My mind was already preoccupied with the matter concerning Lim Seunghoon, and then Choi Jeokhyeon had to go and create this mess.
My temples started to throb. And strangely enough, I felt my brain, which had been dull since I fainted, gradually reawaken.
Was it because I had rested a bit? Or was it because the things Choi Jeokhyeon said were far more predictable compared to what Lim Seunghoon had said?
I couldn’t figure out the reason.
But it was the perfect situation to solve the crisis I was in.
‘Think, Seo Yutae. Once you start letting that guy influence you, it’s all over.’
Choi Jeokhyeon possessed far superior power and status compared to Kang Hyukwoo, had an abnormal way of thinking, and knew me all too well.
‘Once Choi Jeokhyeon turns against me, he will be even harder to deal with than Kang Hyukwoo.’
Seeing him use Han Seungbeom, the members, and even himself as tools to threaten me this time made that fact all the more real.
As I continued to think about it, I felt a sense of discomfort.
In response, I mulled over the thought that made me feel the most uncomfortable, the one I had never once considered until now.
‘…Choi Jeokhyeon turning against me?’
Choi Jeokhyeon?
To me?
No, absolutely not.
Such a thing could never happen.
I instinctively denied the possibility, keeping my mouth shut, but the words that demanded an answer were thrown at me.
“As long as you don’t disappear, everything will be fine, okay?”
A relaxed and laid-back smile, a soft and affectionate voice, a graceful demeanor and body language. They were all perfectly
recreating
Choi Jeokhyeon’s usual self.
But something was different.
There was a sense of impatience and tension.
I silently gazed upon Choi Jeokhyeon’s face, which was fully armed with no sign of disturbance, while I let a completely unfounded speculation linger in my mind.
“…….”
I was definitely angry.
I was very, very angry at Choi Jeokhyeon’s actions, threatening me with the lives of my precious ones. But I didn’t feel an uncontrollable outburst of anger and negative emotions like I did in front of Lim Seunghoon.
My feeling simply sank into a quiet stillness.
I was surprised that I could be this calm, as I was usually angry out of habit.
“I understand your feelings completely.”
“No, you don’t. And I don’t care if you never understand. All that matters to me is that you’re alive.”
Choi Jeokhyeon immediately denied my words, as if he didn’t want to hear them at all.
In response, I pushed away his arm that was wrapped around my shoulder and stood up. Then, I intentionally staggered and let my body collapse.
“…Ugh!”
In that instant, Choi Jeokhyeon’s calm expression twisted in shock, and his hand hurriedly grabbed my arm to lift me up, preventing my body from falling to the floor.
The moment I met his eyes, which were shaking so violently it seemed pitiful, I was certain, and at the same time, I felt an indescribable sense of relief.
Ah, this guy was just so anxious and uneasy and didn’t know what to do.
It was the same as when I fell from a high place and tried to catch my breath by crawling on the floor, and the same as when a child, who had just gained something precious for the first time, sat there and burst into tears after having it taken away.
“That’s not
as long as I’m alive, whatever happens is fine
.”
“…….”
I gestured toward his hand, and Cho Jeokhyeon furrowed his eyebrows into an unusually sharp frown. Seeing the resemblance to Lee Hwayoung, I couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle.
Then, I spoke in a small voice.
“Thank you, Choi Jeokhyeon.”
A gentle voice echoed through the room, in complete opposite to his anger at me. At that, Choi Jeokhyeon couldn’t hide his agitation and, unable to suppress it, barely let out a strained sound.
“…What?”
“Thank you. For thinking of me more than I think of myself.”
After I firmly expressed my gratitude once again, he asked me with a a bewildered look.
“Have you forgotten what I just threatened you with?”
“You must already know that it’s impossible. But you’re just trying to grasp at anything out of anxiety, making reckless moves. If my hypothesis is correct, then Han Seungbeom has some extraordinary power beyond human limits. There’s no way you’re going to be able to deal with someone like him so easily. He’s the one who accomplished what you, with all your money, power, and everything people dream of, couldn’t do … bringing the dead back to life.”
“…It doesn’t matter. After all, Han Seungbeom’s family is just ordinary people.”
“Well, I think it does matter. Stop being stubborn, you’ve already calculated it in your head.”
“…….”
“And the wonder, if Han Seungbeom dies, will I be able to come back someday? As long as that slightest possibility lingers in you, you will never be able to lay a hand on my members. It will be impossible for you to harm yourself either. If anything happens to your safety, I will immediately become a wreck. It’s completely irrational, just like you said.”
Choi Jeokhyeon’s face twisted in even greater distress at the word ‘
wreck
‘. His hand, which was holding my arm, began to tremble as if he was having a seizure.
What Choi Jeokhyeon was overlooking was that, just as he knew everything about me, I also knew everything about him.
I had no desire to argue with Choi Jeokhyeon.
Even though he was a lunatic doing crazy things like this, he was my one and only friend, and I knew that all of his bizarre antics that horrified me were ultimately for my sake.
I was the kind of person who prioritized my own people over social norms or anything else, and Choi Jeokhyeon was undeniably one of the beings who resided
inside
my fence.
So, even if it might seem abnormal in the eyes of others, even if I might be judged for it, I had no intention of antagonizing him. After all, I was the one who had tried my best to shoulder the burden of my father, who had caused me so much pain.
But even for me, there was a line that must not be crossed.
“Don’t ever play around with your life again. This isn’t a threat, it’s a request.”
I looked into Choi Jeokhyeon’s eyes and spoke firmly.
“Han Seungbeom, the members of Pantheion, and Prism are no exception. Don’t touch anything I hold dear. Just as you always say, I’m also a pretty capable person, so why do you keep trying to push things to the brink when you know that once we start fighting, there’s no turning back?”
“…….”
“I want all of you to enjoy your life to the fullest and live well until the end of your days. Selfish, right? But I can’t compromise. So, you compromise. As I told you when we first met, I’m not the kind of person who can be a good friend. I warned you, I couldn’t take responsibility. Blame your past self for forcibly choosing this path.”
Despite the absurdity of my argument, Choi Jeokhyeon kept his mouth shut without offering a single retort. I wasn’t sure if it was because he was upset or because he was dumbfounded, but after contemplating for a moment, I said something that might appease him.
“Han Seungbeom coming back is just one of many possibilities. He might never come back at all. I want to live as Seo Yutae, not as
Han Seungbeom
, and honestly, Han Seungbeom’s age is too young for me to really look forward to that. But since this might be something you hope for, I’m just letting you know.”
I should have said this before making the mistake of blurting out that I would disappear, but it felt a bit too late now. Feeling awkward about it, I rubbed the back of my neck and glanced at Choi Jeokhyeon’s face again.
He was frowning, as if he didn’t feel any better from what I had just said.
Feeling pressured, I sighed heavily and blurted out words of promise.
“I’ll do my absolute best. So … don’t be so anxious. I’ll dedicate everything I have, even more desperately than I am now, to find a way to stay and not leave you all behind.”
At that, his eyelids slowly lowered.
‘Are you crying?’
As I blinked at the expression that faintly resembled his younger look from when we first met, he murmured in a deeply subdued voice.
“Because you’re always like this, so I … and Seo Yuseong too…..”
I burst into laughter when I heard Choi Jeokhyeon mumble those unfinished words.
It wasn’t the laugh I’d crafted to fit Han Seungbeom, but the laugh I’d originally had.
And then, I spoke in a way that was very me.
“That’s the reason you brought me here, wasn’t it?”
***
After having a man-to-man conversation with Choi Jeokhyeon, I left his house as soon as the sun rose and headed to the dorm. Although I saw Choi Jeokhyeon groaning, drunk, I pretended not to notice because I had a schedule.
It was probably okay, because the people who assisted him in every aspect of his life would come and take care of him, letting him live as he pleased.
“…….”
I exhaled deeply as I stepped out of the taxi and stood in front of the Pantheion’s dormitory door with a slight twinge of discomfort.
‘As usual. As if nothing is wrong.’
I repeated it to myself over and over again, as if to convince myself.
I shouldn’t have just tried to act like everything was normal on the outside. I had to reset my thinking itself so that I could deceive even myself.
Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and as I entered, the members swarmed around me and greeted me all at once.
“Ah, hyung! Welcome home!”
“Hyung, why is it that whenever you go out, we can’t get in touch with you? At this point, I’ve just came to accept it, even if I don’t hear from you at all.”
“Seungbeom-ah, do you remember the schedule for tomorrow? We have to wake up early. I think once we finish that, our activity period will be pretty much wrapped up.”
“I’m looking forward to it, Mister Lee’s mom’s appearance. I’ve never met a chaebol before.”
“No, the person you just called Mister Lee is a chaebol.”
“I’m not interested in Mister Lee’s wallet. No jam.”
“…If Zen isn’t interested, then he’s not a chaebol?”
“Yes.”
As I took off my shoes from the shoe rack and watched the noisy atmosphere, it felt like the stagnant emotions that had been lingering inside me were rekindled.
I smiled faintly as my heart began to beat pleasantly and warmth began to flood my cold body.
I received the greetings from the members, and I recalled the words Choi Jeokhyeon had said to me earlier.
“Of course, you wouldn’t act like that in front of the members of Pantheion or Prism. You’re always on edge around them.”
On edge?
I wondered where such nonsense came from.
‘Even Choi Jeokhyeon can be wrong sometimes.’
This was how I felt…….
Given how I felt, there was no way Choi Jeokhyeon’s words could be right.
“Who’s the lazy guy who left the dishes piled up? The auntie is on vacation.”
I felt as though the empty part of my heart was being filled as I spoke to the members, just like usual. Then, Zen, who had been pointing at the remnants of the
jajangmyeon
1
, fried egg,
Pa-kimchi
2
, and
yangnyeom gejang
3
, replied solemnly.
“Execute the pig.”
“Do Yuda. Sit down.”
“Traitor! You ate some too!”
“Yu-chan did all the work. He said,
let’s eat together
. Nagi Zen was caught in the middle of sleeping and came out.”
“Be quiet! Hyung, please give me one last chance to make my defense. I didn’t mean to do that. Normally, when eating, you shouldn’t interrupt the flow, so I was planning to clean up after eating everything.”
“How shameful. Quietly receive Leada’s iron mace, Yu-chan.”
“Yuda-hyung, I told you to clean up right away, didn’t I?”
“Heung.”
“Seungbeom-ah, I’ll properly scold the kids to clean up, so please let this one slide, okay?”
As I looked around at the faces of the noisy members one by one, I locked eyes with Lee Hwayoung. He was quietly staring at my face, but as soon as our eyes met, he frowned deeply.
“…Han Seungbeom.”
“Uh, I’m home. Did you miss me?”
I gave a vague reply, pretending I didn’t notice it. Then, with my left hand deeply shoved into my pocket, I entered the inside of the dorm.
“…….”
The gaze that followed my back felt piercing.
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Translator’s Corner:
Korean black bean noodle dish ↩︎
Pa-kimchi
also known as green onion kimchi or scallion kimchi, is a type of kimchi that Koreans usually eat for
banchan
(traditional side dishes). Basically, it’s a kimchi (salted and fermented vegetables) made with medium-thick green onions. ↩︎
Yangnyeom Gejang
is a crab marinated in a spicy seasoning with red pepper powder.
The dish itself is known as
Gejang(게장)
is a variety of jeotgal, salted fermented seafood in Korean cuisine, which is made by marinating fresh raw crabs either in soy sauce (
ganjang gejang
) or in a sauce based on chili pepper powder (
yangnyeom gejang
).
Actually,
Gejang
originally (back from Joseon Dynasty) used to be marinated in a very salty soy sauce as a way of preserving the crabs for a long time. Nowadays, since it’s only to be saved for a few days, it’s using more lightly sauce. And after the Korean war, they created the version that used spicy sauce. So, that’s why the original one with soy sauce is now called “Ganjang Gejang” instead of just Gejang, to avoid confusion. ↩︎
omg the whole notes about crab … delicious … but tbh, even as someone who grew up in coastal area, crab is hella expensive … why is it ….
And the trust game in this chapter … where he fell on purpose to check if the other person will catch him … me when ………..
Okay one more chapter of this arc then we’ll get back to Pantheion’s very happy days