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After a Two-Thousand-Year Cold War with My Wife

Chapter 2 / 7

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Chapter 2 of 7

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Chapter 2 - Total Fungal Annihilation Means Total Fungal Annihilation

After a Two-Thousand-Year Cold War with My Wife

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Song Rong’s employee dormitory was located right at the deepest part of the alley behind the Special Management Bureau, a dingy, grayish five-story building whose exterior green paint had long since peeled off beyond recognition. However, the Boston ivy of this season was unusually lush, taking up most of the wall and still looking a vibrant shade of green.

After returning to Dormitory 101, he remained listless and dejected. His mind was entirely filled with that pair of eyes that had appeared in his dreams countless times, and he silently blamed himself for being timid and cowardly. He should have stepped forward to ask clearly back then, instead of following Xiang Xun and taking a detour around.

Xiang Xun was also deeply troubled after witnessing this rather dramatic long-lost reunion scene. Upon returning to the dorm, he immediately dived into the bathroom for a cold shower, organizing his words properly before coming out to comfort Song Rong: “You said it yourself, it was just seeming like him. That man only showed half his face, and it was pitch black. Maybe your eyes were playing tricks on you. It wasn’t necessarily your, um, boyfriend.”Full novel: After a Two-Thousand-Year Cold War with My Wife — read the rest free on N​o⁠v​e⁠l​C⁠o​d⁠e​x⁠.​o⁠r​g⁠

They lived in a quad room.

Their other two roommates, A-Jin and Hua Zi, both worked in the Special Management Bureau cafeteria. Having toiled away all day, the two of them had already washed up and were getting ready to rest. After listening to Xiang Xun describe the scene with vivid expressions and added flair, the two of them instantly sat bolt upright, chasing their new roommate with a barrage of gossip:

“What? Xiao Rong has a partner? And it’s a guy?”

“So, your boyfriend was dragged back by the Action Team?”

“How could you be so foolish? You actually want to date that kind of dangerous element? Never mind the old society. Someone like him doesn’t even have social security in modern society!”

“Xiao Rong, oh Xiao Rong, were you willing, or were you coerced?”

Listening to the wave of exclamations rising higher and higher by his ear, Song Rong didn’t know how to explain for a moment, so he could only tug at the corners of his lips with great difficulty.

A smile would have to suffice.

No one spoke anymore, and the atmosphere in Dormitory 101 turned inexplicably eerie.

Xiang Xun fiddled with the cold mackerel dumplings in the takeout box and muttered softly. “What if it’s not him?”

Hua Zi fished out his mobile phone: “Why don’t we ask someone from the Supervision Department to find out?”

No sooner had his voice fallen than Xiang Xun refuted him: “Who doesn’t know that the mouths of those folks in the Supervision Department look like they’ve been sewn shut with needle and thread? What could you possibly ask out of them?”

Hua Zi’s fingers tapped rapidly across the screen, his head unlifted: “Our Dormitory 101 is the legendary Whampoa Fungal Academy. Brother Hong and Brother Qing surely have to remember some of our old schoolmate friendship, right?”

The way the Special Management Bureau arranged accommodations for its employees emphasized birds of a feather flock together. To let these otherworldly species who had left their hometowns to settle down in Huai’an live in peace, and to maintain the so-called species balance, dormitory allocation prioritized background categories. As representatives of the fungal kingdom, mushrooms had the largest number of successful humanoid transformations and the closest contact with humans. Coupled with the fact that most of them had gentle personalities, they were very suited for odd-job tasks. Over the years, the Special Management Bureau had recruited quite a few mushroom people and concentrated them in the first-floor dormitories.

Before Song Rong and Xiang Xun moved into Dormitory 101, fly agaric and bolete mushrooms had also lived there. At present, those two predecessors both held important positions in the Supervision Department, which in turn upgraded Dormitory 101 into the legendary Whampoa Fungal Academy.

Hua Zi had lived there the longest and was on good terms with both of them, so he wanted to try asking.

Song Rong did not refuse.

As he purposefully passed by Hua Zi’s bed for the third time, he finally welcomed the prompt tone of a new message delivered.

Xiang Xun spoke a step ahead of him: “What did Brother Hong say?”

Hua Zi stared at his phone and furrowed his brow in a dilemma: “No comment.”

Xiang Xun asked again: “Then, what about Brother Qing?”

Hua Zi’s brow furrowed even tighter: “Inconvenient to disclose.”

Song Rong looked at this one and then at that one. After pondering for quite a while, he finally realized that the two seniors hadn’t given face to their juniors.

As if to salvage his dignity, Hua Zi tossed his phone aside and said with deliberate gravity: “Since we can’t ask it out, let’s go confirm it in person.”

Song Rong’s expression shifted slightly: “Can we meet them? But you guys just said that otherworldly species with a danger level of S will be locked in the Supervision Department’s detention cells until their evaluation passes and they regain their freedom. If the danger level fails to drop for a long time, they will be forcibly deported to leave Huai’an City.”

As for whether they would be sent to other cities or whether special methods would be used to ensure the safety of humans and other species, that remained unknown.

Although they hadn’t seen each other for so many years, and hadn’t even had any contact, Song Rong still had a stone in his heart that couldn’t drop. He still hoped that Gu Xuanlang would be free of illness and disaster.

Hua Zi patted his chest and assured him: “I usually take charge of delivering meals to a few departments with special needs, and the detention cells order bento boxes every day. Why don’t you come with me to deliver them tomorrow?”

Xiang Xun questioned: “We can only deliver to the door of the detention cell, right? We can’t get inside.”

Hua Zi was full of confidence: “What’s so hard about wanting to get in? You and A-Jin calculate the time, and after we finish delivering the meals, you go deliver some mung bean soup, old ice popsicles, and the like. Just throw off those colleagues in charge of guarding the detention cells a bit, and wouldn’t it work for Xiao Rong to sneak in and take a look?”

“What if Xiao Rong gets caught?”

“Just say the cafeteria was short-handed and temporarily called a few odd-job workers over to help who didn’t know the rules. Brother Hong is so busy, he won’t dwell on such a trivial matter.”

Xiang Xun said no more, instead casting an inquiring gaze at the person involved.

Song Rong’s tone was firm: “I want to go.”

Having received a definitive answer, Xiang Xun completely changed his previous attitude: “Then let’s go!”

With that, he even raised his fist and waved it a few times, as if he were about to do something earth-shattering: “Whampoa Fungal Academy, total fungal annihilation!”

Ever since moving into Dormitory 101, Song Rong had learned a lot from his three mushroom roommates.

He was grateful to them from the bottom of his heart.

And this time, Song Rong learned yet another thing: total fungal annihilation really does mean total fungal annihilation.

The next day, when Song Rong was hauled into Zhou Ji’an’s office with his neck shrunken down, he was surprised to find that Xiang Xun, A-Jin, and Hua Zi had all been hauled over as well. Hua Zi’s plan was only feasible in theory, so the moment Song Rong sneaked into the detention cell and hadn’t even walked a few steps, he was politely invited out by the Action Team colleagues.

The four of them stood in a row with lowered eyebrows and drooping eyes, watching their noses and letting their noses watch their hearts, waiting for Director Zhou to pass judgment.

Fortunately, the fierce and terrifying Deputy Director Feng was off-duty today. Director Zhou looked majestic, but was actually very easy to talk to. After listening to Song Rong’s sincere explanation, he was clearly stunned: “लेकिन… But Gu Xuanlang never said he had…”

He wrung his brains to cobble together a fairly appropriate term: “A partner.”

Gu Xuanlang.

It really was him.

Just hearing this name made Song Rong feel as though his heart was being severely squeezed, and he muttered that he hadn’t said so, his tone half-resentful and half-worried.

Zhou Ji’an was a human and had been a seasoned criminal investigator before taking over the Special Management Bureau. He had a sort of tough guy with a tender heart complex, and could least bear to see his subordinates wronged. Seeing Song Rong’s eyes turn red, he hurriedly pulled a few tissues from the desk and handed them over: “It’s also possible the interrogation team members didn’t ask carefully.”

Song Rong reluctantly bought this explanation.

Struggling to press down the surging emotions, he asked Zhou Ji’an again: “Did Gu Xuanlang commit a huge offense, which is why he was locked in the detention cell?”

Director Zhou’s mouth could still be pried open occasionally.

Zhou Ji’an weighed his phrasing for explanation: “He just caused a tiny disturbance in the city center, but that matter might not necessarily be Gu Xuanlang’s fault. The folks over at the Supervision Department just follow procedures step-by-step. As long as it’s confirmed that he has no aggressive intent toward humans, we will naturally reassess and approve his release at the earliest time.”

The heart that had been hanging in Song Rong’s throat finally fell back into his chest.

In his impression, Gu Xuanlang wasn’t considered easy to get along with. He was self-righteous and would not listen to persuasion. Once he made up his mind, nine oxen couldn’t pull him back. He was like an old pine tree growing on a ridge. No matter how fierce the wind and rain, it only grew in one direction. Yet even with all those sharp edges, he possessed a keen sense of propriety in dealing with others, being gentle, polite, and thoroughly courteous to everyone. The neighborhood folks back then always praised him as a scholar of upright and square conduct, and Song Rong was convinced in his heart.

Such a Gu Xuanlang was simply incapable of casually stirring up a storm like that for no reason at all.

He still wanted to ask something more, but Zhou Ji’an’s subordinate knocked on the door to signal that a guest had arrived, so he had no choice but to let it rest.

Because of the total fungal annihilation setback that wasted half a day, Xiang Xun and Song Rong still had to rush back to the cafeteria to report the situation to the supervisor before their night shift.

On the return trip, Xiang Xun was full of concern: “Are you okay?”

Song Rong nodded and then shook his head, answering irrelevantly: “I wonder when Gu Xuanlang will be let out.”

Xiang Xun let out a tsk of exasperation: “Didn’t you hear Director Zhou say that guy surnamed Gu didn’t even admit to having a partner during the interrogation? Maybe he simply…”

He wanted to say he had forgotten all about you long ago, but upon catching sight of Song Rong’s desolate expression, he inexplicably changed his words: “Lost his memory?”

The train of thought opened up from there: “Or could it be that his soul was snatched away and replaced?”

This absurd comforting technique actually made Song Rong take it in, and he even produced a new interpretation: “It’s also possible that Gu Xuanlang intentionally wanted to draw a clear line between us.”

Xiang Xun gave a dry laugh, seeming somewhat reluctant for that guy surnamed Gu to gain forgiveness just like that: “But he should know you’re also in Huai’an, right? Why didn’t he contact you?”

“After all, he and I were still in a Cold War.”

“A Cold War?”

“Mhm.”

“Why would you two be in a Cold War?”

Song Rong pressed his lips together and unwillingly recalled his bumpy romantic history: “Actually, when Gu Xuanlang and I were together back then, we also frequently argued, but every time we could make up quickly. Later, we ran into some troublesome matters, and he hoped I would go back to the mountains to cultivate for a period of time, probably because he thought I was too useless and was holding him back. I wasn’t willing, and secretly followed him. After being discovered, we had a huge fight, and then the Cold War started.”

His explanation was vague.

Too much time had passed, and even Song Rong himself couldn’t remember the details of the argument. He only remembered waking up one day and being unable to find Gu Xuanlang’s figure anywhere, realizing only then that he had truly and ruthlessly walked away.

Every time he recalled it up to this point, his head would ache as if it were about to burst apart.

Xiang Xun was a bit bewildered: “Just that?”

Song Rong nodded: “Just that.”

He pitied Song Rong for being pure-hearted, and also pitied Song Rong for making a poor match, unwilling to force the other person to tear open their own scars anymore. He changed the subject to chat about something else: “Stop thinking about those annoying troubles. Humans have a saying that there is nothing that a hotpot meal can’t solve, and if there is, then make it two. Once our salary is paid at the end of the month, I’ll take you to stroll around downtown Huai’an. I know a hotpot restaurant that’s both cheap and delicious.”

Song Rong agreed readily.

Before it was even time for dinner to begin, the area in front of the serving window was empty and desolate.

The two of them changed into their work uniforms and walked into the back kitchen one after the other.

They happened to run into cafeteria supervisor Fan Shen discussing work details with Lao Ou: “How many times have I said it, during work hours you must wear a mask! Wear a mask! Pay attention to hygiene!”

Lao Ou didn’t take the human leader’s demand to heart at all, smilingly picking up the kitchen knife on the cutting board and slicing down without hesitation onto his own exposed arm. The next second, a fresh lotus root dropped right into the vegetable-washing basket: “Look closely, we are all purely natural organic ingredients, no pesticide residues, no high-tech and heavy-handed additives. Ordinary people can’t even get to eat this! Complaining that we’re not hygienic? Then why don’t you tell all those humans not to come eat!”

Supervisor Fan was left speechless.

Working under the same roof, monsters and humans would always argue endlessly over some strange matters. Xiang Xun was long used to his two top bosses not seeing eye-to-eye and dragged Song Rong off to wash his hands.

Catching out of the corner of his eye that Supervisor Fan was cursing under his breath, walking away with his hands behind his back, and never mentioning letting purely natural organic ingredients wear masks again, Song Rong’s tightened nerves finally relaxed. The Special Management Bureau did things by the rules, but also understood flexibility. They probably wouldn’t make things too difficult for Gu Xuanlang.

Leaving the detention cell was only a matter of time.

It didn’t matter, he could wait.

Anyway, he had lots and lots of time.

Once Gu Xuanlang regained his freedom, he would ask him properly where he had been all these years, what he had done, why he had run to Huai’an City, and why he had been targeted by the Action Team.

After six o’clock in the evening, the cafeteria began to bustle.

The steam blurred the glass windows of the serving window. Wearing a washed-out apron and arm sleeves, holding a serving spoon, Song Rong stood behind the overflowing trays of food and began his evening work.

Not many colleagues stayed in the cafeteria to eat at night, and the dishes weren’t as varied as the lunch options, but he still appeared somewhat strained. The spoon was too large, the food tray was too small, the rhythm of serving food completely failed to keep up with the moving line, and a few times he even misheard dish names, forcing him to spoon the food back and start over.

After a little over an hour, the colleagues queuing up for food dwindled, and Song Rong finally heaved a sigh of relief.

He leaned against the window edge, rubbed his sore arm, and pulled out the senior citizen phone from his pocket to check the time. This was an employee welfare item uniformly distributed upon joining the Special Management Bureau, which clearly couldn’t keep up with the times. But Hua Zi said it was because Director Zhou worried that monsters with shallow experience would get addicted to the internet and neglect work, so he deliberately instructed the logistics department to purchase a batch of senior citizen phones. Once they saved up their savings and had higher social demands, they could buy smart phones on their own.

At 7:43 PM, it was about time to get ready to do the back-kitchen cleaning.

Just as Song Rong was lost in thought, a figure quietly materialized in front of the window once more. Then, a low, male voice that was far from unfamiliar drilled into his ears: “I’ll have a portion of minced pork with tofu, and a portion of stir-fried seasonal greens.”

Song Rong hurriedly put down his phone, grabbed the serving spoon, and as he lifted his gaze, he crashed head-on into the other person’s line of sight.

His fingers suddenly tightened.

Standing outside was Gu Xuanlang.

Full novel: After a Two-Thousand-Year Cold War with My Wife — read the rest free on N​o⁠v​e⁠l​C⁠o​d⁠e​x⁠.​o⁠r​g⁠
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