Later, Xie Chen finally met the much talked about Senior Brother Yin.
He had not expected that the very person everyone warned him so fervently against would be so… strikingly handsome and upright, dazzling to behold.
When he walked, there seemed to be a faint fragrance carried along with him and in every gesture and movement, there was an unrestrained ease and natural grace.
He even smiled at him.
More than that, he showed him greater warmth than any of the other disciples, asking after his well being with obvious concern and pressing into his hands all manner of treasures that were clearly rare and extraordinarily valuable.
Xie Chen thought that perhaps Senior Brother Yin was not a bad person.
But,
“Junior brother, don’t be fooled by him! That’s not how Yin Xuanlin usually acts… it’s far too suspicious!”
“You think he gave you that high grade spirit bow and the blazing sun herb for your own good? It’s because your cultivation is too weak, he wants you to lose control and suffer backlash!”
“You absolutely must not consume anything he gives you. I’ve even heard he tried to poison you with toxic mushrooms!”
Many times, Xie Chen pressed his lips together, the words rising to the tip of his tongue, almost ready to refute them.
Senior Brother Yin is not like what you say.
But just as he was about to speak, he would suddenly recall that bowl of custard from his childhood, sweet to the very core yet carrying a lethal poison that tore through his body.
At that time, he was only fifteen, still far too young.
In Xianyue Pavilion, he had only ever seen the weak trampled beneath countless feet; he had never witnessed how a favored prodigy might become the target of envy, resentment and coordinated hostility.
So he could not understand.
The senior brothers and sisters around him all seemed so sincere and kind. So many good people, all speaking with one voice to say that Senior Brother Yin was not good, surely there had to be a reason.
And yet, even so,
When Senior Brother Yin invited him to a banquet, he still went. When gifts were sent, he still accepted them. When Senior Brother Yin came to spar or play, he responded every single time.
When Senior Brother Yin invited him to enter a secret realm together, he even ignored the countless warnings of “Absolutely not, there must be a trap!” and went without hesitation.
At that time, he did not yet understand what it meant for one’s heart to be stirred.
Only many years later, within the cold, replayed fragments of memory in the Shadowsource Labyrinth Valley, did he finally come to realize,
That from the very first moment he laid eyes on his senior brother, he had never been able to look away again.
In class, his gaze would unconsciously follow Senior Brother Yin, so confident, so eloquent in every response. On the training grounds, he would watch without blinking as Senior Brother Yin easily defeated his opponents, that faintly arrogant smile playing on his lips.
Even during moments of leisure, when his senior brother idly played with cats and dogs, or leaned lazily against the corridor after tiring himself out, basking in the sun and dozing off, Xie Chen would linger nearby, quietly watching for a long time.
But back then, he had been so young, so slow to understand.
He only felt a secret delight at being able to enter a secret realm together with his senior brother. He was even happier that he could be of use, that he had the chance to step forward and save him.
And it was also only years later, in those same replayed memories within the labyrinth valley, that he realized,
There had been no need to hold someone so tightly in his arms for so long after saving them. Nor was there any necessity, while tending to wounds, for his fingertips to linger so unwilling to part, or to greedily draw in the other’s warmth and presence, as though no closeness could ever be enough.
At the time, young as he was, he had not even noticed how bold and intimate his actions had been.
He had only thought, in his simple, unknowing way, that his senior brother’s clothes were exquisitely beautiful and that the scent upon him was fresh and pleasing.
He had merely rejoiced in secret that his own cultivation had begun to keep pace with his senior brother’s level and each day he looked forward to the next time his senior brother would come knocking at his door.
Back then, he had believed it was all perfectly ordinary.
He had truly thought that the days of walking side by side with his senior brother, entrusting themselves to one another, would simply continue on like that, without end.
At first, Xie Chen had not believed what others said, that it had all been deliberate attempts to harm him.
But as time went on, the number of times his senior brother “encountered danger” within secret realms grew more and more frequent and many of those incidents were riddled with flaws so obvious they were impossible to ignore.
There was even that one time when his senior brother slipped into a trap of demonic vines, while lying in Xie Chen’s arms, he had actually let out a cold, suppressed laugh.
The day they emerged from that secret realm, Xie Chen walked in a daze.
That bowl of custard from his childhood lodged itself once more in his throat like an unyielding thorn. After so many years, it returned to ache within him, a slow, creeping pain spreading through his organs.
So… his senior brother really did hate him?
Of course.
Everyone said he was extraordinarily gifted, that he possessed a thousand year fire spiritual root, that one day he would far surpass his senior brother.
Under such circumstances, how could his senior brother possibly… not resent him?
At that thought, Xie You lowered his gaze and let out a bitter smile. Perhaps, if he had died early in some secret realm, his senior brother might have been a little happier.
That night, for the first time in his life, he drank alcohol. At sixteen, he downed a full jug of the strongest burning liquor in one go yet he could not get drunk.
It felt as though a dull blade were grinding repeatedly against his heart, a dense, lingering pain spreading without end.
Xie You did not consider himself a saint.
He did not hate that bowl of poisoned custard from years ago, nor could he bring himself to hate his senior brother but that did not mean he could easily forgive.
After that, whenever he entered a secret realm again, he remained quietly on guard, reminding himself that he could no longer act so foolishly, throwing himself forward to save his senior brother without thought.
And yet, even when he did not want to save him, his body would move on its own.
And according to the fragments of memory he would later see in the Shadowsource Labyrinth Valley, when countless poisoned caltrops shot toward his senior brother like a torrential storm, the normal reaction would have been to erect a defensive formation or pull his senior brother out of harm’s way.
But back then, in that very instant, he had unleashed all his spiritual power. Sword light and defensive spells erupted together and at the same time, he spun without the slightest hesitation, placing himself directly in front of his senior brother, dragging him securely behind him.
After the spell came blades and after the blades came flesh.
He ensured his senior brother’s safety, while at the same time presenting himself before him in a blaze of brilliance, sword and magic both at their peak, radiant and dazzling.
Even so, he would not easily forgive deception and calculation.
So he continued like that, harboring silent resentment in his heart yet stepping forward every single time danger arose. No one knew; on the surface, everything remained calm and in this way, he refused to forgive his senior brother for nearly half a year.
Until the day he was injured while saving Bai Shuangcheng and he and his senior brother finally fell into a complete and irreparable quarrel.
As for what exactly had been said, those fierce, cutting words, he no longer wished to remember them. What he could never forget, however, was that beneath the flickering candlelight that night, every word that left his mouth had been lofty, righteous reasoning… while everything buried in his heart had been grievances and accusations he could never bring himself to voice.
Did senior brother know that, at one point, he had almost believed that his care had been genuine?
In truth, all it would have taken was a single word from his senior brother. What was a worthless life like his, Xie Chen’s, worth?
If he wanted him dead, his senior brother could have simply told him.
And yet, he could not say it aloud.
Because once all the disguises were torn away, once those false affections were exposed, then from that moment on, his senior brother would likely never again show him even the slightest trace of that feigned warmth.
He hated it.
He hated the deception, hated the mockery.
And yet, he could not bear to expose it, nor did he want to.
Xie You could not understand it. He had not exposed anything, so why had everything still fallen apart?
His senior brother no longer paid him any attention.
The one who used to smile as he tugged him along to sample all kinds of pastries, who would carefully take his measurements to make him winter clothes, who, just because of his casual remark that “the lotus flowers at Tianmen Pond are beautiful,” had run out in the middle of the night to pluck the most exquisite one and plant it outside his window… that senior brother was gone.
The current Yin Xuanlin was arrogant in his talent, haughty beyond measure.
Every time, he would simply ignore him outright, brushing past as though he were invisible.
At last, Xie Shen had truly witnessed the cold hearted indifference that people spoke of when they mentioned Senior Brother Yin…
And yet, years later, when he looked back upon it all within the depths of the labyrinth valley, Xie Yin no longer felt that Yin Xuanlin had been heartless. Instead, he admitted that his own behavior back then had been absurd and laughable.
His senior brother had stopped paying attention to him, wasn’t that, in itself, an unspoken invitation for him to apologize, to soften, to give both of them a way to step down?
But not even once had he gone.
And it was not because of pride or stubbornness.
No. It was not.
Back then, during the day, he barely managed to maintain a facade of cold composure but when he was alone, he would grit his teeth over and over, sinking into self reproach and resentment, blaming his fate for not being born into the Xianyue Pavilion and being scorned by others; and even after finally finding a place to belong within the Tangdi Immortal Sect, he was still disliked and cast aside.
It was only years later that he finally came to understand.
A normal person… would not feel as though the sky had collapsed, nor seek death and despair, simply because a senior brother who had always cared for him became cold for a time.
Nor would they, based on a few baseless suspicions, conclude that they themselves were utterly miserable and alone in the world.
Even more so, if one were to replace Senior Brother Yin with any other senior brother or sister, or even his own master, he would not have been so devastated, so unable to recover.
It was only because it was Senior Brother Yin.
Only because it was Yin Xuanlin.
How others treated him did not matter but he…
The year that followed became the darkest year Xie You spent within the Tangdi Immortal Sect.
Countless shadows of malice, born from within, spread through his heart. Tangled, inextricable emotions coiled around him. At the time, he could not understand them yet the bone deep intensity of those feelings remained etched into him even now.
When his fellow disciples gathered around him like stars surrounding the moon to celebrate his birthday, he felt no joy at all yet the very next day, upon hearing that Yin Xuanlin had hosted an equally grand celebration as if in demonstration, he inexplicably felt a sense of relief.
Though he knew full well that his senior brother would be furious, he still deliberately joined the others in snatching the rare Zhenfu immortal herb his senior brother had been determined to obtain.
As expected, his senior brother was enraged. On the platform, he showed no mercy, striking him until he coughed up blood.
It hurt, of course and it was deeply humiliating.
Not to mention what followed: within the secret realms, his senior brother repaid everything in kind. After all their painstaking efforts to open treasure chests and excavate mineral veins, instead of heavenly treasures, what they found were bold, flamboyant characters scrawled within,
“Your senior brother was here.”
Everyone was furious beyond measure.
And yet, among them all, Xie Chen was the one exception.
No one would ever know that each time he opened a treasure chest to find that the contents remained completely untouched, that was when Xie Chen truly felt a sudden, hollow sense of loss.
Likewise, the fact that his senior brother was still willing to spar with him, even to the point of injuring him, was still better than being utterly ignored.
Later, when his senior brother was injured while saving everyone and, in return, called upon a group of disciples to help in the back courtyard, cutting meat, pulling weeds, he pointedly did not call for him.
Strangely, that only deepened Xie Chen’s resentment.
What was laughable was that all these twisted, inverted emotions, he had not found them strange in the slightest at the time.
He had even once believed that the reason he cared so much about his senior brother was simply because, one day, he wished to surpass him openly and decisively, to stand above him.
Later still, his senior brother had severely injured him through reckless use of illusions in a secret realm and was subsequently punished with confinement to reflect on his actions.
Countless people around him were outraged. “How can this be let slide so easily? We must go demand justice for you!”
But Xie Chen stopped each of them in turn. “…Forget it.”
The others could not understand why he would defend Yin Xuanlin, the very person who had inflicted such deep wounds upon him.
Yet Xie Chen did not see it as excusing him. After all, his senior brother had not truly intended to harm anyone this time and besides, though the white flame had seared across his chest, he had only required three months to recuperate, leaving behind merely a faint scar.
His senior brother had suffered a tremendous shock as well, no doubt punishing himself with guilt for the mistake and on top of that, had been confined for half a year.
Looking back now, it was easy to see that the expressions of the other senior disciples at the time seemed to silently say: “Junior Brother, do you even know what you’re saying?”
Years later, by the time Xie You and Yin Xuanlin had resolved all past misunderstandings and grown inseparable, a new figure appeared in the martial world, Tangdi Xiao Zhou.
This person wrote a scandalous romance novella, modeled after the contemporary Zhao Yejun and the Demon Lord. It became an overnight sensation, selling like wildfire, the name spreading far and wide.
By chance, Xie Chen once overheard a passage while at a teahouse. The storyteller’s eyebrows danced as they spoke vividly, painting the scene in full color:
“…It is said that during those six months, the Demon Lord’s chest wound had yet to heal and he often tossed and turned in bed, plagued by alternating pain and itching yet guess what? His heart was strangely at peace, even somewhat joyous. Why? Because he thought, every ounce of this pain, this itchiness, every bit of discomfort on his body, was bestowed upon him by his senior brother. To see the scar was to see the man himself. In its own way, it was a form of companionship, a silent bond of dependence…”
Xie Chen’s hand froze around his teacup.
To be honest, during the years he had served as the Demon Lord, despite his notorious reputation, he had never once initiated any such thought.
But in that instant, upon hearing those words, a single thought ignited deep within him for the first time,
Tangdi Xiao Zhou cannot be allowed to exist.
✦ ✧ ✦
Fleurveil
[Translator]
☕ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR THE TRANSLATOR
The translator sacrificed sleep for this chapter. A coffee offering seems reasonable.
☕ BUY THEM A COFFEE →
✧ (づ｡•ㅅ•｡)づ ☕ ✧
✦ thank you for reading ✦
← PreviousNext →
ChaptersChapter 1 · Once a chosen one of heavenChapter 2 · Why didn’t you crawl in the shadows?!Chapter 3 · They would rather fight each otherChapter 4 · I’ll do a handstand and run naked three times!Chapter 5 · So what if I’m showing off!Chapter 6 · If you look again, I’ll gouge your eyes out!Chapter 7 · The young couple is fighting again.Chapter 8 · I’m back at the Jinchan SectChapter 9 · Sour, sourChapter 10 · To seize credit for someone’s workChapter 11 · The Golden Toad Sect has come to our aid to annihilate the Demon LordChapter 12 · Sect Leader’s HusbandChapter 13 · The stone, fox, tree, and scarecrow are named XuanlinChapter 14 · My junior and I have had sweet moments in private!Chapter 15 · The truth behind their first falling out back thenChapter 16 · Hate lasts longer than loveChapter 17 · Xie Chen was actually the Demon LordChapter 18 · Slaying the Demon LordChapter 19 · From resistance to enjoymentChapter 20 · Xiao Xie’s perspective begins!Chapter 21 · Only because it was Yin XuanlinChapter 22 · Xie Chen was not a foolChapter 23 · The End