It was the old gardener, the former resident of that very cottage.
Weathered skin, deeply lined face unchanged from seven years before; clothes just as worn. Only his hair had turned from streaked grey to pure white. He shouted at the kitchen assistant.
“If there isn’t enough bread, shouldn’t you bake more? Are you planning to starve an old man to death?”
“Good grief, has this old man gone senile? You just finished your meal!”
“What am I supposed to do if I found out it wasn’t enough while I was eating?”
Startled by his boisterous attitude, the kitchen assistant grumbled as he put down the basket of bread. Then the old gardener turned his attention to Ivenia, who was standing there nervously, glancing around.
“Quick about it! Never were so slow before, where’ve you been dawdling?”
Practically thrust forward, Ivnia took what she needed. He kept urging her on.
“Before I lose my patience—move!”
Bustled along, she filled her tray: cheese, sausage, ham, roasted partridge, artichokes, peas. The assistant scowled but dared not interfere, no one crossed the estate’s longest-serving hand.
“Thank you.” She whispered to the gardener. The old man simply focused on wrapping the bread and ham he had picked up in a napkin and stuffing them into his pocket with his usual gruff expression.
Tears fell unheeded all the way back. The painful memories of the past she had wanted to forget came rushing over her again like a nightmare.
Seven years ago she had turned to the late Duke for help, only to be let down. Her money had come from assisting his secret research, research that concerned Arad’s illness. Speaking truth would have exposed it all. He must have feared. She tried to understand. But could he not have spoken up for her without revealing the secret? The silence itself had wounded her most deeply.
Yet it was not the old Duke, nor the cruelty of others, that pained her most. It was the memory of the one she loved:
—Listen to me, Arad, please…*
—No, don’t say anything, Ivnia.
—I don’t want to hear it.
His back turned, love crumbling away.
‘I was foolish. Foolish to dream.’
She dried her eyes, grief hardening into self-reproach. Ranelli was her dearest gift, yet also the price of her folly. She walked back with a heavy heart, then opened the door smiling.
“Ranelli.”
“Mama!” The child beamed, playing with scraps of cloth.
“Look what we have, such a feast!”
“Smells wonderful!”
“Shall we eat together?”
“Yes!”
Ivnia smiled softly. “My sweet girl. You are the greatest blessing.”
“And you are mine, Mama!”
“Thank you, dearest.”
“Hehe.”
❖❖❖
Arad had not slept. Restless, hollow-eyed, he pushed food around his plate.
‘Ivnia.’
Her violet eyes haunted him. As his memories from seven years ago had become distorted and altered, he had thought that perhaps the emotions he had felt back then had also been exaggerated within him.
Her neat smile that made his heart feel at ease whenever he looked at her. Her laughter that lifted his spirits simply by hearing it. Her scent that calmed his heart.
‘I thought all of that was, to some extent, an exaggerated memory.’
But when Arad met her again yesterday, he realized that his memories had not been exaggerated. If anything, they had faded.
‘What a spineless fool.’
She had left him. Built another life elsewhere. Yet he was glad to see her.
He struggled to summon anger. Why could he not simply hate her? He mashed his food beyond recognition, then stood abruptly.
“Your Grace?” Hampton followed.
“I need a chair.”
“Pardon? A chair?”
Hampton looked around. There were chairs everywhere, so what could he possibly need another chair for?
“If you tell me what you need it for, I’ll find one for you.”
Arad pretended not to hear him and continued walking.
“There should be some usable ones in the detached house. I’ll go look myself. You don’t need to follow me.”
❖❖❖
‘It’s too far.’
Arad grumbled inwardly as he walked toward the detached house he had given to Ivenia.
But once he actually approached the detached house, he slowed his steps considerably and changed his mind.
‘It’s too close.’
He still did not know what expression he should make when he saw Ivenia again, yet he had already arrived here.
Arad wandered around outside the yard belonging to the detached house for quite some time.
The detached house had become much more dreary and run-down than he remembered. Arad was inwardly surprised that he had not known it had fallen into such a state.
‘And she didn’t come looking for me even though she was living in a place like this.’
Honestly, what an exasperatingly stubborn woman.
He approached the door somewhat irritably.
Just as he was about to knock, he heard a cheerful child’s voice and Ivenia’s gentle laughter from inside. Arad stopped with his hand raised and, without realizing it, listened to the sounds coming from within.
“Ranelli, eat your peas.”
“They taste funny! Hans says if you eat too many your face turns green!”
“Who told you that?”
“Hans! Hans’s older sister turned green, so she had to wash her face ten times!”
“Really? That’s a little different from what Mom knows.”
“Different?”
“Yes. Mom ate lots of peas, and look how tall I grew.”
“Really? I want to be tall too!”
Arad opened his clenched hand and brought his fingertips to the door. The warmth seeping through it permeated his body. Then, somewhere deep inside him, he sensed a chill he had never noticed before.
An unpleasant feeling that he could not explain surged up inside him.
“Open the door, Ivnia.”
Soon, hurried footsteps came from inside, and Ivnia cautiously opened the door with a startled expression.
“Your Grace…?”
Arad pushed his way inside as if shoving past her. Then he looked around the messy interior, where miscellaneous items were piled all the way to the ceiling, and frowned.
“You actually slept in a place like this.”
Ivnia lowered her eyes with a calm expression and spoke softly.
“Thanks to Your Grace’s concern……”
“Concern? You’re treating me like some kind of piece of trash.”
“Pardon?”
“If this place was in this state, shouldn’t you have told me so I would know?”
He would never have sent them here had he known. Why was he the one getting worked up?
Arad clenched his molars as he watched Ivenia carefully choose her words before giving up and closing her mouth. He wanted to make her open those lips somehow. He wanted her to chatter freely in front of him like before. He felt as though only then would his frustration ease.
“Surely you have something to say.”
“…I am sorry.”
But when she actually opened her mouth and he heard the apology she uttered, instead of feeling relieved, he became even more frustrated.
Even though he found his own unpredictable state of mind overwhelming, Arad took out his irritation on Ivenia for no reason.
“Always that same tone—that meekness.”
“I am sorry.”
“Stop saying sorry.”
“I have no excuse.”
He looked down at her bowed head—so near, yet so distant. He bit back sharp words, aware of Ranelli watching from the shadows.
“I shall have it cleared. Expect it done.”
Once he left the detached house and was alone, he belatedly realized what he was feeling.
He was furious because he had seen Ivnia being happy with Ranelli.
It was a pathetic anger toward the woman who had been happy without him.
While he was fretting over her like this, she seemed to have truly erased his existence completely.
He recalled Ivnia’s voice as she spoke naturally with the child. The years of her life that he knew nothing about suddenly made her feel unfamiliar to him.
She was Ivnia, but she was not the Ivnia he had known so well.
His feelings were complicated.
She felt like an illusion he could not grasp even if she reached out her hand to him.
He returned to the mansion and irritably harassed Hampton.
“There was too much junk in the detached house. Why didn’t you tell me it was in that condition?”
Wasn’t it the butler’s job to handle even such trivial matters without reporting every little thing to him?
But Arad looked far too displeased to simply tell him that. Hampton lowered his head at Arad, who was taking out his anger on him for no apparent reason.
“I’m sorry.”
“It’s unpleasant to look at, so have them throw away all the trash and clean the place thoroughly.”