Xu Yining didn’t react immediately. “What?”
“The small building is what my parents left for me. Although it’s not worth much, it has to stay with me.” Shi Zhi looked at the soup base in his bowl and said softly, “When will you have time? Let’s go handle the property transfer procedure.”
Xu Yining asked in confusion, “But wifey, didn’t you give it to me? You said it yourself on the day I proposed to you. You said where you are, the building is. You said if I couldn’t feel your love, I could put the building in my name. Why do you suddenly want it back?”
“But we’ve already broken up.”
Shi Zhi’s logic was simple: after marrying Xu Yining, they would have stayed together forever, so it didn’t matter whose name was on the building—it would still belong to him. But now that he was breaking off the engagement with Xu Yining and they were no longer together, the building naturally had to be returned.
“What… break up?”
Shi Zhi let out a sigh, helping him recall: “Two months ago, when you came back from your ‘business trip,’ at this very dining table, I said we should break up. You said at the time to wait until you finished the work at hand before dealing with the engagement cancellation. We agreed on it; you told me to wait for you to come back.”
Looking at Xu Yining’s bewildered expression, a deep sense of powerlessness welled up in Shi Zhi’s heart.
Why did the things he raised seriously never get taken seriously by the other party? It was true for his tastes, it was true for his defense of Fu Yumeng, and now it was even true for the breakup he had raised in earnest.
Shi Zhi felt a fatigue he had never experienced before.
Xu Yining stared at Shi Zhi’s lowered eyes, searching through the fragments of their minor interactions for a long time. Only then did he recall that on a certain morning two months ago, during breakfast, Shi Zhi seemingly did mention breaking up.
At the time, he thought Shi Zhi just felt he wasn’t spending enough time with him, or had read some weird manga and was saying nonsensical things—Shi Zhi was always like that. He hadn’t taken it to heart, only saying: “Stop acting up, wait for me to come back after I’m busy.”
His intention was to spend more quality time with Shi Zhi once he was free, not what Shi Zhi understood as “waiting until he was done being busy to cancel the engagement.”
Even now, Xu Yining didn’t take it seriously. He only asked patiently and gently, “Why should we break up? There’s nothing wrong with our relationship.”
Shi Zhi looked up at him. Under Shi Zhi’s calm gaze, Xu Yining gradually felt guilty. He explained frantically, “Wifey, is it because I spend too little time with you? Yes, I admit I’ve been busy lately, traveling a lot and coming home less. But I’m doing it for our future. Mom finally agreed to our relationship and handed the company to me; I can’t let her down. I have to show her I’m capable of managing the company and being responsible for my own choices.”
“You’ve been bored staying at home, haven’t you?” Xu Yining kept making concessions. “Wait until I’m done with these few days… no, I’ll go to the company this afternoon to delegate things, and tomorrow I’ll take you out to have fun, okay? If you don’t like taking commercial commissions, we won’t take them in the future. If you want to hang out with Fu Yumeng, I won’t say anything more. We’ve been together for over three years; it wasn’t easy to get where we are today. Our relationship is so good, wifey—don’t say things like breaking up anymore.”
Shi Zhi sighed and looked at Xu Yining. “Is our relationship good? Brother Ning, has our relationship really not run into problems?”
In an instant, Xu Yining thought of many things. He probed tentatively, “Did someone… say something to you?”
Shi Zhi rubbed his fingers and didn’t speak.
“Did someone come to you and say something?” Thinking of Yu Chongyao’s abnormal behavior last night, Xu Yining cursed “bitch” in his mind. He tried to grab Shi Zhi’s hand on the table. Even when he was dodged, he didn’t lose heart. “Did Yu Chongyao find you? What did he say to you?”
“Does it matter what was said?”
“Wifey, listen to my explanation.” Xu Yining knelt before Shi Zhi, forcefully grabbing his hand and saying, “He was the one who clung to me, he was the one who found me. I refused him, I really did. He just wouldn’t let go…”
“So you slept with him, is that it?”
“Wifey…”
“You two never cut ties. You’ve been together all along. You lied to me, Brother Ning. You lied to me.”
“Wifey, I was wrong.” Xu Yining stopped trying to defend himself. He rested his head against Shi Zhi’s leg and choked out, “I didn’t mean to lie to you. We did break up at first, but later he found me. I have no feelings for him; it was just physical desire. Wifey, sex and love are separate. The one I love is you.”
Shi Zhi found it absurd.
Three years ago, shortly after he started dating Xu Yining, Fu Yumeng had sent him a photo of Xu Yining and Yu Chongyao in bed. While he was physically nauseated, Xu Yining had made the same “sex and love are separate” argument then. Three years ago, Shi Zhi didn’t care about Xu Yining’s past and chose to believe him.
But now, having experienced the lies and betrayal, Shi Zhi didn’t want to discuss philosophical questions like “whether sex and love can be separated” with Xu Yining.
The breakup wasn’t solely because of Xu Yining’s infidelity. Their relationship had problems—perhaps there had been problems from the very beginning.
“Let’s break up, Brother Ning.” Shi Zhi pulled back and distanced himself. “Let’s have a clean break.”
Xu Yining looked up with red eyes, saying stubbornly, “I’m not breaking up. Shi Zhi, I’m not breaking up. You can’t just sentence me to death like this. I’m only two years older than you; I handle everything inside and out. I also have emotions and desires that need an outlet—you have to allow me to make mistakes.”
“I slept with someone, and my body is no longer clean, but my soul and spirit are clean.” Xu Yining said, “I am a normal man with normal physiological needs. You weren’t willing to do it with me, so I could only find someone else. But I swear, I love you! You’re the only one in my heart!”
Shi Zhi wanted to ask: Was it that I wouldn’t do it with you? Am I not a normal man? Do I not have normal physiological needs? Why does something that involves two people end up being my responsibility?
Did Shi Zhi make Xu Yining make those promises? Did Shi Zhi make Xu Yining lie? Was an unharmonious bedroom life solely Shi Zhi’s fault? If sex and love could be separated, could Xu Yining endure Shi Zhi saying he loved him while sleeping with someone else?
If he could endure it, what was the meaning of marriage? What was the meaning of home?
There were too many puzzles, and no one to answer them for Shi Zhi. Xu Yining was immersed in his own “deep affection,” giving Shi Zhi no chance to ask his questions.
“Shi Zhi, you can’t be like this. I came out to my family for you—you have no idea how much I’ve endured.” Xu Yining’s eyes reflected a stubborn streak as he said fiercely, “I finally convinced my mother to accept my sexuality and to accept you. You can’t let her see me as a laughingstock. You can’t let the only time I resisted her become a joke.”
“If we break up, if you leave me, then what was the point of my efforts? What were my sacrifices for? Shi Zhi, I only slept with someone; I didn’t do anything atrocious. Can’t you forgive me once? Can’t you allow me to take one wrong step? If you don’t want me to have contact with Yu Chongyao, I’ll break it off with him right now. I’ll tell him over the phone…” Xu Yining squeezed Shi Zhi’s knee, his fingers sinking deep into Shi Zhi’s skin.
Shi Zhi interrupted him amidst his increasingly manic expression: “Brother Ning, do you love me? What do you love about me?”
“Of course I love you! I came out to my family for you, I argued with my mother for you. I leave early and return late—isn’t it all for our future? Isn’t it so you won’t have to worry about food or clothes for the rest of your life? Isn’t it because I want to give you a home?”
“Brother Ning.” Shi Zhi rested his hand over Xu Yining’s, staring into his eyes. “What exactly are you obsessed with? Is it simply that you don’t want to be apart from me, or is it that you don’t want Auntie to think your choice was a mistake after all?”
Xu Yining opened his mouth but couldn’t say a word.
Shi Zhi continued: “You say you came out for me. But Brother Ning, your sexuality is innate. Even if it wasn’t me, your sexuality wouldn’t have changed. You knew Yu Chongyao before you knew me; you only reacted to men long before you met me. Is it possible that without me, you wouldn’t have come out and would have married a girl to live a lifetime?”
“Shi Zhi, I love you, I only love you, you can’t be like this…” Xu Yining could only keep saying what he wanted to say.
Shi Zhi stood up, looking at Xu Yining kneeling on the floor, and said coolly, “You say you love me. Perhaps. Perhaps you loved me in the beginning and still love me now. But you love yourself even more. You’re so obsessed now and don’t want to part with me because you’re afraid to face your own failure—because you’re afraid to see disappointment in Auntie’s eyes.”
“Xu Yining, I am not a bargaining chip for you to resist your mother, nor am I a tool for you to prove your success. Continuing to entangle will only result in a lose-lose situation. For the sake of our past three years of feelings, let’s have a clean break.” After saying this, Shi Zhi turned and left.
Xu Yining murmured to himself behind him: “No, I’m not breaking up, I’m not breaking up. I’m not wrong, my love is not wrong, my choice is not wrong, I’m not breaking up…”
Xu Yining received a call and left in a hurry. Before leaving, he spoke to Shi Zhi as if nothing had happened: “Wifey, the company has an urgent matter for me. I won’t be back for a few days. Remember to eat while you’re home alone. When I come back, we’ll go see Grandpa together.”
Shi Zhi looked at the half-finished painting on the balcony—the one he had started to wait for Xu Yining’s return. Just like his relationship with Xu Yining, it had started with a purpose; could it truly not have a good ending?
The sunset faded, leaving a scene of devastation. Standing in the empty living room, Shi Zhi couldn’t help but ask himself: Is it really my fault…
Vibrate, vibrate—
The phone’s vibration interrupted Shi Zhi’s pensive state. He pressed the answer button randomly, and a delivery driver’s voice came from the other side: “Hello, is this Mr. Shi? Your delivery is here; please come out and get it.”
Delivery? He hadn’t ordered anything.
Confused, Shi Zhi opened the door to see a delivery driver in a yellow vest standing with his back to him, seemingly waiting for the person across the hall to come out. Hearing the door open, the driver turned and confirmed the last four digits of the phone number: “xxxx is you, right?”
Shi Zhi: “Yes, but I didn’t order anything.”
Delivery driver: “Well, I wouldn’t know about that. Your name and number are on it. I assume a friend ordered it for you.”
Shi Zhi took the box and said thank you. The driver waved his hand and left behind a comment: “Next time tell your friend to write the room number clearly so it’s not delivered to the wrong place. Luckily there are only two units here.”
Shi Zhi: “…”
Back inside, Shi Zhi opened the box to find a cake. Looking at the packaging, it was from the place he had gone to last night. Shi Zhi frowned and thought for a moment, then pulled out his phone to send a message: You ordered the cake?
CH: Mm, received it?
Shi: Why?
CH: Overnight cake doesn’t taste good.
Shi Zhi: “…”
Shi: I know that. I mean, why are you sending me cake?
The other side seemed to be thinking. The words “The other party is typing…” flashed for a long time. Amidst Shi Zhi’s impatient waiting, the phone vibrated.
CH: Eating sweets can make people happy, can’t it?