Seeing that the food had yet to be served, Ruan Weibai had already politely turned down two people in a row. Bai Ruogu recalled: “I remember now, plenty of people confessed to Master in the past, and both men and women at that, but he never seemed moved at all.”
[System: Oh ho, host, you’re charming both men and women?]
In truth, even in modern times, this fellow had received quite a few confessions growing up, yet he had always rejected them clearly and cleanly without dragging things out or leaving a shred of wishful thinking for anyone.
When it came to romantic matters, he genuinely had zero interest.
There were also those who continued to pester him stubbornly even after being rejected, and others who demanded a definitive reason after refusal… yet without exception, Ruan Weibai handled them all properly, ultimately leaving them willing to give up on their own accord.
If there was one exception to speak of.
Right now, Ye Tang was probably his only exception.
But toward Ye Tang, he absolutely! Had! Not a single shred of! Attached! Affection!
The moment his spiritual power conditions permitted, he could leave Ye Tang right then and there, immediately and without a backward glance.
Therefore, sex was sex, and love was love.
Everyone kept to their own side of the well.
[System (with fingers interlocked in a thoughtful pose): Really? I don’t believe it.]
Ruan Weibai: Would you stop blatantly prying into my inner thoughts all the time?!
[System: Tsk, host, are you an ESTP personality type?]
Ruan Weibai: Huh?
[System: You know, the MBTI 16-personality test. E is extraverted, S is sensing, T is thinking, and P represents perceiving. People with this personality are warm on the outside and cold on the inside, focus only on results while ignoring the process, naturally possess a regal charm, remain unconstrained, and take things as they come.]
Ruan Weibai asked in surprise: Times have really advanced, haven’t they? You even study this! So what personality type is Ye Tang?
[System: First complete these 200 questions, and once you’re done, pay me 88 RMB via WeChat and I’ll unlock it for you.]
Ruan Weibai: Scram!
[System: Understood.]
“Gentlemen, the cold appetizers are served first!” The little runner walked up with a food tray, placed down a few cold dishes, and suddenly set a steaming plate of dumplings right in the middle of the table, saying: “Our innkeeper says this plate of dumplings is on the house for you gentlemen! Enjoy your food and drinks, the rest of the dishes will be right out!”
Dumplings?
The four of them glanced at the steaming plate of dumplings on the table, then looked toward the innkeeper’s direction in unison, only to catch the innkeeper—who was pretending to fiddle with his abacus using one hand—shooting them a deeply meaningful wink.
That “I understand everything” expression made him look exceptionally ingratiating.
The curious little baby Bai Ruogu asked weakly: “Why is he giving us dumplings? We didn’t order any?”
Xie Xun stabbed a dumpling with his chopstick, tossed it into his mouth, and chewed as he said: “You can’t even figure that out? As the saying goes, nothing tastes better than dumplings, and nothing’s more fun than a sister-in.”
Right after that, he caught a chilling, icy glare cast his way by Heavenly Lord Yaoguang, scaring him so badly that he choked on the dumpling mid-sentence, coughing fit after fit.
Thinking that Xie Xun had choked because of his question, Bai Ruogu hurriedly reached out to pat the man’s back. However, since the boy’s true form was the Ten-Thousand Bone Dharmic Image, his physical strength was far from ordinary, and he nearly pounded Xie Xun into a chronic case of consumption on the spot!
“Cough, cough, cough. I’m going to die, stop, stop, patting.”
Ye Tang asked in a flat tone: “What filling are they?”
Covering his coughing mouth, Xie Xun replied respectfully through his fits: “Cough, cough, chive, cough, chive filling.”
“Ah-Ruan dislikes chive filling. This plate of dumplings is yours.”
Ruan Weibai laughed heartily, his gaze carrying an irresistible hook: “Little uncle is so good to me, knowing my preferences this well. Even your own biological brother, Ye Ling, doesn’t understand me as well as you do.”
Xie Xun was left with tears welling in his eyes. Once accustomed to innuendo-free fasting, forcing himself to eat such a massive plate of dumplings all at once was practically a form of torture, especially since he wasn’t particularly fond of chive fillings either. Crucially, the dog food lately had already filled him completely to the brim, alright?
Before long, all the dishes ordered by Ruan Weibai were served. They were mostly home-cooked dishes, except for the very final dish. After placing the plate down, the little runner grinned and said: “Sir, you really know how to eat! Our master chef said that this ‘Steamed Double Stench’ is an absolute masterpiece of Jiangnan cuisine, amaranth stems paired with stinky tofu. Locals love it to death, while outsiders are scared to death, especially when steamed in rapeseed oil. That flavor is completely authentic!”
Ruan Weibai leaned in to sniff it, then shook his head with a smile: “Pity that your inn’s tofu hasn’t been fermented long enough, the flavor isn’t quite pure yet. It can’t compare to the amaranth stems I brought myself, which pulls the score down a bit.”
The runner replied: “You’re right, sir. The stinky tofu from our shop indeed hasn’t reached its peak stinky stage yet, but the taste is still quite good. Don’t take my word for it, why don’t you try some?”
After Ruan Weibai expressed his thanks, the runner trotted off happily. Ruan Weibai turned back to check on the three people at the table whose expressions had already altered drastically, teasingly saying: “Why are you making those faces? Hurry up and try some.”
Bai Ruogu knitted his brows: “Master-father, this smell, this smell, it’s a bit, just a bit.”
Xie Xun pinched his nose: “It stinks to high heaven, I am definitely not eating this!!”
Ye Tang: “…”
Playing into the role, Ruan Weibai rolled up his sleeves and picked up a piece of amaranth stem for Ye Tang: “Little uncle, give it a try. You don’t eat the whole thing at once, you just need to suck on it. It tastes best while it’s hot; once it cools down, it loses this exact flavor!”
“Why did you suddenly…” Hesitating for a moment, Ye Tang looked at Ruan Weibai’s expectant expression. Though wanting to ask something, he ultimately let it go, picked up his chopsticks, and took a shallow bite following the method Ruan Weibai taught.
Both Xie Xun and Bai Ruogu watched Ye Tang with looks of profound admiration as he carefully savored the taste, put down his chopsticks, and remarked: “The flavor is indeed quite good.”
Ruan Weibai said triumphantly: “See? I told you it was a peerless delicacy, you can’t taste this in Lanquique Heaven!”
Half-doubting, Xie Xun and Bai Ruogu each picked up a piece with their chopsticks to try.
Although piping hot upon entry, once sucked on, it turned out to be savory, tender, and smooth all at once, it was genuinely delicious!
Moreover, when actually eating it, what registered wasn’t a stench at all, but rather an intensely mouth-watering aroma!
The two of them felt as though they had opened the door to a brand-new world, slurping away with immense enjoyment.
Just as Ruan Weibai was feeling pleased with himself, a pair of patrons walked over to the neighboring table. The one leading the way took a deep sniff, closed his eyes, and sighed with emotion: “This is the exact smell, it’s driving me crazy with fragrance! We’re settling our stomachs right here at this joint!”
“Waiter, are there any drinks and food left? We’ve been rushing all the way here and we’re practically starving to death! Hurry up and serve whatever you’ve got! This lord isn’t short on money! Especially that Steamed Double Stench dish, this lord has a craving for precisely that, so it must be served!”
“Understood, please hold on for a moment, honored guests, it’ll be right out!” Seeing a new table arrive, the little runner hurried over to attend to them enthusiastically. “Oh, what a pity, sir. Those amaranth stems were brought by that gentleman over there ourselves; our shop only has stinky tofu left. What do you think?”
The newcomer glanced at Ruan Weibai, raised a thumb, and praised: “My brother has good taste too!”
Ruan Weibai smiled and replied: “Right back at you.”
“Then bring us a plate of plain-steamed stinky tofu, and remember to steam it with rapeseed oil! As for the other dishes, just pick a couple of items and pair them for the two of us!”
The two newcomers who had just arrived were covered in dust and wearing bamboo rain hats. The one in the lead was a rough-hewn fellow whose voice wasn’t just loud, but boisterous and overly familiar, instantly drawing everyone’s attention.
“Hey, Old Five, is that intelligence of yours reliable? Is that the demon’s divine artifact this time for real?”
“Ah, absolutely certain, this time it’s definitely the real deal! I guarantee it with my life!” The fellow called Old Five picked up a teapot, poured himself a cup of water, chugged it all down in one breath, and immediately refilled the cup.
Since the meal hour had passed and the customer volume wasn’t as high as before, the conversation between the two carried remarkably clearly. The moment the words “the demon’s divine artifact” were dropped, Ruan Weibai immediately pricked up his ears!
“You said the exact same thing the previous few times, getting my hopes up for half a day, only to go there and find out whatever they pulled out was just a bunch of scrap metal! And it was bloody expensive too!”
“It’s genuinely different this time. Think about it! That’s Broken Sword Manor we’re talking about!” Old Five wiped his mouth, looking utterly dead-set on his claim, “Do you even know what Broken Sword Manor represents?”
The rough man said carelessly: “I’ve heard of it, isn’t it where that demon used to refine weapons in the past?”
“Oh, that’s old news. I’m asking you, do you know who the current master of the manor is?”
The rough man replied with indifference: “No idea, but it sure as hell isn’t that demon.”
Old Five wore an expression of exasperated disappointment: “You don’t even know that? The current master of the manor is none other than the wealthiest man in Xuanwu—Lord He Chengxian, the great manor lord! He has more wealth than he could spend in several lifetimes, and his greatest hobby in life is collecting legendary divine weapons from across the world! Let me tell you, any weapon brought out from his manor is at least celestial-grade!”
The rough man retorted: “So what? Does that mean he’s guaranteed to produce a divine artifact? You aren’t unaware of how hard it is to come by a divine artifact. Ever since that demon forged those three divine artifacts, have you seen a single other divine artifact appear in the Three Realms? Damn it, there isn’t even a shadow of one! And even if there aren’t any, year after year people still get led around by fake news!”
The rough man raised his arm: “See these bulging biceps of mine? I cultivated them by running around east and west all these years! A man like me, majestic as an eagle, getting led around like a helpless little chick!”
“Fake news every year, true, but can this time be the same?” Old Five coughed, lowering his voice into a mysterious tone, “You should have heard the news too—the demon has been resurrected!”
“Of course I’ve heard, who in the Three Realms doesn’t know it now, who hasn’t heard of it? Didn’t that demon have his legs crippled by Heavenly Lord Yaoguang, his shoulder blades locked so he couldn’t even move?” The rough man laughed and slapped the table, “Who would’ve thought that after hundreds of years of finally being resurrected, the moment he popped back up he’d be tortured like this by his thousand-year nemesis? Word has it the Heavenly Lord locked him away in the Nether Prison of Lanquique Heaven, terrified that he’d recover his spiritual power and endanger the Three Realms, so every single day he strikes his skull with thunder laws and corrodes his bones with sulfur water, making him look neither human nor ghost! If it were me, I’d rather die cleanly than endure that!”
Old Five looked bewildered: “Where on earth… did you hear that version from?”
“From the storyteller down the road earlier, what about it?”
“Big brother, you actually believe street storytellers? They just pick whatever you love hearing to tell you!”
“I don’t see anything wrong with what I heard. Otherwise, why don’t you tell me, kid, what’s actually going on?!”
“Are you genuinely clueless or pretending to be?” Old Five looked speechless, “That’s right, Sword Demon Bai Ye has indeed returned from the dead. Not only did he live, but he even formed a bond and became cultivation partners with Heavenly Lord Yaoguang!”
“Hahahahaha, listen to the absolute nonsense coming out of your own mouth. Heavenly Lord Yaoguang and Sword Demon Bai Ye formed a bond? Those two have been sworn enemies for centuries, and they formed a bond? I couldn’t dream up something that absurd even if I tried!”
Old Five exhaled a breath: “You have no idea. The only reason the Heavenly Lord agreed to form a bond with that demon is because the demon refused to reveal the whereabouts of the three divine artifacts, and even had the supreme audacity to claim that unless the Heavenly Lord became his cultivation partner, the Three Realms would never know peace once the Lord of the Three Swords returned!”
The rough man’s smile instantly vanished: “Lord of the Three Swords?”
“That’s right. My grand-master Yunhua Daoist actually lived through the Age of Dharma Decline back then and witnessed the Demon Lord in his Lord of the Three Swords state with his own eyes. To this day, whenever the old man mentions back then, he still feels lingering fear, his eyeballs looking like they’re about to pop out from terror!”
“This… if that’s true, then the Heavenly Lord is truly righteous! I heard from my master that as long as immortals in Lanquique Heaven form a bond, they can never break it for all eternity. Otherwise, they face destruction by heaven and earth, scattering of their spiritual souls, and eternal damnation… To protect the Three Realms, the Heavenly Lord actually went through with forming a bond with that demon?!”
Old Five sighed with emotion: “That’s right, exactly so! If it were merely to trick the demon, a fake bond would be one thing, but when immortals of Lanquique Heaven form a bond, the contract document hangs high upon the Divine Tree of Tianque Wujing, making falsification completely impossible!”
Enraged, the rough man slammed his fist against the table: “It’s truly letting that demon get off too easy!”
His table-slamming startled Ruan Weibai, who had been listening to the two chat nonsense. Seeing this, the rough man said: “My apologies, brother, didn’t mean to scare you! But don’t you agree that’s how it is?”
Ruan Weibai chimed in with a nod: “You’re right, brother, it really is letting that demon get off way too easy!”
Then he glanced at Ye Tang: “What do you think, little uncle?”
Silently sipping his tea, Ye Tang ignored his remark.
“Right, I bet that demon relied on this exact trick, thinking the Heavenly Lord wouldn’t dare form a bond with him. Who would’ve thought the entire Three Realms now knows they’ve become partners. The Heavenly Lord sacrificed himself for righteousness, truly a paragon of our generation!”
“Tsk, cultivation aside, just the moral character of the Heavenly Lord is already a height I can never hope to reach in this lifetime!”
Hearing this, Ruan Weibai shot a provocative look at Ye Tang, who was peacefully sipping his tea. Then, propping his chin on one hand, he lowered his voice so that only the two of them could hear, teasing: “Listen to that, little uncle, isn’t it quite interesting? Would you say this status of yours is a case of ‘maintaining your persona’ or ‘your persona completely collapsing’?”
Ye Tang continued to ignore him.
Xie Xun ate as he spoke: “This brother’s telling a relatively normal version. I’ve heard even more outrageous ones; rumors spread wild and wide across the Three Realms with all sorts of versions.”
Amused, Ruan Weibai asked: “Could there be anything even more outrageous?”
“Ah, right, there’s even a version claiming our Heavenly Lord was obsessed with your beauty, which is why he imprisoned you by his side for centuries.”
Blinking, Ruan Weibai wore an expression of philosophical doubt and entanglement: “Does that one count as outrageous?”
Isn’t this bloody well the literal truth?!
Ah?!
“How is that not outrageous? Though those kinds of outrageous claims usually originate from your side in the Wufan Nine Realms.”
Bai Ruogu muttered from the side: “As expected, things from our Wufan Nine Realms still sound a lot more reliable.”
Xie Xun rolled his eyes at him, then scooped up another piece of amaranth stem, slurped it down, and added: “Though this brother here didn’t talk nonsense about one thing.”
“What?”
“The part about immortals in Lanquique Heaven forming a bond being truly irreversible.” He stated slowly: “Otherwise, soul dispersal, complete annihilation of form and spirit.”
Ruan Weibai had assumed those two fellows were just shooting the breeze, since he had never heard in the past that immortal bonds in Lanquique Heaven required a lifelong, exclusive commitment.
Hearing Xie Xun confirm it now, his brows immediately knitted together: “What broken rules does your Lanquique Heaven have? What era is this, and getting a divorce is still a capital crime?”
Xie Xun let out a cold snort: “What are you afraid of? You’re not a person of Lanquique Heaven. Even if you dissolve the bond with our Heavenly Lord, you won’t suffer the slightest harm. The only one whose soul will scatter into dust is my Lord…”
Ye Tang swept an icy gaze across Xie Xun, scaring the man into biting his own tongue so hard he almost cried from the pain.
Turning his head, Ruan Weibai looked at Ye Tang: “What he said, is all of it true?”
Ye Tang remained as detached as ever, his eyelashes drooping in a detached, aloof manner that made Ruan Weibai want to beat him up upon seeing it: “True or false, does Ah-Ruan imagine I would ever allow you to remarry?”
Xie Xun silently muttered in his heart: You think? When the Heavenly Lord announced he was going to take you as his consort, every single immortal in Lanquique Heaven surrounded our Heavenly Lord’s Falling Moon and Crying Crow day in and day out, all trying to impeach the Lord for marrying you and forcing him to hand you over for public trial and execution. Yet the Heavenly Lord simply acted arbitrarily, what could anyone do… We couldn’t beat them, and we didn’t dare scold them.
Recalling the scene when he jumped out the window and saw a vast sea of people besieging him, he had wondered at the time how so many people managed to get into Falling Moon and Crying Crow. Turns out it was because…
A knot formed in Ruan Weibai’s heart: “Ye Tang, have you lost your mind?”
A dignified Heavenly Lord, are you courting death?!
You actually wanted to use something like this to bind me?
[System: Wuwuwuwuwu, he loves you so much! And besides, host, he didn’t even mention a thing about this to you. If Xie Xun hadn’t leaked the details, I bet the Heavenly Lord never even intended to bring it up, let alone use it to bind you!]
In short, to put it succinctly, he’s a total madman. If I hadn’t been lying unconscious and completely unaware on his couch at the time, I would never have agreed to form a bond with him!
Xie Xun chattered on: “Actually, there’s a way to break it. If you want to break up, all he has to do is kill you with his own hands, and then switch to cultivating the Ruthless Way. That way, our Heavenly Lord won’t have to turn to dust.”
Splendid, splendid! It’s either fall in love or kill each other, right?!
This trope is crystal clear now!
He wasn’t sure if marriage was the graveyard of love, but it was definitively the graveyard of Lanquique Heaven’s immortals!
No wonder there were so many single dogs in Lanquique Heaven!
“Judging by how much our Heavenly Lord cares about you, I reckon he’d rather commit suicide than harm a single hair on your head. The Ruthless Way is probably just a joke to him.”
[System: Wuwuwuwu, I think so too.]
Ruan Weibai had nothing to say; he currently felt only that Ye Tang was completely insane, and thoroughly so.
He didn’t know that as early as two hundred and fifty years ago, Ye Tang had already gone mad.