[JO INCHAN’S POV]
“Wake up, Jo Inchan!”
I felt a hand tapping my cheek.
As I opened my eyes and tried to shake off the grogginess, I saw Lim Seunghoon’s face.
‘Why is he here…….’
It seemed that while I had fallen asleep sitting on the bed, Lim Seunghoon had come into the house without permission. I roughly guessed the situation and slowly blinked my eyes.
‘Why am I so dizzy?’
My eyes felt hot, but my body was shivering. Could I have a fever? It seemed like it was because I had taken a bath and then collapsed without properly drying my hair. Or maybe it was because I had been standing in the rain.
No matter how much I tried to regain my focus, my vision kept spinning. I seemed to be in pretty bad shape. Realizing this, I pressed my hand to my temples, but the person in front of me didn’t care about my condition at all and suddenly asked me a question.
“I heard you went to Lee Chise’s studio. Did anything happen?”
“…Nothing happened.”
I could barely make out the question over the ringing in my ears, and when I replied, my voice was noticeably hoarse. I started to worry about what would happen if I didn’t recover before my upcoming schedule.
“…….”
But unlike usual, where Lim Seunghoon would have scolded me with irritation, saying, “
Why didn’t you manage your condition properly and causing trouble for my work?
“, he was only anxiously biting his fingernails while muttering to himself. He seemed like someone whose mind was completely elsewhere.
Just as I was thinking how odd he was acting, Lim Seunghoon roughly ruffled his hair, then turned to me and shouted irritably.
“There’s no way nothing happened! You said Han Seungbeom was coming to that party, right? Was that a lie?”
…A lie?
If I had really lied, he would have found a fault to pick on and tormented me until I was sick of it, so I didn’t understand why he was saying something like that all of a sudden. I also couldn’t understand why he was so obsessed on Han Seungbeom, who wasn’t even a member of Prism.
‘…Was it because of the contract that he was trying to make contact with Han Seungbeom?’
Han Seungbeom, who boasted exceptional popularity among active first-tier idols, was someone any entertainment company would covet. Therefore, it was perfectly plausible that RH Entertainment, like every other agency, had been attempting to make contact with Han Seungbeom.
‘Because of me again…….’
When I recalled our last meeting, Han Seungbeom didn’t seem like a particularly outgoing person, so I worried that he might have felt uncomfortable having his private time interrupted because of me. I knew what kind of company this company was, so I started to get anxious about what would happen if he actually signed the contract.
‘If I had known that they had an agenda with Han Seungbeom, I wouldn’t have said anything.’
As I was thinking about this regret with my head throbbing, I heard Lim Seunghoon yelling again.
“Why can’t I get in touch with you! I told you to report back quickly, you useless bastard! This is why uneducated bastards like you…….”
He kept checking his phone, so I assumed that he had instructed someone to meet with Han Seungbeom, but there was a problem because that person couldn’t be contacted. If the purpose was just to exchange a simple greeting or have a conversation, he wouldn’t be this upset that things fell through, so it seemed a little strange.
But it wasn’t the first time that Lim Seunghoon or Kang Hyukwoo had gotten hysterical like this with me standing in front of them, so I watched without reacting. I was used to it.
‘…My body feels heavy.’
It was getting harder and harder to keep my head up, and I was listlessly closing my eyes when suddenly I was grabbed by the collar and yanked forward. Then, a face twisted with anxiety and eyes shaking uncontrollably with fear came right up to mine.
“The work is all ruined because of you, and you can sleep?”
Today, he seemed more agitated than usual. At the same time, it also seemed like he was scared.
Was that ‘
work’
actually more important to Lim Seunghoon than I thought?
Since I had no idea what Lim Seunghoon was up to, there was no way I could have intentionally interfered with it. Lim Seunghoon must have known that too, but seeing him act this way, it seemed like he was just venting his frustration.
I realized that and obediently blurted out what I thought he wanted to hear.
“…I’m sorry.”
“If you did something wrong, you should take responsibility and fix it. Do you think an apology is going to cut it after you’ve ruined everything?”
However, I was met with an even more furious reaction than I expected. Normally, he would have been satisfied with an apology and calmed down a bit, but he seemed to be increasingly unable to control his anger.
‘His way of speaking is becoming more and more like Kang Hyukwoo’s.’
He definitely wasn’t like this when Yutae-hyung first brought him around. He even used to complain behind his back about how aggressive Kang Hyukwoo’s way of speaking was. It was really strange to see him change this much.
‘He usually imitates everything Yutae-hyung does, so is he now conveniently imitating Kang Hyukwoo?’
He was such a pitiful person.
How weak and pathetic must his ego be, that he can’t even live his own life and has to imitate others just to survive?
I started to get a rough idea of why Yutae-hyung had been blind to Lim Seunghoon’s malice. Lim Seunghoon wasn’t just someone who admired or imitated others. He was a person who had spent nearly his entire life identifying himself with others, so there was no way he could easily notice it. Yutae-hyung was also someone who was weak to even the slightest kindness and would never doubt anyone who entered his fence.
“…….”
As I staggered, shaken by Lim Seunghoon, while thinking those thoughts, suddenly, Lim Seunghoon, who had been shouting, stopped moving altogether.
Then, he muttered.
“…Hey, why are you looking at me like that?”
The eyes staring down at me held no light in them.
‘Ah, this is dangerous.’
As I thought that while staring at his eyes, which were wide open as if all reason had flown out the window, the hand that had been grabbing my collar moved right up and gripped my neck.
“So, just because you’re a bastard that Seo Yutae picked up, you’re going to act like him now?”
“…….”
“
I’m sorry. I won’t do it again
. Just say the words you’re told and act in a way that doesn’t annoy me. That’s your place. Who are you to pity me? I’m someone who can ruin the life of a bastard like you with just a few words.”
The stench was so awful it made my nose sting.
It reeked of the dirty, ugly emotions I knew all too well.
‘The thing someone like you, a walking inferiority complex, fears most is being pitied.’
“Haha, hahaha.”
Seeing him desperately struggling with his inferiority complex, just like I used to, made me laugh. This farce was like no other, that someone with such a small bowl
1
would dare to chase after the Seo Yutae. As I burst into laughter for a while, Lim Seunghoon, perhaps flustered, forgot to tighten his grip on my neck and just stared down at me blankly.
As I breathed urgently through the brief opening, I suddenly remembered what Kang Hyukwoo had once told me.
“You’ll never escape. We’re in this together, whether we live or die.”
And at this point, I thought,
this is enough
.
I was sick of it all.
I released my grip on Lim Seunghoon’s wrist completely and muttered in a low voice.
“…For the rest of your life, live like that.”
“…What?”
“The same goes for Kang Hyukwoo. He’ll live his whole life being controlled by Yutae-hyung, living like a slave … and dying a miserable death. That’s what suits us.”
As I barely managed to spit out those words through my choked breath, I heard the sound of grinding teeth, and the grip on my throat tightened again.
“…This is why I hated you all so much. You’re all nothing but a bunch of vile bastards…….”
Just as Lim Seunghoon spat out those words, the doorbell suddenly rang loudly.
“What, what is it? Who is it?!”
The sound seemed to snap him back to reality. Lim Seunghoon was startled and quickly pulled his hand away. He then looked around frantically and ran toward the intercom, looking like a child who had been caught doing something bad.
I lay on the bed, gasping for air, and thought to myself.
‘Is it Kang Hyukwoo?’
I couldn’t understand why he was ringing the doorbell so persistently when he always just barged in uninvited. As I was thinking, ‘
Please, just leave me alone’
, the person on the other side of the door called out to me.
“Inchan-ah, open the door.”
It was Chise-hyung.
As soon as I heard that familiar voice, I hurriedly sat up and pulled the neck of my turtleneck up to cover my neck. It would be embarrassing to leave it exposed.
“Do something!”
After checking Chise-hyung’s face on the intercom, Lim Seunghoon urgently hissed. But his efforts were useless; Chise-hyung immediately unlocked the door and came in.
He walked right past Lim Seunghoon and headed straight for me.
“Okay, I got it, hyung.”
Seeing him holding the phone to his ear, it seemed like he was having a phone call with someone.
“…I knew it, you were out in the rain. You’re running a fever.”
Chise-hyung, who quickly approached me, placed his hand on my forehead and muttered. Before I could respond, my hyung turned to Lim Seunghoon with a smiling face and asked.
“Long time no see, hyung. What brings you here?”
“I have something to discuss briefly regarding the schedule…….”
Lim Seunghoon, faced with Chise-hyung’s smiling face, nervously scratched the back of his head and forced a smile. Since long ago, Lim Seunghoon used to get tense like this whenever he saw Chise-hyung. Perhaps it was because, unlike me, whom he considered beneath him, he saw Chise-hyung as someone he couldn’t underestimate. After all, Chise-hyung was someone who was impossible to find a weakness in and who wouldn’t let anyone control him.
Then, Chise-hyung, who had been silently watching him, spoke casually while still maintaining his smiling face.
“Why are you so scared? You look like you’ve done something wrong.”
“Oh, it’s nothing…….”
“If there’s nothing urgent, could you move aside? I have something to discuss with Inchan.”
That was basically an order to leave, telling him to get out right now.
In response, Lim Seunghoon, his earlier bravado completely gone, glanced around nervously before practically fleeing the house. The front door shut behind him, and after a moment of silence, Chise-hyung spoke first.
“Why is Lim Seunghoon here?”
I didn’t answer his question, just kept my mouth shut. If I lied, Chise-hyung would surely notice. But I couldn’t tell him the truth either. I couldn’t.
While I remained still like a statue, Chise-hyung sighed deeply and then spoke in a soft tone.
“I’m sorry for getting you caught in the rain. I came to explain.”
“…It’s alright. Even if you’d just forgotten, I wouldn’t have minded, so there’s no need to explain.”
I didn’t really want to talk about it.
I didn’t want to feel that way again.
When I replied with a slight sharp edge to my voice, he immediately responded in a firm tone.
“No, listen to me. You’re misunderstanding right now.”
“…….”
“Kang Hyukwoo and Lim Seunghoon schemed to send a stalker to the studio to harm Han Seungbeom. Because of that, a major incident happened, and we were completely occupied handling the aftermath. Jay was really shaken up and wasn’t in a good state. That’s why I didn’t come.”
“…What?”
They tried to harm Han Seungbeom?
I was briefly taken aback by the completely unexpected words, but what truly left me breathless was the final remark,
“I have no idea how Kang Hyukwoo knew that Han Seungbeom would be at the studio today.”
Could it be that Han Seungbeom got into an accident because I told Kang Hyukwoo about the party?
Was this the ‘
work
‘ Lim Seunghoon was talking about?
As my head spun and I placed a hand on my knee for support, Chise-hyung hurriedly reached out to steady my body.
“Inchan-ah!”
“Badly … did he get hurt badly?”
When I stammered, pressing him for an answer, Chise-hyung looked slightly flustered but then responded calmly.
“He was badly injured, but he’s completely fine now.”
I didn’t understand what he was saying.
It hadn’t even been a day since the accident, and he was injured, so what did he mean by “
completely fine now
”?
When I lifted my head with that question in mind, Chise-hyung put on a serious expression and quietly spoke.
“…Inchan-ah, if I told you that Yutae-hyung is still alive … could you believe it?”
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Translator’s Corner:
I just decided to translate it literally rather than using “small capacity”.
So, in Korea, “
bowl” (그릇
) is used for a metaphor to refer someone’s ability, capacity, or qualification to do something. Like, you know, a bowl is containing something. It can either be someone’s ability itself, or their personality, or even their mentality … everything that required you to achieve something. A “small bowl” literally means the bowl is small … so the person is lacking the capacity to do it. ↩︎
Ugh my blood pressure rose everytime I saw Lim Seunghoon … let’s just kill him …. I fell asleep in the wrong position too so my neck hurts ……..
I thought it was my mood that lately it seems really crowded, but I checked the stats and it’s indeed crowded … there’s already 530 comments alone for February …. and we’re still on 10th February …. (now it’s 11th) ….. omg what happened to my indie blog, i’m a shy person who overshared too much, it’s embarrassing …..
(It was funny though, among countless notifications I keep getting from this, there’s still a reader who’s quietly reading SSS-Cafe asdfgjkl fighting……)
Anyway, I managed to catch the perfect readers number on NU … angel number … I like pretty numbers. This is such a perfect moment. Everyone, go out and buy an ice cream ^^