I stared at the notice for several long seconds, taking in the details. And then I snorted so hard, it gave me a coughing fit. "An Elder-Grand Shadow dragon? Sure! That shouldn't be a problem! Just let me go grab my party of max level adventurers and an army or three."
Paz pouted like I had ruined her joke before she delivered the punchline. "Yeah, what's this even doing in a nothing town like this."
"Beats the fuck out of me. Can you imagine having fifty thousand platinum though? We could buy our own island." I turned back to the board and looked for jobs that we actually had a snowball's chance in the Hells of completing.
The choices were not all that numerous or grand, owing to the aforementioned nothingness of the town. It looked like we had a couple of different options:
- Ooze testicles for a wizard. Wait, how the fuck does that even work?!? Do oozes even have those? And does the wizard want to eat them or use them for a spell? Also gross.
- Farmer having trouble with coyotes eating his chickens. Boring, but well within our capability.
- A granary had a bogart infestation. Shit, which ones were those again? Were they the little flying ones, or the furry ones.
Paz grabbed the flyer for the granary and squinted at it. "Which ones are bogarts? Aren't those the little furry ones?"
"Fuck if I know." She smiled as I reached over and pulled her hand closer to me so I could look at it in more detail. The parchment I mean. Though she does have cute hands.
Bibi's granary requests the assistance of one or more able bodies.
We've been suffering from an infestation of bogarts.
We're offering three gold pieces per bogart corpse to any brave lads who clear them out.
Any damages to our property will be taken out of your pay.
"Three gold per bogart?" Paz fanned herself with the flyer. "We could eat hot food and sleep in a bed!"
"Yeah.." I trailed off as my brain worked through the possibilities. "What if we asked Xena to join us? She's a healer of some kind, right?"
Paz gasped and started vibrating with excitement. "YES! We could be an adventuring party! Let's go ask her." We rushed out of the inn and searched around. Eventually we found Xena getting the other freed slaves settled with blankets and food in the temple. My psychotic little girlfriend sprinted up into the poor elf's face and screamed at her. "XENA! COME ADVENTURING WITH US!"
The much taller woman staggered backwards under the force of Paz's exuberant exultation. Her face tried for several different expressions. "M-miss? I, uh.. what?"
Paz took a breath to scream some more, but I put my hand over her mouth before she could. "We have a job," I held up the notice posting with my other hand, "And my overly excited love would really like very much for you to be our third. She's kinda gone feral with the idea of being an adventurer." I smiled sheepishly at the elf.
She slowly nodded and recovered enough to smile. "Oh yes, Miss. I would enjoy that as well. Just give me a few minutes to finish up here."
My ginger girlfriend and I briefly stood around outside the temple and waited.
My fingers intertwined with hers. "Gods Above, I can not wait to have real clothes again." I shifted uncomfortably in my baggy and scratchy men's 'clothes.' I panicked a little when I realized that it was even triggering my dysphoria. Somehow, even though this body was still a banger.
Paz squeezed my hand reassuringly. "Love, you're a woman, no matter what you're wearing. And I love you, no matter what you look like. And.." I squealed as she gave my ass a firm slap. "You're sexy as fuck, even if you were wearing a potato sack."
I huffed a sigh through my nose and melted into her arms as she pulled me into a hug. "What did I ever do to deserve such an amazing and kind girlfriend?"
My gorgeous ginger pulled back and looked up into my eyes, and then began counting off on her fingers. "Hmm, well, let's see. You left your entire life behind and either teleported or reincarnated here from another plane of existence. You got soul-fucked by a demon and put up with a bitchy elf with a knife fetish. You were flung wildly through the darkest depths of the demonic Abyss and gave a lonely girl hope for the first time in literally forever. You stood up to an Ocre demon to protect said girl and almost got yourself killed. You were kidnapped by slavers. You spent thirty-fucking-years keeping that poor girl company until she couldn't help but fall in love with you. You helped her destroy her tormentor and escape that awful fucking nightmare place." Her voice grew softer until it cracked and she couldn't hold back the tears as they slipped down her cheeks.
My hand came up and my fingers gently wiped away the tears. Her eyes fluttered closed and she leaned into my palm. "I love you so much. I really am the luckiest woman in all the worlds." I whispered ever so quietly to her, as if afraid that speaking too loudly would shatter her.
Paz took several calming breaths and leaned up; her soft lips brushed against mine causing my knees to wobble. Finally she pulled away and opened her eyes, then she held up a bunch of fingers and pulled up even more. "And then you got grabbed by the same slavers, again. And then you escaped and freed all of us and killed a giant bastard and led us to safety. And, have I mentioned, how very stunningly gorgeous you are. And I love you so, so very much." We stood quietly, getting lost in each other's eyes as the rest of the world faded away.
"Miss and Miss's Mistress, I am ready to do the adventuring now. There will be time for you do the love making with each other after." Paz and I both jumped and burned with embarrassment as Xena caught us making moon eyes at each other like a couple of love-sick teenagers.
"Alright!" Paz clapped her hands and tore her eyes away from mine as she turned to Xena. "What have you got? Show us yours, and we'll show you ours!"
Xena pressed two fingers against her wrist and held the glyphs out for us.
Name:Xena MaragossProfession:Seamstress / AdventurerSex:None of your business!Hair:BrunetteEyes:HazelClass:Heretical HealerLevel:1Strength:9Dexterity:8Constitution:16Intelligence:18Wisdom:14Charisma:10Hit points:13Spell points:8Special abilities:Well of Mana / Heretical HymnCantrips known:Glamour / Heresy / Hells Hath No FuryFirst tier spells known:Elves Lead the Way / Pox / Vitality SurgeSecond tier spells known:-Third tier spells known:-Fourth tier spells known:-Fifth tier spells known:-Name:Alexis StevensProfession:Chef / Dungeon Master / AdventurerSex:Yes, pleaseHair:BlondeEyes:Sapphire blueClass:Spell-Song WeaverLevel:1Strength:6Dexterity:16Constitution:15Intelligence:13Wisdom:9Charisma:19Hit points:8Spell points:5Special abilities:Song of Starlight / SymphonyTalents:Dark EssenceCantrips known:Friendship / Mote of Light / Perfect Seasoning / Tail StrikeFirst tier spells known:Flame Breath / Mine!Second tier spells known:-Third tier spells known:Bolt of LightningFourth tier spells known:-Fifth tier spells known:-Sixth tier spells known:-Seventh tier spells known:-Eighth tier spells known:-Ninth tier spells known:-Tenth tier spells known:Astral TeleportationName:Paz / ~Redacted~Profession:Troublemaker / Adventurer / ~Redacted~Sex:Yes, pleaseHair:Ginger / ~Redacted~Eyes:Emerald green / ~Redacted~Class:Astral Druid / ~Redacted~Level:1 / ~Redacted~Strength:5Dexterity:15Constitution:17Intelligence:30+Wisdom:30+Charisma:11Hit points:11Spell points:11Special abilities:Shape of Essence / Fury of the Primals / Freckles / ~Redacted~Cantrips known:Craft of the Wild / Starlight / ~Redacted~First tier spells known:Bonfire of the Gods / Infernal Surge / Soothing Touch / ~Redacted~Second tier spells known:~Redacted~Third tier spells known:~Redacted~Fourth tier spells known:~Redacted~Fifth tier spells known:~Redacted~Sixth tier spells known:~Redacted~Seventh tier spells known:~Redacted~Eighth tier spells known:~Redacted~Ninth tier spells known:~Redacted~Tenth tier spells known:~Redacted~