The silence in my apartment after the "Rice Ball Incident" was heavy enough to crush a diamond. Kiba Inuzuka, displaying the emotional intelligence of a brick, had already bounced out of the window with Akamaru, yelling something about meeting us at the Hokage’s Tower in twenty minutes.
That left me alone with Hinata Hyuga.
She was currently on her knees, frantically picking up the scattered grains of rice from the floorboards. Her face was still glowing with a radioactive shade of red.
"I am so sorry, Naruto-kun," she whispered, her voice trembling. "I do not know what happened. My feet just... stopped working. And then the table moved. I am so clumsy."
I sighed, crouching down to help her. My hand brushed against hers as we reached for the same grain of rice. She flinched as if she had been electrocuted, pulling her hand back and clutching it to her chest.
("Okay, calm down,") I told myself. ("She is terrified. And she has no idea that a cosmic computer program has turned her into a walking slapstick routine.")
"It is fine, Hinata," I said, trying to channel the comforting aura of a shonen protagonist. "Accidents happen. Kiba shouldn't have left his face there anyway."
She looked up at me through her eyelashes, her eyes shimmering. "You are not... angry? It looked so... inappropriate."
"I am not angry," I assured her. ("I am traumatized, and five hundred points richer, but not angry.") "Come on. We need to get to the mission briefing. If we are late, Grandma Tsunade will kill me. And since I currently have the durability of a wet paper towel, I will actually die."
"Grandma Tsunade?" Hinata tilted her head. "You mean the Hokage? You should not call her that to her face, Naruto-kun."
"Right. The Hokage."
I helped her up. As she stood, she swayed slightly. I instinctively reached out to steady her, grabbing her shoulders.
"System," I thought urgently. ("Is the buff active right now? Am I safe?")
"The buff only triggers 'Netorare Situations' with other males," the System replied dryly. "You are the primary partner. You are the 'Safe Zone.' However, be warned: secondary effects of the clumsy buff may still result in you getting hit by flying objects intended for others."
("Great. Good to know.")
We left the apartment and walked out into the bright sunlight of the Hidden Leaf Village. It was breathtaking. The village was exactly like I remembered from the anime, but vibrant and alive. The great stone faces of the Hokages watched over us from the mountain.
As we walked, I tried to subtly test my new purchase. I focused on the soles of my feet. Thanks to the "Tree Climbing Practice" memory I had bought for five hundred points, I felt a faint, tingling sensation. It was chakra. A tiny, microscopic amount of it, latching onto the gravel of the road.
("It works,") I thought, relieved. ("I can stick to the ground. I can't blow up a mountain, but at least I won't slip on another banana peel.")
"Naruto!"
A sharp, familiar voice cut through the air. I froze. Walking toward us was a young woman with pink hair, wearing a red sleeveless top and dark skirt. She wore the standard forehead protector and black gloves.
Sakura Haruno.
("Oh boy,") I thought. ("The crush. The teammate. The girl with the super-strength.")
"Sakura-chan!" I waved, forcing a smile.
She marched up to us, her hands on her hips. She looked at me, then at Hinata, and her expression softened.
"Good morning, Hinata," she said pleasantly. Then she turned her green eyes on me, narrowing them. "Naruto, why are you walking so slowly? Captain Yamato is waiting for us. We have a joint mission with Team Eight today."
"I was just... admiring the view," I lied.
"Stop messing around," she scolded, though there was no real heat in it. She turned and started walking alongside us. "Since you returned to the village, you have been acting a bit weird, Naruto. Are you feeling okay?"
"Never better," I said. "Just... adjusting."
"System," I thought. ("Scan Sakura Haruno. Is she a target?")
"Scanning..." The System hummed. "Potential Target identified. Sakura Haruno is currently single. However, she is not yet part of the harem, so she does not have the 'Rito Effect' buff. Would you like to purchase a 'Trial Buff' for fifty Shy Points? It lasts for five minutes."
("Absolutely not!") I mentally screamed. ("I have zero points left! And I do not need Sakura tripping onto random strangers right now. I need to survive the briefing!")
We arrived at the Hokage’s Tower. The red circular building loomed over us. We walked up the stairs, passing several other ninjas who nodded respectfully at me. It felt strange to be revered when I couldn't even throw a punch properly.
We reached the briefing room door. Inside, I could hear voices. Kiba was already there, along with Shino Aburame and Captain Yamato.
"Ready?" Sakura asked.
"Ready," I said, sweating profusely.
I opened the door.
The room was spacious, with a large desk at the far end where Tsunade usually sat, though she was absent. Instead, Shizune was there holding a clipboard, looking stressed. Captain Yamato stood by the window, looking stoic. Shino was standing silently in the corner, his sunglasses reflecting the light. Kiba was leaning against the wall, bragging about something to do with Akamaru.
"Ah, Team Seven is finally here," Yamato said, turning to face us. "And Hinata has arrived with you."
"Sorry we are late, Captain," Sakura said professionally.
Hinata bowed shyly. "I apologize."
I stepped into the room, and that is when disaster struck. Or rather, opportunity struck, depending on how you looked at it.
A young Chunin entered the room behind us carrying a stack of mission scrolls. He was a generic background character, the kind with brown hair and no name, purely existing to move the plot forward. Let us call him Ninja A.