[NAM YIHWON’S POV]
One day, Lee Chise brought a junior I didn’t know to the studio.
Ah, saying
I didn’t know
him might be a bit contradictory. Han Seungbeom was a rising star, the most popular among rookies these days, and I had already heard about him multiple times through Cha Woon or Yoo Jay.
Maybe it would be more accurate to say he brought a junior I had never met before.
“Hey, I asked you what you were talking about. Can’t you hear me?”
My first impression couldn’t have been worse.
At the time, I was already on edge from enduring the absurd schedule set by my agency, and the conversation I overheard was something I wouldn’t have been able to make sense of even in a normal state, so it was only natural.
Jo Inchan was quite a sensitive topic among us. It was like how the rest of a pack will become more aggressive to protect a wounded member. And even Lee Chise, who was one of the more mild-tempered ones in Prism, was no exception.
But Lee Chise treated Han Seungbeom as if he had been part of our fence from the very beginning. He listened carefully to every single thing Han Seungbeom said, never doubted him, and openly shared every detail of his circumstances with him.
I, who had felt it from the very beginning, openly expressed my displeasure.
“Don’t get involved any further. I feel like I’m going to puke from how disgusting it is that you’re freely crossing Prism’s fence.”
It was directed at Han Seungbeom, but it was also a warning to Lee Chise.
I’m uncomfortable with Han Seungbeom’s presence, and he has already crossed the line enough, so it
‘s
time to stop.
But this time, Lee Chise, who would typically have taken the hint and backed off, strangely remained stubborn and kept Han Seungbeom by his side until the end.
“Let’s see if you can endure it. I’m curious too, how much you can endure.”
At first, I thought everyone had lost their minds. But before long, I realized why Lee Chise and the other members were so fixated on Han Seungbeom.
He was so similar that it gave me goosebumps.
With the person who had already passed away and could never be met again.
From his manner of speaking, his eating habits, even the way he drove himself to the limit; everything about Han Seungbeom reminded me of Seo Yutae. That impression was truly solidified when I saw him assisting Lee Chise with his work—something no one but Seo Yutae could keep up with—as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
“…Please make sure to eat. It’s a bit cold, though.”
And, to top it all off, Han Seungbeom acted as if it were perfectly natural for him to be taking care of others, even while standing before seniors who were much older than him. His appearance bore no resemblance at all, yet it was almost uncanny how similar he felt.
The emotion I felt as I looked at him was … longing.
Pathetically enough, I was pierced by longing. I missed him so much it was unbearable.
I lashed out at the members for acting as if they had found a replacement for our hyung, yet in the end, I crumbled helplessly.
And to deny it, I deliberately hurt Han Seungbeom.
“Don’t fool yourself into thinking you’re something special. You’re just a substitute.”
After hurting him with cruel words, my heart ached with pain.
I felt like I was trampling on already shattered glass, twice, thrice.
“It would be better if someone like you just disappeared quickly.”
Watching his slightly pale face, unable to laugh or cry, made me feel a little better. The pain it caused seemed to let me turn my gaze away from the emotions that endlessly dragged me down beneath the ground, so I repeated it over and over again.
Could that feeling be described as
refreshing
?
No, it didn’t even feel that refreshing.
The only thing I could get out of hurting Han Seungbeom was a little relief.
My cowardly heart was filled with thoughts like, ‘
Ah, even after everything I’ve done, this guy still won’t disappear
‘ and ‘
Even his wounded expression looks just like hyung’s
‘.
‘…Traitor.’
And only after I saw my foot, which had been trampling on him to my heart’s content, was covered in blood did I realize too late that I wasn’t wearing any shoes.
‘If he were truly trying to take advantage of us, he wouldn’t have made that kind of expression when I said that.’
That face was etched in my memory like a trauma, and though it tormented me, I couldn’t stop. Han Seungbeom’s very existence was making me sick.
I was fully aware of my own hypocrisy. I needed a replacement, but I also hated the idea of the real thing being completely replaced. Wasn’t that ridiculous? But without that substitute, I felt like I couldn’t even make it through the day, so I weakly tried to depend on it. It was probably no different from Lee Chise’s gum and coffee, or Jay’s cigarettes.
“…Are you doing this to torment me, to make me kill myself?”
As my despicable selfishness spiraled to an unacceptable level, an incident occurred.
I was lying down, drunk, when a sharp pain suddenly shot through me, snapping me awake. As if possessed, I frantically looked around for Han Seungbeom, but even after searching the entire studio, he was nowhere to be found.
Driven by a gut feeling of unease, I made my way to the rooftop.
And there, I saw him: Han Seungbeom, leaning against the dangerously low railing, staring ahead with no expression. The sight of him made every sense in my body scream danger.
“…Don’t move.”
It didn’t matter how far his body had leaned past the railing.
There was another problem.
Han Seungbeom’s face.
Han Seungbeom stood there like someone who wouldn’t care at all if he happened to fall.
When I hastily pulled him back to safety, Han Seungbeom just stared at me blankly, as if he had no awareness of how he had been standing moments ago. Seeing him like that, I realized—far too late—the obvious truth that regaining something also meant facing the possibility of losing it again.
I was so scared of that possibility that I finally admitted my own cowardice.
“I think my hyung would forgive me even if I did this…….”
And so, I came up with a ridiculous excuse to forcibly keep him by my side.
“Chise-hyung cherishes you more than I expected.”
Surely, surely that must have been the case…….
“I’m okay. I just bumped into it, that’s all.”
“I’m okay, Hwon-ah.”
Why am I always like this?
“…What’s gotten into you? You’re usually the one who’d try to drag me along, even if you had to trick me into it.”
Jay’s drunken words, spoken without much thought, made me realize something was off with Chise-hyung. It didn’t take much to deduce that Jo Inchan was the reason.
“How much longer does that bastard intend to keep hiding like this?”
I recalled the sight of Jo Inchan, who I occasionally bumped into whenever I visited the charnel house. The small figure who, the moment our eyes met, would pull his hat down low and leave as if fleeing. I hated it. That sight infuriated me.
I knew what Jo Inchan had said to our hyung. I also knew it was wrong. But at this point, I had no intention of blaming him. We were all accomplices in this. We were all guilty of clinging to the comfort that Seo Yutae’s existence had given us, of indulging in that dependency. I had no right to judge him.
So, I didn’t want to see Jo Inchan hiding away like that anymore. Even if it was just the cowardly self-consolation of the perpetrators, I wanted to say:
let’s finally forgive each other
.
Yeah, maybe after meeting Han Seungbeom, Jo Inchan would be able to breathe a little easier too. I clung to that hope.
But, when I came to my senses, the situation had taken a strange turn.
“Sunbaenim!”
I should have told him not to follow me. I should have said to just leave a piece of trash like me alone, no matter what happened. But once again, I made the same mistake.
“Who told you to be an idiot like that hyung and keep enduring everything? Who told you to dig in like you were real and shatter everything to pieces like this!”
“Hwon-ah!”
How many people in the world could even call me that? How dare he try to imitate my hyung again?
Just as those impulsive words were about to escape my lips, my vision flashed white, and I felt my body being pushed.
“…I’m sorry.”
And for a moment, my mind went blank, unable to process what had just happened.
The screech of tires grinding against the rough asphalt, followed by a chilling crash, left my ears ringing.
“…Han Seungbeom?”
Before I could even register it, a faint, disoriented sound escaped my lips.
Even though I knew there was no way he would answer, I still called out his name. At the same time, I fumbled to grasp Han Seungbeom’s body, collapsed on the ground.
“…….”
His body was so cold.
I saw a thick, dark liquid spreading across the asphalt. At first, I thought it was just rainwater. My mind, pushed past its breaking point, desperately wanted to reject the reality before me.
But when I saw that my white shirt, which was touching Han Seungbeom’s body, was gradually being dyed crimson, I realized that it wasn’t just rainwater.
Blood.
Blood was pouring out … far too much for him to survive.
The moment I realized it, the smell of blood hit me.
“Hwon-ah!”
Lee Chise’s voice seemed to call out to me. The loud, strange noise must have made him come rushing after us.
“What happened!”
My hyung grabbed me and shook me violently by the shoulders, asking me that question.
But I couldn’t give him any answer. My hands just trembled uncontrollably.
“…….”
How did everything end up like this?
It was because of me.
It was all my fault.
“Nam Yihwon! Come to your senses!”
As I sat there in a daze, absorbed in my thought, Lee Chise grabbed my shoulders roughly and yelled at me. When I slowly turned my gaze in Han Seungbeom’s direction, my hyung went pale. He immediately grabbed his phone and dialed 119. It looked like he was calling an ambulance.
A person had been hit by a speeding car with nothing to protect them. No matter how quickly the ambulance arrived, there was no way he could survive. As I held onto his body, which was growing colder by the second, I knew this better than anyone, but I couldn’t say a word.
Soon after, Jay approached with staggering steps.
And then, he fell to the ground in front of Han Seungbeom, letting out a scream that sounded like it could tear him apart.
“Aah, uhuhuu…….”
The awful sound, which sounded neither like a human nor an animal, was chillingly similar to what I’d heard at the funeral. Between the unintelligible cries, I could occasionally make out words like “
Hyung
“, “
Don’t die
“, “Wake up”, and “
Please
“.
Hyung? What is he talking about?
Han Seungbeom was a junior much younger than us. That question lingered on the tip of my tongue as an indescribable dread began to consume me. No way, something so ridiculous…….
“Yoo Jay-ya, what nonsense are you talking about! Come to your senses!”
At that, Cha Woon’s face turned pale as he tried to pull Yoo Jay away from Han Seungbeom. But Yoo Jay, having completely lost his mind, clung to Han Seungbeom until the very end.
Under normal circumstances, when an accident occurred, you weren’t supposed to touch the injured unless there was proper first aid to administer. I knew that, but I didn’t stop Jay.
Because Han Seungbeom was already…….
There was nothing we could do.
It was the same as when we heard the news of Yutae-hyung’s death. We were powerless.
As we endured the passage of time in despair, Chise-hyung finally spoke.
“…Why isn’t the ambulance here yet?”
The ambulance was strangely slow to arrive, even though this area wasn’t that far from the hospital.
Typically, when someone called 911, they would keep checking the situation with follow-up calls, but even those never came. Sensing something was wrong, Cha Woon called 119 again, only for them to respond with confusion as if they were hearing about it for the first time.
“We hadn’t received any reports of the incident on our end.”
When the situation was repeated several times, we realized that something was wrong.
And at that moment, a transparent screen materialized in front of Han Seungbeom.
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Translator’s Corner:
Sorry to disappoint you everyone, but we’re not going with the cliche development (laughs)
But don’t you find it funny how Yihwon and Inchan are making the charnel house their second home, meanwhile Jay lying on his bed thinking about how to steal his hyung from Pantheion … maknae privilege….
And yeah, there’s no end POV in the end because next chapter still in Yihwon’s POV. Chapters after this will be from another characters’ …. that’s why I said you would love it omg.
This arc’s song recommendation is
BTOB – Missing You
…
I thought I couldn’t live without you, but this is my life now
(and if you wondered, i escaped from helping out … the atmosphere is scary)
(But anyway this chapter made me wonder, if you got hit by a car, will you actually die fast? like, quick death without pain?)