The things Yan Sui had bought arrived even faster than she had expected.
By the time she returned to the dormitory carrying a pile of packages, the sky had already grown dark.
The dorm door was secured with a fingerprint lock, though the dorm supervisor also kept a spare mechanical key.
As Yan Sui opened the door, a long strand of hair slowly slipped from the crack and fell to the floor.
She stared at it for a moment before stepping inside.
Today, it seemed no one had broken in.
After putting everything away, her desk transformed into a small laboratory.
The notebook she had always either carried with her or kept locked away in a cabinet was finally spread open on the desk.
The young girl curled her lips into a faint smile.
Fortunately, she still had a place that was somewhat private.
She buried herself in her work.
Whenever she was doing something she truly enjoyed, concentrating came naturally.
When Yan Sui rubbed her eyes and looked up again, the waxing moon had already climbed high into the night sky.
Yawning, she tore up the densely written draft papers beside her.
The results had been fruitful.
Perhaps because she was tired, she suddenly felt a strange sense of disorientation.
Under the desk lamp, her dark eyes reflected no light at all.
Only when a sharp sting shot through her wrist did she jolt violently and come back to her senses.
She hadn’t been wearing gloves. A drop of corrosive solution had splashed from a test tube onto her skin, instantly burning a patch of flesh.
The girl casually pulled out a tissue and wiped it away.
The burned skin peeled off immediately, and blood began to flow.
She rubbed harder.
The pain grew sharper, and the bleeding seemed endless.
Her dark eyes stared at the wound, irritation creeping into them.
She rubbed it again with force.
Why won’t the bleeding stop?
Frustrated, she threw away the blood-soaked tissue and abruptly stood up.
The screech of the chair scraping across the floor suddenly sounded unbearably harsh.
Thump. Thump. Thump.
The sound of her heartbeat inexplicably amplified until every beat exploded against her eardrums.
The terror came without warning.
It felt as if something had wrapped itself around her entire body while the oxygen in her lungs rapidly disappeared.
Staggering, she threw herself onto the bed.
Then a gentle voice suddenly sounded beside her ear.
She couldn’t tell whether it was reality or a dream.
“Suisui, baby, I love you.”
At first, the voice carried a smile.
But soon it became choked with sobs and hysterical pain.
Yan Sui’s eyes lost focus as her hands unconsciously dug into the wound on her wrist.
“Mom? Where are you?”
In her haze, she saw that face again.
So close to her.
Smiling as it kissed her forehead.
But in the next moment, the face rapidly turned gray and lifeless.
“Mom…”
Panic overwhelmed her.
Her heart felt as though it were being crushed in an invisible fist.
An indescribable terror and sensation of impending death surged toward her like a tidal wave, dragging her into a dark abyss.
Then, in the very next second, those feelings vanished just as quickly.
The emotions.
The pain.
Everything disappeared.
Yan Sui felt as if she could see herself lying on the bed.
The version of herself whose hair was soaked with sweat, veins bulging, body curled up and trembling uncontrollably, tears streaming down her face.
The walls of the room began retreating.
Space and time seemed to pull away as well.
Expressionless, she watched herself.
Unable to empathize in the slightest.
It was as though she had become pure reason itself, slowly telling herself—
It’s only a panic attack.
It’ll pass soon.
An hour later, the girl tumbled off the bed and stumbled into the bathroom, where she immediately vomited.
The physical act of vomiting brought equally physical tears.
After washing her face, she opened her notebook and wrote:
[Triggered traumatic memories, heart palpitations, sensation of death, dissociation…]
Her hand was still trembling, making the handwriting uneven.
[Saw Mom again.]
As she wrote those words, she froze for a moment before forcefully crossing them out.
She collapsed onto the floor for a while, regulating her breathing, only then realizing that cold sweat had completely soaked her back.
The intense pain in her wrist finally became clear again.
The wound wasn’t small.
Even the slightest touch made her shiver.
She couldn’t help hissing through her teeth before laughing softly.
It really hurt.
Jiang Yuan sat on the sofa.
The lighting was dim, leaving half of his face hidden in shadow.
His eyes were lowered toward his palm, as though lost in thought.
A knock sounded at the door, and a young man entered.
“Finally done with work?”
Song Ming’an sat down on the sofa across from him and glanced at the time.
“It’s midnight. Normally, you’d need to be asleep by now.”
He studied Jiang Yuan for a moment.
“You look a little better. Have there been any changes recently?”
Jiang Yuan slowly lifted his eyes.
His voice was hoarse and his tone calm.
“The new medication is working. My episodes are milder than they were last week. I can sleep at night now, and the self-harming behavior has disappeared.”
Song Ming’an nodded and made a note.
Although Jiang Yuan’s condition was severe, as a patient he was extraordinarily cooperative.
“Now then, about that variable of yours. I don’t know whether it’s a person, an object, or an event. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Jiang Yuan’s pupils trembled slightly.
His fingertips curled unconsciously.
“I still can’t stop myself from wanting to get closer. Fortunately, it hasn’t affected her.”
Song Ming’an immediately sensed something.
“This variable… is a person? You desperately want to approach them, but rationally you’re forcing yourself to stay away?”
Jiang Yuan frowned and nodded with visible effort.
“Yes.”
Song Ming’an raised an eyebrow in surprise and circled the words variable several times in his notebook.
There were very few people Jiang Yuan actually cared about.
And every one of those people had been someone he hated to the core—and had already dealt with.
After a moment’s thought, he carefully probed.
“And when I suggested making the variable disappear before, your reaction was intense. So you don’t want them to disappear. You don’t hate them. You want to be close to them. Is it possessiveness? That’s a first.”
Jiang Yuan suddenly looked up.
His cold gaze locked onto Song Ming’an’s eyes.
Song Ming’an immediately stopped talking and softened his voice.
“I understand. Let’s not discuss that. We’ll change the subject.”
“Aside from the medication adjustment, have you noticed any other changes in yourself recently?”
Jiang Yuan tugged lightly at his collar.
“It’s getting closer…”
“What is?”
“It’s getting closer and closer. But I’ll control it. No one will ever find out.”
The words sounded more like he was speaking to himself.
Song Ming’an froze and drew a deep breath.
The study fell silent.
He carefully considered his wording.
Finally, he spoke in a steady voice.
“Jiang Yuan, your condition has improved somewhat lately. Have you considered that maybe it’s because you’re getting closer… rather than because of the medication?”
Jiang Yuan immediately refuted him.
“Impossible.”
Song Ming’an stared directly at him.
“Actually, I never increased your dosage last time.”