"The dragon lunges forward, his massive teeth closing around you with an agonizing crunch. You take 46 points of piercing damage." I moved the mini across the board until it knocked into Jon's.
He looked down at his character sheet. "Fuck, I'm down and bleeding out."
I grinned at him. "I'm sure you won't get swallowed. The dragon doesn't even have any BBQ sauce." He groaned.
"Don't worry, I'll heal you little bro!" Claire moved her mini over beside Jon's and looked at her character sheet. "Shit! I'm out of spells. Um.. what if I ask my god for help?" She looked over at me across the table.
I nodded. "Yeah, you can totally do that. Roll the percentage dice for me."
She scooped up two dice and sent them tumbling across the table. "Uh, 13?"
I clicked my tongue and hissed in sympathetic disappointment. "Oof, sadly your god does not heed your call for aid. He just doesn't believe you've been pious enough in your devotion and worship this week." Claire slapped the table and grumbled under her breath about little bitch gods and how they should come down here and do some of the work for once. I turned to the rogue. "Alright Emily, you're up next."
"Right! So, while my girlfriend distracts the beastie with prayers to the useless fooker she calls a god, I'm gonna nip around behind this bush and shove two arrows up his arse." She rolled the dice and landed two hits. "That'll be 34 magical piercing damage on the first and 21 on the second."
I dramatically knocked the dragon mini over. "Phoenix, the rogue, sneaks around and launches two deadly accurate arrows from a hidden vantage point behind the large bush. They both hit true, piercing into the dragon's exposed belly and it collapses dead." The party lets out a sigh of relief. "Unnnnnfortunately, Hannah and Cassandra call out to you from on top of a distant hill and commend you on a job well done. But then Hannah resurrects the dragon as an undead shadow dragon and Cassandra commands it to eat you. Roll initiative." The party groaned and grabbed their dice.
After session, I said goodbye to everyone and cleaned up the empty soda cans and chip bags. I collapsed into the couch and put on a movie.
Some strange clicking noise pulled me out of my nap. It almost sounded like the spokes of a bicycle tire. I must have fallen asleep on the couch with the TV on. I reached around for the remote, but couldn't find it. I finally opened my eyes and I was not in my living room.
I was laying on the dirt floor of a small hut. It looked extremely rustic. Spools of thread were stacked in one corner near a cupboard. I could smell burnt incense and the leftovers of roasted game, probably pheasant. A comfy looking bed rested against one wall with messy blankets piled all over it.
The clicking noise pulled my attention to the one thing left in the room that I somehow hadn't noticed. A very old woman in very fine white robes with gold trim sat at an intricately built weaving loom. God, this was a really weird dream.
She paused her work and slowly turned to me. She looked stern and serious, but not overly unkind. She gestured to the loom and rose out of her seat in one fluid motion. Did she want me to try it? Fuck it, why not.
I climbed to my feet and took slow, tentative steps until I was standing in front of the actually quite impressive machine. She gestured again, not impatiently, but with a deep sense of reassurance. I was meant to work this machine. It had been built for me, or.. did I build it? I reached down and the loom clicked to life as my fingers caressed it. It began weaving and then everything went dark.
"Hello? Is anyone there? I seem to be rather lost." I spun around but all I could see, all I could hear, was endless darkness in every direction.
As if responding to the sound of my voice, a shadowy silhouette formed out of the inky black. They began reaching toward me and I suddenly wanted nothing more in the entire universe than to touch them. I reached out and the distance between us shrank as we drew closer together.
Our fingers were inches from touching when many more, much larger silhouettes crowded around us and slowly started pulling us apart.
"No! We need to touch! Please!" I begged and pleaded and twisted and bucked around, but I could not escape their grasp. And then, just as suddenly as they'd appeared, all the shadows vanished, taking my smaller one with them.
I was alone again until a much larger shadow surrounded me, wrapping me in its depths. An evil, sinister shadow.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't breathe; couldn't move. Some kind of immense weight was pressing down on my body and my limbs felt numb.
I could feel the thing's shadows crawling inside me. Fucking hell, please let me wake up from this nightmare. They almost felt like tiny fingers as they crawled deeper and poked at my soul. I desperately wanted to scream as tears poured down my face, but no sound came out and I could feel more of the tiny fingers crawling into my stomach. There was a sudden burning sensation inside my abdomen as it felt like I was being stabbed with a thousand white hot needles.
I was on the verge of passing out from pain and lack of oxygen when my foggy mind registered a cacophony of sounds and I heard the trampling of underbrush, shouting, and combat. The weight on top of me fell still and the fingers vanished. I coughed and nearly vomited and managed a weak breath as the pain eased somewhat.
“Is that a pair of tits under the corpse?” A masculine voice. The harsh words betrayed no compassion, merely a brute remarking on what was in front of him. Heavy footfalls drew close and the weight was pulled off me.
“Looks like a devil-blooded woman of some kind. Show some respect for the dead, Gregorius.” This voice was feminine and kind.
“Show all the respect you want, Cassandra. She's dead and got a nice pair of tits, but she's full of demon corruption. Damn shame.”
Gregorius? Cassandra? Wait.. I know these names. But that's impossible.
“Both of you shut your pie holes.” A third voice cut through the squabbling pair; an older woman who sounded firm and commanding. “Hannah, is she dead?”
There was a clinking of metal as a presence knelt beside me. Cloth rustled and then a hand that smelled faintly of eucalyptus and jasmine hovered an inch from my face.
Hannah.. and she smelled of eucalyptus and jasmine, just like I had always described her. From the healing poultice she crafts. What the fuck is going on. Am I still dreaming? If so, then why does everything hurt so damned much.
“She is tough even for a half-devil as she yet draws breath. You poor thing.” Hannah's hand gently brushed along my cheek.
“Unfortunately, she has been Touched by the unholiness of a demon. The only kindness is to end her misery before the seed takes hold inside her.”
“Gabriella, I can heal her!” I could hear the pain in Hannah's voice even as my skin tingled warmly where her hands were touching me.
Gabriella as well. So I was dreaming about my NPCs. So freaking weird; but it felt so real.
“Hannah...” Gabriella's stern voice was standing directly over me now. “You can't heal demon seed. And you know that a fate much worse than death awaits her.”
“Then please, give me a moment to bless her for the journey to the afterlife.”
“Of course. Gregorius, prepare your axe.”
“With pleasure! How many pieces do you want her split into?”
There was a gagging sound and a rustling of cloth and steel. “I've a dagger and I would rather not let that beast near the poor thing.”
“Of course. Gregorius, put your axe away.”
“Child, may Iridatha guide you into the next life-”
I didn't know what else to do, so I summoned all my strength and squeezed Hannah's hand as she recited the prayer. If this was a dream, then I needed them to know that I wasn't dead. Maybe I could go on an adventure with them. And if this wasn't a dream, then I REALLY wanted them to know I wasn't dead!
“Hannah, we need to get moving soon. There is a nasty storm front rolling in behind us.”
“Gabriella, she's awake! Girl, you have been seeded by a beast spawned of the Abyss. I do not know how much of your mind is left in there, but if you can manage any last words, I will ensure they pass from your lips to Iridatha's ear.”
A demon attacked me? I wonder what kind. And they killed it. They saved me. I hope.. unless they finish me off now.
My mind was reeling from sensory overload and I was fighting a panic attack. But Hannah was listening; I needed to say something; I wanted to say everything. I managed to lick my lips as Hannah hovered inches away, but before I could think of anything to say, words that weren't mine perfectly formed in my mind and whispered out of my mouth and across the air between us. Those words scared the shit out of me. They couldn't be true. Hannah pulled away from me, fell back from her kneeling position, and sat on the ground with a heavy thump.
“Hannah, are you okay? What did she say? Hannah!?”
“The Elder God returns.”
The group fell deathly silent for several long moments. Gregorius broke the silence with a growl. “She lies!”
“No mortal can speak untruth about the Elder God.”
“No mortal can speak untruth about the Elder God.”
“No mortal can speak untruth about the Elder God.”
“No mortal can speak untruth about the Elder God.”
“No mortal can speak untruth about the Elder God.”
Fuck, I remember writing that mantra. It was a fact of reality in my campaign. Like gravity, it was just a thing that could not be denied or dismissed.
“Hannah, heal her quickly. We must speak with this.. prophet.”
I was thankful that my eyes were still closed because there was a sudden flash of painfully bright light. I breathed easier as most of the pain was magically dulled. Hannah wrapped her cloak around my naked body and scooped me up in her muscular arms as the group marched out through the path they had cut in the trees.
After a few minutes of calming my nerves, I opened my eyes and looked up into the face of my savior. In spite of this insanity, the utter madness of it all, I already knew what I was going to see, yet her stunning beauty and blonde hair that literally radiated sunlight still took my breath away.
This was my world, my campaign. I was dreaming about it now. God, the DM's job really is endless. Huh, that felt weird to think. Which god? Which domain? Above or Below?
I had been staring up at Hannah for too long. I needed to say something. “Thank you.”
She smiled down at me but continued wordlessly until we broke free of the tree thicket they had found me in. Two horses looked up from their lazy grazing at the group's approach. Hannah gently placed me in the back of their wagon and then crawled in to sit near me. There was a snap of leather reins and the wagon under me lurched into motion.
What a wild fucking dream.