Memories are like pearls in the deep sea, always quietly surfacing on certain quiet nights.
Xia Yaojin suddenly remembered this while organizing her competition notes, one day in her original world, her mother, Professor Lin (that calm and rational professor of medicine), handed her a printed questionnaire. Her tone was as casual as if they were discussing the dinner menu.
“JinJin, this is the latest Multi-dimensional Assessment Scale for Sexual Orientation and Gender Roles. Do you want to try it? Just treat it as a psychological experiment.”
It was a research project Professor Lin was involved in revising, aimed at refining the internal diversity within the lesbian community.
The scale didn’t just distinguish sexual orientation; it further subdivided role tendencies among lesbians into three categories: T (Tomboy, leaning toward a dominant or protective role), H (Half, versatile and flexible), and P (Pure femme, leaning toward a passive or cared-for role).
At the time, Xia Yaojin was busy preparing for an international mathematics competition. She spent only fifteen minutes hastily filling it out before returning it to her mother.
Professor Lin looked at the results and smiled. “As expected. But it’s alright, these are spectrums, not labels.”
“What was the result?” Xia Yaojin asked offhandedly.
“You,” Professor Lin rubbed her hair, “are a little star who hasn’t found her coordinates yet.”
Xia Yaojin hadn’t taken it to heart back then.
But now, in this “book transmigrated” world, after experiencing the complex and subtle relationship with Zhu Yawen, that memory suddenly became vivid.
In the late-night dormitory, her roommates were already fast asleep. Xia Yaojin turned on her desk lamp and began to reconstruct that scale in her notebook from memory.
Part I: Emotional Preferences (Questions 1-10)
Which temperament are you more easily attracted to?
A. Dominant, decisive, and protective
B. Gentle, flexible, and good at communication
C. Soft, dependent, and needing to be cared for
D. None of the above / No clear preference
Xia Yaojin paused her pen to think.
Dominant and decisive? Zhu Yawen’s handling of Gu Mingyuan after her rebirth was indeed decisive, but she was always gentle toward Xia Yaojin.
Gentle and flexible? Zhu Yawen was indeed flexible, switching from art to science showed great adaptability.
Soft and dependent? No. Although Zhu Yawen was gentle with her, she was independent to the core.
Xia Yaojin chose D.
In an intimate relationship, you tend to:
A. Take the lead in planning and assume responsibility
B. Adjust roles based on the situation
C. Accept passively and enjoy being managed
D. Uncertain / No relevant experience
Xia Yaojin frowned.
An intimate relationship? She still needed to learn how to manage ordinary friendships.
She chose D.
Part II: Behavioral Tendencies (Questions 11-20)
During a date (if any), you are more likely to:
A. Arrange all details in advance to ensure the other person’s comfort
B. Decide together with the other person and adjust flexibly
C. Follow the other person’s arrangements and enjoy surprises
D. Believe that “dating” is an inefficient use of time
Xia Yaojin chose D without hesitation.
But after choosing, she thought of Zhu Yawen, the girl who remembered her preference for matcha, who would take her to delicious Japanese restaurants, and who would stay by her side quietly while she studied.
If “dating” meant two people doing meaningful things together… perhaps it wasn’t that inefficient?
She crossed out D and re-selected B.
When the other person is in low spirits, you usually:
A. Take practical action to solve the problem
B. Listen and provide emotional support
C. Feel at a loss and hope the other person recovers on their own
D. Analyze the logical reasons behind the emotions
Xia Yaojin remembered the time Zhu Yawen fell asleep in the library and she draped a coat over her.
And when Zhu Yawen got stuck on math problems, she explained them patiently.
She wanted to choose a combination of A and D analyzing the cause and solving the problem. But there was no such combination in the options. She ultimately chose A.
Part III: Self-Perception (Questions 21-30)
What role do you think you are most likely to play in an intimate relationship?
A. Protector / Leader
B. Balancer / Coordinator
C. Protected / Led
D. Observer / Learner
Xia Yaojin looked at option D and felt it suited her perfectly. However, the phrase “intimate relationship” made her hesitate.
If the partner were Zhu Yawen… what role would she play?
When teaching math, she was like a leader. But when Zhu Yawen took care of her daily life, she felt like the one being cared for.
She chose B.
Your sense of identity regarding your own gender:
A. Strongly identify with your biological gender
B. Maintain a fluid attitude toward the concept of gender
C. Uncertain or feel confused
Belief that gender is an irrelevant social label.
This was a question Xia Yaojin answered with ease: D. In her view, gender was like a blood type, an objective attribute that shouldn’t be the core factor in defining a person or a relationship.
After finishing all the questions, Xia Yaojin began to calculate her score. According to the scoring method in her memory, she obtained an interesting distribution:
Emotional Preference: Option D accounted for 60%, with the rest scattered.
Behavioral Tendency: A (Problem solving) 45%, B (Flexible adjustment) 30%, D (Logical analysis) 25%.
Self-Perception: D (Labels are useless) 40%, B (Balancer) 35%, A (Protector) 25%.
The comprehensive score showed that on the T/H/P spectrum, she leaned toward H (Versatile, flexible), but the score was very low, meaning her tendency was highly ambiguous. Or rather, she simply didn’t think of herself within this categorical framework at all.
As for the sexual orientation section… the score pointed most strongly to the possibility of being Aromantic Asexual.
Xia Yaojin put down her pen and looked at the results without surprise. This aligned with her self-perception, her interest in intimate relationships was far lower than her interest in knowledge. She had no obsession with gender roles, and in interpersonal interactions, she focused more on functionality and comfort.
But why did this result leave a trace of… subtle disappointment in her heart?
She thought of the gentle look in Zhu Yawen’s eyes when she looked at her, the fantasies on the forums about “what if they were together,” the way she would save a front row seat for Zhu Yawen, and how she made hand cream specifically for her.
Where should these behaviors be categorized within the scale?
Care?
Friendship?
Or… a kind of emotion she had yet to name?
Xia Yaojin turned off the desk lamp and lay back in bed. In the darkness, for the first time, she pondered a question seriously and non-academically:
If she would never “fall in love” like an ordinary person, then what exactly was the nature of the bond between her and Zhu Yawen?
The next day, Xia Yaojin’s performance was as usual. Classes in the morning, the lab in the afternoon, and the library in the evening. When Zhu Yawen came to find her, she was debugging a new fractal generation algorithm.
“How is progress today?” Zhu Yawen asked.
“Solved the parameter optimization problem.” Xia Yaojin pointed at the screen. “The generation speed is now three times faster than yesterday.”
“Impressive.” Zhu Yawen looked at her focused profile and asked softly, “Did you not sleep well last night? You have dark circles.”
Xia Yaojin touched the area under her eyes. “I took a self-test; it took some time.”
“What kind of test?”
Xia Yaojin hesitated for a moment. The content of that scale involved privacy, but she had almost no secrets from Zhu Yawen except for the fact that she was a transmigrator.
“A psychological scale about sexual orientation and role tendencies,” she finally chose to tell the truth. “My mother was involved in designing it.”
Zhu Yawen’s heart skipped a beat. “And the result?”
Xia Yaojin turned her head and looked into Zhu Yawen’s eyes. In those eyes that always watched her with tenderness, there was now tension, anticipation, and a hint of caution. Xia Yaojin suddenly realized that this result might be very important to Zhu Yawen.
But she decided not to hide it.
“The results show that I am likely aromantic asexual,” she said calmly. “On the T/H/P classification, I lean toward H, but the tendency is very weak. Overall, I might… not be suited for traditional intimate relationship models.”
She spoke these words as if reporting experimental data. But Zhu Yawen heard a rare, almost imperceptible trace of… apology in her voice?
“So,” Zhu Yawen asked softly, “are you telling me that it’s impossible between us?”
Xia Yaojin shook her head. “I’m not telling you ‘it’s impossible.’ I’m telling you ‘what kind of person I am’.”
She paused to organize her thoughts. “I have never experienced love, and I might never experience it. But I know that you are very special to me. I am willing to share my time, my knowledge, and my world with you. If you can accept that this ‘specialness’ doesn’t necessarily equal ‘romance,’ then… we can continue our relationship as it is now.”
She spoke clearly and rationally. But Zhu Yawen understood the deeper meaning: Xia Yaojin was trying to communicate, to define, and to find a proper place for her, this “special person.” This was already a massive step forward.
“I accept,” Zhu Yawen said without hesitation. “No matter what kind of person you are, no matter what label you give me, I accept it. As long as you allow me to be by your side.”
Xia Yaojin looked at her for a long time, then nodded.
“Okay,” she said. “Then let’s get back to the algorithm. I’ll teach you the principles of parameter optimization.”
They returned to their familiar pattern, one teaching, one learning. But something in the air had changed. It was more honest, more relaxed, more like… two people who accepted each other’s true selves.
That night, Zhu Yawen wrote in her diary:
“Today, JinJin told me her test results. She said she might never love me, but she said I am special. I think that is enough. I don’t need her to change herself to love me. I only need her to allow me to love her. And she gave me that permission. This is more precious than any romantic vow.”
Meanwhile, before sleeping, Xia Yaojin reopened that handwritten scale. In the blank space on the last page, she added a question in her neat handwriting:
Question 31 (Self-added): If there is someone who makes you willing to break conventions and rethink all preset frameworks, what would you do for them?
She didn’t write an answer. But in her heart, a vague outline had already formed.
She would save a front row seat for that person. She would make special hand cream for that person. She would patiently teach that person complex knowledge. She would gently drape a coat over that person when they fell asleep. She would… continue to explore, continue to think, and continue to try and understand this emotion called “special.”
Outside the window, the moonlight was like water. Two girls, one writing tenderness in a diary, the other leaving an unsolvable question on a scale. The path they walked toward each other had no map and no guide.
But they were both walking. Step by step. Real and steady.
And that was enough.