"The Buff is permanent," the System said. "But you can purchase 'Safety Goggles' for her from the shop. It prevents visual misunderstandings for one hour. Cost: One Hundred Points."
("Buy it. Now.")
I reached into my pocket and pretended to pull something out. It was a pair of invisible, metaphorical goggles that the System applied.
"Here," I said, tapping her forehead. "I put a protective charm on you. No more accidents for the rest of the day."
"Really?" she asked.
"Really. Trust me."
She stood up, taking a deep breath. She didn't trip. She didn't fall. She just stood there, looking beautiful and relieved.
"Thank you, Naruto-kun."
"Let's go home," I said. "I am starving, and I have enough points—I mean, money—for Ichiraku Ramen."
The mission was a success. The bandits were captured. And I was one step closer to getting my Rasengan back. But first, I needed to explain to the Hokage why the bandit leader kept asking for Hinata's phone number from his prison cell.
The walk back to the Hidden Leaf Village was peaceful, primarily because I had spent one hundred Shy Points on the "Safety Goggles" for Hinata. For exactly one hour, she walked without tripping, slipping, or having her clothes snag on nearby branches. She looked confident, her steps light and sure.
"Naruto-kun," she said, walking beside me as the village gates came into view. "I feel... different. That charm you gave me really works. I haven't almost died of embarrassment in forty-five minutes."
"Enjoy it while it lasts," I said, glancing at the invisible timer ticking down in my peripheral vision. ("Five minutes left. Just enough time to get to the Hokage’s office. Then we are back in the danger zone.")
"We need to report directly to Lady Tsunade," Captain Yamato said, looking exhausted. His uniform was still damp from the river incident, and he smelled faintly of algae. "I need to explain why the bandit leader was crying when we arrested him."
"He was heartbroken, Captain," Kiba snickered. "Hinata broke his heart and his ribs. It is a tragic love story."
Hinata hid her face in her scarf. "Please stop talking about it, Kiba-kun."
We marched through the village streets. I felt the gaze of the villagers. Usually, they looked at me with annoyance or fear, but today, walking with a captured bandit crew and a successful mission under my belt, the looks were different. Or maybe they were just staring at Yamato’s wet pants.
As we reached the base of the Hokage Tower, the System chimed.
"Notice: Temporary Item 'Safety Goggles' has expired. The 'Rito Effect' is now fully active. Good luck, Host."
I sighed. ("Here we go again.")
We climbed the stairs to the top floor. Shizune was waiting outside the office, holding her pet pig, Tonton.
"Lady Tsunade is in a meeting with a... special guest," Shizune said, looking stressed. "But she said to send Team Seven in immediately upon return."
"Special guest?" Sakura asked.
Shizune didn't answer, just opened the door.
We walked in. The Hokage's office was bathed in the golden light of the afternoon sun. Sitting behind the desk was Tsunade, the Fifth Hokage, looking majestic and slightly annoyed.
And sitting on the window sill, looking out with a lecherous grin, was a massive man with long white spiky hair, wearing a red vest and carrying a giant scroll.
My heart skipped a beat. ("Jiraiya. The Toad Sage. My master. And the biggest pervert in the ninja world.")
"Ah, the brats are back," Jiraiya said, turning around. His eyes immediately scanned the room. They glossed over me, Kiba, and Shino, and landed squarely on the female members of the team.
"System," I thought urgently. ("This is a Code Red. We have a Sannin-level pervert in the room. The 'Rito Effect' is going to go nuclear.")
"Warning," the System replied, its text flashing red. "Super-Heavyweight Target Detected: Jiraiya of the Sannin. Danger Level: Extreme. Any Netorare Situation involving this target will yield a 'Legendary Bonus' multiplier of three hundred percent."
("Three hundred percent?!") Greed warred with panic in my soul.
"Report," Tsunade commanded, ignoring Jiraiya.
Yamato stepped forward. "Mission successful, Lady Tsunade. The Red Rock Gang has been neutralized. Twenty captives. No casualties on our side."
"Good," Tsunade nodded. "Any complications?"
Yamato hesitated. He glanced at Hinata. "Well... there were some... unorthodox distractions used during combat."
Jiraiya hopped down from the window sill, his wooden sandals clacking on the floor. He walked toward us, his eyes fixed on Hinata.
"Unorthodox distractions?" Jiraiya asked, his voice thick with curiosity. "I am an expert in distractions. Tell me more."
He stopped right in front of Hinata. Hinata, being Hinata, immediately became nervous. She bowed respectfully.
"Lord Jiraiya," she squeaked.
"You are a Hyuga, aren't you?" Jiraiya leaned in close, inspecting her. "You have grown quite a bit since I last saw you. Very... healthy."
"Warning," the System announced. "Proximity Alert. Target Jiraiya is within the 'Accident Radius.' Initiating Rito Effect: The Tea Ceremony Disaster."
I saw it happen before I could stop it.
Shizune had just entered the room carrying a tray with a teapot and several cups for the guests. She was walking behind Jiraiya.
Hinata, nervous under Jiraiya’s gaze, took a step back.
Her heel came down squarely on the toe of Jiraiya’s wooden sandal.
"Ouch!" Jiraiya yelped, hopping on one foot.
His hopping motion caused his giant scroll to swing wildly behind him. The scroll smacked the tray out of Shizune’s hands.
The teapot flew into the air. Hot green tea arched through the room in a beautiful, scalding rainbow.
"Look out!" I shouted, though it was too late.
Jiraiya, displaying his legendary reflexes, spun around to catch the teapot. "I got it!"
Hinata, realizing she had caused the mess, also lunged forward. "I am sorry!"
It was a disaster of epic proportions.
Jiraiya caught the teapot. But as he landed, his other foot slipped on a puddle of spilled tea. He fell backward.
.....
...