Jiraiya, displaying his legendary reflexes, spun around to catch the teapot. "I got it!"
Hinata, realizing she had caused the mess, also lunged forward. "I am sorry!"
It was a disaster of epic proportions.
Jiraiya caught the teapot. But as he landed, his other foot slipped on a puddle of spilled tea. He fell backward.
Hinata, lunging forward, tripped over Shizune’s pig, Tonton, which had run into the fray to eat a spilled sugar cube.
Hinata flew through the air.
Jiraiya landed flat on his back on the Hokage’s carpet. Hinata landed directly on top of him.
But the System was cruel. It wasn't just a simple fall.
The teapot in Jiraiya’s hand spilled its remaining contents all over his chest. Hinata, trying to brace herself, slammed her hands down. Her right hand landed on the floor. Her left hand landed squarely on Jiraiya’s face, pushing his head back.
Her knees pinned his arms to the ground.
From the perspective of Tsunade, who was sitting behind the desk, it looked like Hinata had tackled Jiraiya, pinned him to the floor, and was aggressively holding his mouth shut while straddling his waist.
Jiraiya, muffled by Hinata’s hand, was making noises that sounded suspiciously like enjoyment. "Mmmph!"
Silence reigned in the office.
Sakura looked like her soul had left her body. Shino adjusted his glasses. Kiba’s jaw was on the floor.
"Netorare Situation Detected!" The System roared. "Legendary Event! ' The Sannin Subdued.' Legendary Bonus Applied! Shy Points Gained: Three Thousand Five Hundred."
("Three thousand five hundred!") I almost fainted. That was a fortune. ("I am rich! I am the richest ninja in the world!")
"Get off him!" Tsunade roared, slamming her fist onto her desk. The desk cracked down the middle.
Hinata scrambled off Jiraiya, crawling backward on her hands and knees until she hit the wall. She was hyperventilating. Her face was so red she looked like a tomato that was about to explode.
"I... I... I attacked Lord Jiraiya!" she wailed. "I am going to be executed!"
Jiraiya sat up, wiping tea off his vest. He had a handprint on his face. He looked at Hinata, then at me, then at Tsunade.
"That..." Jiraiya started, a perverted grin forming on his face. "That was a very interesting greeting. The youth of today are so aggressive!"
"You old pervert!" Tsunade threw a stamp at him. It hit him square in the forehead. "Stop enjoying it! She tripped!"
"It was an accident!" I jumped in, moving to shield Hinata. "The floor was slippery! Tonton got in the way! It was a tactical failure of the environment!"
Tsunade rubbed her temples. "Why does chaos follow you, Naruto? Every time you walk into a room, something breaks or someone ends up in a compromising position."
"It is my ninja way," I said seriously.
"Get out," Tsunade groaned. "Report accepted. Good work on the bandits. Get out before you destroy my office."
"Yes, Lady Hokage!" We all shouted.
I grabbed Hinata, who was currently catatonic, and dragged her out of the room. We didn't stop until we were outside the building.
"I can never show my face again," Hinata whispered, covering her eyes. "I sat on a Sannin."
"Hey," I said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You pinned a Sannin. Do you know how many people can say they pinned Jiraiya? Only like... three people in history. You are a legend."
She looked at me through her fingers. "You are just saying that to make me feel better."
"Maybe," I grinned. "But hey, I am taking everyone to Ichiraku Ramen. My treat. Even you, Kiba, even though you are annoying."
"Sweet!" Kiba cheered.
As we walked toward the ramen shop, I hung back slightly to check my interface.
("System, open status.")
Shy Points Balance: Four Thousand Two Hundred. (700 remaining + 3500 gained).
("Okay, this is serious points. What can I get? I need something that puts me on the map.")
"For four thousand points," the System suggested, "You can purchase the 'Rasengan' Technique Memory and Experience. This includes the muscle memory for the rotation, power, and containment phases."
("The Rasengan,") I thought, feeling a shiver of excitement. ("The Fourth Hokage’s legacy. It usually takes weeks to learn. I can buy it right now.")
"However," the System continued. "Your current Chakra Reserve is only at roughly two percent (Unsealed). You can perform the Rasengan, but you will only be able to use it about three times a day before exhaustion sets in."
("That is fine,") I decided. ("Three Rasengans are better than zero Rasengans. I will take it.")
"Processing purchase... Cost: 4000 Points. Remaining Balance: 200 Points."
The sensation was different this time. It wasn't just a flow of information. It was a sensation in my hand. I felt the memory of a thousand spinning spheres. I felt the phantom pain of training until my hands bled. I knew, instinctively, how to make the chakra spin in multiple directions at once.
I looked at my right hand. I clenched it into a fist.
("I have got it. I am back.")
We arrived at Ichiraku Ramen. Teuchi, the owner, greeted us warmly.
"Welcome back, Naruto! Hear you are causing trouble again!"
"Always, old man!" I sat down. Hinata sat next to me, finally calming down.
"System," I thought as I ordered a Miso Chashu Pork Ramen. ("Is Ayame, the ramen girl, a target?")
"Scanning Ayame..." the System beeped. "Target Identified. Ayame is single. Rito Effect is active in this establishment."
I froze. I looked at the counter where Ayame was carrying a massive pot of boiling broth. I looked at Kiba sitting on the other side of Hinata. I looked at the slippery floor of the kitchen.
("Oh no. Not the soup.")
"Hinata," I said quickly. "Don't move. Don't breathe. Just eat your noodles."
"O-Okay," she stammered.
But fate, and the System, had a sense of humor.
A customer walked in. It was Kakashi Hatake, our late sensei. He was reading his orange book, Make-Out Paradise.
.....
...