’t your neck going to get tired holding it like that?”
“Ah? Oh, the scenery here is actually quite nice, haha… So, how much farther is the latrine?”
“Just ahead.”
Upon reaching the latrine, Mo Luo’an set Bai Mo down, letting the other man lean against his chest. “I’ll hold you, I won’t let you fall.”
As soon as his hand stabilized Bai Mo’s waist, his other hand reached down to undo Bai Mo’s waistband.
“!”
Instinctively, Bai Mo reached down to slap his hand away, but by the time his sluggish hand actually rose, his trousers had already hit the ground with a soft patter.
After a long, agonizing pause…
Mo Luo’an leaned his head close to Bai Mo’s ear: “What are you waiting for? Didn’t you say you had to relieve yourself?”
Mo Luo’an’s sudden proximity made Bai Mo’s ears burn.
“You… with you standing right here, I can’t pee.” Who on earth could go to the bathroom with a massive, incredibly solid man pressed directly against their back? The sheer sense of presence was overwhelming. This was too damn uncomfortable, let alone the fact that his hand was still placed right there.
“Then are you going or not?”
“You move your hand away first.” He was truly at his absolute limit.
“If I don’t help hold you steady, are you planning to go back and change into another pair of pants? Stop overthinking and just hurry up.”
While Bai Mo was dying of embarrassment, Mo Luo’an was also incredibly uncomfortable. Although he had changed this body’s clothes before, the reminder that this was Chu Yan’s body and that he was currently in this exact position caused a soft blush to creep up his own face.
“I didn’t want this either!! But I’ve never done this before!” This is so goddamn embarrassing! Bai Mo’s face was flushed crimson and his neck was strained, though whether from holding it in or sheer mortification, he couldn’t tell.
“There’s a first time for everything. Look on the bright side, just pretend I don’t exist.” Standing here frozen forever wasn’t a solution either.
Blushing furiously, Bai Mo decided to just throw caution to the wind. Whatever. Dying of embarrassment was still slightly better than dying from a ruptured bladder. Relax, relax. He took a deep breath.
Shhh—splaaash—
Finally, a wave of relief washed over him. He felt as if he had been granted a new lease on life.
On the way back, as Bai Mo was being carried in Mo Luo’an’s arms once again, he noticed the faint red tint lingering on the physician’s cheeks.
“Yo~ yo~ I didn’t expect that a grand doctor like you would also get shy.” He leaned his head closer to Mo Luo’an, his warm breath fanning against the man’s face, watching the pink hue on his cheeks turn a shade darker. “Did it feel good to hold? Hahaha, look at you. Don’t tell me you’ve fallen in love with me?”
Bai Mo actually had the audacity to tease him now, completely forgetting how agonizingly awkward he had been just moments prior.
Mo Luo’an kept his face stern, shooting Bai Mo a cold glare. Do not use that face to seduce me. If this were any other body, he would have slammed him into the ground eight hundred times already.
Seeing that the doctor was genuinely annoyed, Bai Mo puckered his lips and sensibly shut his mouth.
By the afternoon, Bai Mo’s stomach started to ache. This was a pain he absolutely could not tolerate. He looked down at the dog sprawling on the floor and said:
“Zaizai, I’m not feeling well. Quick, go find your master. Tell him I’m about to die. Run fast!”
Zaizai stood up, tilting its furry head to study Bai Mo for a moment. Sensing that the human was indeed in agony, it immediately bolted out the door.
Mo Luo’an rushed into the room, finding Bai Mo staring blankly at the ceiling while groaning in misery: “Ouch… ow, ow, ow…”
“Where does it hurt?” Mo Luo’an urgently reached out to check his pulse.
Since they had already crossed that line earlier, Bai Mo didn’t bother being shy this time.
“I need to use the latrine the big one Ahhh!!! Hurry, hurry, I can’t hold it!”
After another exhausting round of tossing and turning, Bai Mo ended up lying on the bed like a dead fish. What on earth had he gone through today? Why was his day entirely filled with the absolute worst bodily function emergencies! This was not high-class, elegant, or imposing at all! It was far worse than when he was a little pudding. If he ever had to descend to the mortal realm again, he would definitely negotiate the terms with Siming beforehand. This setup was just cruel.
As evening fell, Mo Luo’an walked in carrying a cloth-wrapped bundle. Bai Mo immediately assumed it was the beggar’s chicken he had requested during dinner. He had only ordered it a short while ago; he hadn’t expected this man’s efficiency to be so high.
If he had looked closer, he wouldn’t have been so excited.
“Quick, quick, quick! I’m starving!”
Mo Luo’an walked over to the bed, grabbed Bai Mo, and flipped him over so he was sprawling face down on the mattress.
“?” Am I eating while lying down? Fine, lying down it is. As long as there’s food, I don’t care about the posture.
“Wait, wait, wait! I’m not hot, there’s no need to take off my clothes! You can just hold it while I take bites.” Not only was he not hot, but the valley air at night was actually rather chilly.
“This is more convenient.” Mo Luo’an unwrapped the cloth bundle and began selecting a silver needle.
“Convenient for what? What?! Ow! Why are you holding needles again?! Can’t we just talk things out nicely? Are you doing this to retaliate for me teasing you today? I was wrong! I’ll never do it again, I swear! Valley Master Mo, Doctor Mo, please let me go, ah~!” Looking at the ten-centimeter-long needle, Bai Mo’s entire body went weak with terror.
Mo Luo’an lit a candle, sitting down at the edge of the bed. “Your soul and this body haven’t fully integrated yet, which is why even eating and going to the bathroom are such struggles. You don’t want me following you around every single day, do you?”
“Uh… you make a very logical point, but… but regardless, we can still talk this out peacefully, right?” Bai Mo was so terrified his words were tripping over themselves.
Mo Luo’an held a silver needle over the candle flame to sterilize it, turning back to him:
“Am I not talking to you peacefully right now?”
“Then, then put the needle down! This is a threat, a total threat, do you hear me?!” Who talks peacefully while prepping a weapon?!
Mo Luo’an lightly felt along Bai Mo’s shoulder blade:
“Alright, let’s see where to place the first one.”
“Gods above, I’m going to die! Ahhh! Are you even listening to me?! Brother! No, Ancestor! I am genuinely, incredibly terrified of these things!! Let’s change the method, let’s chat in a way you prefer, okay?!!!
Ahhh!! Help! Your Valley Master is committing murder!”
Bai Mo’s shrieks echoed throughout almost the entire valley. In unison, the disciples outside stopped whatever they were doing and turned their heads toward Bai Mo’s courtyard.
Mo Bei, who was currently brewing medicine in the courtyard, scoffed: “Tsk! It’s just acupuncture, is all that screaming necessary? What a useless coward.”
He sighed, thinking fondly: My Brother Yan is still the best. When will Brother Yan finally come back? I miss him so much.
Inside, Bai Mo bit down hard on the pillow, his eyes brimming with tears. Feeling like a human pincushion, he began to deeply question his life choices.
“I swear our horoscopes must conflict. Every time I meet you, absolutely nothing goes right.”
Mo Luo’an nodded seriously: “Indeed.”
Bai Mo turned his head, glaring at Mo Luo’an with a fierce, baby-faced growl: “I’m telling you… if you poke me with those needles again, I… I’ll… I’ll die right in front of you!”
Suddenly, the Scroll of a Thousand Miles of Rivers and Mountains popped into his mind:
[Momo, did I miss something? I haven’t seen you for a few days, and look at you! You’ve really grown capable you’ve already mastered the classic ‘cry, scream, and threaten suicide’ routine. Quite the progress!]
Seeing his savior, Bai Mo wept internally:
[Tu-tu, save me! I’m literally going to die!]