Xie Chen always remembered that, when he had once lingered on the brink of death, he had thought with utmost seriousness,
If everything could begin again, he would surely listen to his senior brother.
He would no longer be stubborn, no longer defiant. He would put away all his sharp edges and thorns, becoming only the most obedient junior brother his senior brother could have.
And now, these days within the Jinwei Sect felt to him like a dream of rebirth.
So this time, he spoke cautiously and acted with care in all things. He only did what his senior brother permitted; anything forbidden, he would not cross even the slightest boundary.
Whenever they went out, he followed behind him step by step like a shadow, not daring to stray even for a moment.
He knew he was not good with words and feared that he might anger his senior brother again without reason.
So he chose to remain silent whenever possible.
During these days of recuperating under another’s roof, there was little he could do. The only thing within his power was, in every moment of intimacy, to give his all, trying every possible way to bring his senior brother pleasure.
And yet, perhaps the one who felt the most pleasure was always himself.
Time and again, in those embraces, in the closeness of skin against skin, his senior brother’s burning, vivid warmth was held firmly within his arms. Each time, it brought him a happiness so intense it felt unreal, almost dreamlike, as though it could not possibly belong to him.
…And yet, it was only when his senior brother cast those dark, measuring glances at him, or suddenly scolded him a few times, that he could truly convince himself he was not lost in a dream.
Occasionally, he would overhear people gossiping in private, saying that a once proud son of heaven had fallen to such a state, forced to live at the mercy of others, watching their expressions just to survive, how bitter it must feel within his heart.
Everyone seemed convinced that he must be suffering.
But Xie Chen was not.
Perhaps it was because that year of wandering in hardship had already exhausted every last trace of despair and sorrow within him. Or perhaps it was even earlier, those subtle, lingering disappointments within the immortal sect, the ache of longing for what could not be attained, the constant unease of fearing loss, that had already worn him down.
Now, to be able to hold his senior brother in his arms each day, to cherish him with all his strength, to treasure him with utmost care, this was something he had never even dared to dream of in the past.
He feared only that he might not be capable enough.
How could he have any spare thought left to pity himself, to lament the passing of seasons or the cruelty of fate?
Xie Chen had never imagined that Yin Xuanlin would abandon him.
The moment he was driven down the mountain, he lost his soul entirely, wandering in a daze through the Shuying Mist Valley, unable to tell day from night.
Only several days later did a figure in blazing red tear through the thick fog, seething with anger as he strode forward and grabbed him, disheveled, vacant, scarcely resembling a human being, from beside the cold stone marrow.
“Xie Chen, have you lost your mind?”
“Has the demonic energy eaten your brain? Or are you deliberately trying to make things difficult for me? I only said a few words to you in passing and you got so worked up that you ran all the way to this cursed place to wait for death?”
“Hah. You really haven’t changed at all since you were young.”
“Terrible temper, strange and prickly personality, stubborn to the core! Can’t be scolded, can’t be touched and you hold grudges to the death!”
Yin Xuanlin was furious, cursing without restraint out of long habit.
But Xie Chen only looked at him with those dark, quiet eyes.
It was not until his senior brother snatched the warm porridge handed over by a subordinate and forcefully fed him that he slowly, stubbornly raised the hand he had kept tightly clenched.
Resting quietly in his palm was a smooth, rounded gem, radiating a soft, warm orange glow. That light pushed back a small patch of the surrounding cold, murky gloom.
He looked at him, pure, clean, unwavering, carrying within his gaze a fragile, trembling hope.
“For you,” his voice was hoarse and weak. “Don’t be angry, alright?”
“Idiot!!!”
And so, Xie Chen was once again hauled back to the Jinchan Sect.
In the days that followed, Yin Xuanlin would still, from time to time, pick faults with him and when irritated, would still snap and tell him to “get lost.”
Fortunately, Xie Chen had finally come to understand, when his senior brother told him to get lost, he did not truly mean it.
He had also learned that when his senior brother turned away in anger, he could step forward from behind and gently wrap his arms around him, soothing the tension in those stiffened shoulders.
Carefully, tentatively, he would press a soft kiss against the side of his neck.
In truth, his senior brother had always been sharp tongued but soft hearted.
Even though he often expressed dissatisfaction with him, behind the scenes he had been running about tirelessly on his behalf, arguing with elders from various sects, slamming tables and glaring fiercely, determined to clear away the stain of the title “Demon Lord” from his name and restore his reputation completely.
As for how outsiders judged him, Xie Chen had long since ceased to care.
But Yin Xuanlin would slam the table and rise to his feet. “No!”
“As if they could get away with it, smearing dirt all over my Jinchan Sect and then pretending it never happened? Hah. The person I, Yin Xuanlin, protect, is someone they think they can slander and trample at will?”
That night, Xie Chen lay awake for a long time, his fingers idly entwining strands of his senior brother’s hair.
All these years… everyone else had abandoned him yet his senior brother alone had cherished him, protected him.
Xie Chen thought that he was already fortunate enough.
What he never imagined was that only a few days later, Yin Xuanlin would take him directly to meet his parents.
The Sect Leader and Madam of the Jinchan Sect were, in truth, a most extraordinary pair. In the span of a single night, they fully accepted that their precious son had become involved with the former Demon Lord and even came up with a rather convincing justification for it themselves,
“If you ask me, ever since Xuanlin came back home, he’s managed the sect’s business without ever making a loss. That clearly shows how sharp his judgment is!”
“If he’s that good in business, then when it comes to choosing people, it should be the same. Ahem, that former Demon Lord must have qualities others can’t see.”
“Qianxue and Qianshang also said before that, prior to becoming the Demon Lord, that child was known far and wide as an upright gentleman…”
Once they had made up their minds, the moment they met Xie Chen, they immediately stuffed him full of gifts.
Elixirs, rare medicines, divine weapons, luxurious garments, precious treasures, added to the fact that Xie Chen was strikingly handsome, quiet and obedient, the more they looked at him, the more they liked him.
Madam Jiang directly took his hand, her eyes full of affection. “Good child, you’ve suffered in the past. From now on, this will be your home. If Xuanlin ever bullies you, tell Mother, I will make sure to discipline him!”
The Sect Leader slapped the table boldly. “From now on, we’re family. If you see anything you like in the treasury, just take it, the Jinchan Sect’s belongings are your belongings!”
When the first snowfall of the following winter arrived, the Jinchan Sect even held a small yet solemn ceremony for them.
Xie Chen had drifted through life for so long; to finally have a place to belong was already a blessing beyond measure.
He had never dared to hope for something like a “proper status.”
And yet, step by step, he found himself walking into a chamber lit with red candles, warm curtains perfumed with fragrance.
All the events of his past life blurred together, leaving him dazed and ill at ease, as though he were caught in a dream. Only when he instinctively turned his head and met his senior brother’s gaze,
Those eyes, always so arrogant and radiant, were now, for once, clear and gentle. They enveloped completely that once wandering, restless heart of his.
At last, he understood.
All his life, he had drifted aimlessly and in the end, it was his senior brother, who never abandoned him, who had placed into his hands a final place of belonging.
From that moment on, storms could not touch him; everything in the world was enough.
In the bridal chamber, beneath red candles, the night was warm and filled with spring.
He thought they would finally rest together, neck against neck.
But unexpectedly, Yin Xuanlin suddenly pressed him down. In the candlelight, his expression was oddly awkward, the tips of his ears and even his neck flushed with a suspicious shade of red.
“Recently… have you seen any strange books…?”
Xie Chen did not understand and simply shook his head.
He looked at him in confusion, waiting patiently for what would come next yet Yin Xuanlin stubbornly bit down on his words and refused to say anything more, his face only growing redder by the moment.
“…Forget it. Sleep!”
,
Yin Xuanlin had always considered himself rather quick witted.
After all, he was the Zhaoye Lord personally acknowledged by the Nine Heavens Mysterious Phoenix and had inherited the vast wealth of the Jinchan Sect. Not only was he peerless in martial talent but even after returning home to take charge of the sect’s business, he had never once failed, every venture brought profit without exception.
If that did not make him the most intelligent, resourceful and outstanding man under heaven, then who could possibly be?
And yet, just a few days ago, he had casually purchased a popular storybook while down the mountain.
Another absurd piece of trash, weaving romantic tales about him and the Demon Lord.
Originally, Yin Xuanlin had only intended to see how people outside had been fabricating stories about them lately but after reading just a few pages, he became so embarrassed and enraged that he nearly burned the book on the spot,
“That Junior Brother Xie never needed to commit any heinous deeds. A mere casual act of saving someone, a few quarrels with his senior brother and already his senior brother would fall into utter disarray, lose all reason and spiral into madness, feeling as though life itself had lost all meaning, his passion reduced to nothing, leaving him utterly disheartened.”
“From then on, he sank into self pity and resentment, blaming both heaven and others, thinking only that his noble and refined junior brother would never spare a glance for a beggar from the mountain.”
“And thus, love turned into hatred. For years thereafter, he became narrow minded, constantly opposing him, wallowing in self pity and bitterness, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge him.”
Utter nonsense.
Complete and absolute rubbish, this author was clearly exaggerating to an outrageous degree.
He, Yin Xuanlin, was obviously a man of unmatched magnanimity and bold spirit yet this book dared to insinuate that he was petty?
Fortunately, as the story progressed into its latter half, the tone shifted and it began to lavishly depict that Demon Lord once more.
“That Xie Chen, from a young age, had been cautious to the point of dullness, unaware even of his own feelings. Though his gaze often followed his senior brother, pondering him in secret, a single glance from the latter could throw him into chaos, a single word enough to drive him to extremes and yet, he remained stubborn and prideful, unwilling to bow his head.”
Yin Xuanlin raised an eyebrow, finally finding a trace of interest.
“In truth, during those years, Junior Brother Xie had also been trying very hard in his own way.”
“When his reserved and self contained nature failed to win his senior brother’s favor, he gathered his courage and acted in the opposite manner, provoking conflicts in an attempt to draw attention. When that, too, failed, he turned instead to venturing out to slay demons and eliminate evil, building a reputation, hoping only that his senior brother might spare him a single glance.”
“And now, within the Jinchan Sect, his gentleness, his propriety, his cautious attentiveness, always placing his senior brother’s wishes first, was it not also his clumsy way of making up for the regrets and missed chances of his youth, those feelings he had never once spoken aloud?”
Yin Xuanlin froze for a moment.
Suddenly, he felt that perhaps… this book could be spared from the flames, at least for now.
But then, as he turned another page,
“Love, when examined closely, is in truth rather laughable. When one is caught within it, one is easily wounded by the other’s unintentional actions and yet just as easily able to forgive them.”
“In those years, the two of them fell into cold war after cold war, neither willing to yield but in the end, all they truly wanted was for the other to lower their head first, to offer even a single soft word.”
“If only one of them had been willing to take that first step, they would likely have long since become deeply entwined in affection, why would they have wasted so many years?”
Yin Xuanlin:
The anger he had just managed to suppress surged back up in an instant.
What did this author know? What did he know at all! Just look at the nonsense he was writing!
And yet, immediately after, there came another line,
“However, in truth, it is of little consequence. Matters of the world are not determined by what people say to one another but by what they do.”
“If someone has harbored hatred for years, resentment for years and yet in the end still defies the world to take that person under their wing and protect them without fail, then even if his words are sharp day after day, the other will still understand, will still know and will still be grateful.”
“Damn it!!! This trashy book!”
A long time later,
It was only when Xie Chen went down the mountain to a tavern to order his senior brother’s favorite sweet roasted duck and pear wine that he happened to hear this passage from a storyteller.
Inside the tavern, several patrons were whispering among themselves:
“Well, if you ask me, without that Zhou fellow unraveling everything bit by bit, all the twists and turns between those two, their tangled love and hatred, would really be impossible to make sense of!”
“Isn’t that the truth?”
Xie Chen listened silently.
As soon as he left the tavern, he went straight to a bookstall and bought a copy. Back in the study, by the light of a lamp, he read it word by word, line by line, with careful attention.
All these years, he had been well protected by his senior brother and he had long since understood his senior brother’s feelings for him.
And yet, as expected… when one is involved, one cannot see clearly.
So many details from those years, so many of the twists and turns behind his senior brother’s intentions, he still needed someone else to write them out plainly, black on white, before he could finally see them clearly.
So it turned out that he really had been that young and ignorant back then, truly foolish enough to miss so many chances. So it turned out that he had once had so many opportunities… that his senior brother had cared for him so deeply, even in those earlier days.
That evening, Xie Chen returned to his room.
Yin Xuanlin was reclining lazily against a cushioned couch, flipping through account books by the light of a luminous pearl lamp. When he saw him enter, he merely lifted his eyelids slightly.
“Ordering roasted duck took you that long?”
Xie Chen looked at him.
A sudden thought came to him, those winding, complicated feelings he himself had been too foolish to understand… had his senior brother truly understood his longing and affection back then?
After all, that book had judged them both without hesitation,
“Though the two were clearly moving toward each other, they remained unaware of each other’s feelings, truly both tragic and almost laughable.”
But then, he remembered the expression on his senior brother’s face on their wedding night, hesitant, conflicted, filled with embarrassment and frustration, as though life itself had become unbearable.
His senior brother had read that ridiculous book two years earlier than he had.
It seemed that last year, at a banquet when he had drunk too much and stumbled about in a daze looking for his senior brother, he had caught sight of him in a pavilion outside, like a cat whose tail had been stepped on, furiously grabbing and shaking a certain familiar Junior Brother Zhou:
“This is slander! Defamation! Who are you calling tragic and laughable? If you keep spouting nonsense, I’ll have your bookstall shut down tomorrow!”
Xie Chen thought that his senior brother had probably understood everything long before he himself did.
The End
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← Previous
ChaptersChapter 1 · Once a chosen one of heavenChapter 2 · Why didn’t you crawl in the shadows?!Chapter 3 · They would rather fight each otherChapter 4 · I’ll do a handstand and run naked three times!Chapter 5 · So what if I’m showing off!Chapter 6 · If you look again, I’ll gouge your eyes out!Chapter 7 · The young couple is fighting again.Chapter 8 · I’m back at the Jinchan SectChapter 9 · Sour, sourChapter 10 · To seize credit for someone’s workChapter 11 · The Golden Toad Sect has come to our aid to annihilate the Demon LordChapter 12 · Sect Leader’s HusbandChapter 13 · The stone, fox, tree, and scarecrow are named XuanlinChapter 14 · My junior and I have had sweet moments in private!Chapter 15 · The truth behind their first falling out back thenChapter 16 · Hate lasts longer than loveChapter 17 · Xie Chen was actually the Demon LordChapter 18 · Slaying the Demon LordChapter 19 · From resistance to enjoymentChapter 20 · Xiao Xie’s perspective begins!Chapter 21 · Only because it was Yin XuanlinChapter 22 · Xie Chen was not a foolChapter 23 · The End