The air in the private room was so stifling it felt hard to breathe.
Su Yuanshan was still chatting animatedly with Gu Yuanhang and the others, recalling amusing stories from their old army days every word chipped away at Su Xingci’s composure.
She could bear it no longer and stood up. “Dad, I’m going to the restroom.” Her voice trembled.
“Go on then,” Su Yuanshan replied with concern, glancing over. “Did something you ate disagree with you?”
Su Xingci murmured a quick no, avoided meeting Gu Yuanhang’s gaze, and hurried out, pulling the wooden door shut behind her.
The restroom lay at the end of the corridor, around the corner.
She rushed inside and turned on the tap; water gushed loudly. Cupping her hands, she splashed it over her face, desperate for the coolness to steady her nerves. Droplets trickled from her hair and chin, darkening the fabric at the front of her blouse.
Lifting her head, she stared at her blurred reflection in the mirror eyes red-rimmed, lips bitten pale. Why are you crying? she told herself, jaw tight. Tears for someone like him aren’t worth shedding.
She pulled out a handkerchief to dry her face and froze the moment she turned around.
A figure blocked the doorway, making the small space feel even more cramped.
It was him.
Gu Yuanhang stood there, dressed in black fitted casual wear that made him look all the taller and leaner; his expression was lost in shadow.
Her heart gave a painful lurch. Instinctively she tried to slip past him, but at her first movement he stepped inside and slid the bolt home.
The air grew heavy, suffocating once again.
Before she could react, he caught her wrist firmly and pushed her back against the cold concrete wall. A dull thud; her back stung sharply.
“What are you doing? Let go of me!”
She struggled fiercely, but the strength gap was too great; she could not break free. Gu Yuanhang leaned in, pinning her with one hand while the other rested on the wall beside her ear, trapping her between his arms. He lowered his head to her ear and let out a cold laugh, his warm breath carrying a dangerous edge.
“Dead, then?”
“Gone without a trace?”
“Grass growing waist-high over the grave?”
His voice dropped a notch with each line.
“Su Xingci am I really that dead to you?”
The struggle died in her. She lifted her face to him; even without seeing his expression clearly, she could feel his displeasure. Once, the slightest hint of anger from him would have had her murmuring gentle reassurances. But not now. Her heart was already broken what was left to fear?
“Isn’t that exactly what you said?” she countered, her tone sharp with scorn. “Just now Uncle Gu, in your own words nothing more than something to while away loneliness.”
“If I’m just a diversion, does it matter whether I’m dead or alive?”
His breath caught; the grip on her wrist loosened. He had not expected her to throw his own words straight back at him. A flicker of regret crossed his eyes, quickly replaced by that familiar soft warmth. He released her wrist but kept her hemmed in, sighing, sounding helpless yet tender.
“Silly girl.”
He reached out to brush her cheek she turned her head away.
“What was I supposed to say, in front of your father and his old comrades? My sworn brother entrusted his daughter to my care how would it have looked if they learned we’d been together for three years?”
“It was just banter, posturing to save face. Why did you have to take it so seriously?”
Nausea rose in her throat. She turned away again, evading his hand. Just banter? Just saving face? What a convenient excuse.
Seeing her resistance, he did not get angry; instead he slipped his hands into his trouser pockets, his tone shifting into the solemn gravity of an elder addressing a misguided young one.
“Xingci, you need to be sensible, to understand. I’m up for promotion to Deputy Battalion Commander this is no time for a blemish on my record over conduct.”
“And look at our positions no blood relation, true, but in everyone’s eyes I’m your father’s sworn brother, your uncle. If word got out how would your father take it? What would the service think?”
He searched her face, seeking a sign of softening.
“He’d call me despicable corrupting his own daughter. He’d be furious enough to strike me down. He adores you; the shock could land him in hospital!”
“Your father’s had a hard time these past years he was rushed to emergency care not long ago. We can’t risk his health, can we?”
“You’ve already lost your mother surely you don’t want to lose him too?”
“I kept this from you to protect you, and him and to protect our future. Can’t you see that?”
Every word struck a tender nerve, none more so than the thought of her father falling ill her heart ached as though it might stop. He loved her so deeply; if he discovered the truth that she had given herself to someone he trusted, only to be treated as nothing with his fiery temper, what would become of him? She dared not imagine it.
Gu Yuanhang saw her waver. He exhaled in relief, softening his tone further into gentle persuasion.
“So stop being cross, hmm? Saying such things in front of everyone what bad luck! Your father would only worry.”
Her eyelashes fluttered. She clenched her fists so tight her nails dug into her palms, using the pain to keep herself grounded. She lifted her head, voice rough and breaking, and spoke the name that shattered her all over again.
“And what about Bai Miaomiao?”
At the name, his body visibly stiffened if only for a moment. Then he recovered, meeting her gaze directly, a faint, indulgent smile playing on his lips.
“Bai Miaomiao who?”
He said it as though she were being unreasonable.
“That was ages ago. We were young just a schoolgirl crush. We never even held hands. The others liked to tease, that’s all.”
He reached out again; this time she did not pull away as his fingertip grazed the tip of her nose, familiar and affectionate.
“Why get jealous over something so long past?”
“She’s back in the country so what? You know who it is I truly care about, don’t you?”
Smooth talker. He could turn black to white with a straight face. If she hadn’t seen the panic in his eyes the moment Bai Miaomiao’s name was mentioned back in the room, she might almost have believed him. A master at deception unblushing, unhesitating, and quick to twist things round so that she was the one at fault.
A coldness settled deep within her. Three years. Three years loving a man like this.
“Finished?” she asked, her voice level.
He blinked, taken aback by her calm. He had expected tears, scenes, surrender.
“Xingci…”
“Move aside if you’re done.” She cut him off. “My father is waiting.”
She pushed his arm from the wall and walked past him, reaching for the latch. His hand closed around her upper arm.
“And what is this attitude?”
“My attitude?” She looked back at him, cold and clear. “Haven’t you always treated me like a niece, Uncle Gu? I’m behaving exactly as a niece should keeping a proper distance from her uncle. Is there something wrong with that?”
She stressed the words niece, uncle sharp and deliberate.
“Ah, but of course.” A bitter little smile touched her lips. “One of those nieces you kiss and hold, until you’ve grown tired and cast her aside?”