Chen Zhou walked back with Xu Nian, his mind still lingering on what Li Xin had just said, feeling a faint ache in his chest.
Xu Nian was exceptionally worthy of being loved, but thinking about it in the abstract was one thing, and facing the reality in person was entirely another.
Knowing that a wonderful young woman was fond of Xu Nian, Chen Zhou realized he had grown petty enough to care deeply about even that.
Walking behind him, Xu Nian gave him a light tug. “What’s wrong?”
Feeling a bit small-minded, Chen Zhou didn’t really want to talk about it. Keeping his hands behind his back, he kicked a pebble along the roadside.
“Nothing.”
Xu Nian stopped asking, simply following right behind him step for step. Struggling with his own stubborn pride, Chen Zhou kept his mouth shut.
Finally reaching his front gate, Chen Zhou came to a halt and turned to Xu Nian. “Brother, you should head back. I’m going in.”
Neither man moved an inch; Xu Nian stayed put, and Chen Zhou didn’t leave, locking eyes with him.
After a long pause, Xu Nian lowered his head and let out a soft laugh.
Failing to follow his reasoning, Chen Zhou wrinkled his nose. “What are you laughing at?”
“You know,” Xu Nian suddenly stepped closer, “you really don’t know how to put on an act at all anymore.”
Without waiting for Chen Zhou to react, Xu Nian reached out and wrapped his arms around him in one swift motion.
“What do you”
The next second, Xu Nian’s powerful arms lifted him right off the ground.
“Ah!”
Startled, Chen Zhou instinctively wrapped his arms around Xu Nian’s neck and clamped his legs around his waist, hanging onto him like a koala.
Even for Chen Zhou, this felt rather mortifying, and he flushed red. “Brother, what are you doing?!”
Ignoring him, Xu Nian pressed on, “I asked you just now and you wouldn’t talk. What’s wrong, hm?”
Burying his face in the crook of Xu Nian’s neck to catch his scent, Chen Zhou mumbled, “Nothing.”
Seeing that he refused to tell the truth, Xu Nian wasn’t in a hurry and kept him firmly in his grip. “Not talking?”
Deciding that his petty little thoughts really weren’t worth voicing, Chen Zhou simply shook his head.
Seeing this, Xu Nian carried him and gave him a light, playful swat on the bottom.
Chen Zhou snapped his head up from Xu Nian’s chest, the suspicious blush on his face deepening into a darker red as he stammered, “Brother! You, you…”
Remaining entirely expressionless, Xu Nian acted as if he had just done something utterly trivial.
“If you don’t tell me, your brother’s going to punish you again.”
Held securely in those arms, Chen Zhou felt the temperature between them climbing steadily.
They were standing right behind his courtyard, surrounded by tall trees whose leaves rustled softly in the passing breeze.
Yet none of it could drown out the sound of his own hammering heartbeat. He realized just how deeply Xu Nian cared about him, tuning in to every single fluctuation in his mood.
Softly, Chen Zhou finally confessed, “Sister Li Xin likes you.”
As soon as the words left his mouth, he lowered his head in embarrassment, feeling that he was making a mountain out of a molehill.
To his surprise, Xu Nian sounded rather amused. Giving Chen Zhou a gentle toss upward in his arms, he asked, “Because of that? You’ve been agonizing over this the whole time?”
Chen Zhou clamped his mouth shut again.
Xu Nian pressed further. “Jealous?”
Refusing to admit it, Chen Zhou put up a stubborn front. “Who’s jealous? I am not jealous at all, why would I be jealous of something like that?”
That line sounded a little familiar.
Opting not to call his bluff, Xu Nian set him securely back on his feet and gave his head an affectionate rub.
“Do you remember telling your brother that you’d only ever like him?”
Chen Zhou nodded. He recalled saying that just as he was drifting off to sleep; he hadn’t realized Xu Nian remembered it.
“Your brother feels the same way.”
With solemn sincerity, Xu Nian answered him. “Your brother is just like you.”
Chen Zhou found himself at a loss for words. The butterflies in his stomach grew restless once more, throwing his heartbeat into chaos while his body temperature climbed right along with it.
Remaining silent, Chen Zhou simply stood on tiptoe and kissed Xu Nian.
They kissed slowly beneath the shade of the trees.
Perhaps too absorbed in the moment, neither of them noticed the approaching footsteps.
Until a short, sharp shriek shattered the stillness.
“Ah!”
Breaking apart instantly, Chen Zhou and Xu Nian snapped their heads toward the source of the sound.
It was Chen Hui, holding a basin of laundry.
The basin had dropped to the ground, and the clothes inside hadn’t been spared either, scattering across the dirt and getting spattered with mud.
With a sharp contraction of his pupils, Chen Zhou felt as though he had been plunged straight into a freezing abyss. His hands and feet went ice cold, and he forgot how to move a single muscle.
Pointing a trembling finger at them, Chen Hui stammered, “You two…”
Snapping out of it first, Xu Nian stepped directly in front of Chen Zhou. “Auntie, this isn’t Xiaojia’s fault. It’s all on me.”
Whatever happened next, Chen Zhou couldn’t hear a single word of it. A flood of unpleasant memories rushed over him, making it feel as though his ears had been stuffed tight and his vision blurred into a hazy white, while his limbs remained numb and cold.
He desperately wanted to escape, if only for a little while.
Whether in the past or the future, homosexuality was likely destined to remain an unacceptable existence for a very long time. Chen Zhou had understood that truth long ago.
Pushed practically to the limit of her fury, Chen Hui lost her temper completely.
And so Chen Zhou was dragged away and locked inside his room. A great deal had been said before that moment, but Chen Zhou hadn’t retained a single syllable.
He had even forgotten to glance back at Xu Nian before being taken away.
Sitting on the bed now with his arms wrapped tightly around himself, he tried to squeeze out a shred of warmth.
[Host, host! Are you okay?]
126 had called out to him numerous times, but Chen Zhou gave no response.
Having witnessed every moment of his and Xu Nian’s journey together over these past days, 126 felt a heavy ache in its own chest.
[I’m fine.] Chen Zhou replied after a long silence.
[You know what, 126? I just remembered some rather unpleasant things.]
With that, Chen Zhou curled up tight beneath the blankets.
It was the first time he had ever spoken about his own past.
In truth, Chen Zhou had known he didn’t like girls back when he was in junior high school. Yet he had never shared that secret with a single soul.
By that time, his parents were already divorced, tossing him back and forth like a volleyball neither wanted to handle, leaving Chen Zhou to live with his grandmother. Back then, he had no choice but to put on an endearing, cheerful, and lively facade so that anyone who met him would call him adorable.
Yet was any of it real? Eventually, after putting on the act for so long, even he began to believe it.
No one had been paying attention to him, but the blow arrived swiftly when his mother suddenly dropped by for a visit.
Chen Zhou’s diary had been left lying open right on the desk.
Just like that, his secret was brutally exposed, prompting his mother to let out a piercing scream as though she were staring at some repulsive monster.
Countless shrill shouts and vicious, filthy insults drilled straight into his ears, chilling him to the bone.
It felt like drowning in freezing, pitch-black water.
Reaching the end of the memory, Chen Zhou felt a heavy wave of drowsiness wash over him, noticing that the chill on his skin had faded just a fraction.
Curling up deeper beneath the covers, he drifted off to sleep, secretly clinging to the lingering warmth of another person.