The ground beneath Roxanne’s feet split open with a loud, terrifying sound.
The dark stone tiles of the alleyway cracked in half, revealing deep, glowing green holes that smelled like fire and old dust.
The giant eye in the sky was still burning with dark fire, turning everything a sick shade of purple and green.
The wind from the burning castle tower hit her face hard, blowing her wet dark hair into her eyes.
It was total chaos.
The world was literally ending, the main tower of the castle was a pile of broken rocks, and yet the flashing pink screen in her mind was still demanding that she do the stupidest thing possible to stay alive.
Roxanne stood between the cracked stone walls, her jaw tight and her eyes full of heavy irritation.
She looked at the flashing red warning light on her system box.
Her modern, practical mind was working at top speed.
She had five minutes to hold the hands of two giant, dangerous men who currently thought she was the mastermind behind a world ending dragon plot.
If she failed, her hair would turn neon green for a whole month.
More importantly, if she did not move right now, she would fall into a glowing hole or get crushed by a falling piece of stone roof.
Her natural, bitchy college student attitude took total control because she was completely fed up with the dramatic nonsense of this fantasy world.
“Are you all just going to stand there with your mouths open like a fucking bunch of dead fish?” Roxanne shouted at the top of her lungs, her sharp tongue cutting through the loud roar of the distant dragon.
She glared directly at Prince Julian and Sword Commander Alistair, who were both frozen in shock.
“The sky is literal green fire, the castle is turning into dust, and you four big heroes are just staring at a fucking wet girl in a tattered dress!
If I had the magic keys to a giant sky lizard, do you really think I would be standing in a dirty alleyway getting mud on my feet?
Move your heavy boots and get me out of here before a roof falls on my fucking head!” Julian’s bright blue eyes snapped back to focus.
He looked at her with a mix of deep confusion and royal rage.
He was still shaking from the sight of the exploding castle tower, but Roxanne’s harsh words seemed to slap him out of his panic.
He had never met a woman who could be so completely mean and loud while the world was literally burning down around her.
“You…
you crazy woman!” Julian yelled back, his voice rough as he stepped over a fresh crack in the floor.
He grabbed his gold sword from the stones, his knuckles turning white.
“The seal of the ancient dragon is breaking, and you are worried about mud on your feet?!
You are the prime suspect!
You are coming with us right now, whether you like it or not!
And I told you, stop cussing!” “Yeah, yeah…
Whatever.” [Oh my gosh, Host!
Look at that fast communication!] the System suddenly cheered inside her head, the bright pink text flashing with little digital stars right over Julian’s angry face.
[He is calling you crazy because he is completely intoxicated by your wild, independent spirit!
He wants to drag you away to his secret palace to keep you safe from the big sky dragon!
This is true love in the middle of a disaster!
Quick, girlie, use your delicate maiden fear right now!
The time limit is ticking down!] “You are a literal bimbo,” Roxanne screamed back in her thoughts, her mental voice dripping with absolute disgust.
“He is not intoxicated by my spirit, you stupid, brainless machine!
He wants to drag me to a palace to put me in chains because he thinks I stole his family’s magic stones!
He is completely furious!
Stop turning a literal military arrest into a romance comic, you air headed, stupid piece of trash system!” [Pff, your mouth says no, but the story says yes!] the System replied with a happy, bubbly pop sound.
[Time remaining: 3 minutes and 40 seconds!
Hold those hands or get ready for bright neon green hair, girlie!
Let’s get those handsome boys to carry you!] Roxanne looked down at her calves.
The system penalty warning from earlier was still giving her small, annoying twinges of pain.
If her hair turned neon green, she would look like a total freak, and she already had enough trouble trying to blend into this high noble society.
She had to do it.
She had to be completely shameless once again to save her skin and her style.
She let out a sharp, loud gasp that sounded incredibly fake to her own ears, but she forced her eyes to look wide and full of fake terror.
She let her knees wobble slightly, making her body tilt toward the two men nearest to her.
She reached out both of her hands at the exact same time, her fingers moving like lightning before they could dodge her.
With a fast, tight grip, Roxanne snatched Prince Julian’s left hand with her right hand, and she grabbed Sword Commander Alistair’s right hand with her left hand.
Both men froze instantly.
It was like they had been hit by a freezing ice spell.
Julian looked down at his hand, which was completely trapped in Roxanne’s small, wet fingers.
His royal hand was usually only touched during formal greetings or when he was holding a weapon.
Roxanne’s grip was tight and warm, despite her skin being cold from the fountain water.
Alistair looked down at his hand too, his giant calloused fingers completely enveloped by her soft hand.
His silver scar twitched, and his grey eyes shook with total incomprehension.
He was a warrior who lived on the battlefield, and a woman had never just grabbed his hand like this in the middle of a burning city.
“My…
my legs feel so weak!” Roxanne cried out, her voice automatically mixing with the Sweet Honey Voice skill.
It sounded soft, rich, and full of beautiful, trembling fear that made the two men’s chests give a sudden, hard thud.
She leaned her weight directly between them, forcing them to hold her up.
“That scary dragon roar…
it is too much for a delicate lady like me!
I cannot walk another step!
You two big, strong men have to protect me, or I am going to fall into the green fire!” [Wow!
Double hand holding achievement unlocked!] the System squealed in pure, unadulterated joy, making little digital pink fireworks explode across her vision.
[Look at them!
They are completely paralyzed by your delicate maidenly touch!
Their warrior hearts are beating like drums!
Alistair’s face is turning a beautiful shade of red under his dark hair, and the Prince is squeezing your hand back!
This is a legendary reverse harem moment, girlie!] “He is squeezing my hand because he wants to crush my fingers, you bimbo!” Roxanne thought back, her internal voice full of deep, burning rage as she kept her fake scared face on.
“And Alistair is red because he is probably wondering why a traitor is using him like a literal crutch!
Stop writing fanfiction in my head while the castle is exploding!” “Lady…
Lady Roxanne,” Alistair stammered, his strong, deep voice suddenly losing all of its knightly power.
He did not pull his hand away.
Instead, his giant fingers moved automatically, closing around her small hand to keep her steady as the ground gave another small shake.
“Do not worry.
I…
I will not let you fall into the cracks.
Stand behind me.” Julian snapped his head up, looking at Alistair with a sudden, sharp look of annoyance.
“Alistair!
Release her hand!
She is a prisoner of the crown!
I will be the one to carry her if she cannot walk!” “With all respect, Your Highness,” Alistair said, his jaw tightening as his grey eyes locked onto the Prince.
He actually pulled Roxanne a little closer to his side, his large body blocking the cold wind from her tattered dress.
“You are wet and your armor is dented.
I am the Commander of the Knights.
It is my duty to carry the heavy loads during a disaster.
I can protect her better while we move through the streets.” “I am the future king of this empire!” Julian shouted back, his face turning redder as he pulled Roxanne toward his own side, his gold sword still held in his other hand.
“I orders you to step back!
She crashed into my chest first!
Her safety is my personal responsibility until the investigation is complete!” Roxanne stood between them, her arms being pulled left and right like a literal piece of rope in a game of tug of war.
Her regular deadpan expression wanted to return so badly.
She looked at the two giant men who were currently arguing over who got to carry her like a prize sack of flour, completely forgetting about the giant monster eye in the sky for a brief second.
“Hey!
Can you two stop pulling my arms like I am a piece of cheap prize?” Roxanne snapped, her sharp, bitchy attitude breaking through the sweet voice once again.
“My shoulders are going to pop out of their sockets!
If you both want to carry me so badly, just pick an arm and start running!
The green fire is getting closer, you giant idiots!” High Priest Ethan walked past them, his silver staff hitting the stone floor with a clear, sharp sound that made a wave of white holy light spread out, closing the cracks in the ground around them.
He looked at the Prince and the Commander with a face like freezing ice, his pale blue eyes full of pure, holy disapproval.
“Your Highness, Commander, this behavior is completely unseemly for leaders of the empire,” Ethan said, his voice smooth and cold.
He looked at Roxanne’s hands, which were still gripping the two men tightly, and a small, hidden line of irritation formed between his silver eyebrows.
He reached out his own pale hand, touching Roxanne’s shoulder gently.
A soft, warm wave of holy magic flowed into her body, completely drying her wet dress and warming her cold skin in an instant.
“The girl is clearly using some strange, hypnotic charm to confuse your minds.
Let us move to the guest palace immediately before the holy light completely leaves this block.” “He’s just jealous he didn’t get to hold a hand,” Malakai’s smooth, dark voice mocked from the shadows behind Ethan.
The Shadow Overlord stepped out, his amber eyes gleaming with amusement as he looked at Roxanne’s tight grip on the two leaders.
He walked closer, his dark leather clothes moving silently.
He reached out and gently tapped the back of Roxanne’s hand that was holding the Prince.
“If you are tired, little noble lady, my shadows can carry you much faster than these two heavy armor boys.
And I promise I don’t smell like old onions.” “Shut up, Malakai!” Julian and Alistair roared at the exact same time, their faces completely unified in their anger toward the assassin.
[Quest Complete!
Oh my gosh, Host, that was the most magnificent display of harem management ever!] the System cheered loudly, making a happy trumpet sound inside her brain.
[All four men are completely focused on your physical comfort and safety!
The Priest used his holy light just to dry your dress, the Overlord offered his personal shadows, and the Prince and Knight are literally ready to fight a duel over who gets to hold you!
You have conquered their hearts in less than twenty minutes, girlie!] “They are going to conquer my grave if we don’t start running, you bimbo!” Roxanne yelled back in her thoughts, her heart giving a real pound of panic as a huge piece of stone from a nearby roof crashed onto the street just five feet away from them.
“The sky is literally in fire!
Stop counting the romance points and let us move!” [Rewards Distributed: 1000 Bimbo Points credited to your account.
Passive Skill: Sweet Rose Smell upgraded to level 2 (Stronger Scent).
Legendary Item: The Key to the Secret Vault added to your digital pocket!] Roxanne felt her legs regain their normal strength as the speed boost and health increase from the earlier rewards settled into her body.
She quickly let go of Julian and Alistair’s hands, not wanting to deal with their weird grip anymore.
She stepped forward, her tattered but now dry purple dress moving smoothly around her ankles.
“Alright, the show is over,” Roxanne said, her sharp tongue showing zero respect to the royal leaders.
“The holy flashlight over there just fixed the floor, so let’s use our legs and get to this royal guest palace before the giant sky lizard decides to blast this alleyway next.
Follow me, boys, try to keep up.” She turned around and started running down the dark alleyway toward the main street, using her modern common sense to avoid the falling pieces of stone.
The four powerful men stood in the alley for a brief second, completely stunned by her sudden change in attitude once again.
One moment she was a crying, helpless girl who could not walk, and the next she was ordering them around like a drill sergeant in a college dorm room.
“She…
she is completely shameless,” Julian muttered, but he quickly ran after her, his gold sword ready to clear any obstacles.
“But she is fast,” Malakai chuckled, vanishing into the shadows to track her pace from the walls.
Alistair and Ethan did not say a word, but they both moved quickly, their powerful magic expanding outward to form a giant, combined shield of blue wind and white light over the group to protect them from the fire falling from the clouds.
As they burst out of the narrow alleyway onto the main street of the capital, the scene was completely wild.
Thousands of citizens were running in every direction, screaming and crying as the green light from the sky dragon’s eye illuminated the entire city.
Royal guards were trying to keep order, but the fear was too great.
The main tower of the castle was completely gone, leaving a giant pile of burning black stone that sent thick purple smoke high into the sky.
Roxanne ran along the stone street, her eyes wide as she took in the massive scale of the disaster.
This was not just a small political coup; this was a literal apocalypse.
The original Roxanne had been caught in a web of dark secrets that threatened to destroy the entire kingdom.
“Hey, Prince!” Roxanne shouted over her shoulder as they ran past a burning bakery.
“Where is this guest palace of yours?
Because if it is anywhere near that burning pile of rocks over there, I am choosing a different hotel!” “It is on the western hill!” Julian shouted back, his golden hair flying in the wind as he ran right next to her.
He pointed his sword toward a high, green hill on the other side of the city where a beautiful white stone mansion stood untouched by the fire.
“The hill is protected by the ancient earth seals!
The dragon’s fire cannot reach it easily!
Keep running!” Suddenly, the air in front of them turned freezing cold.
The ambient temperature dropped by twenty degrees in a single second.
The sweet rose scent coming off Roxanne’s skin was replaced by the heavy, choking smell of old ink and ancient rot once again.
The stones of the street in front of them cracked open, and three giant figures made of pure black slime and sharp green bones crawled out from the earth.
They had no faces, only a glowing green eye in the center of their chests, identical to the eye in the sky.
They held massive swords made of dark stone, their bodies radiating a foul, dark magic that made the surrounding air vibrate with evil power.
“The soldiers of the dragon,” Ethan warned, his voice dropping into a deep, serious tone as he stopped running.
He raised his silver staff, the holy light around him turning into a sharp, defensive circle.
“They are the ancient guardians of the seal.
They have been corrupted by the dark cult.
They are here to collect the keys.” The three slime monsters turned their faceless heads directly toward Roxanne.
The green eyes in their chests flashed with a bright, blinding light, and they let out a synchronized, deep roar that shook the very glass of the windows nearby.
“Roxanne von Duccat,” the three monsters spoke together, their voice sounding like grinding rocks and old metal.
“Return the core stones of the goddess, or your soul will be burned for eternity.” Julian, Alistair, Ethan, and Malakai immediately formed a tight square around Roxanne, their weapons drawn and their magic flaring up at maximum power to protect her from the monsters.
They looked completely ready to fight to the death.
But before the monsters could take a single step forward, a sharp, loud sound cut through the air.
*Achoo!* Roxanne had just let out a loud, incredibly high pitched, and completely uncontrollable sneeze.
The new skill ‘Cute Sneeze’ had just activated on its own due to the sudden dropping temperature and the dust from the street.
The sound was so strange, light, and cartoonishly cute that it echoed across the entire burning street, making all four leaders and the three giant slime monsters freeze completely in total shock.
But that was not the strange part.
As the sneeze left her mouth, a massive wave of bright pink, sparkling magic energy exploded outward from her body like a giant ring, hitting the three monsters directly in their chests.