[004 I’m Fine]
Half an hour later, Zhang Hongya came out. “He’s agreed.”
“Good.” Zhuang Yiyi went in, the door closed, and Zhang Hongya sat on a chair in the corridor, silently wiping away her tears with the back of her hand. Seeing this, Chen Ding went to the vending machine, bought a packet of tissues and a bottle of water, and handed them to her.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Zhuang Yiyi spent a long time in the ward, nearly two hours. When she came out, Zhang Hongya, who had been on the other side, hurried past Chen Ding and rushed over to Zhuang Yiyi. “He… how is he?”
“It’s likely BPD.” Seeing the puzzled look on Zhang Hongya’s face, Zhuang Yiyi added, “Borderline personality disorder. “You needn’t worry too much. The recovery rate for this condition is over 50 per cent; the prognosis is very good.”
Zhang Hongya nodded, then glanced back into the room. From his hospital bed, Qian Yi was watching her through the small glass window. He just kept staring at her. Two pairs of eyes, separated by a thin pane of glass, locked in a gaze.
Zhuang Yiyi tugged at Chen Ding’s arm, gesturing for him to follow her.
Once they reached the quiet landing, Zhuang Yiyi suddenly called out, “Husband.”
Chen Ding’s expression shifted slightly.
On the day they collected their marriage certificate—a sunny day—standing outside the Civil Affairs Bureau with their freshly issued papers in hand, Chen Ding had smiled at her and called out, “Wife.”
He was quite pleased; surely Zhuang Yiyi would return the favour. But she didn’t call him that, nor did she respond; instead, she asked in a matter-of-fact tone, “How are you getting back?”
Not having heard the term of endearment he longed for, Chen Ding called out to her tirelessly—when he saw her in the morning, whilst eating, and whenever the mood took him… but Zhuang Yiyi simply wouldn’t.
Chen Ding stared at her intently for a few seconds, then said with a smile, “Since my wife has spoken, I’ll go through fire and water to make it happen for you.”
“You don’t need to go through fire and water.” Zhuang Yiyi told Chen Ding her plan. Upon hearing it, his expression changed instantly, as if he’d eaten the stinky tofu he detested most. In Chen Ding’s words, “What’s the difference between this and eating shit?” ’ That’s the look on his face right now.
“You’d be better off letting me go through fire and water…”
Zhuang Yiyi took hold of the wrist of his injured hand, interlacing her fingers with his. Her fingers caressed his, warm and soft. “Have you changed the dressing on your hand? Shall we go to the break room? I’ll change it for you.”
Chen Ding just looked at her, the corners of his mouth curving upwards despite himself. Zhuang Yiyi took his hand and led him towards the break room. As soon as they stepped out of the stairwell and saw someone, she let go of him. Then she looked at him. Chen Ding tucked his hands into his pockets and strode off with a swagger.
Chen Ding was back.
Zhang Zhang and You You spotted him again at the entrance to the nurses’ station, with Dr Zhuang following close behind.
You You asked, “Tell me, what exactly is the nature of their relationship?”
Zhang Zhang replied, “It’s definitely not ordinary.”
You You nodded in agreement.
Chen Ding naturally pulled out a chair and sat down at the table, resting his injured hand on the surface. Zhuang Yiyi didn’t sit opposite him; instead, she picked up a chair, moved it beside Chen Ding, and fetched some medicine to re-bandage his wound.
“Darling, where are my photos?”
Zhuang Yiyi didn’t pause in her work. “In the drawer.”
Chen Ding nodded. Once Zhuang Yiyi had finished changing the dressing, he suddenly grabbed her head and kissed her. Zhuang Yiyi’s hands rested on his waist as their lips brushed against one another; there was a hint of venting his frustration in Chen Ding’s kiss.
How could there be a wife like this, forcing her husband to admit his impotence in front of another man? Chen Ding finally released her. The woman before him had lips as red as roses, breathing lightly, sending shivers down his spine. Chen Ding forced himself to pull away, but the fabric at his waist was tugged again. Through the thin layer of clothing, he felt the touch against his waist—a sensitive spot. Uncontrollably, Chen Ding pressed her hand down, yet he didn’t want to let go.
“Remember to go and find him later,” she said, her voice still ragged with breath.
“Are you sure he has problems with his manhood? Chen Ding believed her, yet he didn’t want to believe her.
“Mm.” Zhuang Yiyi sat up straight, trying to pull her hand back, only to be held down by Chen Ding. In that very posture, her body leaning forward slightly, her hand still held by him, she said, “I’ve spoken to Zhang Hongya. When they first got married, she and Qian Yi agreed not to have children before they turned thirty. Qian Yi wasn’t keen on the idea, but he agreed nonetheless. However, after a year, Zhang Hongya wanted a child. Qian Yi, one might say, refused. Moreover, from what I’ve just discussed with him, he’s quite reluctant to bring up the subject of children. His parents divorced when he was young, and he longs for a happy, harmonious family. And that includes children. Yet even with Zhang Hongya’s consent, he remains unwilling. It can only mean there’s something wrong with him. Or to put it another way, the fact that he cannot have children is surely what ultimately brought him down.”
“How important it is for most men to be able to have children—you—” just by looking at Chen Ding’s resistance, one could glimpse it, “you should understand.”
“I don’t understand. ” Chen Ding looked away impassively, but within a second, he turned back, looking particularly solemn. “I’ve got no problem!”
“When you go to see him, make sure he doesn’t realise we know each other.”
“You’re truly heartless.”
*
Chen Ding stood idly by the door to Qian Yi’s hospital room, deliberately avoiding the small glass window and standing instead by the solid door. Unable to see inside, he simply stood there.
Just as Zhuang Yiyi had said, admitting his shortcomings in front of others was a struggle—even though Chen Ding usually didn’t care what others thought, this required a real internal battle.
He turned his head; Zhuang Yiyi was standing not far away, wearing a white coat, watching him calmly.
She slowly gave him a thumbs-up.
Chen Ding let out a long sigh. He had truly resigned himself to his fate.
He took out his mobile and sent a WeChat message. Zhuang Yiyi’s phone vibrated; she pulled it out from under her lab coat and glanced at it. “When are you coming home?”
Zhuang Yiyi pondered for a moment. When she looked up, Chen Ding was standing with his body turned slightly to the side, his left hand gripping the door handle, his gaze fixed on her. He was waiting for her answer.
“I’m off this Saturday.”
Chen Ding received the message and walked back over.
“What’s wrong?”
“Why me?” Chen Ding’s expression betrayed both a sense of grievance and irritation.
Zhuang Yiyi fished two Yoha fruit sweets out of her lab coat pocket, took Chen Ding’s hand, placed the sweets in his palm, and closed it. Then she let go of his hand and said, “Your favourite sweets.”
“You hold a special place in his heart. Zhang Hongya told me that Qian Yi often mentions you to her. He frequently shows her photos from your social media feed, asking her if this man is handsome, and then goes on and on praising you. Out of the four of you in the dorm, three are lawyers, yet he only turns to you. That shows how highly he regards you—at the very least, you’re someone who can help him solve problems he can’t resolve himself.”
Chen Ding gave a soft snort and turned to walk towards the ward.
Did Chen Ding believe her?
Probably not.
When Chen Ding went in, Zhang Hongya was there too. The two were chatting, savouring one of the few harmonious moments they’d had in a long time.
“Dr Zhuang is looking for you,” said Chen Ding.
Zhang Hongya got up and left, whilst Chen Ding sat down in another chair.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’m fine.” Qian Yi avoided Chen Ding’s gaze, looking down at the bedspread. It was clear that, after Zhang Hongya had left and he was alone with Chen Ding in the ward, he had become noticeably more tense and uneasy.
“May I ask you a question? To be precise, I’d like to seek your advice on something.”
“Advice?” Qian Yi raised his voice; clearly, those two words had taken him by surprise and left him puzzled.
“Yes.” Chen Ding sat up straight, adopting a friendly, humble demeanour. “I’d like to ask you: how does one comfort a woman?”
“Comfort a woman…?” This unexpected answer left Qian Yi momentarily dumbfounded. “You… do you need to woo a woman?”
“Mm.”
“But you… you…” Qian Yi didn’t know how to put it into words. Chen Ding had always been someone he could only look up to, whether in terms of family background or looks. Although he had a girlfriend at the time—who was only average-looking—everyone felt that Chen Ding could find someone better. Back then, practically every girl in school who was even remotely pretty had asked Chen Ding for his WeChat.
Chen Ding let out a long sigh and slumped back against the chair, looking utterly defeated. “Yeah. But she’s always been lukewarm towards me. Whatever I say or do, I never get much of a reaction.”
“But you seem quite good at this sort of thing. Your wife seems to love you quite a lot.”
“No, no,” Qian Yi hastened to object, instinctively putting himself down. “I’m nothing special. My wife…” Qian Yi lowered his head, seemingly at a loss for words.
“She really does care about you. The day you were admitted to hospital, I saw her at the emergency room entrance. And she told Dr Zhuang that she actually loves you very much… Let’s not go there.”
Qian Yi had already lifted his head; clearly, he wanted to hear more details, more evidence that his wife loved him.
Chen Ding changed the subject.
“Have you and your wife discussed having children?”
The moment the word ‘children’ was uttered, Qian Yi seemed to freeze. He replied as naturally as he could, “My wife doesn’t want to have children.”
Chen Ding noticed his ashen face and the way his hands were clenched around the duvet.
“Ahem.” Chen Ding cleared his throat, looking somewhat uncomfortable. “Actually, what I meant to ask was about your daily married life.”
“Well, I might be a bit… Does that have a big impact on our relationship?”
Qian Yi’s mind was still consumed by the prospect of having a child, and he hadn’t been listening carefully to what Chen Ding was saying. “Not really, I suppose.”
“Is that so?” Chen Ding asked in return. “Did you hear what I just said?”
“Eh?”
Chen Ding repeated himself. “I said I might have a bit of a problem in that area. Does that have a big impact on your relationship?”
“That area? That! Area!” Realising what had been said, Qian Yi suddenly raised his voice. “You too—!” Realising he’d overreacted, Qian Yi said in as calm a tone as he could manage, “It shouldn’t affect things, I suppose.”
“You…?” Qian Yi was curious and surprised, with a barely perceptible flicker of joy in his heart.
Chen Ding seemed to have given up entirely. “She doesn’t want children, and I don’t want children.”
“You don’t want them either, do you?”
“Er… no.”
“Does your wife want them?”
Qian Yi hesitated for a moment. “No.”
“Well, there you go. Neither of you wants children; you’re in agreement, aren’t you?”
Chen Ding stood up. “Whatever I’ve told you today, keep it confidential.”
Qian Yi nodded blankly.
When Chen Ding went to the staff room to look for Zhuang Yiyi, she wasn’t there. He waited by the door.
Less than ten minutes later, he saw Zhuang Yiyi and Yao Mu walking over, laughing.