"What do I want to do?"
In the thick of the night, Pei Huaizhen let out a low chuckle, deliberately drawing out his final syllable in a soft, lingering tone: "What a cold, dismissive way to put it. Is Miss Xue afraid that Shen might take advantage of your vulnerability?"
Xue Qingqing neither confirmed nor denied it, pressing her upper body back as far as she could, trying to escape the heat that threatened to melt her.
She was now fully sober.
Wealth and status, memories and origins—none of it mattered most.
The greatest truth was simple: between her and him, it had always been nothing more than woman and man.
The strangeness and the allure she had overlooked before had now swelled to a size that could no longer be ignored.
"If this isn't taking advantage of my vulnerability, then what is it?" Xue Qingqing shot back coldly, displaying a rare streak of defiance.
Pei Huaizhen hummed in acknowledgment through his nose, as if her sharp retort had pleased him greatly.
"Miss Xue," he said, his arm hovering beside her without actually touching her, yet his words were brazen, "if I truly wanted to take advantage of you, yesterday I would never have stopped at merely loosening your meridians. I could have easily—"
He stopped himself before saying anything more explicit.
But Xue Qingqing understood his implication perfectly.
Flushed with indignation, her voice trembled slightly: "You corner me here, just to humiliate me with these words?"
"No."
He said frankly: "I want to tell you that I don't need you to return my affections."
"You can think of your late husband, you can refuse me forever, but you cannot resist my presence, and you cannot reject my kindness toward you."
Pei Huaizhen said: "Whether you believe it or not, I have never once thought of replacing your late husband. I simply care for you. I can't bear to watch you raise a child alone, struggling through life by yourself. I want to stay by your side, to protect you, to take care of you."
Xue Qingqing lowered her face, unwilling to let his breath fall upon her cheeks, her voice still cold: "I don't need your protection or your care."
"Truly?"
Pei Huaizhen asked softly: "Miss Xue, place your hand over your heart and tell me—do you truly not need a man?"
"There are so many wicked people in this village, and your child is so small. You're a lone woman who doesn't even dare open her door in broad daylight. Do you truly not need a man to protect you, to protect your child?"
In the darkness, Xue Qingqing was momentarily stunned.
She didn't want to admit it, but those words struck precisely at her deepest wound.
Pei Huaizhen continued: "If such a man must exist, then why can't it be me? I admit that I harbor feelings for you, that I have improper desires toward you. But Miss Xue—"
His tone grew heavier, turning serious: "A gentleman is judged by his deeds, not his thoughts. Think back on your own—since we've shared this roof, though I've struggled to keep my distance, when have I ever truly overstepped?"
He gave a bitter smile: "Even if you can't feel my sincerity, Little Tiger can. Such a small child cannot lie. Miss Xue, haven't you noticed that Little Tiger has grown more and more dependent on me?"
Xue Qingqing fell silent.
Yes, a baby cannot lie. Whoever treats him well, he will naturally gravitate toward.
She had long noticed that when Shen Zhuo was around, Little Tiger rarely cried even upon waking. She couldn't explain why.
Sensing the woman's softening attitude, Pei Huaizhen's voice grew even gentler, coaxing and seductive, like a predator luring its prey into a trap:
"Let me stay, to take care of the two of you—to protect you, to protect Little Tiger. Isn't that good?"
"As long as I'm here, no one will ever dare bully you."
"From now on, the three of us can live our own quiet, happy little life together. Isn't that good?"
"I'll build a home for you and the child."
"A home free of worries, free of troubles."
He leaned down, pressing close to her ear in the darkness, his thin lips hovering just barely against her earlobe: "Miss Xue, you'll agree with what I've said, won't you?"
His voice was low and melodious, like a mountain sprite whispering in the wilds, luring travelers astray to become his next meal.
Wrapped in the haze of tenderness, the woman's breathing grew rapid, her throat working as she swallowed again and again.
Xue Qingqing spoke, each word clear and deliberate: "I do not agree."
The warmth hovering around her suddenly turned cold. Pei Huaizhen fell abruptly silent.
"What did you say?" He genuinely wondered if he had misheard.
Xue Qingqing repeated: "I said, I do not agree."
Finally, she lifted her face and met those peach-blossom eyes that shimmered even in the darkness, her tone earnest: "Young Master Shen, I appreciate your kindness, but I'm sorry—I do not agree."
Xue Qingqing had been on the verge of being persuaded.
But when she heard the words "the three of us," her entire body jolted, and her mind snapped back to clarity.
She knew full well that her heart belonged only to Lu Fang, but she also believed in human nature.
Everyone has moments of weakness—a fleeting instant when they want to grasp at a lifeline.
When she was in such a moment, and there happened to be such a man by her side to comfort her and care for her, even if her heart did not waver, her body would involuntarily respond.
Once the bottom line was broken, it could never be restored, and it would only sink lower and lower until it disappeared entirely, while desire would grow larger and larger until it transformed a person beyond recognition.
Even now, when the situation was still restrained, there were already undercurrents stirring. If such a man continued to be by her side, continuing this dangerous game of flirtation, it was only a matter of time before the rice was cooked.
And when that time came, how would it all be resolved?
She could not possibly hide a living person in her home for the rest of her life.
Once she realized this, Xue Qingqing broke out in a cold sweat, feeling that her momentary lapse had been sheer madness.
After her words fell, a long silence stretched between them.
After who knew how long, the man let out a long breath, as if somewhat resigned.
Pei Huaizhen laughed self-deprecatingly: "I'm sorry, I was overthinking things."
"I originally thought that as long as I did well enough, persisted long enough, even if you, Miss Xue, were a block of ice, I could melt you."
Pei Huaizhen shook his head, still self-deprecating: "I overestimated myself."
"Now I only feel that I've let Little Tiger down."
His voice caught slightly: "I won't be able to watch him grow up anymore."
"I don't know what he'll look like when he grows up. They say boys take after their mothers—I wonder if he'll resemble you."
Xue Qingqing had been relatively composed, but upon hearing this, a wave of melancholy suddenly surged in her heart for reasons she couldn't explain.
She restrained herself again and again, but in the end couldn't hold it back—tears rolled down from the corners of her eyes involuntarily.
Pei Huaizhen reached out, gently wiping away her tears with his fingertips, and teased: "How strange. The one who was rejected is me, yet the one doing the rejecting is the one feeling wronged. I really wish I could invite someone to come see this and judge who's right."
Xue Qingqing turned her face away, avoiding his hand, but her voice had already softened considerably: "I'm not wronged. I'm just sad."
She choked up: "I didn't want to hurt you."
Pei Huaizhen snorted lightly: "Who was it yesterday, with red eyes, telling me to 'get lost' over and over?"
At his mention, the image of herself being forcibly pressed onto the bed while he did as he pleased suddenly appeared in Xue Qingqing's mind. Her cheeks burned as she said hatefully: "Don't bring that up again. You're a good person… but also very bad."
"I won't deny that," Pei Huaizhen nodded. "I am indeed a bad person."
He said: "This bad person will leave early tomorrow morning and never come back to trouble you again. How about that?"
Xue Qingqing was momentarily stunned.
Pei Huaizhen smiled: "Not saying anything—are you reluctant to see me go?"
Xue Qingqing instinctively retorted: "No…"
Then she continued: "I'll get up early tomorrow and see you off to the town. There are merchants coming and going there—you can have them take you away."
Pei Huaizhen said: "No need. The town is full of soldiers, and I have no household registration. Going to a crowded place would only cause trouble. I'm familiar with the terrain around Plum Blossom Village—once I leave this courtyard gate, I'll know where to go. Miss Xue need not worry."
Xue Qingqing hesitated for a moment, then asked: "Then is there anything else I can do for you?"
"See me to your front door."
"Just that?"
"I do have something more excessive in mind. Would you agree?"
Xue Qingqing stopped asking altogether.
She felt that ever since this man had laid bare his feelings, he seemed to have given up all pretense, with no filter on his tongue whatsoever.
Fortunately, he was finally leaving.
At this thought, Xue Qingqing's heart beat faster, excitement hard to contain.
But beneath the excitement, a faint, indescribable complex feeling seeped out from the depths of her heart.
"Miss Xue, sleep early. See you tomorrow."
The masculine scent that had enveloped her dispersed as Pei Huaizhen turned and left, his figure blocked by the cloth curtain.
Xue Qingqing got onto the bed. The heart that had been suspended for so long finally settled—she should have slept soundly, yet she tossed and turned, unable to fall asleep.
She suspected she was simply too happy.
When one gets what one wishes for, it's inevitable to feel restless and unable to calm down.
She thought of Shen Zhuo's handsome but truly detestable face, trying hard to imagine all the benefits after he left.
For instance, she would finally no longer have to hide while breastfeeding.
No longer have to sleep fully dressed in neat clothes.
No longer have to deal with his always sticky, clinging gaze.
No longer have to listen to his empty words of unknown truth.
No longer have to frantically find him a hiding place whenever neighbors came by.
She could finally be rid of all of this.
But she also had to pull herself together again.
Had to raise the child alone.
Had to manage her own daily meals.
Had to face the nearly depleted firewood, the nearly empty water vat, and her son, who was growing bigger by the month, sleeping less and less, and crying louder and louder.
Outside the window, the night was as dark as thick ink.
Xue Qingqing stared with both eyes wide open, her drowsiness as thin and insubstantial as silk being pulled from a cocoon.
After hearing the first rooster crow, she simply gave up on sleep entirely. On a whim, she lit a candle, set up the table in the courtyard, took out the last bit of flour in the house, poured water to knead the dough, and added firewood to light the stove.
Later, when Pei Huaizhen stepped out of the main hall, the first thing he saw was the dim candlelight, the woman with an apron tied around her waist, sleeves rolled up high, her two fair arms kneading dough with effort, strands of hair falling across her forehead, soaked with sweat, glistening as they clung to her cheeks.
At dawn, Plum Blossom Village was utterly silent, save for this one spot where cooking smoke curled upward, the aroma of baked flatbreads filling the small courtyard.
Enduring the heat, Xue Qingqing wrapped up all the flatbreads, paired them with a small jar of pickled vegetables, and packed them into the luggage.
Outside the gate, she handed the luggage to Pei Huaizhen. "I know you don't like eating these, but the mountain road—walking it will take days and nights before you get out. If you don't eat these, you'll have to fight the monkeys for wild fruit."
Finished speaking, she pulled a heavy money pouch from her bosom and said to him, "This is the fifty taels of silver you gave me back then. I haven't touched a single coin—it's all in here. After you leave, first return to your registered residence and get your household registration reissued. If you don't want to go home, you can find a quiet place with nice scenery, buy a house, run a small business, or buy a couple of acres of land—any of those will do."
She handed the pouch to him, facing him, yet her eyes did not meet his; her long, curled lashes drooped, veiling most of her gaze.
"You go on. The sky is vast and the waters far—if fate allows, we'll meet again someday."
A gentle breeze swept past the two of them, the coolness of the summer night dispelling the heat in their hearts.
Everything seemed to return to its truest moment.
In the darkness, Pei Huaizhen gazed at Xue Qingqing for a long while, then nodded quietly.
Xue Qingqing's hand had been extended with the pouch for so long that it had grown sore, yet still he did not take it. She stepped forward, ready to stuff it directly into his luggage.
Pei Huaizhen caught her hand, pulled her into his arms, and embraced her tightly.
"Eat well. Don't be stingy with yourself."
He buried his face in the hollow of her neck, breathing in the warm fragrance of her skin, and whispered by her ear:
"When Little Tiger cries and fusses, you should get used to soothing him in the cradle—otherwise, if you always hold him, your back won't be able to take it."
"It's dangerous being home alone. Make sure to bolt the door at night."
"Don't easily trust what others say."
"Don't trust anyone."
"Qingniang." Without her permission, he softly called her by her personal name, his manner both forceful and fragile. "Don't forget me."
"Don't forget me."
"Don't forget me."