“Hi, Betty. Hi, Marie. Oh, you brought Cookie with you today?”
“Yes! Cookie said he wanted to come!”
As always, Aria warmly welcomed her little band of freeloaders. Then she set out some scones and two glasses of milk for the girls.
“These are leftover scones from yesterday. Want some?”
“Wow! Thank you!”
“Yes! Thank you!”
She baked those fresh this morning....
I shook my head inwardly. Aria had a tendency to go especially soft on her younger customers.
I wished she’d at least charge them something, but apparently she felt bad taking money from children.
“And this is a treat for Cookie.”
“Thank you! Cookie, you should say thank you to Aria too.”
Betty flattened Cookie’s ears and forcibly made him bow. Still cradled in her arms, Cookie dipped his head and let out an uncomfortable meow.
“Cookie has such nice manners. Have fun, you three.”
“We will!”
“We will!”
Aria smiled fondly and headed back into the kitchen.
While Aria was busy in there, I followed the kids around to make sure they didn’t get into any trouble.
“Roro is the pretty bride, and Cookie is the handsome groom.”
“Roro’s the bride, so let’s decorate him with flowers.”
“You make the bride pretty. I’ll be the priest who perfoams the wedding!”
“Maong.”
Performs.
Why were kids so obsessed with playing house and make-believe?
The two girls decorated my head with flowers they’d picked beforehand. Then they plucked apart the remaining blossoms and scattered the petals all over the floor.
Hey! Are you little monsters going to clean that up yourselves?!
“All right. Now you two have to make your vows of love.”
Betty must have seen a wedding somewhere before, because she sat Cookie and me side by side on the floor.
“Bride Roro, do you love Cookie?”
“....”
“Groom Cookie, do you love Roro?”
“....”
We hadn’t done a damn thing besides sit there blankly, yet the two girls burst into applause.
“Nyyaaang!”
I want another treat!
Cookie, who had absolutely no idea what this ridiculous situation was supposed to be, just kept demanding more snacks.
“We have to do that thing too.”
“What thing?”
“The vow kiss!”
“Gasp! Right!”
“The bride and groom have to kiss.”
Two males kissing is a little....
“You have to kiss or the wedding isn’t over. Kiss.”
Betty pushed Cookie from behind until his body pressed close to mine.
His damp little pink nose was right in front of my face.
I was about to fake a quick nose kiss and make my escape when I heard the door open behind me.
I turned around.
“Looks like you two are having fun.”
A silver-haired man approached with a gentle smile on his face.
“Oh! It’s the priest!”
“Hello!”
And now an actual priest had arrived.
“Are Roro and Cookie getting married?”
Apparently he’d heard about this ridiculous situation from outside. Lippert lightly covered his mouth with one hand as he laughed.
“Yes!”
“But Roro is male, isn’t he?”
“Roro’s a boy? I thought he was a girl.”
“Ha ha. I can see why you got confused.”
Lippert came closer and bent down. Then, with practiced ease, he scooped me up just as I was preparing to flee.
“He is pretty enough to make that mistake.”
“That’s right!”
“Then I’m afraid the wedding will have to be called off. Would you mind if I took Roro?”
He scratched gently beneath my chin as he spoke.
The two girls nodded as if hypnotized.
There was something else little girls went crazy for besides playing house and make-believe.
A ridiculously gorgeous face.
Whenever Lippert smiled and said something, those two agreed with him before they even thought about it.
Seriously....
These brats already know a handsome man when they see one.
I wasn’t thrilled about it, but Lippert had at least rescued me from this godforsaken forced marriage, so I decided not to resist.
Carrying me in his arms, Lippert walked over to the table by the window. He sat in his usual seat and placed me on his lap.
“...Playing with the children. What a good cat.”
Lippert stroked me as if he were proud of me.
I smacked his hand away to tell him to knock it off and thumped my tail against his leg.
Even when I pushed him away, his hand kept coming back to annoy me.
“Hmm. Have you gained a little weight? You’re nice and soft.”
“Kyaaong!”
Stop touching my belly!
I already did cardio every day, and my stomach was the one place that stubbornly refused to slim down. It pissed me off enough as it was.
Move that hand unless you want to lose a finger.
I sank my teeth threateningly around one of his fingers.
Lippert’s eyes curved fondly.
“Do you want to suck on my finger?”
Then, as if he were putting a bottle into a baby’s mouth, he actually stuck his finger between my teeth.
“You like the salty taste? You can suck on it if you want.”
What the fuck...?! What the hell are you saying?!
I thrashed like I was having a seizure and spat his finger out. Then I sprang off his lap and landed on the floor.
When I fled a good distance away, he looked down at me with obvious disappointment.
“Let’s go outside and play restaurant.”
“Okay!”
I turned my head.
Betty and Marie, having polished off their scones and milk, were heading outside.
They’d cleaned up all the flower petals they scattered across the floor too.
Those little brats....
At least they were good kids.
But aren’t you forgetting something?
...They’d left Cookie sitting in the teahouse and gone outside by themselves.
Cookie, abandoned inside, was already purring away while the other customers showered him with affection.
“Cookie, want a treat?”
“Nyyaaang!”
He looked perfectly happy accepting snacks.
I settled down somewhere far away from Lippert.
Stretching out long across a wooden table warmed by the sunlight, I prepared to relax.
Then Lippert rose from his seat.
He strode over and looked down at me.
“Roro.”
“....”
“Are you avoiding me? That makes me a little sad.”
God, what a pain in the ass.
Quit bothering a cat who’s minding his own business and go play with Cookie or something.
“It couldn’t possibly be because you dislike me.”
Look at the confidence on this bastard.
I hadn’t forgotten the humiliation of that day for even a second....
Even now, I stayed on guard because I was afraid the bastard might use mind control again and start manhandling me however he pleased.
Then Lippert reached into his robes and pulled something out.
Inside the rustling paper bag was—
“I brought you a treat.”
Jerky.
“Maouung.”
I’m on a diet. Give it to Cookie.
I flicked an ear dismissively and stayed sprawled out, pretending I wasn’t interested.
Then a thin strip of translucent brown jerky appeared right in front of my face.
My nose started twitching before I could stop it.
The smoky aroma drifting off it was insane.
Sniff, sniff.
My head kept stretching forward like a turtle’s.
You just ate. Control yourself.
I belatedly ordered myself to stop.
Did I really want to become a cat with a belly that jiggled when I walked?
Sure, fat cats were cute.
But that was something I’d thought when I was a human looking at cats.
Now that I was the cat, I had to make sure my stomach didn’t get any bigger.
He already kept touching me because I was “soft.” If my belly started wobbling too, he’d definitely paw at it every chance he got.
...I did not want to be treated like that.
My nose had crept so close it was almost touching the jerky, but I finally pulled away and turned my head aside.
A puzzled, low voice drifted down from above.
“Hmm. You don’t seem very interested. I thought you liked turkey enough to pick it out from everything else....”
“....”
Turkey.
That was the meat I’d loved eating while I was staying at the count’s estate.
Commoners could hardly dream of eating something that expensive, and this bastard had turned it into jerky for a cat.
“Myaaang.”
Give me that.
Before Lippert could pull his hand away, I snatched the jerky from him.
I heard him chuckling above me, but I ignored him.
Salty, no gamey smell, not even particularly tough....
The more I chewed it, the richer the flavor became.
“Mmmrrr... mmrryaang.”
Before I knew it, I was making noises while happily chewing, tearing, and savoring every bite.
“You must like it. You’re completely absorbed.”
“Aouuung, nyaouuung.”
A hand gently stroked my back.
I glanced up sharply.
While I’d been distracted by food, the bastard had started sneaking in pets.
They say you don’t even bother a dog while it’s eating, so why the hell are you messing with a cat?
“Grrrr, myang!! Myang!!”
Stop!! Touching me!!
Lippert looked startled by my booming protest.
“Hmm? Did you just bark?”
Yeah.
I barked.
What are you going to do about it?
I even abandoned the jerky I’d been chewing and bared my teeth at him.
“Ha ha ha!”
It accomplished absolutely nothing.
Instead, Lippert threw back his head and laughed, looking positively delighted.
“Come to think of it, perhaps God made a mistake. You should have been born a dog.”
You finished?
“But since you were born a cat, you ought to behave like one.”
“Waouuung....”
The finger he’d been withdrawing lightly tapped the bridge of my nose.
I growled and wrinkled my muzzle.
He looked at me as if I were hopeless and kept chuckling.
I almost wished he were mocking me.
It was even more infuriating because his eyes were curved with genuine delight, as though he were looking at something unbearably cute.
******
By nightfall, deep darkness had settled beyond the window.
“I should get some sleep.”
Aria closed the book she’d been reading and extinguished the light.
“Good night, Roro.”
“Maong.”
I’d been staring out the window, but I climbed into my hideout to sleep as well.
Using the soft blanket as a pillow, I settled down and comfortably closed my eyes.
Another hectic day.
As I lay still and let my breathing slow, a pleasant heaviness gradually washed over me.
I was right on the verge of falling asleep when—
My whiskers began to tingle.