Chen Zhou originally thought that loving each other was enough, and that romance would bring him sweetness and beauty.
Yet now he found himself mistaken. Mutual love alone seemingly wasn’t enough. Right now, his heart felt deeply uncomfortable, as though it had been steeped in lemon water.
Crouched beneath the covers, tears slipped from his eyes beyond his control. He couldn’t quite explain why it hurt so badly, but the tears simply wouldn’t stop, sliding down his cheeks and neck before vanishing into the collar of his shirt.
Xu Nian seemed to feel a bit better; his brow unfurled, and he was sleeping soundly now. Chen Zhou inched closer, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face in his chest to inhale Xu Nian’s scent.
He caught a faint fragrance mingled with the subtle trace of hearth smoke.
Yet it had been a long time since he last smelled a heavy scent of tobacco on Xu Nian.
Chen Zhou eventually drifted off to sleep, only to be plagued by nightmares.
He dreamt that he was drowning in an expanse of water, trapped deep at the bottom while watching the distorted faces of people ashore from afar. The water was so deep, and he was so hopelessly confined that breathing became nearly impossible.
Until someone called out his name.
“Chen Zhou, Chen Zhou…”
“Xiao Jia!”
Snapping his eyes wide open, Chen Zhou found that Xu Nian had woken him up. Only then did he realize he was back here rather than drowning in the abyss.
“What’s wrong?” Xu Nian used his fingers to wipe away Chen Zhou’s tears. “Had a nightmare?”
Staring blankly at him for a moment, Chen Zhou finally gave a soft murmur of agreement.
Xu Nian still looked somewhat frail, prompting Chen Zhou to urge him once more to visit the local clinic for medicine. Brushing off the suggestion, Xu Nian refused flatly, saying, “Ge is just fine.”
Growing slightly exasperated, Chen Zhou puffed out his cheeks and mockingly mimicked Xu Nian’s tone with exaggerated sarcasm, “Ge is just fine.”
Amused to the point of almost laughing, Xu Nian reached out to pinch his cheek.
Chen Zhou ultimately slipped out through the window, with Xu Nian accompanying him back.
“Ge, my mom is still mad at me, what should I do? Will she keep ignoring me?”
Holding Chen Zhou’s hand, Xu Nian gave it a gentle shake. “She won’t. Ge is right here.”
Fearing that he might implicate Xu Nian, Chen Zhou kept his lips pressed into a tight line the entire way. He was terrified that Chen Hui would hold onto this grievance indefinitely, and equally worried that Xu Nian would face blame because of it.
Xu Nian walked Chen Zhou right up to his doorstep.
Stepping forward, Chen Zhou knocked on the door. “Mom. Mom, I’m back, I have something to tell you.”
After a long pause, the door swung open. Chen Hui’s expression was dark and gloomy, though she froze the instant she laid eyes on Xu Nian.
Just as Chen Zhou opened his mouth to speak, Xu Nian beat him to it.
“Auntie, I came along with Xiao Jia because I have something I’d like to discuss with you.”
With that, Xu Nian stepped inside the house alongside the nervous Chen Zhou.
Retaining her severe expression as she sat down in the room, Chen Hui left Chen Zhou standing awkwardly in place while he tried to make himself useful by helping out.
Before long, Chen Hui finally spoke up, telling Chen Zhou to go feed the chickens. Glancing nervously at Xu Nian one last time, Chen Zhou had no choice but to head outside.
Stepping into the coop, Chen Zhou went through the motions of his chores while entirely lost in thought. He had no idea what Xu Nian might be saying to Chen Hui, leaving a persistent sense of dread gnawing at his stomach.
At the same time, a quiet wave of guilt wrapped around him. He had always struggled with figuring out how to interact with parents, leaving him with no option but to let Xu Nian shoulder the burden.
The autumn air grew crisper by the day, finally shedding that stifling summer heat that used to set everyone on edge. Watching a group of children playing down by the riverbank in the distance, a sudden sense of peace washed over him.
And this newfound tranquility undoubtedly stemmed from Xu Nian’s presence. Chen Zhou smiled to himself.
The conversation inside lasted roughly ten minutes. Once he finished his chores, Chen Zhou relocated to the riverbank to rest and wait.
His wait ended when Xu Nian’s arms wrapped around him from behind.
The stubble on Xu Nian’s chin brushed and lightly rubbed against the side of Chen Zhou’s neck.
“Ge.”
Chen Zhou called out to him, though words failed him entirely.
“Don’t worry, your mom will understand,” Xu Nian said softly. “She loves you very much.”
Silence stretched between them as a wave of nervous tension gripped Chen Zhou. His heart hammered wildly against his ribs, fluttering like a trapped butterfly searching in vain for a resting place, stirring up a hurricane within his chest.
“I do too,” Xu Nian murmured in a muffled, husky tone.
Perhaps hiding his embarrassment behind a mask of awkwardness, yet refusing to pass up the chance to say those words aloud.
Yet the frantic butterfly within Chen Zhou’s heart finally found its harbor upon hearing that confession, gradually settling down. Though the thumping cadence of his heartbeat remained intensely real, all his anxiety vanished.
Interlocking his fingers with Xu Nian’s, Chen Zhou watched as the sun slowly blazed brighter in the distance.
Closing his eyes for a fleeting second, Chen Zhou wanted to make a wish.
Ever since that day, the opportunities for Chen Zhou and Xu Nian to meet dwindled significantly.
Yet Chen Zhou could sense Chen Hui’s attitude undergoing a gradual shift, perhaps slowly coming to terms with her son’s ordinary nature in certain respects. Sometimes, feeling the weight of a gaze fixed on his back, he would turn around only to catch Chen Hui quickly averting her eyes to busy herself with something else.
Working diligently around the house without slacking off, Chen Zhou even grew noticeably sturdier as a result.
Only when fatigue overwhelmed him would he find himself longing for Xu Nian’s embraces and kisses.
Yet Xu Nian seemed exceptionally busy lately, leaving Chen Zhou unable to catch sight of him no matter how hard he looked. An empty, hollow feeling settled in Chen Zhou’s chest, though he was reluctant to disturb Xu Nian.
He must have been caught up in some important matters, he figured.
After witnessing that scene the other day, Chen Zhou had also unconsciously started avoiding Aunt Wang, to the point where he didn’t even dare set foot near Xu Nian’s house.
Busy day bled into busy day, until late autumn arrived in the blink of an eye.
No longer sleeping uncovered in the middle of the night like before, Chen Zhou always remembered Xu Nian’s instructions to properly tuck himself under the blanket before dozing off.
Yet tonight, before he could fall into a deep sleep, he spotted a shadowy figure moving outside his door. Initially suspecting his eyes were playing tricks on him, a closer inspection confirmed that a silhouette was indeed lingering right outside his window.
With a jolt of his heart, Chen Zhou immediately suspected it was Xu Nian.
Stepping forward on tiptoe, he called out in a whisper, “Ge?”
A low murmur of acknowledgment drifted back from outside the door after a brief pause.
Delight washing over him, Chen Zhou hurried to push the window open so Xu Nian could climb inside.
Looking thoroughly worn out as though he had just wrapped up a grueling task, Xu Nian only managed to regain a fraction of his energy once he stretched out beside Chen Zhou.
Reaching out to stroke Chen Zhou’s hair and cheek, Xu Nian murmured, “Ge just wanted to check if you were asleep yet. Why aren’t you in bed?”
Crouching instantly into Xu Nian’s embrace, Chen Zhou muffled his voice against the quilt. “Missed you.”
In low, exhausted spirits, Xu Nian replied, “What? Speak properly, Ge can’t hear you.”
Realizing how clingy he sounded, a wave of embarrassment washed over Chen Zhou, since when had he turned out like this?
A deep chuckle rumbled from right above his head as Xu Nian pulled him flush against his chest, pinching his cheek gently. “Alright, Ge heard you.”
Falling silent once more, Chen Zhou burrowed deeper into the safety of his arms.
Playing idly with Chen Zhou’s earlobe, Xu Nian eventually broke the silence. “Ever thought about visiting a big city in the future? Going there together with Ge?”
The question left Chen Zhou blank for a long beat.
He rarely bothered dwelling on the future here, mainly out of fear of building unrealistic hopes.
Yet linking it to Xu Nian’s recent behavior, an absurd notion blossomed in his mind, could Xu Nian actually be planning and paving the way for their future? Could he really be?
Unable to voice the question aloud, he lapsed into silence.
“It’s fine if you don’t want to go, Ge will stay with you no matter what.”
A sudden sting pricked at the bridge of Chen Zhou’s nose.
Remaining quiet, Chen Zhou abruptly leaned forward to press his lips to Xu Nian’s. Starting with a gentle brush against his mouth, he parted his lips slightly, and Xu Nian readily parted his own to accommodate him, abandoning any biting this time as he deepened the kiss slowly.
Tasting the faint trace of sweet grapes lingering on the other’s tongue, Xu Nian hooked a hand behind the back of the young man’s head to draw him in further.
Radiating intense heat from their bodies, Chen Zhou nearly clung to Xu Nian like an octopus.
“Ge,” Chen Zhou whispered in the brief interval between breaths, “Are you exhausted lately? How are you holding up?”
Gazing down at him, Xu Nian replied, “Exhausted. But if you give Ge a few more kisses, I won’t be tired anymore.”
Knowing the man was talking nonsense, Chen Zhou obediently leaned in to kiss him anyway.
Resting Chen Zhou’s head back against the pillow, Xu Nian punctuated his words with light pecks along his eyelids and collarbone, making Chen Zhou squirm from the tickling sensation.
“What should I do?”
Pausing the kisses, Xu Nian murmured, “Ge still feels exhausted. Even more tired than before, what now?”
Rolling his eyes with a soft shove, Chen Zhou muttered under his breath, “Liar.”
Xu Nian simply pulled him close with a low laugh.
Practice makes perfect; by the following morning, Chen Zhou was once again dragging Xu Nian out through the window.
The morning air carried a sharp chill, leaving Chen Zhou’s fingers cold until Xu Nian reached out to encase them within his large palm.
“Still cold?” Xu Nian asked.
With not a soul in sight along the path, Chen Zhou decided to tell a harmless white lie. “Still cold.”
Refusing to let go, Xu Nian made Chen Zhou wish the road stretched on forever.
“Ge, as soon as I drop you back, I have to go to work,” Chen Zhou said. “You should hurry back and rest, haven’t you been lacking sleep lately?”
Still holding his hand, Xu Nian suddenly halted and bent down slightly to meet Chen Zhou’s eyes at eye level.
“Ge told your mom everything.”
A tremor ran through Chen Zhou’s entire body as he grasped the implication instantly.
“She’s been yelling at me for being a bastard all day long,” Xu Nian chuckled softly. “And Ge truly is a bastard for running off with her son.”
Chen Zhou wanted to shake his head, only to find his body frozen in place.
“But Ge isn’t letting go.”
Reaching out with a gentle flick to Chen Zhou’s nose, Xu Nian added, “Don’t worry, Ge just wanted to tell you that Ge is always right here.”
Putting on a brave face to sound reassuring, Xu Nian continued, “Ge will come visit you whenever he has time.”
Just as Chen Zhou clung to his sleeve, reluctant to let him leave, Xu Nian stopped in his tracks, staring silently at Chen Zhou as though trying to carve the other’s features permanently into his memory.
Softly, Xu Nian murmured, “Fool.”
Standing face to face, neither of them noticed a figure approaching from behind.
Until a voice cut through the air, “Xiao Jia?”
Recognizing the voice instantly, Chen Zhou jolted in panic and whipped his head around.
The protagonist, Cao Ying, had unexpectedly shown up here.
Chen Zhou instinctively tried to yank his hand away, but failed. Xu Nian’s grip remained iron-clad, sending a cold sweat breaking out across Chen Zhou’s palms.
Turning back, he caught sight of Xu Nian’s profile, half illuminated by the morning light, half swallowed by shadows, carrying an austere rigidity. Chen Zhou could sense that Xu Nian was deeply displeased, the heavy atmosphere suffocatingly tense.
Cao Ying wore an expression of mild surprise, though it faded back to normal almost too quickly. Finding something off about it, Chen Zhou wondered how on earth Cao Ying could know about him and Xu Nian.
“Xu Nian is here too,” Cao Ying broke the silence.
“Cao Ying,” Xu Nian addressed him flatly, expressionless. Yet Chen Zhou caught a chilling undercurrent of concealed displeasure and warning in that single utterance.
Probably just his imagination.
“What a coincidence,” Xu Nian said, though his face completely contradicted the sentiment.
With that, Xu Nian took a half-step forward, shielding Chen Zhou slightly behind his frame.