[Weevil Underwood LP: 4000] [Jamie St.
James LP: 4000] “I’ll take the first turn!” Weevil claimed it so quickly that Jamie barely had time to process what had happened.
He drew his opening five cards, then immediately drew another card for his turn.
Only then did Jamie realize that he had made the same mistake as countless transmigrators before him.
This was an era where going first was determined by whoever shouted fast enough.
Rock-paper-scissors had apparently not yet entered the Dueling rulebook.
‘Kaiba probably never bothered adding a first-turn selection system to the Duel Disk because he knows he’ll always shout faster than everyone else.
There’s no way a man who built all this ridiculous technology somehow forgot that feature by accident.’ After silently insulting a certain dragon-obsessed CEO, Jamie finally looked at his own opening hand.
Hmm.
Perfect.
Absolutely perfect, in every possible interpretation of the word.
“I activate Pot of Greed from my hand!
It lets me draw two cards!” Weevil proudly drew two more.
Seven cards in hand on turn one.
Every OCG player in existence would have wept with joy.
Then again, an opening Pot of Greed would probably eat an Ash Blossom & Joyous Spring immediately.
Never mind.
Jamie suddenly regretted not stuffing three copies of that forehead girl into this Deck.
With nothing else to do, he rubbed the Kuribohrn spirit sitting comfortably on top of his Duel Disk.
Soft.
Fluffy.
Instant emotional recovery.
“I Normal Summon Flying Kamakiri #1!
Since the player going first can’t attack on their first turn, I’ll end my turn.
Your move.” Weevil finished his opening turn without doing anything particularly remarkable, leaving only one strangely unimpressive monster on the field.
“Okay…
my turn.
Draw.
Standby Phase.
Main Phase…” Jamie stopped himself.
“Oh, right.
I don’t need to go through all that when I’m Dueling you guys.” He shook his head, reset his expectations, and looked back at his hand.
It really was the perfect hand.
So perfect that the only thing he could do was Set one card and pass.
Such was the everyday life of a man who played jank.
“I Set one monster.
Turn end.” “That’s it?” Weevil laughed loudly as he drew.
“And you actually thought you could challenge my Insect Deck?
That face-down monster has to be that useless Kuriboh!” Kuribohrn, still perched on Jamie’s Duel Disk, puffed itself up and glared furiously at Weevil.
Unfortunately for the little spirit, Weevil could not see it.
“I Normal Summon Pinch Hopper!
Then I’ll enter the Battle Phase!
Go, Flying Kamakiri #1!
Tear that worthless monster apart, and then we’ll tear him apart too!” Pinch Hopper materialized beside Flying Kamakiri #1.
Once Weevil entered the Battle Phase, the latter obeyed his command and lunged toward Jamie’s face-down monster.
“Kuri, kuri!” The card flipped face-up.
Flying Kamakiri #1’s claws came down on a tiny Winged Kuriboh.
With only 200 DEF, the little creature had no hope of resisting a monster with 1400 ATK.
Winged Kuriboh flapped its tiny wings helplessly before vanishing back toward Jamie’s Duel Disk, while its physical card was sent to the Graveyard.
“What a joke!
I knew it was a weakling!” Weevil pointed forward.
“Pinch Hopper, attack him directly!
Hopper Claw!” Pinch Hopper beat its wings and rushed straight at Jamie.
Its claws swept down, only to bounce harmlessly away against a gentle breeze.
“When Winged Kuriboh is destroyed on the field and sent to the Graveyard, I take no battle damage for the rest of this turn.” Jamie waved cheerfully at Weevil.
“Sorry!” The Winged Kuriboh spirit beside him waved too.
Weevil’s expression darkened.
“Tch.
Then I’ll Set—” “Hold on.” Jamie interrupted him and revealed a card from his hand.
“At the end of your Battle Phase, I discard Kuribohrn and target the Winged Kuriboh that was destroyed by battle and sent to my Graveyard this turn.
I Special Summon it!” Jamie pointed dramatically toward the Graveyard.
“Go, partner!
Back to work!” The words coming out of his mouth were utterly heartless.
Kuribohrn flew into the Graveyard, grabbed Winged Kuriboh by the body, and hauled the poor little creature back out.
Jamie promptly caught Winged Kuriboh and tossed it straight back onto the field.
The tiny monster now stood alone in front of two creatures several times its size, trembling visibly.
Small.
Weak.
Helpless.
Poor Winged Kuriboh.
They were all members of the same Kuriboh family.
Why did its own people have to treat it like this?
Meanwhile, the white-furred Kuribohrn, whose heart had apparently been dyed black by its owner long ago, quietly climbed back out of the Graveyard and settled onto Jamie’s Duel Disk again.
It had returned to spectator mode.
“What an annoying effect.” Weevil scowled.
“I Set two cards and end my turn.” He had already experienced Winged Kuriboh’s effect firsthand, and without an appropriate Spell Card in his hand, he had no way of dealing with it cleanly.
As long as Winged Kuriboh remained on the field, destroying it in battle effectively meant surrendering his ability to inflict meaningful battle damage for the rest of that turn.
“Then it’s my turn.
Draw!” Jamie’s eyes lit up when he saw the card he had drawn, only for his excitement to fade when he remembered the card Weevil had casually used on his first turn.
“I activate Pot of Extravagance.
I banish six random cards from my Extra Deck face-down, then draw two cards.” Jamie had barely put any thought into this Deck’s Extra Deck.
Its primary purpose was to become food for Pot of Extravagance.
Sure enough, Weevil immediately spoke up after seeing the card.
“If you want to draw cards, why don’t you just use Pot of Greed?
Why are you using some weird card like that?” Jamie had absolutely no intention of answering.
He only wanted to win this Duel and confiscate every copy of Pot of Greed he could find inside Weevil’s Deck.
“None of your business.
I Set one card and end my turn.” One of the cards he had drawn was Swords of Revealing Light, which could buy him several more turns.
With Winged Kuriboh already doing unpaid overtime on the field, however, there was no reason to waste it yet.
Originally, this Deck had also contained Mystic Mine.
Unfortunately, it had been months since Mystic Mine had collapsed during its struggle against True King of All Calamities, forcing Jamie to tearfully remove it and replace it with Swords of Revealing Light and a variety of other cards designed to make his opponent’s life miserable.
“My turn!” Weevil drew and immediately began his next play.
“I Normal Summon Petit Moth, then equip it with Cocoon of Evolution!
Just wait!
Once my Perfectly Ultimate Great Moth finishes evolving, you’re finished!” Petit Moth.
A Normal Monster with 300 ATK and 200 DEF.
The very definition of small fry.
Cocoon of Evolution.
An Effect Monster with 0 ATK and 2000 DEF that could be equipped to Petit Moth, causing Petit Moth to use its ATK and DEF while the turns required for its evolution accumulated.
Once enough turns had passed, Weevil would finally be able to Special Summon the Perfectly Ultimate Great Moth he was so proud of.
Amazing.
A pathetic weakling gradually evolving into a powerful monster.
Truly revolutionary.
Jamie could barely contain his completely deadpan admiration.
“Then I activate the Continuous Spell Insect Barrier!
As long as this card remains on the field, none of the Insect monsters you control can attack!” An enormous electrical net spread across Jamie’s side of the field.
His only monster was Winged Kuriboh.
A Fairy.
The effect did absolutely nothing.
“You’re probably thinking Insect Barrier is useless against you, aren’t you?” Weevil asked, grinning like a child who had somehow opened with all five pieces of Exodia.
“Yeah, yeah.
I can’t imagine what you’ll possibly do next,” Jamie replied in the flattest voice imaginable.
He did not need more than two brain cells to guess the next card.
“I activate DNA Surgery and declare Insect!
Now every face-up monster on the field becomes an Insect!
With these two cards together, you won’t be able to attack, which means nothing can interfere with my Great Moth’s evolution!” Weevil triumphantly produced another card.
“Then I equip Flying Kamakiri #1 with Insect Armor with Laser Cannon, increasing its ATK by 700!
Flying Kamakiri #1, tear his monster apart again!” Flying Kamakiri #1 attacked.
Winged Kuriboh returned to the Graveyard for the second time, leaving behind another gentle breeze that protected Jamie from battle damage.
Before disappearing, however, Winged Kuriboh failed to notice Kuribohrn watching it from the Duel Disk.
For some reason, Kuribohrn seemed to be studying it very carefully.