Her father, Lin Jianguo, was the typical traditional man—he valued his eldest son and regarded daughters as “people who would eventually belong to someone else’s family.” Her mother, Wang Xiuqin, played favorites openly and shamelessly. The twins were doted on endlessly, while the eldest son and daughters were treated like tools—the son to uphold the family’s image, the daughters to do the work.
There was no place for her in this family.
That was fine by Lin Wan.
Without attachments, she could leave cleanly.
After dinner, she took the initiative to clear the bowls and chopsticks to wash them. For once, Wang Xiuqin did not assign her more chores and only said, “Go early and come back early.”
At two in the afternoon, Lin Wan stepped out of the house.
Beijing in March still carried a lingering chill in the air. The hutongs looked gray and dusty, with slogans painted across the walls. Every now and then, bicycles rang their bells as they passed by, their riders dressed in blue or green work uniforms—the most common colors of the era.
Relying on her memory, she made her way to the neighborhood committee office.
It consisted of two rooms among a row of single-story buildings, with a sign hanging outside. Quite a few people were coming and going—some there to get documents stamped, others to report issues. The air smelled of cheap tobacco and old newspapers.
Lin Wan found the educated youth office and knocked on the door.
“Come in,” a woman’s voice called from inside.
She pushed the door open. The small room held two desks. A female clerk in her forties, with short ear-length hair, was organizing files. She looked up at Lin Wan and adjusted her glasses.
“What is it?”
“Hello, comrade. I’m Lin Wan, the second daughter of Lin Jianguo’s family.” Lin Wan tried to sound as sincere as possible. “I came to ask about going down to the countryside.”
The clerk gave her a quick look, then pulled out a notebook from the drawer and flipped through it.
“Lin Wan… yes, your name is here. Your family already registered you.”
“I know.” Lin Wan stepped forward slightly, placing her hands neatly before her in the obedient posture expected of young women in that era. “I wanted to ask… since I’m volunteering willingly, could I leave earlier? And… could I apply to go to the Northeast?”
The clerk paused and looked up again, her gaze more searching now.
“Volunteering willingly? Why?”
“I just graduated from high school and want to devote myself as soon as possible to building the vast countryside.” Lin Wan recited the standard rhetoric of the time, though her expression remained earnest. “I heard the Northeast is rich in land and resources and needs more people for development. I’m not afraid of the cold, and I’m healthy now—completely recovered from my illness.”
She added deliberately, “I want to go where I’m needed most.”
The clerk studied her silently for a few seconds before sighing softly.
“Sit down.”
Lin Wan obediently sat in the chair opposite her.
“Comrade Xiao Lin, I know your father,” the clerk said, setting down her pen, her tone gentler now. “And I know about your family situation. Have you… really thought this through?”
There was meaning behind the question.
Lin Wan immediately understood—the clerk knew she was unwanted at home and that being sent to the countryside was probably her family’s decision.
She lifted her head, her eyes clear and resolute.
“Yes, comrade, I’ve thought it through. If I stay in the city, I won’t have a job and will only become a burden on my family. In the countryside, I can work and create value. Anywhere is contributing to the nation, but I especially want to go to the Northeast.”
The clerk was silent for a moment before opening another ledger.
“The Northeast… right now there are placements available in Hei Province and Ji Province. Hei Province is farther away, and the conditions are harsher, but the work points are higher and the food rations better. Which province do you want to go to?”
“Hei Province,” Lin Wan answered without hesitation.
“Alright.” The clerk picked up her pen and made a note in the ledger. “There aren’t many young people volunteering these days. Your attitude is very commendable. I’ll do my best to help you secure a place, but I can’t guarantee it completely.”
“Thank you, comrade!” Lin Wan stood up and bowed sincerely.
“Don’t thank me just yet,” the clerk added. “If your application is approved, you may have to leave very soon. The first group departs in three days. Can you get ready in time?”
Three days.
Lin Wan’s heart skipped a beat, though her expression remained calm.
“Yes. I’m ready anytime.”
When she left the neighborhood office, she carried a receipt slip in her hand—she had officially volunteered to be sent to Hei Province and now awaited final confirmation.
The spring wind was still cold, but at last she felt reassured.
Back home, Wang Xiuqin was sitting there sewing shoe soles. When she saw Lin Wan return, she did not even lift her head.
“So? Did you find out everything?”
“Yes.” Lin Wan answered calmly. “I volunteered and applied to go to the Northeast. The clerk said I might leave very soon.”
Only then did Wang Xiuqin look up, surprise flickering across her face.
“So soon? The Northeast… that’s so far away.”
A complicated emotion flashed in her eyes, but she quickly lowered her head again.
“Far is far. Either way, you’re going to the countryside. Since you chose it yourself, don’t regret it later.”
“I won’t,” Lin Wan said.
She returned to her tiny partitioned room and shut the door. Pulling out the old bundle from beneath the bed, she added the things she had packed earlier and checked them once more.
Money, ration coupons, flour and grain, a small iron pot, an enamel mug, clothing, textbooks, and that red five-star badge.
Three days.
More than enough time to make her final preparations.
Late at night, after the rest of the Lin family had gone to sleep, Lin Wan sat under the faint moonlight streaming through the window. On the last blank page of an exercise notebook, she wrote several lines with the stub of a pencil.
There was no salutation, no signature—only a brief explanation.
After finishing, she tore out the page, folded it carefully, and slipped it beneath the enamel cup atop the chest of drawers—the very place where her father, Lin Jianguo, drank water every morning.
Once everything was done, she lay back down on the hard wooden bed and stared up at the ceiling hidden in darkness.